by John Walters

Starting Five

Posse Galore

The escaped Georgia inmates who killed two prison guards in making their getaway were caught, nabbed by an Uptight Citizens Brigade. Donnie Rowe, 43, and Ricky Dubose, 24, were captured in Tennessee after 2 days, 250 miles, 5 stolen cars and one elderly couple terrorized in their home.

After a high-speed chase led to a crash in which the fugitives lost their weapons, they were found in the woods by two locals who held them at gunpoint. It could have gone far, far worse for Rowe and Dubose. You’ve seen Deliverance, no?

The $200 Million Man*

*The judges will not accept “Black Irish”

Reports that Floyd Mayweather will make $800 million for his 12-round, August 26 bout with Conor McGregor are exaggerated, but “Money” still could bring in $200 LARGE. And McGregor, who five years ago was collecting welfare checks in Ireland, may earn half that much.

The bout takes place at T-Mobile Arena and the pay-per-view will be probably $99.95. Mayweather, 40, will remain the prohibitive favorite because McGregor, 28, will not be allowed to kick or wrassle. Still, if McGregor wins, you can give boxing a final 10-count.

3. “But They Weren’t High-Priced Hos, Yo!”

The 2A, as we call it (NCAA), suspended Louisville coach Rick Pitino five games and vacated its wins from 2010-2014—without explicitly stating that the Cardinals needed to vacate its 2013 natty—due to its hos-for-bros scandal. As SI’s Luke Winn reports, Louisville agreed as to the facts of the case, but tried to argue down the severity of the infractions by claiming that the women paid for sex were of the low-budget variety. No Russian imports here.


4. Valuable Crystal

One of the two Capitol Police (or as they’d say on The Wire, “PO-leece”) officers who saved Rep. Steve Scalise and others is a former college basketball player who is lesbian and has a same-sex spouse named Tiffany. Crystal Griner took one in the ankle while doing her job and probably saving half a dozen lives but it’s too bad that she’s a sinner and is condemned to hell for eternity, isn’t that right, Mike Pence?

5. Unparalleled Parking Spot

A parking space in Hong Kong sells for $664,000. If you’ve got that kind of cash, why don’t you just park it at someone’s home and Uber it out there? And if it’s not a parallel park pull-in, you’ve overspent.*

*You’ve overspent, anyway.

Music 101


It’s more than just the closing credits track from Pitch Perfect; it’s absolute dance floor juju, this 2012 megahit by Trinidad-born Nicki Minaj. Released on Valentine’s Day, it soared into the top five in 15 different countries.


One thought on “IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

  1. A few weeks ago, I started going back thru my 2015 & 2016 financial mags to re-read & decide to either keep or toss. In the March 2016 MONEY mag issue, there was an article discussing “Stocks to Buy, Sell or Hold”. It suggested to SELL AMZN. 🙂

    Of course, almost from the very day I bought AMZN back in Nov 2008, I’ve heard & read from one “financial/investing expert” after another these past 8.5 years to SELL as it was “overvalued”. If I remember correctly, one or more of the FASTMONEY talkers on the CNBC show said & I quote “I just don’t see how anyone will EVER make any money on that stock”. AMZN was less than $100/share at the time. 🙂 🙂

    It’s FAR too late for me to start a new career, but in what other occupation can you be right ONLY 50% of the time & be considered a freakin genius? Seriously, ALL the “investment experts” you hear & read from on financial TV & mags/papers/websites are WRONG more than half the time & they are the “success” stories. It makes sense that the average American is now told to just throw all their investment monies into index funds. And while they will never experience the pure thrill & dancing-down-the-halls joy from owing a 28-bagger in 8 years, they will also never lose ALL their money (unless the future impeachment & removal of The Sociopath worsens the expected crash into a full depression).

    I will always be sentimental about AMZN stock as it was my very 1st individual stock purchase after 25 years of mutual fund investing (where my retirement egg still resides) & yet ironically, IF I had the money, I’d go shopping in a mall in a heartbeat. As I plan to continue to hold AMZN for the foreseeable future, maybe I WILL eventually have enough money one day to do just that. I just hope it happens before I’m 80 ’cause getting around those clothes racks with a walker can be a bitch. 🙂 🙂 🙂

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