by John Walters

Tweet Me Right

Starting Five

Two And A Half (x4) Dems (x 2 Nights)

Dem Dem Dem Dem, Demly Dem Dem Dem!

Dem Dem Dem Dem, Demly Dem Dem Dem!

Dem Dem Dem Dem, Demly Dem, oo hoo hoo, hoo hoo, oo

Dem Dem Dem Dem, Demly Dem Dem Dem!

Dem Dem Dem Dem, Demly Dem Dem Dem!


Honestly, I’d take James Holzhauer to beat any of these clowns on Jeopardy!

“Give Me Hillary Or Give Me Death!”

We’re sort of kidding, but then again, no. Is there anyone among those 20 candidates from the previous two nights who’d defeat Hillary Clinton head-on in a debate (okay, Kamala Harris would hold her own)? Hillary’s still arguably the best candidate the Democrats could put forth (some of you have just tossed ripe vegetables at your laptops), she’s the only one who actually tallied more votes than Donald Trump in the 2016 presidential election, and when the 2020 election eventually does arrive (after what will seem like decades from this moment), she’ll still be nearly two years younger than Donald Trump—not to mention five years younger than Joe Biden and six years younger than Bernie Sanders, the two purported Democratic frontrunners.

Other than the fact that many Americans don’t want to see her again (for reasons I’m not completely sure of), Hillary Clinton remains the most qualified candidate. Tell me you wouldn’t have loved to see her and the hubby watching these debates the previous two nights, particularly when they both know she’s younger than the top three men involved, currently, for president (Trump, Biden, Sanders).

The Blair Witch Candidate

I don’t know what to make of Marianne Williamson, other than the fact that she’s bizarre and off the grid and that I hope she stays around as long as possible in this presidential odyssey. And there’s a part of me that wanted to type, “She’s tremendously entertaining, but I’d never want her to actually be president,” but then I remember who IS president and I think, Why not??

First of all, Williamson will turn 67 in less than two weeks and that photo above is from last night. I mean, never mind that she looks too much like Tina Fey for Fey not to heed Lorne Michaels’ entreaties to play her come September, she looks fabulous for her age. Ooh, ooh, witchy woman!

Second, she says, “If you want to know what’s happening with our country, watch Avatar,” which, okay, is not inaccurate but most people think of it a that film where strangely sexy blue bird people got to soar among the cliffs.

Third, this. C’mon. This isn’t even the SNL sketch that will be done featuring her. This is real.

Stick around, Marianne. You’re polling very well in Sedona and who knows where this wind chimes-and-crystals campaign will stop? We don’t know where you came from or how you found a hairdresser who’s stuck in 1975 (is it Warren Beatty’s character from Shampoo), but we’re here for all of it.


Just another day of Trump: the president’s former campaign manager, Paul Manafort, does a perp walk as he’s led into a New York courtroom where he pled not guilty to fraud charges.

Meanwhile, halfway across the world at the G-20 summit in Tokyo, President Trump sarcastically said to Vladimir Putin, “Don’t meddle in our elections” in a crowded room.

Capspace Jam

ESPN insists, absolutely insists, on making the Los Angeles Lakers the most important franchise not just in the NBA but in all of sports. The Dallas Cowboys don’t receive this much daily coverage. Nor do the Yankees. Not even the Los Angeles Dodgers, who occupy the same city and have the best record in baseball, a sport that is actually in season.

Yesterday as the sports world was spinning, ESPN and its bloviators (refreshing exception: Scott Van Pelt, who actually had the temerity to lead off his broadcast with baseball highlights) obsessed about LeBron giving Anthony Davis his number (23), about Davis waiving $4 million in trade bonus money so that the Lakers could have space to sign another “max player” (a fool’s term…was Pascal Siakam a max player before last year?) and about Carmelo joining the Lake Show (please, Lord, let this happen!).

It’s funny to us how much oxygen the Lakers consume of ESPN’s available store. The Mavericks have two phenomenal young players: Luka Doncic and Kristaps Porzingis who are 23 or younger. The Warriors have the more intriguing quandary. And the Raptors are the champs. And all ESPN can do is moon over LeBron as if we’re in the midst of a Bye Bye Birdie revival.

LeBron turns 35 next season. He’s going to miss time with one injury or another. Just watch. And then the egos will start to rise like snakes in a den. We’ll sit back and enjoy the implosion.

