IT’S ALL HAPPENING! Friday, April 4 (“In the Name of Love”)

STARTING FIVE

The King

1. Dave

Rupert Gee…”Just Lamps”….Larry “Bud” Melman…Andy Kaufman…”They pelted us with rocks and garbage”… “Top Ten Anatomical Parts or Van Pattens”… “They’re not booing, they’re just saying ‘Dave’”…. Crispin Glover…Viewer Mail…Will It Float?…Dave’s Mom

Mid-Eighties. Leave the Hesburgh Library at 11:10 p.m., which gives me enough time to make it back to Dillon Hall, find some snackage, and be in my room in time for the start of Letterman. Simply the most influential entertainer of my life. Glad we’ll get a year or more to salute him.

You have to remember, before Dave there were hints of subversiveness in television — SNL, SCTV, Fernwood 2Night –but the quirky Hoosier took it to another degree. Instead of phony schmaltz or circle-jerk interviews, Dave took us behind the curtain and showed us that entertainment was not glamorous –no camera ever ventured behind the curtain at Johnny Carson’s show. He was skeptical of people who were full of themselves (once asking Rush Limbaugh, “Do you ever feel like you’re just full of hot gas?”) but always amused by candor and self-effacing humor. Watch the way he laughed just a few nights ago when Amy Schumer says, “Black people” in response to his question about what would be new about her show this season.

It’s why Howard Stern, dating all the way back to the mid-Eighties, has always been one of Dave’s most confounding guests: He loves Howard’s raw honesty and self-effacement at times, but Howard’s naked narcissism and his penchant for speaking rudely about others, or crassly, always sort of offended Dave’s Midwest values.

2. Thunder End Spurs 19-Game Win Streak

While Kevin Durant ups his streak of 25-point games to 39. The last person to reach 40 games? Michael Jordan in 1986-87. But the team everyone best look out for is the Clippers. L.A. has looked scary good and that has been minus Jamal Crawford, J.J. Redick and Danny Granger. If all three of them are healthy come late April, I’m pegging the Clips as the team to beat.

3. Tyler Summitt, 23, Named Women’s Basketball Coach at La. Tech

Slightly more experienced than King Joffrey.

This is no way to win friends among peers in your profession, but it’s an excellent way to chase down Geno for usurping mom atop the all-time wins and championships list. Perhaps Summitt will turn out to be a terrific coach. What I do know is that Kim Mulkey starred for four years at La. Tech, was an assistant there for 15 years, and then when they finally offered her the gig they only made it a four-year gig so that she wasn’t guaranteed to reach 20 and therefore entitled to a state pension.

So Kim told La. Tech to go bleep themselves…and how has that worked out for Kim, and for La. Tech?

4. Minnesota Wins NIT

Speaking of nepotism, Rick Pitino’s son coaches the Golden Gophers to an NIT championship in his first season as coach, which is laudable. He’s a little bit older than 23, though.
Does a tournament really take place if Nate Silver doesn’t provide projections on who will win?

4. Paulina Gretzky Makes May Cover of Golf Digest

“Schwinnnnng!”

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner 1937:  Tris Speaker, CF; Cy Young, P ; 1938: Grover Cleveland Alexander, P; Eddie Collins, 2B 1939:Nap Lajoie, 2B; Joe Jackson, LF; 1940: Billy Hamilton, OF; Cap Anson, 1B; 1941: Wee Willie Keeler, RF; George Sisler, 1B; 1942: Rogers Hornsby, 2B; Pie Traynor, 3B; 1943: Mickey Cochrane, C; Frankie Frisch, 2B 1944: Ed Walsh, P; Old Hoss Radbourn, P 1945: Lou Gehrig, 1B; Kid Nichols, P 1946: Ed Delahanty, LF; Lefty O’Doul 1947: Pud Galvin, P; John McGraw, INF 1948: Carl Hubbell, P; Addie Joss, P 1949: Harry Heilman, OF/1B; Monte Ward, P/SS 1950: Cool Papa Bell, CF; Jimmie Foxx, 1B 1951: Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, P; Josh Gibson, C 1952: Paul Waner, RF; Charlie Gehringer, 2B 1953: Mel Ott, RF; Hank Greenberg, 1B 1954: Eddie Plank, P; Dan Brouthers, 1B 1955: “Wahoo” Sam Crawford, OF; John Clarkson, P 1956: Chief Bender, P; Bill Dickey, C 1957: Sam Rice, RF; Joe DiMaggio, CF 1958: Bill Terry, 1B; Heinie Manush, LF 1959: Dizzy Dean, P; Tim Keefe, P 

Ducky Medwick

1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P 1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P 1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P 1978: Roberto Clemente, RF; Chuck Klein, RF 1979: Willie Mays, CF; Luis Aparicio,  SS 1980: Al Kaline, RF; Enos Slaughter, RF 1981: Bob Gibson, P; Harmon Killebrew, 1B 1982: Hank Aaron, RF; Frank Robinson, OF 1983: Brooks Robinson, 3B, Juan Marichal, P 1984: Hoyt Wilhelm, P; Arky Vaughan, SS 1985: Lou Brock, LF; Pete Browning, OF 1986: Sidd Finch, P 1987: Willie McCovey, 1B, Roger Maris, RF 1988: Willie Stargell, 1B, Catfish Hunter, P
1989

Earl Averill, CF; 1929-1941, Cleveland Indians

The “Earl of Snohomish” was a six-time All-Star whose .534 slugging percentage remains in the top 50 all-time. Averill was the first big-leaguer to hit four home runs in a doubleheader and also homered in his first Major League at-bat. Also renowned for breaking Dizzy Dean’s toe with a line drive in the 1937 All-Star Game.

Billy Williams, LF; 1959-1976, Chicago Cubs

The 1961 NL Rookie of the Year was a six-time All-Star and teammate of fellow Hall of Famers Ernie Banks, Ron Santo and Ferguson Jenkins, none of whom ever appeared in a World Series. The 1972 NL batting champ (.333), Williams retired with a .290 average and 2,711 hits.

Remote Patrol

Silicon Valley

Sunday, HBO 10 p.m.

I already know that you’ll be tuning in to “Game of Thrones (9 p.m.), but stick around for the series premiere that every reviewer is enchanted with. It’s Entourage-meets-The Big Bang Theory, that’s easy enough, but it’s written by Mike Judge, the genius behind Office Space, Idiocracy and Beavis and Butthead. And I don’t know who the first to use the term was, but I love James Poniewozik’s Time review for no other reason that it introduced me to “brogrammers.”

IT’S ALL HAPPENING! Thursday, April 3

STARTING FIVE

Gringo Star? Either a soccer game or an illegal immigration rally broke out in the Phoenix area last night.

1. Yellow Cards, Red Cards, Green Cards

 Mexico and the USA meet in a soccer friendly in the Valley of the Sun in front of a pro-Mexico crowd. The match ends in a 2-2 draw (the US led 2-0 at the half) after a late American goal is waved off for offside, even though replay shows it was legal. Replay to The Beautiful Game? (Let’s hope not).

2. Panic in the Boroughs

New York’s lone run last night came when a runner scored from 3rd base on a fielder’s choice double play, 4-6-3.

Both Mets and Yanks are 0-2 for first time since 1965. Will Yankee Stadium debut a “Past-Their-Prime Rib Sandwich ($24)?” Oh, and the Cubs are also 0-2 with a pair of extra-inning walk-off defeats in Pittsburgh. Why do Chicagoans do this to themselves every summer?

3. Knicks 110, Brooklynettes 81

Rookie Tim Hardaway, Jr., had 17. If he continues this play and the Knicks can keep J.R. Smith away from all-day brunches at Lavo, this could get interesting.

Brooklyn forward Paul Pierce vows he will remember this 29-point defeat when the two teams next meet…which is in 12 days, so let’s hope so. The Knicks, by the way, are now technically in 8th place in the East by .02. Please, Lord, let this happen, since nobody beyond the I-285 belt knows who plays for the Atlanta Hawks.

4. Jadeveon Clowney Pro Day 

Texas is a state that appreciates big things, which is why Houston will select Clowney No. 1 overall ahead of any QB prospect.

Kevin Costner is already attempting to trade up for the South Carolina DE. How impressive was Clowney? Word is that “Good Morning, America” is also looking to sign him.

5. “Crips Release DeSean Jackson”

The Redskins wear Bloods colors, after all.

SportsPickle, a satirical sports web site, reports that the notorious gang has dropped the wide receiver who earlier in the week was cut by the Eagles only to be later signed by the Redskins. “While we may be known as a group that commits crimes such as larceny, drug trafficking and murder, we are NOT known as a group that supports racial stereotypes toward Native Americans.”

Reserves

And then there were three (plus Amy Robach…and Ginger Zee…and Michael Strahan)

Vapid Fire

Oh, on “Good Morning, America”, the cast did a “We’ll Miss You, Josh” salute to their compatriot of nearly three years. It got a little dusty in my apartment, but I think that’s because I have a cat and I don’t clean often enough.

Meanwhile, Josh joined NBC Sports on the condition that he not tweet about the Spurs (San Antonio; he can tweet all he likes about Tottenham) or about his need to drink white wine or about how he prefers to refer to himself as “Momma.”

****

ESPN’s Jason Whitlock referred to the NCAA as “SlaveCatchers” yesterday. In the absence of actually reporting anything, it’s always convenient to play the race card.

 

 

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner

1937:  Tris Speaker, CF; Cy Young, P ; 1938: Grover Cleveland Alexander, P; Eddie Collins, 2B 1939:Nap Lajoie, 2B; Joe Jackson, LF; 1940: Billy Hamilton, OF; Cap Anson, 1B; 1941: Wee Willie Keeler, RF; George Sisler, 1B; 1942: Rogers Hornsby, 2B; Pie Traynor, 3B; 1943: Mickey Cochrane, C; Frankie Frisch, 2B 1944: Ed Walsh, P; Old Hoss Radbourn, P 1945: Lou Gehrig, 1B; Kid Nichols, P 1946: Ed Delahanty, LF; Lefty O’Doul 1947: Pud Galvin, P; John McGraw, INF 1948: Carl Hubbell, P; Addie Joss, P 1949: Harry Heilman, OF/1B; Monte Ward, P/SS 1950: Cool Papa Bell, CF; Jimmie Foxx, 1B 1951: Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, P; Josh Gibson, C 1952: Paul Waner, RF; Charlie Gehringer, 2B 1953: Mel Ott, RF; Hank Greenberg, 1B 1954: Eddie Plank, P; Dan Brouthers, 1B 1955: “Wahoo” Sam Crawford, OF; John Clarkson, P 1956: Chief Bender, P; Bill Dickey, C 1957: Sam Rice, RF; Joe DiMaggio, CF 1958: Bill Terry, 1B; Heinie Manush, LF 1959: Dizzy Dean, P; Tim Keefe, P 

Nap Lajoie

1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P 1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P 1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P 1978: Roberto Clemente, RF; Chuck Klein, RF 1979: Willie Mays, CF; Luis Aparicio,  SS 1980: Al Kaline, RF; Enos Slaughter, RF 1981: Bob Gibson, P; Harmon Killebrew, 1B 1982: Hank Aaron, RF; Frank Robinson, OF 1983: Brooks Robinson, 3B, Juan Marichal, P 1984: Hoyt Wilhelm, P; Arky Vaughan, SS 1985: Lou Brock, LF; Pete Browning, OF 1986: Sidd Finch, P 1987: Willie McCovey, 1B, Roger Maris, RF
1988

Willie Stargell, OF/1B; 1962-1982, Pittsburgh Pirates

“Pops” will always be a beloved figure from a grand sports era  in the Iron City, having led the Pirates to a pair of World Series crowns in the same decade that the Steelers won four Super Bowls. A seven-time All-Star and the 1979 MVP, he finished with 475 home runs and 2,232 hits and was the unquestioned leader of the franchise (even if Dave Parker had more natural talent).

Jim “Catfish” Hunter, P; 1965-1979, A’s, Yankees

Injuries shortened a brilliant career as Hunter, baseball’s first big money free agent (signed, of course, by George Steinbrenner), was the ace on staffs in Oakland and New York that won five World Series in a seven-year period in the mid-Seventies. Hunter enjoyed five consecutive 20-win seasons and pitched a perfect game in 1968. The first pitcher since 1915 to win 200 games by age 31, he retired two years later due to persistent arm problems with a 224-166 record. The nickname notwithstanding, he never punked someone on the internet.

Remote Patrol

Spurs at Thunder
TNT 8 p.m.
Why watch? This season’s MVP (Kevin Durant) versus a Spurs team that has won 19 in a row. Oh, and they have the NBA’s two top records (56-19 and 54-19), even though I think the Clippers and Heat are both currently better than OKC.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING! Tuesday, April 2

STARTING FIVE

Seriously, though, these two for next year’s “True Detective.”

1. Pardon The Interruptions

An actual televised debate not produced by Jamie Horowitz?!? Apparently, it is possible. Watch Brad Katsuyama of IEX and Bill O’Brien of BATS square off on the subject of High Frequency Trading, which sounds arcane and over our heads because, well, it kinda is. It’s very Peter Griffin.

O’Brien provides a textbook example of how NOT to argue, on- or off-camera. Tony Reali docked him five points for badgering Brad. And I think it might be time for Bill to switch to decaf.

2. Tiger, Tiger, Burning Back

Tiger Woods will not play the Masters due to back surgery.

Yesterday I tweeted, “Tiger, no Masters; Lindsay, no Olympics. Elin is a voodoo master.” That elementary tweet received more RTs than anything I’ve ever tweeted, even though I don’t particularly think it’s brilliant, which is to say that for one brief moment I understood what it feels like to be Dane Cook.

3. “Bruuuuuuuuuuce!”

Last night, as pitcher Scott Feldman was plunking The Captain –in his first at-bat of his last season– news was breaking that college football savant Bruce Feldman was jumping from CBS Sports to Fox Sports. Good move for the Foxies, as Bruce is great people and has credibility within the ranks. And the respect of coaches and players.

Besides, Bruce can drive from his home to the Fox Studios on Sepulveda (I think). Now, where will CBS Sports find a college football pundit who lives in New York City????? Hmmmmmm.

4. Ching Chong Ding Dong So Long

Nation…the funniest man after 11 p.m., Stephen Colbert, in his first TV appearance since the #CancelColbert hysteria became a thing, is typically brilliant and incisive. I love how he notes that there was far more of an uproar over his satirical charity, the “Ching Chong Ding Dong Foundation for Orientals or Whatever”  than there has been over the “Washington Redskins Original Americans Foundation.”

5. They’re Right

Somewhere in the background Russell Crowe is building a ship.

Someone edited the final three or so minutes of “How I Melt Your Mother” and it’s TM, totally masterful. I hope someone shows this to Carter Bays and Craig Thomas and they use it for all forthcoming DVDs and syndication episodes.

And do not browbeat me for caring so much about a sitcom.

And, yes, for its first four or so seasons HIMYM was awesome, kinda like “Scrubs” in its early years. I won’t apologize.

 

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner

1937:  Tris Speaker, CF; Cy Young, P ; 1938: Grover Cleveland Alexander, P; Eddie Collins, 2B 1939:Nap Lajoie, 2B; Joe Jackson, LF; 1940: Billy Hamilton, OF; Cap Anson, 1B; 1941: Wee Willie Keeler, RF; George Sisler, 1B; 1942: Rogers Hornsby, 2B; Pie Traynor, 3B; 1943: Mickey Cochrane, C; Frankie Frisch, 2B 1944: Ed Walsh, P; Old Hoss Radbourn, P 1945: Lou Gehrig, 1B; Kid Nichols, P 1946: Ed Delahanty, LF; Lefty O’Doul 1947: Pud Galvin, P; John McGraw, INF 1948: Carl Hubbell, P; Addie Joss, P 1949: Harry Heilman, OF/1B; Monte Ward, P/SS 1950: Cool Papa Bell, CF; Jimmie Foxx, 1B 1951: Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, P; Josh Gibson, C 1952: Paul Waner, RF; Charlie Gehringer, 2B 1953: Mel Ott, RF; Hank Greenberg, 1B 1954: Eddie Plank, P; Dan Brouthers, 1B 1955: “Wahoo” Sam Crawford, OF; John Clarkson, P 1956: Chief Bender, P; Bill Dickey, C 1957: Sam Rice, RF; Joe DiMaggio, CF 1958: Bill Terry, 1B; Heinie Manush, LF 1959: Dizzy Dean, P; Tim Keefe, P 

Paul Waner

1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P 1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P 1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P 1978: Roberto Clemente, RF; Chuck Klein, RF 1979: Willie Mays, CF; Luis Aparicio,  SS 1980: Al Kaline, RF; Enos Slaughter, RF 1981: Bob Gibson, P; Harmon Killebrew, 1B 1982: Hank Aaron, RF; Frank Robinson, OF 1983: Brooks Robinson, 3B, Juan Marichal, P 1984: Hoyt Wilhelm, P; Arky Vaughan, SS 1985: Lou Brock, LF; Pete Browning, OF 1986: Sidd Finch, P

1987

Willie McCovey, 1B; 1959-1980, San Francisco Giants

The National League MVP in 1969 when he led baseball in home runs (45), RBI (126) and OBP (.453), this six-time All-Star retired with 521 home runs. The inspiration for McCovey Cove was described by contemporary Bob Gibson as “the scariest hitter in baseball” (Gibson knew from scary) and led the league in homers three different seasons.

Roger Maris, RF; 1957-1968, Yankees, 3 others

Maris is not yet in the Hall of Fame, but how many other two-time American League MVPs can say that? Most famous for belting a single-season record 61 home runs in 1961 (which, depending on how you feel about PEDs, may or may not still be the rightful record), the Fargo, N.D., native was an All-Star between 1959-1962 and played on three World Series champions. As for the literal meaning of “Fame”, he earned it.

Remote Patrol

McDonald’s High School All-American Basketball Game

ESPN 9 p.m.

You can’t have this, Taco Bell! Also known as the University of Kentucky/Duke University spring hoops extravaganza, this exhibition will feature 2015 NBA Draft top picks Jahlil Okafor (Durham-bound) and Tyler Ulis (Lexington-bound).

IT’S ALL HAPPENING! Tuesday, April 1

STARTING FIVE

Ted’s kids, mirroring your own body language last night.

1. TED Talks

“Kids, let me tell you about a time when I alienated a loyal fan base with a sacrilegious and tone-deaf series finale.” So, Ted Mosby finally told us how he met their mother, only to kill her off a scene or two later so that he could wait outside Aunt Robin’s window toting a blue French horn.”

The sad thing? Ted and The Mother actually had terrific chemistry in the scene in which they met.

Alan Sepinwall was not pleased. ( <— That’s a terrific read, by the way)

I’ll say this: I moved to New York City when I was 22 and spent the next dozen years here uninterrupted. No sitcom every captured the joy and zaniness and silliness (Did my friends and I play Hide-And-Go-Seek once at the Waldorf-Astoria, with me ending up on a window ledge outside about 20 floors up? Maybe…)  of being a New Yorker in their 20′s better than How I Melt Your Mother. Let’s remember “Suit up!” and “Legen….wait for it and I hope you’re not lactose-intolerant because the next word is…dary” and “Slap bet!” and not let last night define the series for us.

Better yet, let’s go to the mall!

Seriously, though, if you’re going to divorce Barney and Robin –one week after their wedding, an event you spent an ENTIRE final season on, and then have Barney have a child on his own, why not go all the way and have him come out of the closet? Daddy’s home-o!

2. Mets Lose, Cubs Lose, Death, Taxes

Neil Walker blasts the game’s lone run in Pittsburgh

Baseball’s Opening Day hit yesterday, even though the Los Angeles Dodgers were idle and already 2-1. The Mets lost after allowing the tying run in the ninth inning and surrendering four in the top of the tenth, then new Met Curtis Granderson struck out looking to end the contest. The Cubs fell in Pittsburgh on a walk-off homer in the bottom of the tenth that was also the game’s lone run.

And in Anaheim, Felix Hernandez (he of the immortal moniker, “F-Her”) struck out 11 batters in six innings of work as the Mariners reeled in Trout.

In more interesting Opening Day news, Ranger fans unintentionally desecrated a statue of Shannon Stone, the fan who died at the ballpark a few years back, and Angels hitting coach Don Baylor broke his ankle while catching a ceremonial first pitch.

3. March Magnificence

Can the Spurs win another championship with mostly aging veterans, um, Hall of Famers? Kawhi not?

San Antonio closed out an undefeated month (16-0) with a 26-point rout of the East’s best team for most of the season, the Pacers, in Indianapolis. Oh, and remember that game ESPN over-hyped last week in Indy? It was the Pacers’ only win in the past six games.

Last night, on the other hand, was the Spurs’ 18th consecutive win, a franchise record. They have the league’s best record at 56-16 and appear to be the most inspired team in the league by a mile. Is anyone in Bristol —besides San Antonio native Michelle Beadle — paying attention?

4. Flori-Duh

Car leads cops on a two-county chase, but stops to pay tolls (Did he learn nothing from watching “The Godfather?”). Reminds me of the vehicle that led cops on a high-speed chase but never failed to use its turn signals. Thanks to Andy Staples for this.

5. The Jewell and the Odyssey

Odyssey Sims and The Mulkey, that li’l spitfire of a coach.

Fantastic regional final last night in women’s hoops, Baylor at Notre Dame. The Lady Bears’ Odyssey Sims, the nation’s second-leading scorer, drains 33 points in her final college game while Irish up-and-comer Jewell Loyd, a sophomore, finishes with 30 as the undefeated Irish advance, 88-69. We are one Irish win and two UConn wins away from a pair of unbeatens meeting in the NCAA Championship Game.

Reserves

An ESPN Ian Darke promo for the World Cup. This is how you do it.

***
April Fool’s Day alerts: Richard Deitsch at SI announces on Twitter that he is headed up to Bristol to debate Skip Bayless on “First Take” in May, while USATF announces a 2 x 100 human-canine event.

