by John Walters

Tweet du Jour

Starting Five

25 (Not 6) To 4

By now you’ve heard that the Nationals beat the Mets 25-4 last night. That shortstop Jose Reyes pitched the eighth inning for the Mets and allowed six earned runs and a one-inning cycle. That Steven Matz started the game and allowed seven earned runs in 2/3 of an inning.

What you may not have heard is that the Nats led 19-0 after five innings and the last time that happened in Major League Baseball was 1876. The Hartford Dark Dukes led the New York Mutuals 19-0.

So ugly was the rout—former Met Daniel Murphy hit two home runs and had 6 RBI—that Met announcers Gary Cohen, Ron Darling and Keith Hernandez took turns reading from the Met media guide in the later innings as the theme from “Masterpiece Theater” played in the background.

What’s truly beautiful about this is it’s all so Mets. This is what makes the Mets the Mets. On the day the franchise announces it’s not going to do anything crazy on the trading deadline and instead keep its core pitching staff intact, the Mets allow 25 runs in one game.

2. How ‘Bout Them Apples

You put out a phone (iPhone X) that costs $999 and you DON’T alienate your consumer base?!? Apple is the Opposite George of tech but it sure is working. On the robust strength of yesterday’s earnings report, shares of Apple (AAPL) are poised to eclipse the $200 mark  today. If/when Apple shares hit $203.45, the company will have eclipsed the TRILLION DOLLAR mark in market cap value, the first company in the history of this little globe to do so.

We’ve been spending so much time obsessing and fawning over FANG (Facebook, Amazon, Netflix, Google) that we seem to have forgotten who’s the granddaddy of them all. Nicely done, Tim Cook. You’re the Frasier of spinoff CEOs.

3. Mansplaining Womansplained

In the spirit of the item, I’ll say nothing and just post this:

4. On A Collusion Course

First he said/tweeted, and repeated so at least 1,000 times, “There was NO COLLUSION.”

There are literally dozens of tweets from Trump in which he insists “No Collusion,” and countless sound bytes as well…

Now here’s the president’s shameless mouthpiece, Rudy Giuliani, with “I don’t even know if collusion is a crime…”

So which is it?

5. Nice Try, Ringer, But No

Credit where due: The Sopranos launched the entire Peak TV era.

It was an auspicious undertaking by The Ringer. Bill Simmons’ sports/pop culture site endeavored to rank, as they put in the headline, The 100 Best Tv Episodes of the Century.” Alas, when you literally read the fine print, in the third graf, you come across this caveat:

The list was then assembled with…with one stipulation—that only one episode per show could make the cut.

And when we read that, the first thought that came to our mind was a scene not from a millennial TV show but rather from a 2017 film (that would belong on a Best Movies of the Century” list):

You cannot run a ranking of “Best TV Episodes of the 2000s” and then include shows such as America’s Top Model and Keeping Up With The Kardashians (and yet at the same time fail to include a single episode of Letterman).

Here’s what they should have done: Be true to their headline. In such a case, The Ringer’s list would have been heavily, and we mean HEAVILY, weighted toward these four series: The Sopranos, Mad Men, The Wire and Breaking Bad. Then you’d sprinkle in a few episodes of Game Of Thrones, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Veep, The Americans, The West Wing and Gilmore Girls. Yes, Gilmore Girls.

You’d also have at least an episode or two of The Crown, Silicon Valley, True DetectiveEntourage, Better Call Saul and Mindhunter. We’d also add Broadchurch and Friday Night Lights. Something from the first season of True Blood. And the premiere episode of The Night Of.

That easily gets you to 100. And there might even be a few….Leftovers.

Try again, The Ringer. Try again.

Music 101

Feel Your Love

When in doubt, go with early Van Halen. You can make the argument that “Hair Nation” would never have existed without VH, nor the LA heavy-metal scene of the 1980s. But when you say that, remember that no one did it better than Van Halen (not Van Hagar). No one had Diamond Dave’s vocal range or stage presence. No one. And the guitarist ain’t half-bad.

This tune from the band’s eponymous 1978 debut album usually gets buried beneath “Runnin’ With The Devil,” “Ain’t Talkin’ Bout Love” and “Jamie’s Cryin'” (what did this band have against the letter “g”?) but the hook is so infectious I found myself singing it at the cookoutateria last night even though I haven’t heard the song in awhile.

Remote Patrol

The Revenant

8 p.m. FX

Grizzly Man

We don’t know where this ranks in terms of Leo DiCaprio performances, but like a lot of Oscars handed out, this was more of a lifetime achievement award/makeup call for all the better ones: “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape?”, “The Beach,” “Catch Me If You Can,” “The Departed,”  “The Wolf of Wall Street” and, yes, even “Titanic.”

This movie needed an editor. It coulda/shoulda been a classic—the opening scene takes your breath away—and it’s still pretty good, but it’s just too damn long. And cold. It’s so cold.

One thought on “IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

  1. So, one of my stocks is up between 37-43% TODAY. I would be jumping up & down if it was not STILL more than 50% in the red for me. Sigh. At least AAPL didn’t disappoint. 🙂

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