STARTING FIVE

Joffrey’s dad, apparently, is not the only king slayer

1. He Had It Coming

Young King Joffrey gets the comeuppance we’ve all been waiting for, on his wedding day. Either that or he had a wine-and-cake allergy. Not to worry, Castle (and Beckett) are on the case. Seriously, though, the police lineup should be everyone in Westeros not named Cersei.

Meanwhile, since it’s April and since wine played a large role in Joffrey’s demise, how about a face-melting, kickass song from April Wine? April Wine is Canadian for “Scorpions.”

By the way, I love the guy on Twitter who wondered why Bran Stark was visiting the Ticket Oak. Brilliant.

2. Bubba Gumpin’…

Bubba Watson.

Someone named Bubba won something in the South. You are either a Masters person or you are not. I can appreciate how beautiful the course is, but my view is tainted by how exclusionary the place is. As April events go, I’ll take Pat’s Run in Tempe, which celebrates the life of Pat Tillman and in which tens of thousands participate.

3. NCAA Union Talk

Mat Bodie and Colin Stevens lament the fact that they’re not being paid for this.

And it has nothing to do with players’ rights and/or Northwestern. Nope, Union College in Schenectady, N.Y., won the Frozen Four after outlasting Minnesota on Saturday night. The Gplden Gophers had advanced to the final by scoring the game winner versus North Dakota with 0.6 seconds left on Thursday night.

No lie, I spotted a dude wearing a “Union, Men’s NCAA Hockey Champions” t-shirt yesterday.

So this is curious…the NHL is a major spectator sport. And there’s college hockey. But there’s also junior professional hockey and granted, hockey is still not a revenue producer at most schools. The beauty of this is that we can still almost have a national championship featuring Union vs. North Dakota, and players can still be drafted, but no one skulks around with a surly look on their face all day long.

4. Pronunciation is His _ _ _ _ LL _ _   _ _ _ L

In case you missed this gem from “Wheel of Fortune.” That’s the game show’s second viral video in the past month. I’m beginning to become suspicious. Not a big deal. It only cost Julian one million dollars.

5. Peggy and the Plunger

If you think I’m hot, you should see my brother Bailey’s girlfriend.

The season premiere of “Mad Men”: Don writes ad pitches in absentia just to stay sharp…yet another 90s TV teen brunette pursues an affair with Don (Linda Cardellini last year, Neve Campbell last night)…two classic 60s tunes that are heavy on organ and where the organist was also the vocalist are used masterfully (Spencer Davis Group’s “I’m A Man” and Vanilla Fudge’s “Hangin’ On”)… Ted Chaogh eats his toast dry because that’s the kind of life he’s living these days…Pete Campbell has gone LA LA and he’s even more insufferable (but not as angry)…Ken Cosgrove now has Keith Olbermann’s problem… Joan goes to college (for an afternoon)…the kid from “Cougar Town” has a business degree…Peggy is now a loathed Upper West Side land lord…Lou Avery is every implacable, stuck-in-the-mud boss you’ve ever had…in the Time-Life Building (I’ll just name him “Peter Carry” for as long as he remains on the show)…Meg’s teeth still need fixing…Nixon is inaugurated, marking the last time a man with that bad a hairline would ever become president of the United States…Don buys Meg a TV and doesn’t have to wait for cable to be installed…and Roger appears to believe ’69 is more than just a year.

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner 1937:  Tris Speaker, CF; Cy Young, P ; 1938: Grover Cleveland Alexander, P; Eddie Collins, 2B 1939:Nap Lajoie, 2B; Joe Jackson, LF; 1940: Billy Hamilton, OF; Cap Anson, 1B; 1941: Wee Willie Keeler, RF; George Sisler, 1B; 1942: Rogers Hornsby, 2B; Pie Traynor, 3B; 1943: Mickey Cochrane, C; Frankie Frisch, 2B 1944: Ed Walsh, P; Old Hoss Radbourn, P 1945: Lou Gehrig, 1B; Kid Nichols, P 1946: Ed Delahanty, LF; Lefty O’Doul 1947: Pud Galvin, P; John McGraw, INF 1948: Carl Hubbell, P; Addie Joss, P 1949: Harry Heilman, OF/1B; Monte Ward, P/SS 1950: Cool Papa Bell, CF; Jimmie Foxx, 1B 1951: Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, P; Josh Gibson, C 1952: Paul Waner, RF; Charlie Gehringer, 2B 1953: Mel Ott, RF; Hank Greenberg, 1B 1954: Eddie Plank, P; Dan Brouthers, 1B 1955: “Wahoo” Sam Crawford, OF; John Clarkson, P 1956: Chief Bender, P; Bill Dickey, C 1957: Sam Rice, RF; Joe DiMaggio, CF 1958: Bill Terry, 1B; Heinie Manush, LF 1959: Dizzy Dean, P; Tim Keefe, P 1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P

 1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P 1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P 1978: Roberto Clemente, RF; Chuck Klein, RF 1979: Willie Mays, CF; Luis Aparicio,  SS 1980: Al Kaline, RF; Enos Slaughter, RF 1981: Bob Gibson, P; Harmon Killebrew, 1B 1982: Hank Aaron, RF; Frank Robinson, OF 1983: Brooks Robinson, 3B, Juan Marichal, P 1984: Hoyt Wilhelm, P; Arky Vaughan, SS 1985: Lou Brock, LF; Pete Browning, OF 1986: Sidd Finch, P 1987: Willie McCovey, 1B, Roger Maris, RF 1988: Willie Stargell, 1B, Catfish Hunter, P 1989: Earl Averill, CF, Billy Williams, LF 1990: Johnny Bench, C, Carl Yastrzemski, LF 1991: Jim Palmer, P, Joe Morgan, 2B 1992: Rod Carew, 2B; Gaylord Perry, P 1993: Reggie Jackson, RF, Tom Seaver, P 1994: Phil Niekro, P, Rollie Fingers, P

1995

Pete Rose, INF/OF; 1963-1986, Reds, Phillies

The Hit King is No. 1 all time in the single-most important category in the game: Hits (4,256). He’s also No. 1 in games played (3,562), at-bats (14,053) and outs (10,328). He was also a 17-time All-Star at five different positions. Numbers don’t tell the entire story with Rose, who also had a 44-game hit streak in the summer of ’78: he was a feisty overgrown child who played every game like he was nine years old –he even had a nine year-old’s haircut. For gambling as a manager, he deserves to  be out of baseball. But he is far too integral to the game’s history to not be in the Hall.