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner

1937:  Tris Speaker, CF; Cy Young, P ; 1938: Grover Cleveland Alexander, P; Eddie Collins, 2B 1939:Nap Lajoie, 2B; Joe Jackson, LF; 1940: Billy Hamilton, OF; Cap Anson, 1B; 1941: Wee Willie Keeler, RF; George Sisler, 1B; 1942: Rogers Hornsby, 2B; Pie Traynor, 3B; 1943: Mickey Cochrane, C; Frankie Frisch, 2B 1944: Ed Walsh, P; Old Hoss Radbourn, P 1945: Lou Gehrig, 1B; Kid Nichols, P 1946: Ed Delahanty, LF; Lefty O’Doul 1947: Pud Galvin, P; John McGraw, INF 1948: Carl Hubbell, P; Addie Joss, P 1949: Harry Heilman, OF/1B; Monte Ward, P/SS 1950: Cool Papa Bell, CF; Jimmie Foxx, 1B 1951: Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, P; Josh Gibson, C 1952: Paul Waner, RF; Charlie Gehringer, 2B 1953: Mel Ott, RF; Hank Greenberg, 1B 1954: Eddie Plank, P; Dan Brouthers, 1B 1955: “Wahoo” Sam Crawford, OF; John Clarkson, P 1956: Chief Bender, P; Bill Dickey, C 1957: Sam Rice, RF; Joe DiMaggio, CF 1958: Bill Terry, 1B; Heinie Manush, LF 1959: Dizzy Dean, P; Tim Keefe, P 

Hack Wilson

1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P 1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P 1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P 1978: Roberto Clemente, RF; Chuck Klein, RF 1979: Willie Mays, CF; Luis Aparicio,  SS 1980: Al Kaline, RF; Enos Slaughter, RF 1981: Bob Gibson, P; Harmon Killebrew, 1B 1982: Hank Aaron, RF; Frank Robinson, OF 1983: Brooks Robinson, 3B, Juan Marichal, P 1984: Hoyt Wilhelm, P; Arky Vaughan, SS 1985: Lou Brock, LF; Pete Browning, OF

1986

Hayden Siddhartha “Sidd” Finch, P; 1985, New York Mets

Finch, the French horn-tooting hurler who threw pure thermonuclear heat (168 m.p.h.) and pitched while only wearing one shoe, a size 14 boot, was a brilliant comet that briefly flashed across the baseball sky. As Sports Illustrated reported, “He’s a pitcher, part yogi and part recluse, impressively liberated  from our opulent life-style. Sidd’s deciding about yoga–and his future in baseball.”

Remote Patrol

The Man With The 132-Pound Scrotum

DFH 10 p.m.

April Fool’s? You decide. Here’s the actual blurb: “A profile of a Las Vegas man with a debilitating medical condition called scrotal lymphedema that caused his scrotum to swell to more than 100 pounds.” That’s nuts.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING! Monday, March 31

STARTING FIVE

1. Rain Man

The Biblical epic “Noah” tops the box office ($44 million) on a weekend that, at least here in New York, produced near non-stop precipitation and anti-deluvian flooding. It’s a film that stars Russell Crowe and Jennifer Connelly as a married couple in which the husband hears disembodied voices.  So, yes, totally new territory for this pair. If form holds, Connelly will marry the voice of God in real life.

2. The Upper Hand? Nope

Nik Stauskas scored a game-high 24 points for UM, but it wasn’t enough

Tough Sunday for the state of Michigan, as both the Spartans and Wolverines fall in their respective NCAA regional finals. The good news: baseball season begins today and Justin Verlander is on the mound this afternoon at Comerica Park versus Lorde’s favorite team.

3.Flesh Mob

She operates a post-zombie B&B. But are you the second B?

“All who arrive, survive,” proclaims Terminus’ own Tokyo Rose, but for how long? The season finale of “The Walking Dead” suggests that the erstwhile railroad depot Terminus, now a “sanctuary”, is just a new spin on “Soylent Green.” In the post-apocalyptic world that Sheriff Rick and the gang inhabit, everyone apparently wants to eat you: if it ain’t the zombies, then it’s just fellow survivors.

4. Elliott Mess

My former SI colleague, Josh Elliott, is leaving Times Square and “Good Morning America” for 30 Rock and “Today.” NBC Sports (it’s a short hike from 7th Avenue to 6th Avenue, and up from 46th Street to 49th. You can stop into the Steakateria en route).

From what has been reported, Josh was earning just over $1 million per and wanted a raise up to $8 million. And that may sound crazy to you, but GMA went from No. 2 to No. 1 in the morning after he arrived, and the incumbent host at “Today” earns approximately $25 million. Yes, Matt Lauer IS “Today”, but he’s also 56 so he’s not Tomorrow. On Today.

Josh is.

I like Josh a lot. He’s always been very, very sure of himself, but not in a way that is a turn-off. Plus, all the Ad Sales lasses at SI thought he was dreamy (he is). His first day at GMA, by the way, in May of 2011, was the morning after Osama Bin Laden was taken out. What a way to begin your national career as a news reader.

So who should GMA look to now? Scott Van Pelt would be “useful” (as suggested by Jim Weber on Twitter) but he just re-upped at the WWL and he may prefer where he is. You need another male on set. My easy suggestion is David Muir: intelligent, handsome, hard news background, 40ish. My wildcard suggestion is Zach Aldridge, because of this. 

5. “I’m Literally Starving…’

Allie LaForce…she also appeared live in NYC this weekend.

Comedian Louis C.K. guest-hosts on Saturday Night Live and kills with his opening monologue. I happen to agree with everything he says here about religion, for example, God replying to the recently deceased about heaven: “I’m supposed to make a universe and then a whole ‘nother amazing place?!? You people are greedy ____ down there!”

Reserves

“60 Minutes” had not one but two segments last night that everyone is talking about: one about Michael Lewis’ new book, “Flash Boys”, which is about how Wall Street is emulating Peter Griffin’s scheme in “Office Space” and the other about my man Elon Musk, whom I have praised repeatedly on this site.

****

The SickSirs win! And by 25 points. Which means that their streak ends at 26 games, which only ties them with Cleveland for the worst of all time. Oddly enough, tonight they visit the Atlanta Hawks, who themselves have the NBA’s worst current losing streak at six games –and are only two games in the loss column ahead of the Knicks for 8th place in the East.

 

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner

1937:  Tris Speaker, CF; Cy Young, P ; 1938: Grover Cleveland Alexander, P; Eddie Collins, 2B 1939:Nap Lajoie, 2B; Joe Jackson, LF; 1940: Billy Hamilton, OF; Cap Anson, 1B; 1941: Wee Willie Keeler, RF; George Sisler, 1B; 1942: Rogers Hornsby, 2B; Pie Traynor, 3B; 1943: Mickey Cochrane, C; Frankie Frisch, 2B 1944: Ed Walsh, P; Old Hoss Radbourn, P 1945: Lou Gehrig, 1B; Kid Nichols, P 1946: Ed Delahanty, LF; Lefty O’Doul 1947: Pud Galvin, P; John McGraw, INF 1948: Carl Hubbell, P; Addie Joss, P 1949: Harry Heilman, OF/1B; Monte Ward, P/SS 1950: Cool Papa Bell, CF; Jimmie Foxx, 1B 1951: Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, P; Josh Gibson, C 1952: Paul Waner, RF; Charlie Gehringer, 2B 1953: Mel Ott, RF; Hank Greenberg, 1B 1954: Eddie Plank, P; Dan Brouthers, 1B 1955: “Wahoo” Sam Crawford, OF; John Clarkson, P 1956: Chief Bender, P; Bill Dickey, C 1957: Sam Rice, RF; Joe DiMaggio, CF 1958: Bill Terry, 1B; Heinie Manush, LF 1959: Dizzy Dean, P; Tim Keefe, P 

Hack Wilson

1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P 1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P 1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P 1978: Roberto Clemente, RF; Chuck Klein, RF 1979: Willie Mays, CF; Luis Aparicio,  SS 1980: Al Kaline, RF; Enos Slaughter, RF 1981: Bob Gibson, P; Harmon Killebrew, 1B 1982: Hank Aaron, RF; Frank Robinson, OF 1983: Brooks Robinson, 3B, Juan Marichal, P 1984: Hoyt Wilhelm, P; Arky Vaughan, SS

1985

Lou Brock, LF; 1961-1979, Cardinals

The greatest base thief of his generation and one of the best of all time, Brock led baseball in steals for eight seasons and set the record for steals in one season with 118 in 1974. When he retired Brock held both the single-season stolen base mark and the career stolen-base mark (938), records that were both later broken by Rickey Henderson. A six-time All-Star, he also eclipsed the 3,000-hit mark with 3,023.

Pete Browning, OF; 1882-1894, Louisville Eclipse/Colonels, Others

Browning

Browning is not actually in the Hall of Fame, but he is one of those baseball ghosts worth knowing about. First off, he hit .341 in 13 seasons, which is the 13th-best batting average in baseball history. Second, he was deaf and often played with massive head pain due to mastoiditis, an inner ear condition. He was known as “The Louisville Slugger” (he was born and died in the same house in L’ville) and was the first to have bats made custom for him. Browning was also the first Major Leaguer to purchase a bat from the Hillerich & Bradley Co., hence that’s why you know the nickname. He spent a season with a team called the Cleveland Infants. His dad died in a cyclone when he was 13. He gave his bats Biblical names and spoke to them. He stared into the sun to strengthen his eyes. I’m making none of this up.

Remote Patrol

How I Met Your Mother

CBS 8 p.m.

Kids, let me tell you about the series finale of HIMYM…While Barney Stinson is currently on Broadway (technically, he’s on 44th St. b/w 6th and 7th playing the lead –it’s a one-man show– in “Hedwig and the Angry Inch”) the show will finally come to a close. Brilliant in its first few seasons, it’s petered out some in the end. Still, it gave us this (with Stacy Keibler!), which may have convinced Broadway producers that NPH was up for Hedwig, and many other great moments. Take a bow, kids.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING! Friday, March 28

STARTING FIVE

1. Gettin’ Miggy With It (Da-da-da-da, da-da-DAH!)

The Detroit Tigers give their 30 year-old slugger, Miguel Caruso Cabrera, whose contract does not even expire for another two seasons, an eight-year, $248 million extension. This will only make Cabrera the highest-paid player in baseball history, although since he never attended college I do worry for his future.

Cabrera is already slated to earn $44 million over the next two seasons and by the time he’s 35 should be about as agile as Fred Sanford. So why did Detroit, which went cheap on its ace, Max Scherzer, last week, do this?

As Michael Rosenberg explains on SI.com, because you never want a guy who doesn’t expect to live long enough to see his next Olympics make your baseball personnel decisions.

2. Johnny Football’s Prop Day

Manziel eluded a broom much like this one in front of pro scouts. Projected back-ups, however, get mop-up duty.

Johnny Manziel demonstrated that he is no match for domestic tools during his Pro Day in College Station yesterday. Me, I’ll just think of JFF’s two games versus Alabama as his Pro Days.

Next month: the nation’s most talented student newspaper scribes will take part in their Prose Days. Try writing a lede as Bill Belichick casts a clinical eye your way.

3. Soy Un Perdedor

This is Casper Ware. He’s 5-10, he eats potato chips, and he scored 7 points for the SickSirs last night.

The SickSirs lost again last night, at Houston, tying the NBA record for consecutive second-place finishes in games at 26. Honestly, I’ve been watching them and they’re much improved over those debacles last month on the West Coast (123-78 at Clippers and 123-80 at Golden State on consecutive nights).

Now that they’ve cut DeSean Jackson, though, I do think they’ll win at home versus Detroit tomorrow so as not to own the skid mark outright.

4. Blake Wood Dive

This is Lakewood, which is adjacent to Cleveland. Not Blake Wood, who will pitch for Cleveland.

You have to love this. Indians manager Terry Francona visits the mound to inform pitcher Blake Wood that he has made the big-league club. My mind is racing with so many potential other things Francona might tell a pitcher on future visits (“your wife just left you for a Venezuelan utility fielder”). Also, you music fans are probably wondering how Blake Wood went from canoodling with Amy Winehouse to becoming a big-league pitcher, and I don’t have the answer.

5. Nick at (Late) Nite

It’s refreshing to see a Nick play well in SoCal this week.

Arizona point guard Nick Johnson goes 0-10 over the game’s first 37 minutes and then scored 15 in the final 2:45 as Arizona outlasts San Diego State in the Sweet 16. Florida got a similar late-sizzle performance from point guard Scottie Wilbekin.

You NEED guards in the tourney, which is why I like both the Gators and Zona in the Final Four (a reminder that my Final Four was Zona, Florida, Virginia and Louisville…I think). So you can see who I like tonight. Also like Tennessee in an upset and The Fighting Shabazzes of Connecticut.

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner

1937:  Tris Speaker, CF; Cy Young, P ; 1938: Grover Cleveland Alexander, P; Eddie Collins, 2B 1939:Nap Lajoie, 2B; Joe Jackson, LF; 1940: Billy Hamilton, OF; Cap Anson, 1B; 1941: Wee Willie Keeler, RF; George Sisler, 1B; 1942: Rogers Hornsby, 2B; Pie Traynor, 3B; 1943: Mickey Cochrane, C; Frankie Frisch, 2B 1944: Ed Walsh, P; Old Hoss Radbourn, P 1945: Lou Gehrig, 1B; Kid Nichols, P 1946: Ed Delahanty, LF; Lefty O’Doul 1947: Pud Galvin, P; John McGraw, INF 1948: Carl Hubbell, P; Addie Joss, P 1949: Harry Heilman, OF/1B; Monte Ward, P/SS 1950: Cool Papa Bell, CF; Jimmie Foxx, 1B 1951: Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, P; Josh Gibson, C 1952: Paul Waner, RF; Charlie Gehringer, 2B 1953: Mel Ott, RF; Hank Greenberg, 1B 1954: Eddie Plank, P; Dan Brouthers, 1B 1955: “Wahoo” Sam Crawford, OF; John Clarkson, P 1956: Chief Bender, P; Bill Dickey, C 1957: Sam Rice, RF; Joe DiMaggio, CF 1958: Bill Terry, 1B; Heinie Manush, LF 1959: Dizzy Dean, P; Tim Keefe, P 

1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P 1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P 1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P 1978: Roberto Clemente, RF; Chuck Klein, RF 1979: Willie Mays, CF; Luis Aparicio,  SS 1980: Al Kaline, RF; Enos Slaughter, RF 1981: Bob Gibson, P; Harmon Killebrew, 1B 1982: Hank Aaron, RF; Frank Robinson, OF 1983: Brooks Robinson, 3B, Juan Marichal, P

1984

James Hoyt Wilhelm, P; 1952-1972, Nine teams

The patriarch of relievers, Wilhelm is the first pitcher to record at least 200 saves (227) and the first to appear in at least 1,000 games (1,070). A knuckler who retired 16 days before his 50th birthday, Wilhelm earned a Purple Heart in the Battle of the Bulge (there were so many more Pat Tillmans then) and did not make his MLB debut until he was 29. Hit a home run in his first MLB at-bat and then never hit another one in his 21 seasons. Two more items: 1) Only one pitcher who has pitched more than 2,000 innings since 1927 has a lower career ERA than Wilhelm’s 2.52 –and that is Mariano Rivera (2.21) and 2) When one of the Three Stooges names a John Cougar song title, it sound’s as if he’s praising Wilhelm.

Hoyt’s so good

Joseph Floyd “Arky” Vaughan, SS; 1932-1941, 19487-1948, Pirates, Dodgers

This nine-time All-Star once got into a dispute with his manager, Leo Durocher, then handed in his uniform and sat out the next three seasons. Vaughan’s best season was 1935, when he led the National League in hitting with a .385 batting average. He retired with a .318 batting average. Died at the age of 40 when, while fishing with a buddy on Lost Lake near his ranch in Eagleville, Calif., reportedly the buddy stood up in the boat, it capsized, and both men drowned. Gene Tierney was nowhere in sight (a Leave Her To Heaven reference, in case you wondered).

Remote Patrol

March Madness

CBS & TBS 7 p.m.

Come for the hoops, stay for the unscripted Charles Barkley clowning. CBS and Turner are totally Vanessa Williams-ing it, as the evening’s last games (Kentucky-Louisville and Virginia-Michigan State) are better potentially than next week’s Final Four. Sometimes the snow comes down in June…

 

IT’S ALL HAPPENING! Thursday, March 27

STARTING FIVE

1. There’s No ‘I’ in Teamster

So, the National Labor Relations Board has ruled that Northwestern football players may unionize. They also may still blow double-digit leads in the fourth quarter when facing ranked teams.

If there were ever a town in which you wanted to flip the game on the NCAA and create a union, that town is Chicago. Ask Studs Terkel.

Good thing? Bad thing? I’m going to go Zen Master on this and say, “We’ll see.”

2. Zooropa

If you read this site often, you know that I love animals.

More than most people.

I don’t apologize for that.

So I don’t quite understand what is taking place at the Copenhagen Zoo, which has exterminated two giraffes and now four lions in the past month. I’m not even sure I want to understand the logic, but can’t they just deport them? Or put them on a boat with an Indian boy? Sell them to Matt Damon?

I hate this.

3. The National’s League

You will be hearing about this film: “Mistaken For Strangers.” It’s a documentary, ostensibly about the indie rock band The National, made by Tom Berninger, the dissipated younger brother of the band’s front man, Matt Berninger. What begins as a band-on-tour doc transforms into a story about the film maker himself, a man who has lived his adult life in his big brother’s shadow and is trying to find his own niche. And, with this film he may have done just that.

Haven’t seen it yet, but it’s getting great reviews. I like to think of it as the “Rain Man” of rock docs.

4. Strangers with Candy Crushed

The reaction on Wall Street to Candy Crush’s stock price.

The company that makes games such as Candy Crush, Farm Heroes and Ultimate Time Suck*, King Digital Entertainment (KING) had its IPO yesterday and the stock plummeted 15%. That’s the worst IPO performance of the year. So, there is hope, people. You do realize that this life thing is not a dress rehearsal, don’t you? This is all we get. So why are you playing Farm Heroes? (“So why are you writing a blog?”) (Hey, I’ll ask the questions here.)

*Not an actual game

5. Pacers Win This Round

The Pacers beat the Heat in an over-caffeinated, thump-your-chest game that ESPN will tout as male soap-opera drama until they (hopefully, for some) meet again in late May. Hey, LeBron scored 38 and looked terrific, but these games that end in the 80s are often ugly and far too physical. Me, I’ll watch the Western Conference where they don’t care so much about winning the line of scrimmage.

 

Reserves

Guilty…Of Love in the First Degree

This is so Florida, except that it happened in the Bay Area: man flirts with a female employee at a fast-food joint named Curry Up Now (there should be a law against that name), then later returns to rob the store. Police abducted him by arranging a phony date with the object of his ardor.

 

 

IT’S ALL HAPPENING! Wednesday, March 26

STARTING FIVE

 1. Terror Firma

Mudslide in the state of Washington kills at least 24, but as many as 100 or more people in rural Snohomish County may have perished. The area has received more than twice the average amount of rain (15 inches, as opposed to 7 1/2) this month, and that most likely triggered it.

2. Jimmy Fallon’s Funhouse

In his first month as host of The Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon has turned the venerable franchise into Pee Wee’s Playhouse. And that’s not a bad thing. He’s never going to do the hard-hitting interview, but that boyish sense of adventure and enthusiasm is serving the 40 year-old well. Here he is enticing Billy Joel into a terrific two-man doo-wop rendition of “The Lion Sleeps Tonight.”

3. “Tell Sloan I said, ‘What broke?”

So Kevin Connolly, whom you may know better as Eric or “E” from Entourage, was filming a scene for the movie version of the popular HBO show in which he catches a post-route thrown by Russell Wilson of the Seattle Seahawks. You know, the guy who quarterbacked the Super Bowl-winning team. Well, it didn’t go so well as Connolly suffered a fracture in two places in his lower left leg when he tripped over a sprinkler. But he did catch the ball.

Afterward everyone hugged it out.

4. “Nobody said it was easy…”

So you probably won’t hear Chris Martin and the boys play “Green Eyes” live any time soon. The lead singer of Coldplay and his wife of 10 years, Gwyneth Paltrow, have announced that they are separating a “conscious uncoupling” (befoe it was simply an “odd coupling?”).Oddly enough, Paltrow appeared on “Glee” last night and sang “Party All The Time” in a sudsy disco. Give a hand to Jason McIntyre, who tweeted out this “60 Minutes” piece on C9ldplay which portrays Martin as an irrefutably likeable bloke. And I’ve always loved this.

5. Area 51

Henry scored a team-high 22 off the bench.

The ‘bockers and their new team president, Iron Phil Jackson, invaded Staples Centers last night for a date with a Loss Angeles Laker team that will finish with its worst record since fleeing the Twin Cities in 1960. El ‘bockers desperately needed a win, as they were three games in the Loss column out of the eighth spot in the East.

What happened? They were outscored 36-20 in the second quarter and 51-31 in the third –yes, they allowed 87 points in one half in a non-All Star Game– in a 126-97 beat down. The 51 points were the most the Lakers had ever scored in a quarter (think about that: they scored 51 not with Elgin Baylor or Jerry West or Wilt or Magic or Kareem or Kobe or Shaq, but with Xavier Henry and Swaggy P and Chris Kaman–in fact, their “All-Star”, Pau Gasol, did not even suit up) and the 33-point lead was their largest of the season.

The New York Knicks, 2013-14: R.I.P. City

Reserves

Bench-clearing shove-a-thon in Florida-Florida State baseball game (hey, isn’t Jameis Winston on one of those teams???) after one player takes supreme umbrage at another player running to first base.

****

Navy freshman slotback Will McKamey, a 5-9 rusher who did not see action last fall, dies after falling into a coma after practice on Saturday. McKamey had suffered a serious head injury during a game in high school.

****

This is the photo that comes up when you Google-search “Clemson court storm Belmont.”

Did Clemson students ironically storm their court after defeating mid-major Belmont in the NIT?

***
Shaq, doing first-half highlights of the Knicks-Lakers, admonishes the ‘bockers for their lack of focus, then refers to Raymond Felton as Felton Spencer.

