by John Walters
Springtime For Hitler Comparisons
It feels as if we’re shooting fish in a barrel at this point, but today’s Another Day Of Trump brings us Sean Spicer, who from his perch in the White House briefing room compared Syrian president Assad unfavorably to Adolf Hitler.
“You had someone who was despicable as Hitler who didn’t even sink to using chemical weapons. So you have to, if you are Russia, ask yourself is this a country and a regime that you want to align yourself with.”
Dig: I’m not averse to a Hitler comparison if it’s accurate. Things that make people uncomfortable shouldn’t bother you if they’re true. What was actually objectionable here, of course, is that Hitler DID sink to using chemical weapons in gassing hundreds of thousands if not millions of Jews and other unfortunate prisoners in his camps. That should be more bothersome to anyone who cares. The schmuck (Yiddish word; don’t @ me) who speaks for POTUS couldn’t even get that correct.
All of this took place on Passover, by the way….
2. A Cespedes For The Rest Of Us
Who cares how many different vehicles Yoenis Cespedes drives to work at spring training. When the season begins, he smokes the ball. Last night Cespedes, whom Moneyball genius Billy Beane traded away two summers ago (there are still Oakland A’s fans who insist this was a smart move), clouted three home runs in the Let’s Go’s 14-4 mugging of the Phillies. That’s the second time in less than two years Cespedes has had a three-homer game for NYM. No other Met has ever done it twice.
Cespedes hit all three homers in the first five innings. He later doubled and grounded out. The Mets got four other home runs, including two from Lucas Duda, Duda, all the Duda day.
3. Oh! Canada
Okay, kids, maybe this is the year when The Great White North hoists a Stanley Cup. Canada, which invented the sport of hockey (yes, they also invented basketball, albeit in our country), has five count ’em five franchises in the Stanley Cup playoffs: Montreal, Calgary, Ottawa, Edmonton and Toronto.
The land of Justin-not-Pierre Trudeau has a 5/16ths chance of smooching Lord Stanley’s Cup, which no Canadian club has done since Montreal did so in 1993. Canada clubs have only even gotten into the Stanley Cup finals five times since then, losing all five times.
One interesting thing: None of the five clubs will face one another in the first round. The Canucks (ironically, the Vancouver Canucks are the one Canada team that did not advance to the postseason; UPDATE: Oops, sorry Winnipeg; we forgot you) could all advance to the second round or all be gone by then.
Montreal and Edmonton are the best bets to advance.
4. Cat On A Hot Tin Stoop
Bye Five? That’s Cat Greenleaf, host of Talk Stoop, who just slapped Nicole Richie in the face. What else is there to say?
5. No Direction Home
I confess: I’d never heard of the Barkley Marathon that takes place deep in the woods of Tennessee six weeks ago. I know a little more about it now.
What do I know? That it’s kind of insane. Gary “Lazarus Lake” Cantrell founded it after learning of the prison escape of MLK assassin James Earl Ray, who went AWOL for 55 hours but only covered eight miles. Cantrell thought, I could do at least 100 miles.
So he founded an ultra marathon with almost no amenities and a poorly marked course. Racers have a choice of doing the 60- or 100-mile run and the cut-off time is 60 hours. The registration is secretive, limited to 40 entrants, and costs just $1.60. Racers must bring a license plate from their home state.
To prove they’ve completed the course they must show up at the finish line with pages from various books that Cantrell has hid along the course at checkpoints. In its 17 or so year history has only had 15 finishers.
Two weekends ago one man, John Kelly of Washington, D.C., finished and thereby won the Barkleys. His time was 59 hours and 30 minutes. Another man finished SIX SECONDS after the 60-hour cut-off time. No woman has ever completed the course and Cantrell, a proud red-state chauvinist, smiles when he is reminded of that. That’s your cue, Amelia Boone.
In 1979 Gilda Radner, as Candy Slice, spoofed punk legend Patti Smith on Saturday Night Live, as Paul Schafer portrayed Don Kirshner and other cast members portrayed various artists (Bob Marley, Olivia Newton-John, Dolly Parton) performing at a festival to shed light on the horror that is yeast infections. The tune is so catch that 38 years later most of us who watched it that night can still repeat the chorus.
Rangers at Canadiens, Game 1
7 p.m. NBCSN
Two of the Original Six, I believe.