Music 101

Back In Black

How do you begin your first album following the death of your lead singer, Bon Scott, from the very rock-and-roll-ish death of “alcohol poisoning.” You come out with guitars blaring and a new lead singer, Brian Johnson, who screeches, “Forget the hearse cuz I never die.”

This song/album was released in the summer of 1980 and has sold more than 50 million copies. Not just a back-with-vengeance album, it is one of the essential albums in the rock-and-roll catalog.

Remote Patrol

USA vs. France

3 p.m. Fox

Red, white and bleu? A quarterfinal that will feel like the final. Could be the most-watched women’s soccer game like, what, ever?

3 thoughts on “IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

  1. I’m not watching any of the Dem Debates until the, er, ‘culling’ begins. Just self-preservation : I don’t want to ‘fall in luv’ with a candidate that doesn’t even make it to New Hampshire let alone my own state’s Primary. I’ve done that a couple of times & it’s worse than when your fave TV show gets cancelled! Nooooooo! Anyhoo, from the tiny bit I skimmed the last 2 days, I thought Warren & Harris “won” the debates? I’m leaning towards Warren (yes, despite my earlier admonition above) but will NOT fully hop on the “E Train” unless she drops supporting reparations.

    About ESPN’s “obsession” with the Lakers/LeBron : it’s the RATINGS, jdubs! Or lack there of now that Sweet Pea plays after 10PM eastern most nights. And even though age 35 sees most NBA players already thru the, er, “transfer portal” into the Rest Home/Retirement Acres, LeBron is not “most players”, he’s already on the “Mt Rushmore of NBA Players” & has been THE BIG DOG in this sport for over a decade! ANYTHING that happens in & around this sport, the media & fans ALL clamor for LBJ’s take. What’s that phrase – “HE MOVES THE NEEDLE”. And as one of the two TV networks that own the rights to televising NBA games, you don’t think ESPN wants a return on that HUGE investment? Especially with all the cord cutters out there hacking away at their profits? Puhleeeeeze.

    LeBron may play for 5 more years but he’ll only be within 10-20% of his peak for probably the next two. And you’re right of course, the injuries will start happening on a more regular basis & watching the decline of this MAGNIFICENT athlete is the ONE thing I will NOT regret missing by boycotting Lakers games. (Excuse me, I need a tissue…sniff, sniff).

    And while LBJ’s gifting of the #23 jersey is seen as a “Welcome to LA/Lakers” overture to AD, I “know” ( 🙂 ) it’s really the Sporting Gods in Sweet Pea’s head trying to get me to forgive & forget. (Remember, I HATED that he began wearing that # again when he returned to the Cavs!). Humpfh! He’d have to shave that hideous beard & don the headband again for me to even think about it! And since that’s about as likely as Durant joining the Lakers, I don’t think I have to worry about any late-night game viewing & the accompanying sleep deprivation come next season.

  2. I won’t be able to watch the USA vs France game LIVE so will once again turn to Yahoo’s site & watch the animated soccer ball move around the pitch with the accompanying boxed “action blurbs”. Hopefully, I’ll see some balloons & confetti again too when our team scores. And scores again. And again. 🙂

    I can’t lie – I’m nervous! Alex Morgan must be injured far more than she/the team has let on & all their opponents now think it’s OK to just blatantly FOUL (as in push/shove/trip/throw them to the ground &/or spike them in the legs!) our top players! My god, if I was a ref in those matches, you’d have seen more YELLOW than the Tour de France!

    Hopefully, Fox won’t make us wait till AFTER MIDNIGHT to see the re-broadcast.

    BTW, can anyone answer me WHY FIFA has men’s regional tournaments going on at the SAME TIME as the WCC?! Couldn’t they have waited till NEXT week at least when all but the 3 women’s games remain & thus, more days with no games? This is DISRESPECT! And don’t even get me started on the PALTRY $30 million payday when the men’s WC is over $700 million!@^$%#!

    Finally, how’d Bitcoin do yesterday, jdubs? 🙂 I truly, truly do hope you make a ton of money & also hope you get out before it dives once again. Ooh, which reminds me I watched ‘The Hunt for Red October’ on TV earlier this week & I’d forgotten how gripping it was! It’d been so long since I’d seen it, I’d forgotten whether Sean Connery was trying to defect OR blow us all up. And wow, Alec Baldwin was so YOUNG! 🙂

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