by John Walters

Tweet du Jour

It’s impossible to both support Trump and avoid being a hypocrite, nearly on a daily basis. What was Obama’s sin? Oh yes, he was (50%) African-American (you’ll have to tap Schlapp’s link).

Starting Five

N.A. Place Will Do

This week, Russia, in four years, the scalding hot desert of Qatar, and in eight years the USA. FIFA, the organizers of the World Cup, recognize a grifter and a strong man dictator when they see one. As hosts, the USA is guaranteed to place its team into the tournament, which by then may have 68 teams and four play-in games in Dayton.

Officially, the 2026 World Cup will come to North America, as both Canada and Mexico will also host games (do they also get a free pass?), but from the quarters on, it’ll be held inside the states. Canada and Mexico will each host 10 matches, and the USA 60. The final will be staged at Met Life Stadium in New Jersey, and by then Emperor Trump will be well into his third term. He may even release a few journalists from prison to cover the event.

(Our best hope in 2026)

The North American trio outdistanced Morocco in the voting, 134-65, which would be the score if the USA played Germany right now (with us on the short side).

2. Raging Bull vs. Raging Bullsh*tter

So, yes, in a prime-time CBS broadcast of the Tony Awards Sunday night, Robert De Niro crossed the line when he said, twice, while introducing Bruce Springsteen, “F*** Trump!” Maybe he thought they were the Tony Montana Awards?

And so you know it was all the President could do to have to wait until his summit with L’il Kim was over to come back at Travis Bickle with a tweet. Alas, in blasting the Oscar-winning actor for having a low IQ, Trump misused the word “too” (he went with “to”) in the very same sentence.* When it comes to Ivy League grad presidents, I do believe we’ve been asking the wrong one for his transcripts.

*Your courageous and forthright POTUS has since deleted this tweet and had someone else grammatically correct it, without of course acknowledging the error or the irony.

3. In What State (Okay, “Commonwealth,” Smart Guy) Were The Salem Witch Trials Held Again?

Okay, this is freaky, and we wonder if Arnav Kapur isn’t a witch….

Remember when you’d jokingly ask the proctor at the beginning of the final exam, “Will this be open mind?” (okay, we would; we were NOT cool…nothing’s changed). Well, now you can mean it.

4. Nature Always Finds A Way

We salute you, St. Paul Raccoon (he’s fine and has been released to the wild), Mr. Squirrel and New York Bear family. We really do.

By the way, some bloggers whom we won’t mention by name get their rocks off by mentioning whenever an animal KILLS a human. The first thing to know is that unlike humans, animals only kill in order to eat or protect their turf, i.e. their young. The second is that it is we who have invaded their terrain, not vice versa. The hubris of people who don’t have any contact with nature is the first step in the downfall of mankind.

5. The Alaska Bowl

What ESPN or Fox (or even NBC) producer would not want to use this beauty shot?

If I were an attention-seeking, globe-trotting FBS football coach (Jim Harbaugh) with a taste for being the first to plant flags both literal and figurative, I’d want my program to be the first to play in states that have never hosted a game between TWO FBS schools. My guess is that the following states have never hosted such a game (zero research done on this, zero f***s given; I just went Arnav Kapur on my research):



New Hampshire


Rhode Island


South Dakota

North Dakota



(some would also claim New Jersey, but you know….)

Anyway, the locale that would garner the most attention by far, we think, would be Alaska. So we’ve scouted locations and believe 4,500-seat Anchorage Football Stadium, located in The Last Frontier’s most populous city, would be the ideal site. If I ran ESPN college football, this would be my second BIG IDEA.

Yale Bowl is heavenly, or if you want to pull out your Ivy League thesaurus, ethereal.

My first BIG IDEA would be the annual Kickoff Classic at the 61,446-seat Yale Bowl in New Haven, which is the spiritual and ancestral home of big-time college football due to Bulldog player and later coach Walter Camp, probably the single-most influential person in the history of the game.

Back to Alaska. So you only have 4,500 seats. Who cares? You’ll always be the first (one of two) schools who ever played in the nation’s LARGEST state. There’s no substitute for being first. I can see Notre Dame vs. Navy here. You? Or Notre Dame-Washington.

Music 101

Streets Of Laredo

Also known as the “Cowboy’s Lament,” this song dates back more than 100 years. Most country artists have covered it, so we left it to Marty Robbins and Johnny Cash to give you a shared rendition. Our favorite version, though, comes from a fantastic early ’70s sports movie that cribs a lyric from it as its title: Bang The Drum Slowly.

Remote Patrol

A Fistful of Dollars

8 p.m. TCM

The seminal Spaghetti western, directed in 1964 by Sergio Leone (who did not speak English) and starring, in his first leading role, Clint Eastwood (who did not speak much). Followed this evening by the latter two films in the “Dollars Trilogy,” For A Few Dollars More (10 p.m.) and The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly (midnight). These are the films, set in the American west but shot in Italy and Spain, that catapulted Clint to American stardom.

7 thoughts on “IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

  1. Ok, WHAT is the deal with you ALWAYS picking the animal’s “side” in any human-animal confrontation? Is it just your dim opinion of humanity? And why do you have such a dim view? Because you’ve lived in NYC for more than 25 years or that you spent a chunk of your “formative” years in Arizona? I love most (NOT ALL) animals too but geeze, they are not all friggin fluffy cuddlers! No, most wild animals take the “bite now, ask questions later” approach in the “getting-to-know-you” phase of any new interaction, be it with humans or other animals. And if you ever watched the old Disney nature docs (used to be part of the Disney pre-movie theatre experience along with a cartoon, ah, the good old days), you’d occasionally see that SOME wild animals attack for domination (hmm, guess humans are NOT the only ones…), some for “fun” & some out of what looked like pure boredom. PLUS, many animals actually destroy their habitats & fellow species because of instinct or stupidity. Again, sound familiar?

    And btw, why is it “THEIR” terrain? Do you know for a fact that they & only their species has lived on that land/water since the Big Bang? Ha. Animals migrated. They still do. Looking for the next undepleted hunting ground. We ALL live on this planet, it is ALL our “terrain”. Granted, humans are the “super power” in this scenario & hopefully, we know enough now that we won’t cause harm to the PLANET & its other inhabitants unless in self-defense. If any humans fail to uphold what should be Golden Rule#2, then FEED THEM TO THE LIONS! Or make them live in Phoenix without AC? 🙂

    • I’ll always take the animals’ side, Susie B. Every last time. No species has done more to upset nature’s balance than ours. There’s no close second.

      • I don’t know, I’m betting the species killed off by the dinosaurs weren’t too thrilled with the then super-power of THAT time either. 🙂

    • This is some take, Susie B.

      I’d encourage you to read “Sapiens” by Yuval Harrai. We may be atop the food chain now, but that wasn’t always the case. Outside of self-preservation (i.e. food to survive), the harming of animals is pretty callous.

  2. And, er, I can’t stand squirrels! Univ of MD was OVERUN with them! They are basically rats with fluffy tails to me.

    I was, however, quite partial to “Rocky & Bullwinkle” as a kid, so I give at least that squirrel a “pass”. And any other squirrel that can talk &/or foil the Russians. 🙂

  3. Also, DeNiro’s heart-felt message/rally cry to the nondeplorables of America was NOT HEARD by any AMERICAN live-TV viewer. The show was on either a 5 second tape delay or overseen by a super fast bleeper. When I 1st saw him at the podium & watched his lips move but no sound came out, I originally thought it was a technical issue. When the sound of the audience was then heard, I guessed his words & like any movie goer/ SANE American immediately said back to the TV “You talkin to ME?!! Alright!”

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