by John Walters

Starting Five

We imagine if that were our office we’d have a rather healthy view of ourselves, too. That and the lifetime appointment helps.

You Bettor, You Bettor, You Bet

By a 6-3 margin (the spread was 2 1/2) SCOTUS strikes down the federal ban on gambling, leaving it to states to decide whether or not to legalize it. One more reason to NEVER leave your couch!

2. Golden Statement

This is actually illegal in 14 states

Game 1 between the Warriors and Rockets was only 67 seconds old and already James Harden had forearm shivered Kevin Durant on a drive to the hoop (no whistle, of course). Afterward, Draymond Green was having none of it. As he retrieved the ball to inbound, Harden remained in his way, baiting him, so Green forearmed him to the neck/jaw.

Technical foul.

So what? The Dubs, after a shaky first quarter, tied it before halftime and led by approximately 10 most of the second half in securing a 119-106 victory. Harden got his—41 points—but the Dubs were too deep and too accurate. Durant scored 37 and Klay Thompson 28. Stephen Curry poured in a relatively quiet 18.

Game 2 tomorrow.

3. Follow The Money 

Ivanka at the wailing wall….

–60 dead Palestinians (zero dead Israelis) in clashes at the West Bank as the U.S. moves its embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem. It’s worth noting that the single largest individual contributor to the Republican party is an American Jew named Sheldon Adelson.

…as 40 miles away, dozens of protesters are slaughtered. What in God’s name (literally)?

–Meanwhile in Asia, one day after Donal Trump tweeted about giving a break to China telecom giant ZTE, which had been a target of his tariffs attack, the Chinese government issued a $500 million loan to the Trump organization so that it can build a resort/casino/hotel in Indonesia. You cannot violate the Emoluments Clause any more explicitly than that, but the best a White House spokesperson could do was say, “I’ll have to refer you to the Trump organization.”

It’s not the same degree of depravity (fiscal corruption and treason as compared to genocide), but we’re kind of at the point in the Trump administration that would be like a human rights worker asking about that one rape and murder in Dachau while 4,000 other camp detainees were gassed to death that week.

4. This Is____Carly Jepsen

We saw this mashup for the first time Saturday night and giggled. FWIW, the “This Is America” video has already garnered 118 million views on YouTube. This parody has had 3 million.

5. Penn State Nixes Outing Club (Keeps Football)

It’s not a bad album cover for your debut

On April 2nd Penn State, citing “activities that exceed the University’s acceptable risk level,” sent a letter to its 98 year-old Outing Club (basically, they go on wilderness excursions) that it was being dissolved. The school also dissolved its Grotto Caving Club and Scuba Club.


The “Go Take A Shower With Jerry Sandusky” Club retains the university’s whole-hearted support, of course.

Music 101


They put out quite a lot of terrific, radio-friendly rock in the summer of ’04: “Take Me Out” by Franz Ferdinand, “Float On” by Modest Mouse, “Maps” by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and this tune by Dashboard Confessional. Lead singer Chris Carrabba saw a screening of Spiderman 2 and penned this song in 10 minutes, gave it to the producers (“gave” is used liberally here) and they used it for the closing credits. It’s a winner.

Remote Patrol

Cavs at Celtics, Game 2
8:30 p.m. ESPN

And we still can’t believe Philly preferred Fultz to Tatum in the draft

The Green C’s led by as much as 26 in Game 1 and coasted home most of the final three quarters. I’m going to go ahead and say they won this series when Cleveland was unable to put LeBron and Kyrie alone in a room together and persuade them to settle whatever issues they had. And I know Kyrie’s not playing in this series, but then either is Isaiah Thomas.

Also, at 7:30 p.m. on ESPN comes the NBA Draft Lottery, which is only slightly more rigged than the Golden Globes. Watch as Adam Silver punishes the Phoenix Suns for tanking the final three months of the season (we say 4th pick at best for Phoenix).


3 thoughts on “IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

  1. Tonight’s Cavs game massively influences not just the final outcome of this pain-in-the-ass season but whether LBJ makes it to 8 straight Finals. It would be VERY difficult to come back from 0-2. Of course, the next 2 games would be at home & we are talking about my Sweet Pea, the doer of the impossible (& who can remember & recite it for you for the next 50 years), so it wouldn’t be completely over, but still.

    On the other hand, the 3 years that LBJ lost in the Finals, I heard him say in the post-game pressers he’d rather not even be IN the Finals if he didn’t win the championship. Of course, that was said right after he lost so emotions were running hot, but you have to wonder if he thinks the current Cavs stand a shot in hell against the Supervillains…

    And geeze, the Rockets! I’d only seen them play against the Cavs this year but heck, they are the #1 seed in the West & played at home so I thought they’d at least make it tight if not actually dominate! Hmpfh! (BTW, you don’t think Draymond should have been tossed out? He should have been assigned at least 2 techs. Heck he screamed in the refs face, that alone should have sent him packing.)

    Question – let’s say there is a team composed of 4 LeBrons & a great 3-pt shooter. Could any team beat it? 🙂

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *