by John Walters

Starting Five

Aisle see you later

Aisle see you later

The Fast & The Fuselage*

*The judges will also accept “Deplane! Deplane!” and  “For Goodness Sakes On A Plane” or “Carry Off Luggage

America got pretty upset yesterday at the sight of a passenger being dragged off a United flight by a policeman (Did you notice he was a “plane clothes” policeman?). Me, I marveled at the fact that it cost me $215 to fly one way from Phoenix to Newark but $86 to take to take a cab from Newark to my Manhattan lair.

Could United have handled this better? You betcha. Our airline passengers, the worst offenders of “,” self-absorbed brats too often? Yup. I guess my question is, When push came to shove, what was United supposed to to (push and shove, I guess; answered it myself)? Is the inconvenience of one passenger who would get $800 in vouchers worth more than that of 150 or so passengers at the next destination who are waiting for their crew?


I get it: you bought a ticket. You have, to a degree, a right to be on that airplane. But not always. Was there really no one on that flight who could step up and say, “I’ll help out?” It was Louisville, for chrissakes, not Cabo).

The Twilight Zone ending? Because it was, I believe, a doctor who was taken off, what if there was just one pilot and he got sick and the only man who could have saved him and thus, all the passengers, was the doctor who had been booted off?

Final: I get it; don’t get physical with passengers. On the other hand, a flight is not like buying a hamburger at Hardees. It’s a community experience, it’s a service. The greater good for many takes priority over that of the individual.

2. Dave Inducts Pearl Jam

Last Friday night David Letterman, subbing in for Neil Young, inducted Pearl Jam into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. As worthy as the erstwhile Mookie Blaylock is, this speech is classic Dave: leavening the sincerity and earnestness with spot-on one-liners both at his and others’ expense. This is Dave 101. Listen and enjoy.

3. Knick Bettors Bad Beat

The line was Knicks +12.5. Or Memphis -12.5. The Grizz led by 10 and had the ball to run out the clock. Then this happened:



4. Dragon Roll Tide*

Get it? A.J.ian. Hey, leave the awful word play to us, please.

Get it? A.J.ian. Hey, leave the awful word play to us, please.

*The judges will also accept “Rammer Jammer Yellow Tail”

Former Alabama quarterback A.J. McCarron, he of the wife that kept the 2013 BCS championship game from being a complete snooze, is opening a sushi restaurant in Tuscaloosa.  Each sushi or sashimi plate comes with two pieces of white bread,, I’m assuming.

5. “Bring Up The Bass” Camp


A 53 year-old British deejay, Paul Oakenfold, has made it to base camp at Mount Everest and next weeks wants to throw the highest party in the world for his fellow campers. A few song suggestions: “Elevation” by U2, “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” by Diana Ross and “The Mountains Win Again” by Blues Traveler.

That’s why we’re here….

Music 101


I’ll never understand why this song failed to make Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers a national name. The Springsteen of the Southwest, Clyne is a tremendous performer live and he has the most devoted fans you’ll see this side of Monmouth County, New Jersey. If he ever swings around to your town, go see him. You’ll be glad you did.

Remote Patrol

Woman Of The Year

1:45 a.m. (Wednesday morn) TCM

For my insomniac friends, Spencer Tracy as a sportswriter who marries a lovely, wickedly smart political columnist played by Katharine Hepburn. Netflix would file this under “Fantasy.”



2 thoughts on “IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

  1. MH: Come for the puns, stay for the wickedly smart commentary.

    Season 3 of Better Call Saul further pits brother against brother. Chuck is poised to throw even more shade this season. His penchant for reflective mylar thermal blankets are a brilliant metaphor.

  2. Forget the “vouchers”! If the airlines INSIST on overbooking &/or booting PAID passengers from their seats for their other-flight crews, they need to WAVE $2000 in CASH in front of all & announce not only do the 1st (4) commers get the cash, they get a 1st-class ticket on the next flight AND free SUITES (& the transportation to & from) at the hotel of their choosing within 10 miles of the airport if the next flight is the next day.

    I’m shocked at you jdubs – WHY do you just accept that airlines should be allowed to remove PAID passengers for ANY reason unless they are a threat to themselves or others on a plane? Because we’ve all been conditioned by the airlines to think it’s necessary? ANYONE in 1st class (ever) get the boot? And if that other flight crew doesn’t get to the next city & thus that plane can’t depart, the SOLE fault is the AIRLINE’S!

    Next time you’re flying for Newsweek to a sporting event that night or early the next day & YOU get booted off the plane for $800 in “vouchers” & thus MISS the event & thus cannot do your job, will you walk quietly or grab a seat leg ala Jeff Van Gundy ‘s embrace of Mourning’s?

    What’s your opinion of “leggings on a plane”? Wasn’t it United that recently barred some kids from boarding because they were wearing leggings?! Makes one almost wistful of the day when flight “attendants” were forced to wear HOTPANTS as their ‘uniform’…

    And “Deplane! Deplane!” is the winner. By a 100 (airline) miles. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *