by John Walters

Tweet Me Right

If these two performed “Popular,” MH contributor Katie McCollow would simply lose it.

Starting Five

His name is Greedy Williams. Shouldn’t it be a coach who has the nickname Greedy?

1. No Big Deal…Or Is It?

The initial CFP rankings were released last night. Your top four schools: Alabama, Clemson, LSU, Notre Dame.

So you know where our affinity lies, but we really do our very best to be objective. So we’re just trying to understand this. And we write all of this with the following proviso: Yes, we know LSU plays Alabama on Saturday and will probably lose and then, should the Irish win at Northwestern (no gimme), then they’d likely move in to that spot anyway. We know this.

Having said that (famous Curb truism callback), let’s attempt to understand the logic of LSU ahead of Notre Dame. First, Notre Dame is undefeated and LSU is not. That’s, you know, kind of a big deal.

Julian Okwara (42) is one of half a dozen Irish defenders having a better season than the experts expected.

Not good enough for you? Next, Notre Dame beat the No. 5 school (Michigan) in the CFP ranking. That’s the best win of any of the top four schools. The argument is that LSU looked more convincing beating the No. 6 school, Georgia, than the Irish did against Michigan. Okay, we can buy that, but the Irish took the lead early against Michigan and led by two touchdowns at the end of the first quarter and for most of the second half. The Wolverines scored a late touchdown to make it a 7-point game (although CBS Sports’ Tom Fornelli reported it in his story last night as a 3-point win….people make mistakes).

You can give LSU the slight edge in the Michigan vs. Georgia wins if you like, but bending over backward for the Tigers (whom we love, too), it’s slight. I mean, aren’t the Wolverines everyone’s darlings and didn’t the Irish own them for most of the game (oh, and still win)?

Third, you look at the auxiliary wins. LSU beat Miami and Mississippi State, both of whom are somewhat overrated. Notre Dame beat Stanford and Virginia Tech, both of whom have had relatively disappointing seasons. Myself, I’d still call the Cardinal the best of that quartet of three-loss teams.

Either way, it’s splitting hairs between Notre Dame’s and LSU’s strength of victories, which means that the “-0” at the end of the Irish’s record should be the deciding factor as opposed to the “-1” after LSU’s.

And if it isn’t, then here’s a better question: Why isn’t LSU ranked second? Clemson doesn’t even have a win as good as LSU’s or Notre Dame’s (their best is at No. 20 Texas A&M) and they have the closest near-loss, to No. 19 Syracuse.

We get it: the eye test. Clemson does look better on film than everyone except Alabama. But this is where the SelCom always loses us: using data and/or analytics for some rankings and the eye test for others. It’s very Nate Silver of them.

Finally, we’ll say this. The best reason we can conjure for LSU being No. 3 is to soften the landing for Alabama in the unlikely event that the Tide fall in Death Valley this Saturday night. We can easily see the committee only dropping Alabama to 3, instead of further. We don’t see Alabama losing, but it’s a nice little insurance policy they’ve given the Tide.

2. Inside Job

Notorious Boston-based mobster James “Whitey” Bulger was killed inside his prison cell yesterday morning, just one day after being transferred to a facility in West Virginia. “”He lived violently and he apparently died violently,” said Dick Lehr, author of Whitey: The Life of America’s Most Notorious Mob Boss. “It marks the full circle of a terrible life.”

Folks will speculate as to the specific reason Bulger, 89, got fatally rolled in his jail cell, but we don’t think it’s a coincidence that the Red Sox won the World Series only two days earlier and that a lot of MS-13 members are probably Dodger fans.

3. Statue-tory Gape

Please, India, do not give Donald Trump any ideas.

Earlier today India unveiled the world’s tallest statue, a 597-foot tall homage to  Sardar Vallabbhai Patel (so, yes, to someone you’ve never heard of). The monument is nearly twice as tall as the Statue of Liberty, so that if you were to put them side by side it would be another Kristen Chenoweth-Boban Marjanovic deal. Who was Patel? Turns out he was an independence leader and the first ruler of India following the termination of British colonial rule in 1947.

No offense, but doesn’t he kinda look like one of those creatures from “300” who needs to have a virgin in order to survive?

I mean, if anyone, we thought they’d do this for Gandhi. And if you’re going to honor any Patel in this fashion, certainly you begin with Dev. And what’s India going to do once it’s inevitably uncovered that he owned slaves or sided with the Confederacy? On the other hand, we see a perfect backdrop for a Godzilla remake here, don’t you?

4. Looney Vs. Clooney

The president took a swipe at Danny Ocean. You don’t take a swipe at Danny Ocean without getting burned.

You may not love his films or his politics, you may have preferred Dr. Carter on E.R., you may still not forgive him for appearing on Facts Of Life, but Clooney is a genuinely good dude. And he’s done a ton more work in Africa trying to improve people’s lives other than simply sending his wife over there and then when she returns saying nothing more than, “Tremendous poverty. Tremendous.”

You picked on the wrong “elite,” Mr. Ultimate Elitist.

5. At Least Paul Westhead Is Happy

The Bucks are one of four teams averaging more than 120 points per game.

We did a little informal fact-checking last night and even though the NBA season is but a fortnight old, already 29 of the 32 clubs have surpassed 120 points in one game. The Warriors (149) are one of four clubs to surpass 140 points in a game and also posted 92 in the first half on Monday versus the Bulls.

Scoring is up. Way up. The Spurs beat the Lakers last week, 143-142, and you probably didn’t even hear about it. Okay, there was an overtime period, but still. The Dubs put up 144 and 149 in just the past week…both times on the road.

The three teams who have yet to eclipse 120? One good club, the Celtics, and two poor ones: Orlando and Brooklyn.

We have barely watched a minute of NBA hoops this month, so we don’t have an explanation for the spike in offense, but maybe it’s all due to Pat Mahomes and the Air Raid offense?


How about this song…

…coupled with this footage?


The mistruth, the Wohl mistruth, and nothing but the mistruth. As someone tweeted this morning, “There’s no prize for out-Carter Page’ing Martin Shkreli.”

Music 101

You Never Even Called Me By My Name

There isn’t a fraternity boy (or sorority girl) worth his (or her) solo cup in the SEC or Big 12 who isn’t familiar with David Allen Coe‘s 1975 outlaw country classic, which was indeed penned by his good friend Steve Goodman. The song is not directed at a female, but actually at the insular Nashville music scene that never (until this point) let Goodman or Coe feel as if they were worthy. Goodman had actually written a previous classic “The City Of New Orleans” (Good morning, America/How are ya?) that Arlo Guthrie recorded and made a Top 20 Billboard hit in 1972, so he had a right to be salty.*

*If you’ve never listened to this, we recommend. It has a funny surprise in the middle.

Remote Patrol

The Pit And The Pendulum

9:45 p.m. TCM

It’s Vincent Price night on Halloween night, with three other V.P. films besides this: House of Wax at 8 p.m., The Masque of the Red Death at 11:15, and if you’re still up and want to be sure not to be able to sleep the whole night, tune in to House On Haunted Hill (the original in black and white, much scarier) at 1 a.m.


3 thoughts on “IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

  1. Too bad George looks awful in that picture, though. Yes, I did just reduce him down to his looks. Is it my fault he’s all smart and handsome? Why won’t he and Timothy Olyphant stage a bar brawl and post it on Youtube? Why won’t they do that for me??

    Huhh. Phew. Mmm. Oh geez am I still…sorry, what? All I’m saying is, if George ever does run for office, here’s what would happen in every debate:

    GC: I think blah blah blah
    Opponent: *blush* giggle
    GC: And this and that
    Opponent: Is there any more water?
    GC: And furthermore this!
    Opponent: Ha ha sigh yeah

    Dude’s just got it. And yes I DVR’d the Wicked special.

  2. How much would we have to pay George to run against “Turtle-face McConnell*” in KY? I can’t imagine he’d actually want to do it, but my god, he would win even that red state! (Even IF he has let himself go like that. 😉 ) .

    *Normally, I refrain from name calling based on one’s looks but I saw this, ahem, ‘term of endearment’ , ahem, a few days ago & am STILL laughing as it is SO SPOT ON. Seriously, look at him. Plus, that POS is right behind The Sociopath as the BIGGEST THREAT TO AMERICA SINCE THE CIVIL WAR. And both make that “caravan” look like nothing more than ‘holiday help’.

    BTW Katie, since I asked you to list your fave movie musicals, I’ve been feverishly TRYING to come up with my own. It’s turning into my personal version of “susie’s choice”… THERE’S JUST TOO MANY, I can’t pick! (Cries, wails, wipes snot from nose). However, please note that while I’m still compiling, most of my faves are from childhood. Partly this is because Hollywood hasn’t exactly been crankin’ out the song & dance flicks the past 30 years & partly it’s because of sentimentality & that childhood was a very happy time for me (unlike the “Hellish Life” we’ve all been living the past 2 years but I digress). And the fact that I’ve seen the old movies literally a “gazillion” times. Ok, maybe not a gazillion or even a million (who am I, a member of the T family?!), but I have literally lost count. Anyhoo, near the top are The Sound of Music & Mary Poppins. (You can see part of the reason for the latter on Corbellini’s most recent Pick piece). I actually get weepy even THINKING about these movies & how both made me “want to fly” (which, er, led to some short-term pain but long-term gain) when I was a little girl. I didn’t want you to think I left you hanging out there, but I just haven’t had the time to finish my “list”. Blame Trump.

    Also, I have not be in a movie theatre in 11-12 years but I’m thinking of joining/fighting all the kiddies in line to see Mary Poppins Returns. If it is not good or in ANY WAY besmirches the original, keep your eyes glued to the news as “some woman in the DMV” may lose it at the movies & demand her money back AND AN APOLOGY from the producers.

  3. But Susie I thought the rules were to only pick movie musicals that hadn’t first been stage shows! Wait, I guess that was just my own personal parameter- but no, there’s no way I could pick favorites otherwise. Mary Poppins- so great, made more so by the sweet justice of Julie Andrews winning best actress after losing the film role she originated onstage to Audrey Hepburn. Having said that, love My Fair Lady, love Audrey Hepburn, especially after I learned she ate pasta every day (how could that possibly be true??). She supposedly even brought boxes of it with her with her when she traveled.

    Emily Blunt is a great actress, and of course, I worship at the altar of Lin Manuel, but this reboot makes me very nervous. I can’t think about it too much yet, as I’m gearing up to see Bohemian Rhapsody on Friday and my butt cheeks are already clenched with fear.

    BTW, it’s Halloween! Casa McCollow is full of yummy smells and festive fun, and I’m looking out my windows at a sea of bright orange leaves and sunshine. Let eating season officially commence! Happy Halloween to all.

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