by John Walters

Starting Five

Deshaun Gone

That’s life. That’s what people say. You win the World Series for the first time in your city’s history on November 1 and on the very next day your putative NFL Rookie of the Year at quarterback, Deshaun Watson, tears his ACL in practice and is gone for the season. This is, yes, the same dude who gave a game check to the cafeteria ladies at Reliant Stadium earlier this season after Hurricane Harvey.

J.J. Watt. Deshaun Watson. Bad things happen to good people. God has a plan, or there is no plan. Either way, it’s all about how you react to it.

Plug in Altuve and Watt, with various teammates and a motorist stranded atop his car in a flood plain behind them

P.S. Between Hurricane Harvey, Watt’s and Watson’s altruism, and the Houston Astros, I foresee SI giving Houston it’s “Sportsman of the Year” award. Don’t think it can happen? Look at 1979.

Comic Belief

A couple of years ago, rising comic John Mulaney had his Fox sitcom canceled after 13 episodes (it should have been canceled sooner; it was not funny). Time will show that this was the best thing that could have happened to him.

I’ll always believe that Mulaney, who was SNL’s head writer when he departed, should have taken Seth Meyers‘ “Weekend Update” gig when he left. And yes, Colin Jost and Michael Che have grown into the job, but Mulaney would’ve been incredible.

Anyway, he’s in the midst of his “Kid Gorgeous” national tour at the moment and this Washington Post piece on the man David Letterman recently dubbed “the future of comedy” is a terrific read.

3. Pollin’ Spring!

The latter half of the Pac-12’s Love/Tate relationship….

Huge (no, YUUUUUGE!) weekend in college football coming up. Our pal Ralph Russo at the AP informs us that


 So stay tuned! Here are the contests (yes, I’m doing Remote Patrol a little higher up in the blog today; deal with it). Reminder, these are the AP rankings, not the Playoff Selection Committee’s:

No. 7 Penn State at No. 24 Michigan State……Noon……Fox

No. 6 Clemson at No. 20 N.C. State…………….3:30……..ABC

No. 18 Stanford at No. 25 Washington State….3:30…….FOX

No. 8 Oklahoma at No. 11 Oklahoma State…..3:30……..FS1

No. 19 LSU at No. 1 Alabama………………………8…………CBS

No. 13 Va. Tech at No. 9 Miami…………………..8…………ABC

No. 23 Arizona at No. 18 USC……………………10:45……..ESPN

4. What Does +/- Mean?

Last night Los Angeles Lakers rookie Lonzo Ball played 28 minutes and scored no points in the Lakers’ 113-110 loss at Portland. That’s the first time a Top 5 pick has gone scoreless playing that many minutes as a rookie in a game since 1992.

Meanwhile, Ball’s teammate and fellow rookie Kyle Kuzma played 29 minutes and scored 22 points.

But here’s the thing: Ball earned a +10, which I think means the Lakers outscored the Blazers by 10 when he was on the court, while Kuzma earned a minus-11, and I think you know what that means. So what’s wrong: the stat or my assessment of who was more valuable to the Lakers last night (I’ll go with Kuzma)? Or could it just mean that the stat is meaningless?

5. Van-Wounded-Niekerk


Our favorite moment of the 2016 Rio Games was not the Billy Bush beach interview with Ryan Lochte (shocker!), but rather relatively unknown South African Wayde Van Niekerk’s stunning 400 win from the outside lane (where he also set the world record)

Well, early last month Van Niekerk, during a celebrity touch football game in Capetown, tore his ACL as well as his suffering medial and lateral tears of the meniscus. He’s out for at least 6 months and will miss the Commonwealth Games, which is a big deal if you’re from England, Australia or South Africa.

Music 101

Night Fever

How do three growed-up men sing that high? And don’t tell me, “They’re Australian.” The brothers Gibb, or Bee Gees, owned the years 1977 and 1978. Owned them. Owned. The Saturday Night Fever soundtrack stayed atop the charts for 24 consecutive weeks, basically the first six months of 1978. This was one of four No. 1 singles on the album. If for no other reasons than as a time-capsule piece (or in case the White Sox stage another Disco Demolition Night), you need to own this album. On vinyl, of course.


Remote Patrol

6 thoughts on “IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

  1. For those inclined:

    You can get a few B1G double-digit underdogs at home this weekend: Iowa (+18) versus Ohio State & Indiana (+14) versus Wisconsin. Iowa hasn’t lost at home by more than two touchdowns since 2013, and Wisconsin may be without their star running back, Jonathan Taylor. And even if he does play, Wisconsin doesn’t exactly blow teams out.

    Late night viewers should also take note that Wazzu is only getting -2 1/2 versus Stanford at home. Stanford is missing their best backfield defender and Bryce Love may not even play.

    Seems like easy money, so do exactly the opposite of what I just said.

  2. About your Bitcoin “investment” (cough, cough) : I’ve got one word for ya :


    But hey, whadda I know – I put money into Under Armour last year! And DDD beginning in 2014, which went into the red IMMEDIATEDLY after I bought & continued it’s sled ride down the bloody hill until this Spring when it miraculously started charging back up so much that I actually was in the GREEN! Sure, sure, it was ever so briefly it all seems like a dream now as it’s crashed back down harder than my hopes for a 2018 Cavs championship (sniff, sniff, bawl!).

    But at LEAST I bought more AAPL last year when it went down to $90! 🙂

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