by John Walters

Tweet Me Right

There’s no film we wouldn’t watch 24 hours straight if $1 million were waiting for us at the end of the movie marathon. You?

Starting Five

Lucas Moura!

If Tottenham were not dead at halftime of yesterday’s second leg of their Champions League semi at Ajax, then you would have needed a trained health-care professional to detect a pulse. Down 2-0 in the match and 3-0 in aggregate goals, Spurs needed nothing less than 3 unanswered second-half goals on a foreign—literally—pitch to advance to the final in Madrid.

Then, faster than you can say, “Come On You Spurs!” they got it. Off the leg of one man: their 26 year-old right wing Lucas Moura. The brazen Brazilian scored goals in the 55th and 59th minute to tie the match, but Hot Spurs still trailed in aggregate. Then, in stoppage time he squeezed through a brilliant strike, stunning two Ajax defenders and the keeper by not placing the ball but by striking it as it came rolling to him.

(Noted two-time NBA MVP and Spurs supporter Steve Nash had quite the visceral reaction to Moura’s third goal)

Let’s reflect a moment on the May Hem we’ve just witnessed from Champions League the past 48 hours. Barcelona, arguably the best team in the world, squandered a 3-0 aggregate lead after one match to fall 4-0 at Liverpool (and 4-3 aggregate_). Ajax forfeited a 3-0 aggregate advantage after 1 1/2 matches to fall, via Away Goals, 3-3, to Tottenham. The Champions League will have its first All-England final since 2008, and neither club may be this year’s Premier League champion (if Man City holds on this Sunday).


Ladies And Gentleman, Your 2015 Golden State Warriors!

Four years ago, the Dubs won the first of three NBA championships in four seasons with a starting five of Stephen Curry, Klay Thompson, Harrison Barnes, Draymond Green and Andrew Bogut. Their top two reserves were Andre Iguodala (the MVP of that NBA Finals even though Sweet Pea truly deserved the award) and Shaun Livingston.

Guess what? After last night’s pyrrhic win at Oracle, in which the Dubs likely lost Super Duper Star Kevin Durant to a strained right calf for the remainder of this postseason, that 2015 championship squad (minus Barnes) is going to have to find their old magic. KD was averaging an otherworldly 35 ppg while shooting above the mythical 40/50/90 line this postseason. You don’t just replace that.

However, as you witnessed last night, Golden State’s core trio of Curry, Klay and Draymond can and must step up their games to take one of the final two from Houston. And yes, this somewhat mirrors last season’s CP3 injury in the fifth game, the difference being that KD is a far superior player. To anyone.

(No Kevin, but they still have Kevon)

Can Golden State advance? And if so, how do they stop Nikola Jokic with a faded Bogut?

(Kind of a big deal. Nobody, not even TNT, caught it.)

Last thing that needs to be said, and both us and Tim Legler said it last night : Golden State does not win Game 5 without the contributions of Kevon Looney, who could probably tell you all the different ways one is able to serve shrimp as an edible dish.

L.A. Guns*

*The judges note that any allusion to an ’80s hair-metal band in that hed is purely intentional

No, this is not the opening scene from the next Bruce Willis film. In Holmby Hills, the ultra-exclusive neighborhood within Beverly Hills, LAPD and the ATF seized an arsenal of weapons were seized yesterday. Reportedly they were not only being stored there, but also sold and shipped from and perhaps even assembled or manufactured.

The stories we read did not release the name of the person (s) whose property had more than 1,000 weapons, many of them assault-type rifles and Browning machine guns. Nor did the stories note that this is the same extremely wealthy area where you’ll find the Playboy Mansion, or that it’s just a very short bike ride east of the campus of UCLA.

Kind of odd that no suspect’s name has been released yet. Even if it’s not a celebrity, it’s someone with a lot of wealth. And a lot of power, perhaps. Firepower, definitely.

Fail Blazer

You planned on spending next week partying in Ibiza, but your private equity firm has a meeting to restructure (insert name of beloved American brand whose stock price is disappointing its board members, even though the quality of the product has not suffered, here), so you’ll have to do a pass-through in the board room and hence can only make it to Amagansett this weekend. Sucks to be you.

You board the Blade chopper at the 34th Street pier with a copy of Barron’s under your left arm and two bottles of Chateau Minuty in your carry-on (babe magnet). Forget anything?

Yes, my good sir, you have! Nothing says “Jay Gatsby” in the summer of 2019 quite like the Beach Blazer (only $325) from Marko Andrus. To Marko’s credit, he’s not a designer but just a swell (and a web developer) who realized he wanted something to don that dried you off like a towel but that you could wear for a post-beach glass of Aperol Spritz at 75 Main in Southampton. He’s already manufactured 10,000 of these bad boys and has a marketing deal with Dos Equis.

This is an article of clothing that Kramer would’ve eventually gotten around to designing if Seinfeld had remained on a a few seasons more. In fact, he sort of wore one around that entire Hamptons episode, no?


Above, that’s Frenchman Jean Jacques-Savin, 72, who built and skippered this giant orange barrel you see. On December 26, Boxing Day (hey, that’s British, not French), Savin set off from the Canary Islands. Traveling at roughly 2 miles per hour (or 1.7 knots per hour), Savin made it to the Dutch Caribbean island of St. Eustatius last week. That’s a 2,900-mile plus voyage.

Savin traveled solo and fed himself largely off fish he caught, though he did pack some foie gras (really). And a bottle of wine. Naturally.

Music 101

This Is The Time

Billy Joel turns 70 today.

Remote Patrol


HBO Now/Go

“That’s not supposed to happen, is it?”

Bummed about the fact that one million species are near extinction, our government is more hopelessly corrupt than it has ever been, and Kevin Durant may miss the rest of the playoffs? Cheer up! It could be worse. Watch this 10-part series on HBO, the cable channel’s most apocalyptic show of the season not featuring Euron Greyjoy.

4 thoughts on “IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

  1. Well, well, well! So, the Rockets will have NO EXCUSES if they don’t beat the Supervillains in this series! The problem is their main guy is the guy who has FOLDED LIKE A CHEAP SUIT the past, what is it, 3 years, four, in the Playoffs? I don’t know if I can bring myself to actually ROOT for them, but I will be rooting for the Supervillains’ demise.

    And a 2ND “well, well, well” for the Celtics! LOL, exactly how I’d hoped this year would go for Flat Earther Irving. I’m beginning to think the Sporting Gods have been feeling sorry for me this year & this is their gift. In fact, they may also be “helping out” with my Lakers anger. I heard this morning that the Lakers tried to cheap/leg-cut Lue & now he’s out for Head Coach. Hmmmmm. Sweet Pea should have LISTENED TO ME! Also, when will he realize his life (or at least his playing career) has gone to CRAP since he grew that hideous beard?! I also read that LBJ was NOT given a heads-up by Magic about his, ahem, DISAPPEARING ACT & was, ‘oh-mighty-mighty’ miffed. I’m beginning to think my dream of his DITCHING THE LOSER LAKERS is really possible! I’m ready & waiting to once more be your#1 fan, Sweet Pea, just shrug off that heinous Purple & Gold! (And that beard too. 🙂 )

    Finally, for a meeellion bucks, I’d watch ANY movie 24 hrs straight except one of those horrible horror flicks! I could only “watch” the latter if allowed to be bind-folded AND wear earplugs, which is how YOU insist on watching the Marvel superhero movies, right jdubs? And BTW, I disagree with your trashing of those flicks. I’d rather see them ANY day compared to another apocalypse downer! And honestly, your criticism made me LAUGH OUT LOUD – welcome to the past 10,000 years of being female : that some HERO has to come SAVE you… 😉

  2. A single movie for 24 hours? How about Clue, because it has three different endings, or anything lasting three hours. Then you only need to watch it eight times…

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