by John Walters

Starting Five

Soggy Bahama

East of Florida, Dorian reached maximum power and we hear some people have never even heard of a “Category 5” storm. The eye wall of the hurricane has hovered over the Bahamas for the past 36 hours, creating quite a mess over the islands. Good news, though: Alabama is safe.

Why don’t we just listen to this man the next time a hurricane looms?

Boat Tragedy

Twenty-five confirmed dead but it looks as if the total count will be closer to 34 after a diving boat moored off Santa Cruz Island (40 or so miles off Santa Barbara) catches fire at around 3 a.m. Five passengers, all crew members, were able to leap off the 75-foot vessel to safety. The boat was moored just 20 yards off shore, in 64 feet of water.

So the questions are coming: How did the fire start? How did it spread so quickly? Why were the crew unable to notify or evacuate the passengers in time? Was there not a fire extinguisher on board.

That giant wave you see is all the lawsuits that are coming.

Oh, My Nose!

Late in the fourth quarter of last night’s Notre Dame victory at Louisville, Irish quarterback Ian Book threw a long pass out of bounds that struck Cardinal cheerleader Elizabeth Scott in the proboscis.

Nearly 50 years later and a Marcia Brady reference is still relevant:

Of course, since all of life is one Black Mirror episode (declares middle-aged man who writes free blog daily), the injured cheerleader took it as an opportunity to gain more social media followers. She reportedly has a broken nose.

We just wonder where was ESPN sideline reporter Maria Taylor when all of this was going on? #SheHadOneJob

Major Minors

Now that the AAA minor league baseball regular season, the first in which they switched to using the same baseballs currently being used in The Show, has concluded, we can report the final numbers on home runs.

For those of you scoring at home, that’s a 57% increase in home runs in the course of one season. Something’s up with dem balls, no?

Is Cron’s prodigious power one reason the D-Backs were willing to let Paul Goldschmidt get away?

For those wondering, Kevin Cron of the Reno Aces (Diamondback affiliate) led the American AAA teams in home runs with 38, while Chris Carter of the AAA Mexican League Acereros de Monclava led that league with 49.

Related: The New York Yankees were shut out yesterday for the first time in 220 games, ending the second-longest consecutive games with at least one run scored streak in MLB history. The longest (311) belongs to the 1931-33 Yanks. Oddly, the day before the Yanks did not score before the 8th inning before putting up 5 runs to beat the A’s 5-4. The pitcher who shut out the Yankees on Labor Day? Mike Minor of the Texas Rangers.

The Odessa File

In Odessa, Texas, a white male in his mid-thirties armed with an AR-15 goes on a rampage after being fired from his job and slaughters seven people. Let me guess: he was single?

A few thoughts here…If prayers are supposed to be our weapon of choice against the chronic number of mass murders, why don’t we just fight illegal immigration by praying about it?…Second, if it’s not about guns but rather about mental illness, then shouldn’t we look for common symptoms the way , you know, real scientists do? Let’s see, almost all mass murderers with guns are white males with rage issues. By that assessment, isn’t our president mentally ill?

Allow me to be honest and a little cynical for a moment. I can’t speak for all, but here’s one Northeasterner who comes across these stories almost weekly and thinks, As long as it’s gun-boner Texans shooting other gun-boner Texans, well, there’s something poetic about that. Keep it up. If you don’t have any more sense than to live in Texas, I can’t really help you.

Yeah, I wrote it.

4 thoughts on “IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

  1. Completely agree. Now, if what I wrote is more offensive to you than a legislator who has the power to change things saying, “Thoughts and prayers,” ask yourself who is really the offensive one.

    • Being “less bad” doesn’t make you right. It’s precisely because so much of this is tied up with legislative inaction that it’s wrong to fault the regular people impacted by gun violence. Vast majorities support background checks and keeping guns out of the hands of people with violent criminal records. That the NRA can buy enough politicians to overrule the will of the people doesn’t make it the fault of the people.

      Put it this way, 48% of Texans who voted in the last Senate election voted for Beto O’Rourke, who is firmly pro-gun control. Should they all move out of Texas, so Cruz can get 98% of the vote, or should they try to change the minds of 3% of their fellow Texans and cause a tidal wave of change in this country.

      • I agree with you John – that not all Texans are gun-toting lunatics. However, I’m thinking it was MORE than “3%” that elected the STATE legislators who passed the even MORE OPEN GUN LAWS that just went into effect last week.

        I feel horror & overwhelming sadness for the those killed & injured (& their loved ones) this past weekend in Texas. But Texans must now LOOK AT THEMSLVES & their state & ask “is this who we want to be? If not, they need to VOTE OUT all who ENABLED this recent tragedy ASAP. If they are fine with their current laws, they should get used to the rest of the country saying ‘Texas is getting what they PAID FOR”. (AKA “reap what they sow”).

        What pisses me off is the never ending GOP-NRA mouthpieces that show up on TV after these tragedies, shaking their heads, hands up (ironic), actually asking “but what can we do?” WHAT CAN WE DO?! WHAT CAN WE DO?!! Make ASSAULT WEAPONS ILLEGAL!

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