by John Walters

Tweet Me Right

Starting Five

Hang Time*

*The judges respect the New York Post’s “Caught Off Guard” headline, too.

On the one hand, maybe a guy who lived in a metropolitan Shangri La-type mansion, only flew private jets, and had his very own “Bachelor In Paradise” island, couldn’t take any sort of confinement and wanted to off himself. And maybe the guards were either incompetent or for whatever reason ($$$…?), complicit.

On the other, what better time to off a dude then early Saturday morning, in terms of the news cycle? What more expedient time than after a giant document dump (unsealed depositions, allegations) and hours after a six-figure fundraiser in the Hamptons in which potentially some of the malefactors would have opportunity to converse and conspire, in a non-digital, non-traceable fashion? If you were building a Manchurian Candidate-type plot, all the pieces fit.

The current White House administration, in quite the Orwellian manner, is attempting to make truth extinct in our country (thanks to Richard M. Nixon for getting the ball rolling on that one). At least in terms of government and justice. So who the hell knows? You’ve heard by now that there were shrieks coming from the vicinity of the 66 year-old Epstein’s cell last Saturday morning: were they from him or from the non-trained officer who was supposed to be guarding him?

Other questions: what type of cell and bedding was it that Epstein could still have an opportunity to hang himself? Why would officers responding to the scene not KNOW that he had hanged himself, as opposed to “thought to have?” Is that just incomplete reporting or another weird twist to the saga?

Middle Age Crazy

Thinking of the Epstein-Barr (Jeffrey, William) virus, and all of the powerful and moneyed men potentially entangled in it, it led me to think of two films and, particularly scenes from those films.

The first is The Philadelphia Story. A true American classic from 1940 that is 98% romantic comedy, its other 2% is rather a record scratch when it attempts to mansplain middle-aged philandering. There’s a scene where Tracy Lord’s (Katharine Hepburn’s) wealthy but wayward father, Seth (John Halliday), returns to the family after a heavily implied adulterous relationship in New York City. And his wife takes him back, no questions asked.

Tracy is appalled (irony of Hepburn’s arguably greatest film character being named Tracy) and her father, with her mother approving of him, scolds her prudish ways. I don’t have the quote directly in front of me, but Seth Lord explains that a wife understands that her middle-aged philandering husband isn’t doing it as an affront to her, but that he is simply seeking the glory of his youth. And that makes him feel more alive. He tells Tracy that she has everything in the world except one main ingredient: an understanding heart.

The second film is Moonstruck, which 47 years later again brings us around to an adoring daughter (Cher), a philandering father (Vincent Gardenia), and an understanding, to a lesser degree, wife (Olympia Dukakis). After the husband is caught having an affair with a much younger woman, the wife sagely explains to him the misbegotten intent behind his adultery and the lost cause stirring it. Again, not verbatim, but she says something to the effect of, “No matter how many nubile young women you sleep with, it won’t prevent you from getting old.”

Which brings us to Jeffrey Epstein and his “friends.” Who knows how many of these powerful men had the opportunity in the bloom of their youth to, um, take advantage of their masculinity? Maybe some did, maybe others were nobodies or too busy working their way up the corporate or political ladder. Then here they are, middle-aged and wealthy and used to getting what they want. And what they really want is to have the allure of that 21 year-old lifeguard, Baywatch-type. But they never will. What they do have, however, is money and power. And Jeffrey Epstein was just the sort of man who could make their sexual and sinister dreams come true (as these young women and often underage teens) were procured for their wants.

And let’s not forget that it was only seven months ago that Robert Kraft was taking advantage of just such a relationship when, as a 77 year-old billionaire (or near to it), he was getting pleasured by someone for pay. On a Sunday morning. Before flying to watch his Patriots play the Kansas City Chiefs in the AFC title game. Kraft IS exactly the type of man who thrived in Epstein’s circle.

Finally, if it ever comes out just how Epstein acquired all of this wealth…if it turns out he was the ultimate pimp in terms of procuring underage girls for the wealthy and powerful, if that is demonstrated to be true, well, it’s only too bad that Stanley Kubrick is not around to make a sequel to Eyes Wide Shut.

Tatis All, Folks

As rookies go, Padres shortstop Fernando Tatis, Jr., was somewhat overlooked in the season’s opening third. After all, San Diego had a lights-out rookie phenom pitcher named Chris Paddack who had a 1.93 ERA after two months—until he visited Yankee Stadium.

Paddack has since shuttled back and forth between AAA Lake Elsinore. Tatis, who does not have enough official at-bats to qualify for official stats, has played 83 games (about 2/3) and is batting .316 with 22 home runs. The 20 year-old is a star in the making.

Kong Blockers

This is a photo of yesterday’s massive and peaceful protest at the Hong Kong Airport that caused all flights to be suspended. Oddly enough, the Wolfgang Puck’s in Terminal 2 still had plenty of available seating.

We’re with the protesters, 100%. China tried to sneak through extradition legislation that in effect would give BIG BROTHER the power to extradite any independent Hong Kong citizen to the mainland and thus render these free people unto the totalitarian state. That’s when these people (Hong Kongers?) recognized their freedom was at stake and moved into action.

What’s the next move on the chess board, we wonder? And would Iron Mike Pompeo just mansplain a massive Chinese attack by saying, “Look, every government gets its hands dirty, but what truly matters is that the U.S. is still independent and our oil barons and other business tycoons are sated.”

Who’s A Fredo Whom?

Some dumb Moe Greene type (Moe Greene wasn’t actually dumb. He was “a great man!”) made the mistake of referring to CNN’s Chris Cuomo as “Fredo” and Cuomo almost went full Sonny Corleone on him. Love it. And if you’ve met Cuomo, he’s pretty jacked and I think this would have gone very poorly for the dope.

5 thoughts on “IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

  1. Tatis got hurt about a month into the season and hence why he doesn’t have enough at bats plus been an afterthought.

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