by John Walters

Our editorial board is mulling adding a second daily, Fox News Channel-styled offering that would be titled “It’s Alt-Happening!” It’s all about monetizing, after all….

Starting Five

Death Takes A Halladay*

*The judges are already sorry.

Two 20-win seasons. Two Cy Young Awards. One of 21 perfect games in Major League history. One of two postseason no-hitters. Roy Halladay, who has a Hall of Fame resume, passes away at age 40 when his 2018 model ICON A5 amphibious plane crashes into the Gulf of Mexico.


Halladay, as his Twitter feed attests, loved flying. His father was a retired commercial pilot. He leaves a wife and two children.

2. Big Bailer Brand*  **

*The judges wish to credit Jamie Reidy for this hed, but they don’t want it to go to his head, which is bald. 

**The judges will also accept “Shanghai Surprise”

***And “Great Ball of China”

****As well as “Ball in a China Shop

*****But not “Wooden You Know It” or “From Chino to China”

UCLA’s study-abroad program needs some work. Three Bruins, including freshman LiAngelo Ball, were arrested for shoplifting during the team’s trip to China to play Georgia Tech.


 No idea what the penalty is for shoplifting in China, or if there’s some sort of “Brokedown Palace-meets-Hoop Dreams” drama in the offing. All I know is that shoplifting before your first game is not in John Wooden’s “Pyramid of Success.”

3. Yes, Virginia*

*The judges will also accept, “Roem, If You Want To” as well as “Trans-formation”

The pendulum swings back in Virginia, as Danica Roem, a trans woman (Dem) running for the state’s house of delegates, unseats incumbent anti-LBGT extremist Bob Marshall (GOP).

Meanwhile, in both New Jersey and Virginia, Democrats win the gubernatorial races. The Joisey boy is Phil Murphy while the Commonwealth winner is Ralph Northam. As long as this makes Donald Trump, Jr., unhappy, we’re happy.

Gillespie polled well with white, non-educated voters (some of whom are very fine people). Northam did better with female voters.

4. The Scenic Route

We often check out to steal see what’s on their site. In today’s Travel section they have a piece on “The World’s Most Beautiful Road,” on which we were fortunate enough to drive. It’s Chapman’s Peak Drive, which winds south of Cape Town to the bottom of the peninsula. It really does feel as if you’re driving to the end of the planet and yes, you may even see penguins. If you ever get the chance—better yet, make the chance—visit Cape Town.

5. Keepin’ It 140

Plus 40

Twitter has doubled amount of characters we are allowed per tweet. Does the word “logorrhea” mean anything to you? Probably not, because we have yet to include it ion “A Word, Please.”


Music 101


Seventies Power Rock, thy name is Cheap Trick! Lead singer Robin Zander, Rockford, Ill.’s answer to Robert Plant; Bun E. Carlos, the drummer who looked like an accountant and always had a cigarette dangling from his mouth; and Rick Nielsen: Did Angus Young steal his schoolboy schtick or is it the other way around? Nobody remembers the fourth guy. Sorry. I really hope Mike Damone was able to find a buyer for those tickets to Friday night’s show. This tune peaked at No. 62 in the Summer of ’78, which was a damn fine summer for music, by the way. We’re all alright! We’re all alright! We’re all alright!!!!!

Remote Patrol

51st Country Music Awards

8 p.m. ABC

Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood, as we’ve noted her before, deserve an Emmy for the work they do each year on this opening. This will be the first CMA’s since Yuge-Know-Who was elected president. Should be interesting.


3 thoughts on “IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

  1. I’m disappointed, JW. We never get those hot takes regarding Lebron James’ social media action. I mean, why even read anymore?!

    Lebron James is the master. Clickbait media types are the puppets (that one was for you, Susie. B.!).

    Also to note: Why do people even discuss the CFB playoff rankings right now? 95% of the time these things sort themselves out. Patience, my friends. Patience.

    • While I agree LeBron is the master, the King, that fist-clinch instagram (“mood”) photo made me laugh – heck, both of MY butt cheeks have been clinched when it comes to ANYthing Cavs-related since Game 3 of June’s Finals! And yeah, that sums up MY MOOD. 😉

      However, did you see Sweet Pea score 57 against the self-proclaimed “best team in the East” Wizards last Friday night? IN D.C.? What few were aware of at the time – it was a “re-enactment” of drama to come this week. In other words, LeBron & the Cavs were the Democrats & the Wizards were the Republicans. 🙂 🙂

  2. Um, ‘SCARED STRAIGHT – HANGZHOU STYLE’? Or is that “HANG ‘EM HIGH” style? Geeze, when I saw the scroll last night, I literally stopped in my tracks (on the way to the potty). IF this is true (ANYTHING is possible : set-up, misunderstanding or actual stone-stupid theft), this is the SINGLE DUMBEST THING A COLLEGE ATHLETE HAS DONE SINCE , well, EVER! My god, make a list of countries where no one let alone an American should EVER attempt to steal or break any local law & CHINA is near the top of that list! At the very least, MONEY will be changing hands… the State Dept may have to get involved (or perhaps Sweet Pea, Kobe, Jordan, or Stephon Marbury, Americans with REAL pull in that country) & worse case is the very real chance these idiots will be STAYING in China for a “tour” of the Chinese prison system & from what I’ve read/viewed the past several decades, it won’t exactly be a va-cay.

    Meanwhile, the loudmouth obnoxious father (I refuse to state his name here or anywhere) cut his planned “press conference” but did state “it’s not that big of deal”. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Who is the DUMBEST AMERICAN IN ASIA right now? Trump or that guy? Hmm, movie idea – ‘Dumb & Dumber, 3.0’?

    I just couldn’t bring myself to do it, but did YOU click on Fox News last night or this morning? How were THEY covering this GOP BEATDOWN? Meanwhile, almost EVERY commercial on CNN & MSNBC this morning were Republican bullshit at its most desperate & misleading to outright LIES. The worst was targeting “older Americans” & as we saw multiple snapshots of this demographic, we are being told via voiceover that the “Democrats” want to “TAX THEIR MEDICARE!” That the Republican party wants to END Medicare once & for all, is of course not hinted. Another ad stated the Democrats in Congress were causing the hold-up to “their tax-cuts!” & here’s a phone number to call & tell Congress you want your money. O.M.G. I know it’s hard for the folks here to believe that people could believe this horseshit, but they do! The Democrats need to DELUGE media & internet with who REALLY gets any of that proposed tax-cut & what will happen if that heinous tax THEFT bill passes – that it will balloon the federal deficit to such an amount that within a few years, the only way to “SAVE THE COUNTRY” will be to END SOCIAL SECURITY, MEDICARE & MEDICAID : the actual end-goal of the GOP. And who gets hurt by this? It AIN’T the freakin RICH!

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