1. “I am single…” Once upon a time in Arizona, there was a glorious punk band named Jodie Foster’s Army, but after her speech tonight at the Golden Globes, we are kind of all soldiers in Jodie Foster’s Army. After being honored with the Cecil B. Demille (i.e. Lifetime Achievement) Award, Foster delivered the type of address you just don’t hear anymore: direct, sincere, pithy, sage and courageous. Moving.
Foster circled around the fact that she is gay while leaving a clear imprint that of course she is. More importantly, she expressed the quaint notion that there is dignity in maintaining one’s privacy (you wonder how many people attempted to friend her on Facebook after being impressed by her elocution).
In a Hollywood and Vain-universe utterly infatuated with vapidness (“Who are you wearing?”), Foster, the Yale alum, spoke with such force and clarity that you must know that her sexuality is not the only thing that for decades has made her feel like an outsider. That she counts, and publicly thanked, such erstwhile and current Hollywood pariahs as Robert Downey, Jr., and Mel Gibson reminds you that she is her own person.
That the camera panned so often to Gibson, a close friend, was both smart and insightful. After all, this was Foster’s “FREEEEDOM!” moment, akin to Gibson’s in “Braveheart.”
This was, in terms of pop culture, the first unforgettable moment of 2013. The final words of Foster’s speech, in which she noted that she may be starting a new, less glitter-filled chapter, of her life, were delivered as the camera panned to various starlets whose eyes were glistening (and Foster’s isn’t even in the early throes of some wretchedly incurable disease). Here they are: “Maybe it (her career) will be so quiet and delicate that only dogs can hear it whistle. But it will be my writing on the wall: ’Jodie Foster was here. I still am. And I want to be seen, to be understood deeply. and to be not so very lonely.”
As expected, former Weekend Update co-hosts Tina Fey and Amy Poehler ripped it up co-hosting the Golden Globes, which is the official launch of (trumpets blaring) Awards Season, or as it’s known here in the Northeast, “That Which Gets Us Through Winter.” One of their better lines, while discussing “Zero Dark Thirty” and its burgeoning controversy, came from Poehler: “I haven’t seen the movie yet, but when it comes to torture, I trust the lady (Kathryn Bigelow) who spent three years married to James Cameron.”
2. The NFL divisonal playoff round: Rahim Moore of the Denver Broncos illustrates how to play junior varsity high school-level safety; Colin Kaepernick rushes for an NFL-record (for a quarterback) 181 yards; Tony Gonzalez wins the first playoff game of his 16-year Hall of Fame career in what came within a few seconds –and a 49-yard field goal by teammate Matt Bryant — of being the final game of his NFL career; and Tom Brady won the 17th game of his gilded NFL tenure, which is a record for a QB (and we know it takes more than just a quarterback to win a championship). Not bad for a sixth-round pick.
3. So, my homophone Jon Walters had quite an ugly day for Stoke in the English Premier League on Saturday. Walters, 29, struck not one but two own goals in a 4-0 home loss to Chelsea. Walters also missed a penalty kick in the 89th minute and struck a ball off his face. The Daily Mail is here to cheer up Walters by dredging up five other ignominious performances from the pitch.
4. And now it’s time for Coors Light Cold Hard Quotes, starring Joe Biden. On Friday the vice-president spoke about the various groups (the NRA, the entertainment and video game industries) with whom the White House discussed the fractious issue of gun violence last week in the aftermath of the Newtown Massacre. Biden, delivering a line not even Jason Sudekis would’ve dreamt up, said, “We know there is no silver bullet” to ending gun violence. Never change, Joe. Never change.
5. Is the greatest cyclist ever…backpedaling? Lance Armstrong will appear on “Oprah’s Next Chapter” this Thursday at 9 p.m., “ready to speak candidly” about the doping allegations that caused him to be fleeced of seven Tour de France titles (as opposed to Toure de France, in which you cycle around Bourdeaux region with that MSNBC personality whose name is the most interesting aspect of him). The good news is that Armstrong has not hired Joe Amandola to represent him.
Golden Globes Ruminations of Randomness: Is it me or does Adele only own one dress?… Sure, Kristen Wiig and Will Ferrell doing a Garth and Cat-style bit as presenters was funny (Should Fred Arnisen be annoyed that Ferrell stole his role?), but the funniest moment comes when the camera cuts away to Tommy Lee Jones being completely unamused (3:31 of clip). He’s looking at them thinking, You GET OUTTA HERE!… Did Ann Hathaway marry Ryan Gosling’s older, slightly less hot brother?…Who EVER thought that a dozen or so years after Friends went off the air that Matt Leblanc would be the lone cast member receiving a Golden Globes nomination? How YOU doin’?… I really only hear the name “Hugh Dancy” these days when his wife, Claire Danes, thanks him during awards show acceptance speeches (even if she forgot to mention him this evening)… Amy Poehler sitting on George Clooney’s lap –now that was funny.