by John Walters

Tweet Me Right

Starting Five

Rain Man

Sure, there was the claim that our army, during the American Revolution, “took over the airports” (Fake News?). But beyond President Trump demonstrating the greatest ignorance of American history in a public forum since Frank Drebin attempted to sing the national anthem in The Naked Gun, we’d like to suggest something more sinister was being attempted.

Tell us if we’re nutso on this one.

Was it only a coincidence that of all the places Trump could have held this affair, he did so on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial? And no, we’re not suggesting this event was a clapback to Barack Obama’s pre-inauguration extravaganza on this same ground in January 2009.

We’re wondering if this was a subtle appeal to white supremacists and/or warhawks: Remember when Martin Luther King, Jr., blasphemed this space with his “I Have A Dream” speech and his beliefs of civil rights and peace among men? Well, let’s erase that moment by creating a bigger one at the same site that salutes not peace, but war. Not equality, but domination.

Far from a “No Nips” rally

There’s a great, albeit pretentiously in character, line from Bono before U2 launches into “Helter Skelter” on its Rattle & Hum live album: “This song was stolen from the Beatles by Charles Manson. We’re stealing it back.” To us, yesterday’s attempt by Trump and his followers was analogous to that, which would of course make MLK Manson in the analogy.

The good news that came out of yesterday is that if 1) you take part in Revolutionary War reenactments and 2) you own a Piper Cub, then life just got a lot more interesting for you.

Sterling Man

Cal Ripken, Jr., played in a Major League-record 2,632 consecutive games for the Baltimore Orioles. John Sterling called nearly double that amount of games in a row as the New York Yankees radio voice until yesterday. Sterling, who is 81, missed the Yanks’ 8-4 10-inning defeat of the Tampa Bay Rays at the Trop last night due to health concerns.

Sterling, whose home run calls are the stuff of local legend (“An A-bomb for A-Rod!”), sees his streak end at 5,060 games. As Linda Cohn mentioned on SportsCenter last night, the last time Sterling missed a Yankee game the team’s first baseman was Don Mattingly.

Consider this. America celebrated its 243rd birthday yesterday. Sterling, still working, is 81. He’s literally been alive more than 1/3 of the entire existence of this great nation (are you reading this, Phyllis?!?). That’s incredible to us.

Chopper Down

Here’s the thing about helicopters that makes them unlike planes: they don’t have wings, so that when they lose power there’s absolutely no chance to glide them down for a safe landing, a la Sully Sullenberger. They drop like a stone.

That may have been what happened after midnight to West Virginia coal billionaire (two words you rarely see in tandem) Chris Cline, who along with six other people perished when their helicopter en route from the Bahamas to Fort Lauderdale—a relatively short flight—splashed into the Atlantic. All seven died.

Cline, strangely, was born on July 5, 1958. He died on his 61st birthday.

America’s Latest Divide: Numerators and Denominators!

Writing for The Washington Post, columnist Marc A. Thiessen opines, in a story that is running on her 34th birthday, that “Megan Rapinoe is dividing Americans instead of uniting them…”

As our Twitter friend Allen Kenney suggested, “My kingdom for a moratorium on these empty “uniting/dividing” pieces. It’s the latest 3rd rail of American public life: do not be accused of DIVIDING Americans. Such claims are only and always made by one type of American: the one who does not want the status quo upset.

A penny for your thoughts, you divisive scoundrel

The irony in such a statement is too transparent not to slam you in the face with its obviousness. First of all, the very creation of this nation was all about people wanted to overturn the status quo (of being colonists who paid taxes to mother England without representation). Second of all, let’s think about who, in terms of sheer numbers of people and in consequences of their actions, was the most divisive person in American history: oh yes, that would be Abraham Lincoln. And if there is any one secular saint in American history, it is either he or George Washington (who was our military leader during that revolution).

We may not be smart enough to have our own column in The Washington Post, but then again, neither is Marc A. Thiessen.

Our Latest ‘Curb’ Moment

Worked a long-ass day at the cookoutateria on the 4th of July. So we decide to treat ourselves to a post-work beer and walk into an air-conditioned, sparsely populated bar on Amsterdam Ave. There are only two other people besides the bartender in the whole place, a pair of women, and now they’re seated catty-corner to me at the bar.

I’m nursing my Narragansett, conjuring a delicious tweet, no doubt, when I hear the unmistakeable sound of glass hitting wood. Before I can look up a flume of rose wine is spilling right over the bar and into my lap. I do not get upset. Really. I chuckle and ask if I’m wearing rose now as the woman profusely apologizes and says, “I’m not the one who spills; my friend here usually does.”

So throwing her friend under the bus for no reason. Now, many people who know me know that I’m infamous for spilling (my nickname is “Spilly” to many) so I have plenty of empathy for this woman. But here’s what happens next. The bartender, who has nothing to do since we’re his only three patrons, rushes over to REFILL HER GLASS. And though she apologized, she never offers to buy me the next round. Nor does he.

If Larry David ever reads this, he has my full permission to use this incident in his next season. And please tell me, am I crazy? Of course it was an accident, but I can’t imagine spilling a drink on someone and soiling their clothing (my cargo shorts are presently soaking in hot water) and not even offering to buy them a drink. Really?

Music 101

Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now

How did we never see The Skeleton Twins? How did we not know about this scene until two days ago? Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig hamming up a classically cheesy Starship song from 1987. This song hit No. 1 on the charts.

