by John Walters

So, wait. When I write less y’all comment more? Good to know. 

Starting Five

James and the Giant Impeach*

The judges will also accept “Comey Don’t Play That.”

How did you enjoy Comey Day? The “Lordy, I hope there are” quote, John McCain babbling incoherently, Marco Rubio admonishing somebody else for not calling Trump out for being out of line, and the White House launching the spit-take inducing, “The President is not a liar?”

What does it all mean? We now know, pardon the pun, unimpeachably, that James Comey considers Donald Trump a liar. We all figured that before, but now we know. However, unlike Watergate, which began with a crime that no one understood and ended with Richard Nixon’s resignation, here we have everything BUT the crime. We have the criminals, we have the motive, we even have the back-channel colluding.


 It’s not a lie if you believe it, Jerry” — G. Costanza

We just don’t have an actual crime yet. We don’t have the money trail. Or the tape in which the parties agreed to a sinister partnership. And even if we get that, we still have a Republican Congress. And even if we get an impeachment, we’ll still have President Stick-Up-His-Ass who will pardon Trump. Just you wait.

The Axis of Weasels*

In Russia the dude on the left would kill you and there wouldn’t even be an investigation

*The judges will also accept “Creme de la Kremlin”

It was good to see the usual suspects (pun intended) rally around the President yesterday. Paul “the President is new at this” Ryan, Corey “Comey Isn’t Man Enough” Lewandowski, Kellyanne Conway and the rest. When the hornet’s nest is this aroused, you can be sure Comey landed a direct blow.

3. Ni**er, Where You At?

What was Bill Maher thinking on Friday night when he used the term “house ni**er?” I mean, sure, it’s HBO, but it’s not The Wire (where you’d hear that term profusely). The funny part to me is that this word constitutes the greatest widespread acceptance of a double standard since the dude I was talking about in Item 1.

It’s okay for African-Americans to use this term all day and all night (in fact, I was reading Paul Beatty‘s The Sellout, a novel about black people by a black author that has this term on just about every page, as this was happening) but not for whites. Of course, you’ve heard that point before. What was funny to me about this instance is that Maher–because like him or not, he is a smart guy–absolutely used this reference accurately. He was invited by the congressman from Nebraska to “work in the fields” and Maher’s joke was that he’s more suited to domestic work. So he dropped in that slang for humor’s sake.

I think this will blow past. As it should. Maher didn’t call someone a “ni**er.” He was evoking an historical term as a joke about the fact that he’s too prissy to do real man’s work. Of course Maher has plenty of enemies and they’re here to pounce on him, but the fact that they would because of this is the latest double standard.

4. The Longest Running Run of Running

Meet Jon Sutherland. The 66 year-old Southern Californian has run at least one mile each day since May 26, 1969. My story in Newsweek

5. What Is Tentacle Porn, Anyway?

Believe me, this is the CLEANEST tentacle porn image I could find

Yesterday, as Newsweek‘s British managing editor was prepping for a meeting about, as they’d say on The Office (Gervais version), “redundancies,” a symbolic bomb exploded in his lap. One of the magazine’s most esteemed writers, the best-known and respected in the Beltway, Kurt Eichenwald, was busy mansplaining on Twitter why he and his grown children were discussing “tentacle porn” with his wife and their mom.


It’s kinds of astounding what you can get away with and NOT be fired for, isn’t it, M.M.?


Earlier this morning I went on Slack to see if anyone at Newsweek had volunteered to do a tentacle porn piece (think of the clicks!), but no one had. In fact, the site hadn’t even covered it, which is 180 degrees opposite of what would happen now if anyone but a Newsweek writer had been the subject of the piece.

To finish up, tentacle porn, or “tentacle erotica,” actually exists. See here. 

Music 101

Hold Back The Rain

Duran Duran, specifically their album Rio that was released in the U.K on May 10, 1982, achieved Peak New Wave (and don’t let anyone tell you different). “Hungry Like The Wolf,” the title track, “New Religion,” “Save A Prayer”, and this song helped propel the album to double platinum and kept it on the charts for 129 weeks.

Remote Patrol

Game Last?: Dubs at Cavs

9 p.m. ABC

Will the Dubs be the first NBA team (or pro sports team among the big four) to go 16-0 in the postseason? Will Susie B. blame Channing Frye for the defeat? Will Jason McIntyre move on to yet another specious debate topic that will be irrelevant three days from now because by then he will have found an even more recent and ephemeral debate topic on which to obsess? Tune in and find out.

7 thoughts on “IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

  1. Love “James & the Giant Impeach” AND the backup title “Comey Don’t Play That” but I just can’t get into the nightmare WH Occupation right now except to say The Sociopath’s impeachment is not enough – ALL his accomplices must be indicted & imprisoned & the entire friggin GOP currently in Congress thrown out on their asses!

    On to Cleveland. 1st, I LOVE Channing & RJ! 2nd, I go to various sports sites every weekday morning to scan & print-out (I’m old-school) any articles that look interesting BEFORE I get here. I don’t have time to read though till I get home that night. Imagine my surprise & delight to read last evening that some of your brethren, yes, actual sports media members ALSO thought that one play/missed 3 pointer determined the outcome of Game 3! Yessiree! I won’t let that go to my head as I know there are actual humans (allegedly) in this country who think The Sociopath is “doing a good job”, so just because there are people who agree doesn’t mean they aren’t ALL nitwits. 😉 I still think I’m (we) are right though!

    I watched Game 3 again last night & just can’t believe we lost! BTW, even though Kev didn’t score much, he made 6 (SIX!) steals & was actually pretty impressive on defense (considering that is not his strongest attribute). Also, poor Tristan has been having a nightmare Finals but he actually made some good plays – a couple blocks & block-outs right when we needed them. Even my designated, ahem, scapegoat, actually MADE some 3’s (before the missed one we really, REALLY needed… 😉 ) Altogether, I thought we played so much better & of course, Kyrie is a freakin magician getting to the hoop. WHY did he not do one of his patented ‘spin’ moves & make like magic once again to the hoop instead of hoisting up that clanker 3-pointer (which he’d been missing ALL night) there in the final minute? I think he was hoping to duplicate last year’s Game 7 heroic, game-winning shot, don’t you? And poor Sweet Pea, whether he wants to admit it or not, after barely resting his ass on a seat for 60 seconds, is plum tuckered out in the 4th quarter as the dramatic drop-off in points attest. (Of course, he sat the final 4 minutes or so in Games 1 & 2, so that was a factor too).

    I KNOW we can beat those dastardly Supervillains tonight IF the guys aren’t too discouraged. And to keep that cheatin team from a “perfect playoff run”, I WOULD sit on the sofa the entire night without a potty break!

    And for the record, I do NOT agree with LeBron that it was fine for “3rdbase” Durant to crawl to the Warriors. It is NOT FAIR & the NBA will now reap what they have sown.

    Here’s hoping my postgame music tonight will NOT be Bananarama but Martha & the Vandellas! Gimme some ‘Dancin in the Streets’!

    GO CAVS! 40 each for LBJ & Kyrie!

  2. The buffoon that occupies the White House (or, rather, THE buffoon – among many) is truly a coward. He uses Twitter like a 12 year old would use a messaging app. It is really easy to sit behind a screen and type things. When he actually meets the people, he coils like a coward. This, as everyone knows, is not new news. But c’mon, Donald. Get a damn grip of yourself.

  3. Susie,

    Your boys need to take the air out of the ball and make the Warriors play defense for 20 seconds. That’s the only chance you have.

    The Warriors have been outshot and have had more turnovers in the last 2 games and they have still won.

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