 

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner

1937:  Tris Speaker, CF; Cy Young, P ; 1938: Grover Cleveland Alexander, P; Eddie Collins, 2B 1939:Nap Lajoie, 2B; Joe Jackson, LF; 1940: Billy Hamilton, OF; Cap Anson, 1B; 1941: Wee Willie Keeler, RF; George Sisler, 1B; 1942: Rogers Hornsby, 2B; Pie Traynor, 3B; 1943: Mickey Cochrane, C; Frankie Frisch, 2B 1944: Ed Walsh, P; Old Hoss Radbourn, P 1945: Lou Gehrig, 1B; Kid Nichols, P 1946: Ed Delahanty, LF; Lefty O’Doul 1947: Pud Galvin, P; John McGraw, INF 1948: Carl Hubbell, P; Addie Joss, P 1949: Harry Heilman, OF/1B; Monte Ward, P/SS 1950: Cool Papa Bell, CF; Jimmie Foxx, 1B 1951: Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, P; Josh Gibson, C 1952: Paul Waner, RF; Charlie Gehringer, 2B 1953: Mel Ott, RF; Hank Greenberg, 1B 1954: Eddie Plank, P; Dan Brouthers, 1B 1955: “Wahoo” Sam Crawford, OF; John Clarkson, P 1956: Chief Bender, P; Bill Dickey, C 1957: Sam Rice, RF; Joe DiMaggio, CF 1958: Bill Terry, 1B; Heinie Manush, LF 1959: Dizzy Dean, P; Tim Keefe, P 

1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P 1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P 1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P 1978: Roberto Clemente, RF; Chuck Klein, RF 1979: Willie Mays, CF; Luis Aparicio,  SS 1980: Al Kaline, RF; Enos Slaughter, RF 1981: Bob Gibson, P; Harmon Killebrew, 1B 1982: Hank Aaron, RF; Frank Robinson, OF

1983

Brooks Robinson, 3B; 1955-1977, Orioles

“The Human Vacuum Cleaner” was, as the pseudonym suggests, a Hoover at the hot corner. THE gold standard for playing the toughest defensive position in baseball, Robinson won 16 consecutive Gold Gloves, the most of any non-pitcher in baseball history. Was an American League MVP in 1964, an All-Star Game MVP in 1966 and a World Series MVP in 1970. Robinson collected 2,848 hits in his 23 seasons and played on two World Series winners.

Juan Marichal, P; 1960-1975, Giants

The Dominican Republic native won more games (191) in the decade of the 1960s than any other pitcher and likely made the most enemies doing so, as he was known to aim pitches directly at a batter’s helmet. Marichal went 25-8 in 1963 and 26-9 in 1968. A 10-time All-Star famed for his uber-high leg kick, Marichal finished with a 243-142 record and a 2.89 E.R.A.

 

IT’S ALL HAPPENING! Tuesday, March 25

 STARTING FIVE

“Heyyyyyy, this isn’t Bob Knight. It’s Ted Knight. We want Bob Knight.” “You’ll get nothing and like it.”

1. “Oh, Bob”

“If I were involved with the NBA I wouldn’t want a 19-year-old or a 20-year-old kid, to bring into all the travel and all the problems that exist in the NBA. I would want a much more mature kid. I would want a kid that maybe I’ve been watching on another team and now he’s 21, 22 years old instead of 18 or 19, and I might trade for that kid. On top of it all, the NBA does a tremendous, gigantic disservice to college basketball. It’s as though they’ve raped college basketball in my opinion.”

And he was doing so well until that last line. Or, as Chris Littman tweeted earlier today, well, this.

Is this a generational disconnect? A political correctness kerfuffle? You be the judge, but trafficking in Hitler and/or rape metaphors is risky business (although sometimes you gotta say, “What the ____?”)

And, yes, this might not have been as bad if Knight hadn’t famously equated rape to stress a quarter century ago in an interview with Connie Chung.

Worth noting: I once ran into a waiter in Lawrence, Kansas, a kid just out of college whom Knight didn’t know, but who met him and expressed a sincere interest in getting a job in college hoops. And Knight placed him, I believe, in an entry level job at KU –he was waiting tables to make ends meet. The young man couldn’t say enough great things about Knight, and I imagine there are a lot of people like him. People Knight has helped without fanfare.

2. But You May Still Dink and Dunk

Now Tony Gonzalez is definitely gone…zalez.

 

The NFL outlaws dunking over the goalposts after a touchdowns. Updating the list:

1. No crying in baseball.

2. No dunking in football.

3. No sex in the champagne room.

4. No more ‘I love you’s.” (<—–Annie Lennox insisted on this)

3. And Yet They Never Got Walter White, Pinkman, or Todd’s Uncle

Hey, Albuquerque Police Department, slow your roll. The ABQ has shot 36 people, 20 of them fatally, since 2010. Here’s more on it.

4. You Wanted The Best?

You got it! A scant 40 years after releasing its first album, KISS (Knights In Satan’s Service?) makes the cover of Rolling Stone. That’s a vintage shot from the Seventies, with Paul, Gene, Ace and Peter. Check out this surprise appearance they recently made for John Varvatos.

5. Pablo Honey

A lingering case of shingles to the eponymous host of Olbermann has created a larger window of opportunity for understudy Pablo Torre, a former Sports Illustrated reporter and writer, who keeps looking more and more comfortable in the chair. Here’s the Manhattan Regis Prep and Harvard alumnus (hey, just like Colin Jost) waxing philosophical on one-and-done and Occam’s Razor last night. Well done. He must have been on the debate team somewhere.

If you’re keeping score at home, former SI bullpen members now making a far more cushy living appearing regularly on national TV include Torre, Josh “Misdemeanor” Elliott and Seth Davis.

Fasten your seat belts, everybody. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner

1937:  Tris Speaker, CF; Cy Young, P ; 1938: Grover Cleveland Alexander, P; Eddie Collins, 2B 1939:Nap Lajoie, 2B; Joe Jackson, LF; 1940: Billy Hamilton, OF; Cap Anson, 1B; 1941: Wee Willie Keeler, RF; George Sisler, 1B; 1942: Rogers Hornsby, 2B; Pie Traynor, 3B; 1943: Mickey Cochrane, C; Frankie Frisch, 2B 1944: Ed Walsh, P; Old Hoss Radbourn, P 1945: Lou Gehrig, 1B; Kid Nichols, P 1946: Ed Delahanty, LF; Lefty O’Doul 1947: Pud Galvin, P; John McGraw, INF 1948: Carl Hubbell, P; Addie Joss, P 1949: Harry Heilman, OF/1B; Monte Ward, P/SS 1950: Cool Papa Bell, CF; Jimmie Foxx, 1B 1951: Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, P; Josh Gibson, C 1952: Paul Waner, RF; Charlie Gehringer, 2B 1953: Mel Ott, RF; Hank Greenberg, 1B 1954: Eddie Plank, P; Dan Brouthers, 1B 1955: “Wahoo” Sam Crawford, OF; John Clarkson, P 1956: Chief Bender, P; Bill Dickey, C 1957: Sam Rice, RF; Joe DiMaggio, CF 1958: Bill Terry, 1B; Heinie Manush, LF 1959: Dizzy Dean, P; Tim Keefe, P 

Lefty Gomez

1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P 1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P 1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P 1978: Roberto Clemente, RF; Chuck Klein, RF 1979: Willie Mays, CF; Luis Aparicio,  SS 1980: Al Kaline, RF; Enos Slaughter, RF 1981: Bob Gibson, P; Harmon Killebrew, 1B

1982

Hank Aaron, RF; 1954-1976, Braves

His is the first name that appears alphabetically in The Baseball Encyclopedia, but it’s fitting. Hammerin’ Hank is baseball’s all-time home run king with 755 but he is also first in…. Most Seasons as an All-Star (21), RBI (2,297), Extra Base Hits (1,477) and Total Bases (6,856). Hammerin’ Hank is also fifth all-time in hits (3,771) and retired with a .305 batting average. One of the game’s more understated superstars, and one who exists in a rare orbit.

 

Frank Robinson, OF; 1956-1976, Reds, Orioles, Others

Sort of a poor man’s Hank Aaron who was a contemporary of his, Robinson finished a brilliant career with 586 home runs and 2,943 hits. Robinson won the Triple Crown in 1966 and remains the only player to have been named both a National League MVP (1961) and an American League MVP (1966). An All-Star in 12 seasons, he would later become baseball’s first African-American manager.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING! Monday, March 24

STARTING FIVE

1. Opera in Austria

This is the Bregenz Festival — or Bregenzer Festspiele, if you prefer — a performing arts fest that has been staged on Lake Constance, literally, since the first summer after the end of the Second World War. The opera is the main event, but there are dozens of smaller performances and this in a town that, when the festival was, ahem, launched, did not even possess a theater in its town (Bregenz).

All the world’s a stage…

The festival takes place in July and August, and I’d never heard of it before yesterday, so I thought I’d add it before I forgot. Got vacation plans?

2. Plucky Plains People Plucked

McDermott, who did not hit a single three, finished with 15 points, and ends up No. 5 on the all-time scoring list at 3,150 points, or 15 shy of Alphonso Ford.

Wichita State. Creighton. North Dakota State. Kansas. 

They all went down this weekend.

The Shockers deserved it least, running into a Kentucky team that has discovered chemistry and purpose in the past 10 days. That contest was a classic, particularly in the second half.

The Bluejay Way (Did it say that on their warmups, and can the Beatles sue them?) was not fit for facing an athletic Baylor club in San Antonio.

The Bison lost on Saturday night, leading to a teary-eyed coach, Saul Phillips, who remarked that Charles Barkley would make fun of him for crying. Barkley did not –at least not until Sunday. After Kansas fell to Stanford, CBS’ cameras showed a prepubescent lad, a Jayhawk fan, in tears, to which Charles quipped, “That boy is gonna grow up to coach North Dakota State.”

3. James Rebhorn, R.I.P.

You knew his face, if not his name.

James Rebhorn’s film credits include “Scent of a Woman”, “My Cousin Vinny”, “Basic Instinct”, “The Talented Mr. Ripley”, “Guarding Tess”, “Carlito’s Way”, “Lorenzo’s Oil” and perhaps most memorably, “Meet the Parents.”

He was the D.A. on the final episode of “Seinfeld”, as well as a recurring character on “30 Rock” and a featured character on “Homeland.”

Always working. Usually playing lawyers or FBI types, often in the role of an antagonist.

 

 

 

There was something about that thin, angular face that made Rebhorn, who passed away this weekend at age 65, perfect for those cold roles. He never got to play the role he was born for, though: a real-life Montgomery Burns in live-action version of “The Simpsons.”

 

 

 

 

4. Today’s Conspiracy Theory

Thaddeus Young.

Item: The San Antonio Spurs have the NBA’s best record (53-16) and the league’s longest win streak, 13 games.

Item: The Philadelphia SickSirs have the league’s second-worst record (15-55) and its longest losing streak, 24 games.

Item: The NBA’s longest losing streak ever is 26 games, by the Cadaverliers just two years ago. If Philly loses tonight, they’d have to beat Houston on the road to avoid tying Cleveland’s mark.

Item: Philly isn’t beating the Rockets in Houston (they’d get Detroit at home to avoid breaking the mark, and that game’s a toss-up).

Item: Philly’s coach is Brett Brown, who spent the previous 11 seasons before this one working as an assistant for Gregg Popovich or in the Spurs’ front office.

Item: Gregg Popovich pauses not one moment to consider whether or not the league office is happy with him or his team’s decorum.

Suggestion: The Spurs might just lose tonight. Throw the game? Perhaps not, but I could see Pop giving his three Hall of Famers the night off. And, granted, SAS should still win even without them, but I wouldn’t be suprised if Pop’s pretty low-key about how his team plays tonight. Expect to see a lot of Jeff Ayres and Austin Daye.

5. Good Will Gardner Hunting

“They’re going to kill off my character??? I object!”

They killed Knox Overstreet. In a courtroom. In “The Good Wife.” 

Which is not to be confused with free web access at Starbucks, which I refer to as “The Good Wifi.”

Seriously, when more main characters die on a Sunday night in “The Good Wife” than in “Walking Dead”, something’s wrong.

Now what does Josh Charles do? Wait for a “Sports Night” reunion?

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner

1937:  Tris Speaker, CF; Cy Young, P ; 1938: Grover Cleveland Alexander, P; Eddie Collins, 2B 1939:Nap Lajoie, 2B; Joe Jackson, LF; 1940: Billy Hamilton, OF; Cap Anson, 1B; 1941: Wee Willie Keeler, RF; George Sisler, 1B; 1942: Rogers Hornsby, 2B; Pie Traynor, 3B; 1943: Mickey Cochrane, C; Frankie Frisch, 2B 1944: Ed Walsh, P; Old Hoss Radbourn, P 1945: Lou Gehrig, 1B; Kid Nichols, P 1946: Ed Delahanty, LF; Lefty O’Doul 1947: Pud Galvin, P; John McGraw, INF 1948: Carl Hubbell, P; Addie Joss, P 1949: Harry Heilman, OF/1B; Monte Ward, P/SS 1950: Cool Papa Bell, CF; Jimmie Foxx, 1B 1951: Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, P; Josh Gibson, C 1952: Paul Waner, RF; Charlie Gehringer, 2B 1953: Mel Ott, RF; Hank Greenberg, 1B 1954: Eddie Plank, P; Dan Brouthers, 1B 1955: “Wahoo” Sam Crawford, OF; John Clarkson, P 1956: Chief Bender, P; Bill Dickey, C 1957: Sam Rice, RF; Joe DiMaggio, CF 1958: Bill Terry, 1B; Heinie Manush, LF 1959: Dizzy Dean, P; Tim Keefe, P 

Jesse Burkett

1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P 1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P 1978: Roberto Clemente, RF; Chuck Klein, RF 1979: Willie Mays, CF; Luis Aparicio,  SS 1980: Al Kaline, RF; Enos Slaughter, RF

1981

Bob Gibson, P; 1959-1975, St. Louis Cardinals

A five-time 20-game winner, Gibby’s 1968 season was a masterpiece, arguably the greatest season a starter has had since Sandy Koufax left the mound: Gibson went 22-9 with a 1.12 ERA, 13 shutouts and 268 strikeouts (the last three stats led the N.L.). In Game 1 of the World Series that season, he struck out 17 Detroit Tigers.

The following year, Major League Baseball lowered the mound from 15 inches to 10 inches in what became known as “The Gibson Rule.”

Two World Series rings (and two World Series MVPs), nine All-Star Game appearances and nine Gold Gloves, two Cy Youngs. The lowest one-season E.R.A. in the modern era (1.12) and the most strikeouts ever in a World Series contest. Gibby (251-174) enters the VIP room of the Hall.

Harmon Killebrew, 1B; 1954-1975, Minnesota Twins

“Killer” led the American League in home runs six different seasons between 1959 and 1969, clouting more than 40 in each of those years. His 573 career fence-clearers are the fifth-most in baseball’s pre-steroid history. An All-Star in 11 of his seasons, Killebrew was also the American League MVP in 1969.

 Remote Patrol

How I Melt Your Mother

CBS 8 p.m.

There have been some legen…wait for it…day aspects of HIMYM, not excluding its acronym: “Slap Bet”, for example, or the number “Nothing Suits Me Like a Suit.” The early seasons had a fresh, non-formulaic, truly fun aspect to them all anchored around one love-sick boy’s sober search for a wife (which, by the very title of the show, we knew would happen). It was…silly, but not superficial.

I’ve not been a fan of the last season, which was the Steve Nash at 40 of seasons (“I want the money”), but maybe we should all watch tonight’s penultimate episode. By the way, it may only be a coincidence that in real life Barney Stinson and Steve Nash turned 40 in the same year.