Remote Patrol

The Movies


9 p.m. CNN

We’re hyped up about this six-episode doc on CNN, produced by Tom Hanks’ group, that will tell the behind-the-scenes stories of many of the greatest films ever made. Tonight’s episode is two hours. If you’ve seen Hanks’ Playtone gang do their due diligence on the docs about American decades of recent past, you know that it’s not Ken Burns’ level depth but that it still is a satisfying meal. This should be great.

World Cup Final

USA vs. Netherlands

Sunday 11 a.m. Fox

4 thoughts on “IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

  1. I won’t read that Post piece because 1) I refuse to waste my measly 3-5 “free” articles a month on that drivel & 2) if I click on it, it would add to that idiot’s “clicks” which might make the Post feature this nitwit even more. Anyhoo, unless Alex Morgan scores 2 or MORE goals in a WWC win for Team USA in the Final, Pinoe emerged, by far, as the biggest star of this tournament & folks across America are championing her & her team. And as for “dividing America”, runner-up to Lincoln is the fascist-in-training Sociopath himself. Does this mean I’m clamoring for the status-quo? No, it means I want that SOB EXTRACTED from both our government & country (earth, really) ASAP!

    I saw the 2nd half & ET of the Neth-Sweden game & it looked like the Blonde Bombers had run out of gas from their upset of Germany. I realize this won’t give the USWNT “retribution” against their Rio nemesis but I’m glad Sweden won’t be in the Final, largely because I think the Swedes play dirty & I would agonize the entire game who next on Team USA would writhe in pain on the pitch.

    I look forward to Sunday’s game but am nervous as usual. Not because I don’t have massive belief in our team but because anything can happen AND we have injuries to some major players. I’ll be rooting not only for us to win (natch!) but for Tobin to have a great game too. ( I think she’s played well throughout the tournament but yesterday I read some things I’d printed out about the last 2 games & it seems SOME in the media don’t think “she’s done much”! WTF? Her passing has set up many of the goals! Humpfh!)

    Also tomorrow, SATURDAY JULY 6th is the Grand Depart (that’s what they actually call the start) of this year’s TOUR DE FRANCE! Live TV coverage starts at 6AM on NBCSN. Since 3 of last year’s 4 top finishers are NOT in the race & last year’s winner crashed out of a tune-up race last month & thus was not able to train full-throttle the past 2 weeks, I have no clue how this year’s race will shake out. Team, ahem, ‘Death Star’ (used to be “Sky” & now known as Team Ineos) is still a viable contender with Thomas (last year’s champ) & a young Columbian mt goat named Bernal. An older Columbian mt goat, who just so happens to be a 2-time runner-up in this race (Quintana) may be on his last chance to win the thing, as part of Spanish team Movistar (yea, that’s the name but the name does not mean what we English speakers think) . He’s not the same rider as 4 years ago but since there is so little Time Trialing this time (his bette noir), this may be his last shot. The French are excited as they MAY actually have a chance to win, 1st time since 1985. There’s also an Italian (Nibali) who’s won the Giro & Vuelta & happens to be SUING the ASO (owner/organizer of the Tour) for what he says was “not protecting the riders” in last year’s Tour (he crashed out on an uphill climb POSSIBLY due to overeager fans, but I’ve seen far more egregious fan interference that that). I don’t much like Nibali (believe he’s absolutely doped in previous Grand Tours) & think his time has passed. I’ll just have to watch the 1st week & see who’s riding well before I decide who looks good for the podium.

    In other Tour news, the best sprinter in history (Brit Mark Cavendish) was shockingly NOT selected by his team for the Tour. He’s battled some crash injuries the past 2-3 years, Mono, & Epstein-Barr which has affected him going on 2 years now, but I’m still shocked & more than a bit disgusted he won’t be there. Luckily, the current biggest star in cycling (Peter Sagan) will be there & with so many sprinters out, he may win several sprint stages along with the overall Green Jersey. Finally, the number of Americans in the race is once again PITIFUL (4) & none are GC contenders, although Tejay van Garderen should play a big part in helping his team leader (another Columbian & podium finisher 2-3 years ago, Riggo Uran) to at least get on the podium again if not win it all.

  2. Ooh, I watched some Planet Earth shows, jdubs ! AMAZING cinematography! And I’ve already learned some fascinating facts & the one that made the biggest impression is the “philosophical” differences between Bison & what must be their 2nd cousins at least – Musk Oxen. Both have the same main predator (wolves) who hunt down, weed out & attack the smallest/weakest (usually a “calf”), but while the Musk Oxen ganged up & charged back to take on the attacking wolves & SAVE their little one (a “One for all, All for one” philosophy, the Bison have more of a “looking out for #1, i.e. myself” way of thinking. These guys just RAN & didn’t look back! In fact, one of their big “bulls” intentionally trampled right over the calf & the wolves, injuring the calf so severely, it had NO chance to defend itself! Who knew that Bison were Republicans! 😉

    Anyhoo, I hope to watch more episodes but I have the same problem as I do with all “nature” shows – I get upset when “survival of the fittest” is on, er, full display across my High Def TV. I tell ya, when seals or penguins especially become some predator’s tasty snack (nooooooo!) , I lose it every time!

    Also, I think you need to ASK the zoo animals which they’d prefer – free food & free medical care in a “resort-like environment” OR the daily desperate battle just to stay alive in “nature”! Honestly, at least in America’s zoos today, those inhabitants have WON THE ANIMAL LOTTERY! 🙂

  3. Oh & apparently male polar bears will EAT the young of their own species! Ewwwwwww! Do all bears do this or just the Polar? Man, I feel like suing Coca Cola for “false advertising”! 😉

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *