Hello, good readers of Medium Happy! If you stopped by here earlier today, you saw something different than what is here now–before, it was all dull text and no pictures and now, it’s dull text with pictures added! How fun. Here’s the loophole: I was told Wednesdays, but I wasn’t told how many times on Wednesday. You see? I’m exploiting the lack of fine print, and it feels good.
I still haven’t figured out how to make the fonts bigger or bolder or anything, but Rome wasn’t built in a day. Even if it had been, it probably didn’t have a blog.
1. The Emmys*
Go the pull down window that reads “Paragraph,” Katie, hold down cursor, and then go down to ‘Heading 2″ and press… I’m giving away all me’ secrets!
Ahh, the Emmys…that time of year when a young man’s fancy turns to thoughts of love… That’s not right. Is it? No. I don’t know. All I know is, we’re still talking about the Emmys, two days late and a dollar short. Plus John pretty much covered everything already. Also I completely agree with everything Susie B. says in her comment on John’s post, except for the part about Matthew McConaughey looking unattractive. I love the new, scrawny Matthew. I don’t know why—I certainly don’t like the way zero body fat looks on Juliana Margulies, who is so, so pretty but she’s starting to actually look see-through.
I thought Seth Meyers was a good host. Gentle, non-offensive humor, very Ellen-esque, which works for me on a Monday night–which he poked fun of in his monologue—a Monday night in August? Yeah, it was weird. A weird bookend to a day that started with me sending my children off to school. Huh?? Summer vacay is supposed to last another week.
Don’t you hate when people say ‘vacay’?
Back when I was a kid, my family’s tradition was to have blueberry coffee cake (should that be capitalized?) on the first day of school, one of two days of the year my mom made it—the other was the day we had to get the sailboat out of the lake, usually mid-October when it was freezing, and the mast always found its way to the bottom of the lake and my dad would curse under his breath and one year my brother Joey whipped a spoon at my head from across the kitchen like he was competing in the million-dollar arm competition and it left a mark… and the only good thing about that day was the coffee cake, m’friends. Wheww.
One year, my brother Andy requested it for his birthday dessert instead of real cake (calm down, coffe-cake enthusiasts! I know it’s ‘real cake’—and you know exactly what I was talking about, so don’t act like you don’t) but Andy was always doing stuff like that. One year he asked for Nut Goodies, for crying out loud. That Andy.
Anyway, I have continued the first-day-of-school coffee cake tradition with my own children.
There is something very wrong with baking a blueberry coffee cake on a sweltering summer night. Why, why are my kids going back to school when its 90 degrees outside?
Someone is getting kicked out of office for this.
Ha! Just kidding. I mean they might be, but not on my account, because I don’t vote. The reason is simple: I know my vote doesn’t count. If it did, you can bet your sweet ass that Breaking Bad would not have won Best Drama again.
Boom! There it is; that’s the thing I’m going to say that will make you all turn against me.
We were never with you.
Breaking Bad was a fine show. A good show, even. But I was bored kind of a lot, like way more than would seem appropriate while watching a show widely touted as the greatest television drama of all time. If my Emmy vote counted, Gilmore Girls would win every year until the end of time.
(That last paragraph times 100–JW)
Hmmm, what else? I can hardly remember all the way back to Monday. Oh, Matthew McConaughey again –I think it would’ve been fun if he’d won for True Detective, what with his Oscar win in January and all. According to red carpet host Billy Bush, that would’ve made him the first actor to win an Academy Award and an Emmy in the same year since George C. Scott in 1865. That’s not the correct year, but I forgot what year it actually was and I’m too lazy to Google it.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus was the most beautiful woman of the night, yes, even more beautiful that Julia Roberts was with her new blonde hair and legs-for-days dress.
But Julia #1 has what, almost ten years on Julia #2? Plus she’s just so damn funny, and I swear it looks like she doesn’t even have any botox. Speaking of botox, I was very relieved to see that Billy Crystal has calmed down and allowed his face to push the reset button. He looked good and his tribute to Robin Williams was seriously lovely.
Other than that, I was very pleased that Sherlock, the actual greatest thing to ever grace a television, won three awards. Disappointed that Martin Freeman and Benjawhoo Cumberbindle weren’t there to accept their awards, but the fact that they won almost felt like a personal victory, so much do me and mine love that show.
That was by far the shortest and dullest post-award-show wrap-up I have ever written, but what can I say? It was on a Monday, and it was six months ago.
I’m sorry, kids, I’m very tired and not yet used to getting five hours less sleep because I have to get up and get my kids to school in the morning, plus I’m a little out of sorts for two reasons:
A) My new phone ( Windows! Weird!) auto-corrects everything I text into Spanish, and
B) The painting I’m working on isn’t going well.
After working on it for many hours yesterday, what was supposed to be a portrait of a beautiful young woman instead looks like a portrait of a horrible scary witch.
2. Charlize Theron is the Wisest Woman I’ve Ever Known
She says that getting old is great because with age comes wisdom. Think about that, you guys. I think she might be on to something.
Plus the way she said it: “It’s ironic that we’ve built the beauty world around 20-year-olds, when they have no f—kin’ concept about wisdom, what life is about, having a few relationships below [their] belt and feeling hardships, to grow into [their] skin and feel confident within [themselves] and to feel the value of who [they] are, not because of a man or because of something like that.”
I read that and I was like “Did Oscar Wilde come back from the dead?”
Just kidding, I didn’t really think that. For starters, I doubt Oscar Wilde would’ve touched Sean Penn with seven-foot salad tongs. Sorry Charlize, I’m giving you a hard time. In another few years, you’ll understand why.
3. This is Where I Leave You
I’m very excited about this movie, opening September 19. First of all, I loved the book and have loved all of Jonathan Tropper’s books. He’s one of my favorite writers.
Secondly, it stars Jason Bateman, always a good sign, and the rest of the cast looks A+, too. Tina Fey, Adam Driver, Connie Britton, Timothy Olyphant, Jane Fonda…I am now going to mention Jason Bateman and Jane Fonda in all of my posts for the next two months, otherwise I might not win the world series. And that is a perfect segue to…
4. Something About Sports
I have to play in a kickball game tonight. Jaysus. The last time I tried to play kickball, I nearly broke my foot.
Thank you for reading, my dearies! I am sorry there is no number five, but I have to get back into my studio and resume my battle with that scary witch painting. Siiigh. I hate it when the painting wins.