Mike Schmidt, 3B; 1972-1989, Phillies

Rose’s teammate for a time, Schmidt is arguably the greatest hitting third baseman in the game’s history. If not the greatest at the position, bar none. A slugger, he led the National League in home runs in eight different seasons and retired with 548. By the way, the Phils’ infield of the ’70s –Schmidt, Bowa, Cash, Allen — is nearly iconic as that of the Big Red Machine’s –Rose, Concepcion, Morgan, Perez.

Remote Patrol

Gone With The Wind

TCM 8 p.m.

Sort of eerie to air this classic on a day when there are tornado alerts across the Central Time Zone (not to mention on the anniversary of Lincoln’s assassination). Anyway, if you’ve never caught this Civil War classic in its entirety (I have not), here’s your chance to at least DVR it and save it for some time when you have four hours to kill. Which, if you watch Yankee-Red Sox games, you do.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING! Friday, April 11

STARTING FIVE

There’s no foreign substance replay, as far as I am aware, but no, that ain’t dirt.

1. “You Say Pineda, I Say Pedroia”

The Yankees and Red Sox meet for the first of 19 times this season, with pinstripe pitcher Michael Pineda stifling the World Series champs in a 4-1 victory.
Let’s see: “P-i-n-e….” That can either lead to “Pineda” or “pine tar.”

2. Goo Goo Goo Joob

Walrus and Smallrus

Craig Stadler, “The Walrus”, is ten over, in 95th place, after one round. His son, Kevin Stadler, “The Smallrus”, is two under, tied for fifth. The difference? Daddy already owns a green jacket.

3. LOL, Lolo

Will Lolo solo at ESPYs? (I hereby publicly request to be her escort)

Winter (and summer) Olympian Lolo Jones makes a crack on Twitter about Drake hosting the ESPYs (“It’s going to be tough for him to hand out all those awards to Rihanna’s ex-boyfriends”). The female hip-pop princess’ legion of fans responded with a collective –and profane — “No, you di’unt!”

4. Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Inductions

Nirvana, and its surviving DNA.

Inductee Yusuf Aslam, a.k.a. Cat Stevens, admits, “I never thought I’d be sharing a stage with KISS.”
Or even a record collection.
Michael Stipe inducts Nirvana , Chris Martin inducts Peter Gabriel whilst reading from “The Book of Genesis”, Bruce Springsteen inducts the E Street Band, and Tom Morello inducts KISS. Tom’s getting a lot of good gigs these days. He must be likeable.

5. Big Chimpin’

Chimps escape from the Kansas City Zoo. Keep an eye out for the one the other chimps refer to as “Caesar.”
(The judges would have also accepted, “Don’t get body-slammed by a lowland gorilla.”)

Reserves

This AT&T parody of “True Detective” and its own ads is brilliant (“That’s not even a thang”). Give that man or woman who thought of this a raise.

***

Nora Tobin, personal trainer.

Now this is just smart magazinery. Shape puts out a list of the “50 Hottest Female Trainers” (oh, and okay, “50 Hottest Male Trainers” [go wild, A.J.] in America. I’m waiting on their “50 Hottest Female Trainers in Iceland.”)

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner 1937:  Tris Speaker, CF; Cy Young, P ; 1938: Grover Cleveland Alexander, P; Eddie Collins, 2B 1939:Nap Lajoie, 2B; Joe Jackson, LF; 1940: Billy Hamilton, OF; Cap Anson, 1B; 1941: Wee Willie Keeler, RF; George Sisler, 1B; 1942: Rogers Hornsby, 2B; Pie Traynor, 3B; 1943: Mickey Cochrane, C; Frankie Frisch, 2B 1944: Ed Walsh, P; Old Hoss Radbourn, P 1945: Lou Gehrig, 1B; Kid Nichols, P 1946: Ed Delahanty, LF; Lefty O’Doul 1947: Pud Galvin, P; John McGraw, INF 1948: Carl Hubbell, P; Addie Joss, P 1949: Harry Heilman, OF/1B; Monte Ward, P/SS 1950: Cool Papa Bell, CF; Jimmie Foxx, 1B 1951: Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, P; Josh Gibson, C 1952: Paul Waner, RF; Charlie Gehringer, 2B 1953: Mel Ott, RF; Hank Greenberg, 1B 1954: Eddie Plank, P; Dan Brouthers, 1B 1955: “Wahoo” Sam Crawford, OF; John Clarkson, P 1956: Chief Bender, P; Bill Dickey, C 1957: Sam Rice, RF; Joe DiMaggio, CF 1958: Bill Terry, 1B; Heinie Manush, LF 1959: Dizzy Dean, P; Tim Keefe, P 1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P

Chief Bender

 1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P 1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P 1978: Roberto Clemente, RF; Chuck Klein, RF 1979: Willie Mays, CF; Luis Aparicio,  SS 1980: Al Kaline, RF; Enos Slaughter, RF 1981: Bob Gibson, P; Harmon Killebrew, 1B 1982: Hank Aaron, RF; Frank Robinson, OF 1983: Brooks Robinson, 3B, Juan Marichal, P 1984: Hoyt Wilhelm, P; Arky Vaughan, SS 1985: Lou Brock, LF; Pete Browning, OF 1986: Sidd Finch, P 1987: Willie McCovey, 1B, Roger Maris, RF 1988: Willie Stargell, 1B, Catfish Hunter, P 1989: Earl Averill, CF, Billy Williams, LF 1990: Johnny Bench, C, Carl Yastrzemski, LF 1991: Jim Palmer, P, Joe Morgan, 2B 1992: Rod Carew, 2B; Gaylord Perry, P 1993: Reggie Jackson, RF, Tom Seaver, P

1994

Phil Niekro, P; 1964-1987, Braves, 3 others

The ultimate knuckle ball maestro, Niekro lasted 24 seasons, winning 318 games (16th all time) and striking out 3,342 (11th). He retired at age 48 (only Julio Franco, who would come decades later, played at an older age). Niekro threw one no-hitter and is also the last pitcher to win and lose 20 games in the same season (21-20 in 1979). Ralph Kiner once compared Niekro’s knuckler to “watching Mario Andretti park a car”, which is a better line than most sportswriters have ever dreamed of. True to his quirky pitch, Niekro was born on April Fool’s Day.

Rollie Fingers, P; 1968-1985, A’s, Padres

While he technically has a losing record (114-118), Fingers was one of baseball first superb closers, saving a league-leading 35 games in 1977 and 37 games in 1978. In 1981 with the Brewers he won both the Cy Young and the AL MVP after saving 28 games with a ridiculous 1.04 ERA and –even though the stat had yet to be invented — 0.872 WHIP. A seven-time All Star and three-time World Series champ, Fingers merits induction for his handlebar mustache alone.

Remote Patrol

Mad Men

Sunday, 10 p.m.

So you’ve got GoT at 9 p.m. followed by , Don Draper Dick Whitman, last seen sharing a priceless moment with his children as they stood outside his childhood whorehouse as Judy Collins’ “Both Sides Now” played in the background. Seriously, though, that was one of the best television moments of ever. 

IT’S ALL HAPPENING! Thursday, April 10

 STARTING FIVE

Well done, Stat Boy.

1. Reali TV

So, Good Morning, America taps Tony Reali, the purloined letter of ESPN programming, to sorta replace Josh “Misdemeanor” Elliott. Good move. The Fordham alum hosts Around the Horn with aplomb and does a fine job as PTI‘s red pencil.

Meanwhile, Max Kellerman has carved out a smaller fiefdom, on radio primarily, in Los Angeles.

At some point during his first month on GMA, Reali should share this story. Lara Spencer will just gape.

Like Jim Nantz, Reali grew up in Marlboro, N.J., just a town or two over from where this scribe grew up.

2. Teed Off

This month’s Golf Digest cover model. But you’re right, Augusta won’t miss Tiger.

The Masters begins without Tiger Woods for the first time in 20 years. Both Jim Nantz of CBS and ESPN assure us that there’s still plenty of drama that awaits. Okay, sure. But they also have a vested interest in us watching. It’s spring time in New York City after a winter longer than even Ned Stark could imagine, so I’ll be outside, anyway.

3. Oscar, Oscar, Oscar

The Pistorius trial ratchets up the drama as prosecutor Gerrie Nel becomes your ex-girlfriend (“You just refuse to take responsibility for anything!”) and also accuses him of being terribly self-centered (an Olympic athlete?!? Mon dieu!). I have a hunch that the Blade Runner will break down and confess to knowingly shooting Reeva Steenkamp, but…that’s just a shot in the dark.

Also, take note of how Oscar will never utter the word “kill” no matter how many times Nel baits him to do so. Not that saying the word “kill” would be a confession to murder, but Oscar’s defense counsel, Barry Roux, understands that if you get Oscar uttering that word it’ll be on every news cast from now until people stop caring about this trial. He won’t let that happen.

4. NC-PAY-A

AD noted that he had the financial hardship of helping raise a child he fathered out of wedlock as a freshman. I’m a troll for mentioning this, of course. These things just “happen.”

ESPN puts a story on its rundown about how former NFL MVP Adrian Peterson, the most deserving Heisman Trophy winner who didn’t win a Heisman Trophy in the past quarter century, believes that college athletes should be paid.

Well, of course he does.

Peterson cites himself and Johnny Manziel as examples of guys who earned a lot of money for their schools –he is correct –and LeBron James as someone who would have made a school tens of millions. Again, correct.

Peterson fails to mention –and the ESPN scribe who wrote the story, Ben Goessling, never does, either – that that trio would represent 0.02% of college football and basketball players in any one season. By this reasoning, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg are the reasons that you should drop out of college.

That idea, by the way, is a spoof premise in the series premiere of “Silicon Valley.” The idea that college is a dead end.

Peterson’s belief comes from a very personal perspective, and in his case he’s correct. Also, he’s correct that high school grads should be eligible for the NBA and NFL drafts. Let the owners decide individually whether or not to take the risk. But to use those three men as examples of why college jocks should be paid ignores the 99-plus% who are actually getting the better deal than had they not accepted the scholarship.

5. The Colbert Rapport

“Nation… the next host of ‘Late Show’ will be Stephen Colbert.”

I’m a Catholic white guy slightly younger than Colbert, so it’s no surprise that I love this choice. That and the fact that he’s fearless, smarter than the other kids in class, and hilarious.

The New York Times has its doubts, but then didn’t they just print a retraction about their dismissal of evolution or heliocentrism or women’s suffrage (something like that)? A reminder of just how funny Colbert can be.

So, yes, Reali and Colbert get upgraded TV gigs in New York City today. That’s Catholic Power, bitches.

Think about how difficult it is to play a character night-after-night, a satirical send-up of the far right who still manages to be engaging enough to draw in most everyone. Excellent choice. Other prospective hosts who would’ve been solid, at least to me:

1. Ellen Degeneres

2. Neil Patrick Harris

3. Kevin Spacey

4. Seth Meyers

5. Pablo Torre….He’s a quick study

 

 

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner 1937:  Tris Speaker, CF; Cy Young, P ; 1938: Grover Cleveland Alexander, P; Eddie Collins, 2B 1939:Nap Lajoie, 2B; Joe Jackson, LF; 1940: Billy Hamilton, OF; Cap Anson, 1B; 1941: Wee Willie Keeler, RF; George Sisler, 1B; 1942: Rogers Hornsby, 2B; Pie Traynor, 3B; 1943: Mickey Cochrane, C; Frankie Frisch, 2B 1944: Ed Walsh, P; Old Hoss Radbourn, P 1945: Lou Gehrig, 1B; Kid Nichols, P 1946: Ed Delahanty, LF; Lefty O’Doul 1947: Pud Galvin, P; John McGraw, INF 1948: Carl Hubbell, P; Addie Joss, P 1949: Harry Heilman, OF/1B; Monte Ward, P/SS 1950: Cool Papa Bell, CF; Jimmie Foxx, 1B 1951: Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, P; Josh Gibson, C 1952: Paul Waner, RF; Charlie Gehringer, 2B 1953: Mel Ott, RF; Hank Greenberg, 1B 1954: Eddie Plank, P; Dan Brouthers, 1B 1955: “Wahoo” Sam Crawford, OF; John Clarkson, P 1956: Chief Bender, P; Bill Dickey, C 1957: Sam Rice, RF; Joe DiMaggio, CF 1958: Bill Terry, 1B; Heinie Manush, LF 1959: Dizzy Dean, P; Tim Keefe, P 1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P

Jack Pfiester

 1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P 1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P 1978: Roberto Clemente, RF; Chuck Klein, RF 1979: Willie Mays, CF; Luis Aparicio,  SS 1980: Al Kaline, RF; Enos Slaughter, RF 1981: Bob Gibson, P; Harmon Killebrew, 1B 1982: Hank Aaron, RF; Frank Robinson, OF 1983: Brooks Robinson, 3B, Juan Marichal, P 1984: Hoyt Wilhelm, P; Arky Vaughan, SS 1985: Lou Brock, LF; Pete Browning, OF 1986: Sidd Finch, P 1987: Willie McCovey, 1B, Roger Maris, RF 1988: Willie Stargell, 1B, Catfish Hunter, P 1989: Earl Averill, CF, Billy Williams, LF 1990: Johnny Bench, C, Carl Yastrzemski, LF 1991: Jim Palmer, P, Joe Morgan, 2B 1992: Rod Carew, 2B; Gaylord Perry, P 1993

Tom Seaver, P; 1967-1986, Mets, Reds, Indians

Tom Terrific helped the Miracle Mets to their unlikely 1969 World Series win while also winning 311 career games (18th all-time) and recording 3,640 strikeouts (6th). A 12-time All-Star, three-time Cy Young Award winner and the 1967 NL Rookie of the Year.

Reggie Jackson, 1967-1987; A’s, Yankees

Senor Octubre

No one in the history of baseball whiffed more times (2,597) than Mr. October, but that from-the-heels swing also accounted for 563 career home runs, 463 doubles, 2,584 hits, 14 All-Star Game appearances and five World Series rings.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING! Wednesday, April 9

STARTING FIVE

1. Reverse Posterization

The greatest basketball player on the planet soared skyward for a game-winning dunk, at home, for a team that has won the previous two NBA championships. All that stood in his way was a white rookie center from Duke who looks like Herman Munster’s long lost Nordic nephew (Marilyn Munster’s brother, perhaps?).

Did you know there were two Marilyns (Pat Priest, here, and Beverley Owen)? They both married Darrin Stephens.

What happened next? The white rookie, Mason Plumlee of the Brookynettes, blocked LeBron James’ slam and even more shockingly, was not whistled for a foul.

Maybe there is a Santa Claus.

While some regular readers of this blog probably are screaming for a foul, I maintain that a dunk is a very different type of shot than say, a jumper. The shooter is trying to jam the ball in the hoop. There’s going to be a little more contact, kind of like a goal-line stand in football or a play at the plate in baseball. Did “Plums” catch King James’ right hand? Sure, he did. Was it a foul? Yes. Actually, Joe Johnson also fouled LBJ as he drew the ball into both hands a second before.

Am I fine with how the referees handled this? Yup.

2. Declaration of Independents

Who’s in charge of RS’ cover art? Jonah Ryan?

Let’s get it straight, Jann Wenner

Declaration of Independence: “When in the course of human events…”

Constitution: “We the people…”

Declaration of Independence: John Hancock’s over-sized signature

Constitution: Hancock did not sign it.

Got it, Jann? This is what happens when you let your best writer, Matt Taibbi, leave.

History should recall this as Rolling Stone’s “Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?” moment.

3. Geno Wins…Again

Geno’s rim shots are usually jocular.

I’ll admit, I was torn, and not in a Natalie Imbruglia way, but more so in an Ednaswap way, since they’re the band that wrote the song. My alma mater, Notre Dame (which is the ultimate in Motherhood, after all, alma or no) versus the program that once allowed me behind the curtain.

On Sunday I tweeted, as the Irish were dismantling Maryland, that Notre Dame looked good and that UConn would win by no more than 17. I was wrong (again), of course, as the Huskies won by 21, 79-58.

Geno not only passes Pat Summitt on the all-time women’s national championships list (9, but keep an eye out for Tyler Summit), but moves to 9-0 in championship games. That is Phil Jackson (11-0), John Wooden (10-0) and Red Auerbach (9-1) territory.

Asked what he’d bring home from Nashville as a memento, Geno was his typical self: “bags under my eyes and a hangover.”

He’s an all-timer…

4. CancellRovell

Rovell (left) shares a quiet moment with his Twitter tormentor.

ESPN’s business analyst vaults past RA Derek as the week’s biggest buzzkill and tool (and it’s only Wednesday) as he reports a college student for making a funny joke about himself, Hitler, the swastika, and branding on Twitter.  Rovell did Nazi the humor in it, apparently.

Here’s hoping Charles Shipan at the University of Michigan did not go all Dean Wormer on the student (and, yes, that’s our second “Animal House” reference of today if you’re keeping score). Wondering if Rovell was more offended from a religious vantage point or because a student at another Big Ten school (Darren’s a Northworstern alum) tweaked him.

5. R.I.P, Ultimate Warrior

I’m not a wrestling fan (except if Bugs Bunny is in the ring against The Crusher), but James Hellwig, alias the Ultimate Warrior, died at age 54 yesterday. Only three days earlier he was inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame. Coroners have ruled out “pile driver” as the cause of death.

Arrangements will be made by The Undertaker.

By the way, if my surname was Hellwig, I wouldn’t use any alias. Would you? Now the sobriquet of Ultimate Warrior returns to its rightful owner, Rick Barry.

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner

1937:  Tris Speaker, CF; Cy Young, P ; 1938: Grover Cleveland Alexander, P; Eddie Collins, 2B 1939:Nap Lajoie, 2B; Joe Jackson, LF; 1940: Billy Hamilton, OF; Cap Anson, 1B; 1941: Wee Willie Keeler, RF; George Sisler, 1B; 1942: Rogers Hornsby, 2B; Pie Traynor, 3B; 1943: Mickey Cochrane, C; Frankie Frisch, 2B 1944: Ed Walsh, P; Old Hoss Radbourn, P 1945: Lou Gehrig, 1B; Kid Nichols, P 1946: Ed Delahanty, LF; Lefty O’Doul 1947: Pud Galvin, P; John McGraw, INF 1948: Carl Hubbell, P; Addie Joss, P 1949: Harry Heilman, OF/1B; Monte Ward, P/SS 1950: Cool Papa Bell, CF; Jimmie Foxx, 1B 1951: Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, P; Josh Gibson, C 1952: Paul Waner, RF; Charlie Gehringer, 2B 1953: Mel Ott, RF; Hank Greenberg, 1B 1954: Eddie Plank, P; Dan Brouthers, 1B 1955: “Wahoo” Sam Crawford, OF; John Clarkson, P 1956: Chief Bender, P; Bill Dickey, C 1957: Sam Rice, RF; Joe DiMaggio, CF 1958: Bill Terry, 1B; Heinie Manush, LF 1959: Dizzy Dean, P; Tim Keefe, P 1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P

 1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P 1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P 1978: Roberto Clemente, RF; Chuck Klein, RF 1979: Willie Mays, CF; Luis Aparicio,  SS 1980: Al Kaline, RF; Enos Slaughter, RF 1981: Bob Gibson, P; Harmon Killebrew, 1B 1982: Hank Aaron, RF; Frank Robinson, OF 1983: Brooks Robinson, 3B, Juan Marichal, P 1984: Hoyt Wilhelm, P; Arky Vaughan, SS 1985: Lou Brock, LF; Pete Browning, OF 1986: Sidd Finch, P 1987: Willie McCovey, 1B, Roger Maris, RF 1988: Willie Stargell, 1B, Catfish Hunter, P 1989: Earl Averill, CF, Billy Williams, LF 1990: Johnny Bench, C, Carl Yastrzemski, LF 1991: Jim Palmer, P, Joe Morgan, 2B

1992

Rod Carew, 2B; 1967-1985, Twins, Angels

The greatest Panamanian hitter of all time, Carew finished his career with 3,053 hits and a .328 batting average. He led the American League in hitting in seven different seasons, though not in 1970 when he batted .366 (because of a lack of plate appearances). The ultimate contact and/or singles hitter, Carew finished with only 92 home runs and in 1972 won the batting crown without hitting even one ball that left the yard. An 18-time All Star in his 19 seasons and also the 1967 Rookie of the Year and 1977 AL MVP, Carew never played in a World Series.

Gaylord Perry, P; 1962-1983, 8 teams

Perry, here in an SI photo, pitched until age 45

Notorious for doctoring baseballs, Perry was not actually ejected from a game for throwing a spitter until his 21st season. The first pitcher to win a Cy Young award in both the AL (1972) and the NL (1978), he finished a never-dull 22-year career with 314 wins and 3,534 strikeouts, which is 8th all-time. A true character.

 

 

IT’S ALL HAPPENING! Tuesday, April 8

STARTING FIVE

Nantz and Napier.

1. A Sedition Unlike Any Other

UConn wins a national championship that looks a lot like its 2011 national championship, as Shabazz Napier scolds the NCAA for worrying about academics and SI‘s Pete Thamel scolds Kentucky coach John Calipari for being egotistical, a poor in-game strategist, and not Urban Meyer.

Or maybe Pete was just attempting to inveigle Calipari to take the Laker job (Southern Calipari?). Or spike page views on SI.com.

Napier. Thamel. Apparently, joy is now frowned upon.

2. R.I.P., Roseland Ballroom

The legendary midtown Manhattan concert venue, where this scribe once landed flat on his back after being dropped while crowd-surfing at a Jesus and Mary Chain show, closed its doors for good last night’s Lady Gaga concert.

Roseland opened in 1919 and has hosted everyone from Count Basie to Nirvana. Now the space, which is located directly across 53rd Street from the stage entrance to The Late Show, is being converted to a 59-story apartment building. Why? Because Manhattan is dying.

3. RA Derek

RA Derek: He’s no Van Wilder.

Not to be confused with R.A. Dickey. The UConn resident advisor’s email to his residents goes viral after he strongly urges them to get off his lawn and reminds them that they are cheering for laundry. He’s a buzz kill, but he’s right.

4. R.I.P., Mickey Rooney

Rooney Mara. Close enough.

Kids, this is the short actor, not the 60 Minutes pundit with the large eyebrows (Andy Rooney), who passed three years ago. Mickey Rooney: 200 films and eight wives. It’s amazing that he lasted until age 93.

5. Bill on Dave

Terrific piece in Grantland by its editor-in-chief on Letterman’s retirement announcement and the late night turf. I love it when Simmons really cares about a topic.

Here’s another well-done retrospective in The New Yorker.

Every day on Twitter someone feels a compulsion to write that Letterman isn’t funny, or hasn’t been funny for years, or has never been funny. At first I’m angry, then slightly annoyed, but ultimately I feel pity for these people. Most of the time I agree, different strokes for different folks. But on this one, if you don’t get why Dave is special, let’s just not be friends.

Reserves

Ping Pong

Survived crash with rugged jawlines and A&F clothing intact.

Searchers hear a ping. Then they don’t hear a ping. Then they hear a ping. Then they don’t. You’re watching CNN…

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner

1937:  Tris Speaker, CF; Cy Young, P ; 1938: Grover Cleveland Alexander, P; Eddie Collins, 2B 1939:Nap Lajoie, 2B; Joe Jackson, LF; 1940: Billy Hamilton, OF; Cap Anson, 1B; 1941: Wee Willie Keeler, RF; George Sisler, 1B; 1942: Rogers Hornsby, 2B; Pie Traynor, 3B; 1943: Mickey Cochrane, C; Frankie Frisch, 2B 1944: Ed Walsh, P; Old Hoss Radbourn, P 1945: Lou Gehrig, 1B; Kid Nichols, P 1946: Ed Delahanty, LF; Lefty O’Doul 1947: Pud Galvin, P; John McGraw, INF 1948: Carl Hubbell, P; Addie Joss, P 1949: Harry Heilman, OF/1B; Monte Ward, P/SS 1950: Cool Papa Bell, CF; Jimmie Foxx, 1B 1951: Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, P; Josh Gibson, C 1952: Paul Waner, RF; Charlie Gehringer, 2B 1953: Mel Ott, RF; Hank Greenberg, 1B 1954: Eddie Plank, P; Dan Brouthers, 1B 1955: “Wahoo” Sam Crawford, OF; John Clarkson, P 1956: Chief Bender, P; Bill Dickey, C 1957: Sam Rice, RF; Joe DiMaggio, CF 1958: Bill Terry, 1B; Heinie Manush, LF 1959: Dizzy Dean, P; Tim Keefe, P 

Rogers Hornsby

1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P 1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P 1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P 1978: Roberto Clemente, RF; Chuck Klein, RF 1979: Willie Mays, CF; Luis Aparicio,  SS 1980: Al Kaline, RF; Enos Slaughter, RF 1981: Bob Gibson, P; Harmon Killebrew, 1B 1982: Hank Aaron, RF; Frank Robinson, OF 1983: Brooks Robinson, 3B, Juan Marichal, P 1984: Hoyt Wilhelm, P; Arky Vaughan, SS 1985: Lou Brock, LF; Pete Browning, OF 1986: Sidd Finch, P 1987: Willie McCovey, 1B, Roger Maris, RF 1988: Willie Stargell, 1B, Catfish Hunter, P 1989: Earl Averill, CF, Billy Williams, LF 1990: Johnny Bench, C, Carl Yastrzemski, LF

1991

Jim Palmer, P; 1965-1984, Baltimore Orioles

Palmer joins Josh Elliott on the All Most-Handsome-Adopted-People list

The pride of Scottsdale High School (just like noted AP scribe Andy Bagnato) compiled eight 20-win seasons between 1970 and 1978 and no pitcher ever looked better doing so. A six-time All Star, three-time Cy Young Award winner and three-time World Series champ, Palmer finished with a career record of 268-152.

Joe Morgan, 2B; 1963-1984, Cincinnati Reds

Before he became a punch line for sports bloggers, Morgan was the ultimate clutch teammate of his generation. A 10-time All Star and a two-tine National League MVP, in the seasons in which the Big Red Machine won the World Series, Morgan is one of the top two or three second basemen of all time. 2,517 hits, 268 home runs, 689 stolen bases.

Remote Patrol

UConn vs Notre Dame

ESPN 8:30 p.m.

Two men women enter, one man woman leaves. Two teams, 76 games, zero losses thus far this year. Will this be the greatest women’s basketball game of all time? We shall see . Geno is 8-0 all-time in NCGs, but if there were ever a school that knew how to stop streaks, it’s Notre Dame.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING! Monday, April 7

STARTING FIVE

Aaron Harrison has exceeded his Shining Moment allotment for this year’s tourney.

1. Familiar Faces

Kentucky will meet UConn in the men’s NCAA championship hoops game tonight  Dallas Arlington North Texas, while UConn will face Notre Dame in the women’s edition tomorrow night in Nash Vegas.

Since 1996, the Wildcats have appeared in four Monday night finales (3-1) and the Huskies have appeared in three (3-0). No other school has won as many titles in that span as either of these two, and only Florida and Kansas have appeared in as many finals as UConn.

Since 1995, the Huskies have appeared in eight championship games –winning all eight — and the Irish in three, going 1-2. Only Tennessee has appeared in more.

2. HBO Go(T)

Selena: She’d be a heartbeat away from the presidency…if only she had a heart.

Season premieres of “Game of Thrones” and “Veep” sandwiched around the series premiere of “Silicon Valley.”

–Standout moments: Selena, when asked by a fan at a book signing what her favorite word is, replies, “Next” (which is also a brilliant call-back to star Julia Louis-Dreyfus’ final word in the immortal “Soup Nazi” episode)…. T.J. Miller’s t-shirt reads “I Know HTML (How To Meet Ladies)”….Tyrion Lannister: “I admired your mother…she wanted to have me executed, but I admired her.”

Really think Jamie Lannister needs to show up in a “GoT SILF?” T-shirt, though. And I miss the old Daario Naharis.

3. One Simple Rule For Dating My Teenage Daughter: Don’t

Gene Chizik’s stare here says it all.

That’s the same look Nick Saban gives senior back-ups who would like to apply for a fifth year.

4. The Prodigal Sun

Gerald Green scores 24 last night and had 32 Friday, off the bench, in key wins for Phoenix at Portland and versus Oklahoma City. He’s the Suns’ super sub, now with his seventh NBA team since entering the league in 2005 (and answering the question, “What’s basketball-ese for ‘Edgar Renteria?’”).

Don’t know how long Green –they should refer to him locally as “Verde”– will last in Phoenix, but he’s been a savior for them this season. Definitely deserves some Sixth Man of the Year votes. Either he or teammate Markieff Morris.

5. Bitch Perfect

That was Anna Kendrick hosting SNL, and I half-expected her to sit down on the stage and do the cups routine for her monologue. Instead, she did this.

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner

1937:  Tris Speaker, CF; Cy Young, P ; 1938: Grover Cleveland Alexander, P; Eddie Collins, 2B 1939:Nap Lajoie, 2B; Joe Jackson, LF; 1940: Billy Hamilton, OF; Cap Anson, 1B; 1941: Wee Willie Keeler, RF; George Sisler, 1B; 1942: Rogers Hornsby, 2B; Pie Traynor, 3B; 1943: Mickey Cochrane, C; Frankie Frisch, 2B 1944: Ed Walsh, P; Old Hoss Radbourn, P 1945: Lou Gehrig, 1B; Kid Nichols, P 1946: Ed Delahanty, LF; Lefty O’Doul 1947: Pud Galvin, P; John McGraw, INF 1948: Carl Hubbell, P; Addie Joss, P 1949: Harry Heilman, OF/1B; Monte Ward, P/SS 1950: Cool Papa Bell, CF; Jimmie Foxx, 1B 1951: Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, P; Josh Gibson, C 1952: Paul Waner, RF; Charlie Gehringer, 2B 1953: Mel Ott, RF; Hank Greenberg, 1B 1954: Eddie Plank, P; Dan Brouthers, 1B 1955: “Wahoo” Sam Crawford, OF; John Clarkson, P 1956: Chief Bender, P; Bill Dickey, C 1957: Sam Rice, RF; Joe DiMaggio, CF 1958: Bill Terry, 1B; Heinie Manush, LF 1959: Dizzy Dean, P; Tim Keefe, P 

Rogers Hornsby

1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P 1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P 1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P 1978: Roberto Clemente, RF; Chuck Klein, RF 1979: Willie Mays, CF; Luis Aparicio,  SS 1980: Al Kaline, RF; Enos Slaughter, RF 1981: Bob Gibson, P; Harmon Killebrew, 1B 1982: Hank Aaron, RF; Frank Robinson, OF 1983: Brooks Robinson, 3B, Juan Marichal, P 1984: Hoyt Wilhelm, P; Arky Vaughan, SS 1985: Lou Brock, LF; Pete Browning, OF 1986: Sidd Finch, P 1987: Willie McCovey, 1B, Roger Maris, RF 1988: Willie Stargell, 1B, Catfish Hunter, P 1989: Earl Averill, CF, Billy Williams, LF

1990

Johnny Bench, C; 1967-1983, Cincinnati Reds

Many consider Bench, the heart of the Big Red Machine in the 1970s, to be the greatest catcher of all-time. A 14-time All-Star, 10-time Gold Glove winner and two-time National League MVP, it was Bench who stands in the background as Carlton Fisk waves the ball fair in Game 6 of the 1975 World Series. And, yes, Cincy won that Fall Classic.

Carl Yastrzemski, LF; 1961-1983, Boston Red Sox

Yaz: He helped a generation or two of BoSox fans get over the loss of Teddy Ballgame.

This Yaz had nothing to do with “Upstairs at Eric’” and Only Youbut he was an 18-time All-Star whose 3,419 hits currently puts him in 7th place on the all-time list (Derek Jeter should catch him before he retires). No one ever played the Green Monster more deftly, and Yaz was also the last American Leaguer, before Miguel Cabrera, to hit for the Triple Crown (in 1976).

Remote Patrol

NCAA Championship Game

CBS 9  p.m.

I honestly do not see what CBS sees in Greg Anthony as an analyst. Steve Kerr and he are oil and water, and there isn’t a person on the CBS/TBS/TNT/Tru set whom I don’t think would do a better job. ANYWAY, Cats and Dogs in Arlington tonight. Hard to bet against Calipari, but UConn’s backcourt have been the studs of the tourney.

 

 

IT’S ALL HAPPENING! Friday, April 4 (“In the Name of Love”)

STARTING FIVE

The King

1. Dave

Rupert Gee…”Just Lamps”….Larry “Bud” Melman…Andy Kaufman…”They pelted us with rocks and garbage”… “Top Ten Anatomical Parts or Van Pattens”… “They’re not booing, they’re just saying ‘Dave’”…. Crispin Glover…Viewer Mail…Will It Float?…Dave’s Mom

Mid-Eighties. Leave the Hesburgh Library at 11:10 p.m., which gives me enough time to make it back to Dillon Hall, find some snackage, and be in my room in time for the start of Letterman. Simply the most influential entertainer of my life. Glad we’ll get a year or more to salute him.

You have to remember, before Dave there were hints of subversiveness in television — SNL, SCTV, Fernwood 2Night –but the quirky Hoosier took it to another degree. Instead of phony schmaltz or circle-jerk interviews, Dave took us behind the curtain and showed us that entertainment was not glamorous –no camera ever ventured behind the curtain at Johnny Carson’s show. He was skeptical of people who were full of themselves (once asking Rush Limbaugh, “Do you ever feel like you’re just full of hot gas?”) but always amused by candor and self-effacing humor. Watch the way he laughed just a few nights ago when Amy Schumer says, “Black people” in response to his question about what would be new about her show this season.

It’s why Howard Stern, dating all the way back to the mid-Eighties, has always been one of Dave’s most confounding guests: He loves Howard’s raw honesty and self-effacement at times, but Howard’s naked narcissism and his penchant for speaking rudely about others, or crassly, always sort of offended Dave’s Midwest values.

2. Thunder End Spurs 19-Game Win Streak

While Kevin Durant ups his streak of 25-point games to 39. The last person to reach 40 games? Michael Jordan in 1986-87. But the team everyone best look out for is the Clippers. L.A. has looked scary good and that has been minus Jamal Crawford, J.J. Redick and Danny Granger. If all three of them are healthy come late April, I’m pegging the Clips as the team to beat.

3. Tyler Summitt, 23, Named Women’s Basketball Coach at La. Tech

Slightly more experienced than King Joffrey.

This is no way to win friends among peers in your profession, but it’s an excellent way to chase down Geno for usurping mom atop the all-time wins and championships list. Perhaps Summitt will turn out to be a terrific coach. What I do know is that Kim Mulkey starred for four years at La. Tech, was an assistant there for 15 years, and then when they finally offered her the gig they only made it a four-year gig so that she wasn’t guaranteed to reach 20 and therefore entitled to a state pension.

So Kim told La. Tech to go bleep themselves…and how has that worked out for Kim, and for La. Tech?

4. Minnesota Wins NIT

Speaking of nepotism, Rick Pitino’s son coaches the Golden Gophers to an NIT championship in his first season as coach, which is laudable. He’s a little bit older than 23, though.
Does a tournament really take place if Nate Silver doesn’t provide projections on who will win?

4. Paulina Gretzky Makes May Cover of Golf Digest

“Schwinnnnng!”

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner 1937:  Tris Speaker, CF; Cy Young, P ; 1938: Grover Cleveland Alexander, P; Eddie Collins, 2B 1939:Nap Lajoie, 2B; Joe Jackson, LF; 1940: Billy Hamilton, OF; Cap Anson, 1B; 1941: Wee Willie Keeler, RF; George Sisler, 1B; 1942: Rogers Hornsby, 2B; Pie Traynor, 3B; 1943: Mickey Cochrane, C; Frankie Frisch, 2B 1944: Ed Walsh, P; Old Hoss Radbourn, P 1945: Lou Gehrig, 1B; Kid Nichols, P 1946: Ed Delahanty, LF; Lefty O’Doul 1947: Pud Galvin, P; John McGraw, INF 1948: Carl Hubbell, P; Addie Joss, P 1949: Harry Heilman, OF/1B; Monte Ward, P/SS 1950: Cool Papa Bell, CF; Jimmie Foxx, 1B 1951: Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, P; Josh Gibson, C 1952: Paul Waner, RF; Charlie Gehringer, 2B 1953: Mel Ott, RF; Hank Greenberg, 1B 1954: Eddie Plank, P; Dan Brouthers, 1B 1955: “Wahoo” Sam Crawford, OF; John Clarkson, P 1956: Chief Bender, P; Bill Dickey, C 1957: Sam Rice, RF; Joe DiMaggio, CF 1958: Bill Terry, 1B; Heinie Manush, LF 1959: Dizzy Dean, P; Tim Keefe, P 

Ducky Medwick

1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P 1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P 1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P 1978: Roberto Clemente, RF; Chuck Klein, RF 1979: Willie Mays, CF; Luis Aparicio,  SS 1980: Al Kaline, RF; Enos Slaughter, RF 1981: Bob Gibson, P; Harmon Killebrew, 1B 1982: Hank Aaron, RF; Frank Robinson, OF 1983: Brooks Robinson, 3B, Juan Marichal, P 1984: Hoyt Wilhelm, P; Arky Vaughan, SS 1985: Lou Brock, LF; Pete Browning, OF 1986: Sidd Finch, P 1987: Willie McCovey, 1B, Roger Maris, RF 1988: Willie Stargell, 1B, Catfish Hunter, P
1989

Earl Averill, CF; 1929-1941, Cleveland Indians

The “Earl of Snohomish” was a six-time All-Star whose .534 slugging percentage remains in the top 50 all-time. Averill was the first big-leaguer to hit four home runs in a doubleheader and also homered in his first Major League at-bat. Also renowned for breaking Dizzy Dean’s toe with a line drive in the 1937 All-Star Game.

Billy Williams, LF; 1959-1976, Chicago Cubs

The 1961 NL Rookie of the Year was a six-time All-Star and teammate of fellow Hall of Famers Ernie Banks, Ron Santo and Ferguson Jenkins, none of whom ever appeared in a World Series. The 1972 NL batting champ (.333), Williams retired with a .290 average and 2,711 hits.

Remote Patrol

Silicon Valley

Sunday, HBO 10 p.m.

I already know that you’ll be tuning in to “Game of Thrones (9 p.m.), but stick around for the series premiere that every reviewer is enchanted with. It’s Entourage-meets-The Big Bang Theory, that’s easy enough, but it’s written by Mike Judge, the genius behind Office Space, Idiocracy and Beavis and Butthead. And I don’t know who the first to use the term was, but I love James Poniewozik’s Time review for no other reason that it introduced me to “brogrammers.”

IT’S ALL HAPPENING! Thursday, April 3

STARTING FIVE

Gringo Star? Either a soccer game or an illegal immigration rally broke out in the Phoenix area last night.

1. Yellow Cards, Red Cards, Green Cards

 Mexico and the USA meet in a soccer friendly in the Valley of the Sun in front of a pro-Mexico crowd. The match ends in a 2-2 draw (the US led 2-0 at the half) after a late American goal is waved off for offside, even though replay shows it was legal. Replay to The Beautiful Game? (Let’s hope not).

2. Panic in the Boroughs

New York’s lone run last night came when a runner scored from 3rd base on a fielder’s choice double play, 4-6-3.

Both Mets and Yanks are 0-2 for first time since 1965. Will Yankee Stadium debut a “Past-Their-Prime Rib Sandwich ($24)?” Oh, and the Cubs are also 0-2 with a pair of extra-inning walk-off defeats in Pittsburgh. Why do Chicagoans do this to themselves every summer?

3. Knicks 110, Brooklynettes 81

Rookie Tim Hardaway, Jr., had 17. If he continues this play and the Knicks can keep J.R. Smith away from all-day brunches at Lavo, this could get interesting.

Brooklyn forward Paul Pierce vows he will remember this 29-point defeat when the two teams next meet…which is in 12 days, so let’s hope so. The Knicks, by the way, are now technically in 8th place in the East by .02. Please, Lord, let this happen, since nobody beyond the I-285 belt knows who plays for the Atlanta Hawks.

4. Jadeveon Clowney Pro Day 

Texas is a state that appreciates big things, which is why Houston will select Clowney No. 1 overall ahead of any QB prospect.

Kevin Costner is already attempting to trade up for the South Carolina DE. How impressive was Clowney? Word is that “Good Morning, America” is also looking to sign him.

5. “Crips Release DeSean Jackson”

The Redskins wear Bloods colors, after all.

SportsPickle, a satirical sports web site, reports that the notorious gang has dropped the wide receiver who earlier in the week was cut by the Eagles only to be later signed by the Redskins. “While we may be known as a group that commits crimes such as larceny, drug trafficking and murder, we are NOT known as a group that supports racial stereotypes toward Native Americans.”

Reserves

And then there were three (plus Amy Robach…and Ginger Zee…and Michael Strahan)

Vapid Fire

Oh, on “Good Morning, America”, the cast did a “We’ll Miss You, Josh” salute to their compatriot of nearly three years. It got a little dusty in my apartment, but I think that’s because I have a cat and I don’t clean often enough.

Meanwhile, Josh joined NBC Sports on the condition that he not tweet about the Spurs (San Antonio; he can tweet all he likes about Tottenham) or about his need to drink white wine or about how he prefers to refer to himself as “Momma.”

****

ESPN’s Jason Whitlock referred to the NCAA as “SlaveCatchers” yesterday. In the absence of actually reporting anything, it’s always convenient to play the race card.

 

 

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner

1937:  Tris Speaker, CF; Cy Young, P ; 1938: Grover Cleveland Alexander, P; Eddie Collins, 2B 1939:Nap Lajoie, 2B; Joe Jackson, LF; 1940: Billy Hamilton, OF; Cap Anson, 1B; 1941: Wee Willie Keeler, RF; George Sisler, 1B; 1942: Rogers Hornsby, 2B; Pie Traynor, 3B; 1943: Mickey Cochrane, C; Frankie Frisch, 2B 1944: Ed Walsh, P; Old Hoss Radbourn, P 1945: Lou Gehrig, 1B; Kid Nichols, P 1946: Ed Delahanty, LF; Lefty O’Doul 1947: Pud Galvin, P; John McGraw, INF 1948: Carl Hubbell, P; Addie Joss, P 1949: Harry Heilman, OF/1B; Monte Ward, P/SS 1950: Cool Papa Bell, CF; Jimmie Foxx, 1B 1951: Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, P; Josh Gibson, C 1952: Paul Waner, RF; Charlie Gehringer, 2B 1953: Mel Ott, RF; Hank Greenberg, 1B 1954: Eddie Plank, P; Dan Brouthers, 1B 1955: “Wahoo” Sam Crawford, OF; John Clarkson, P 1956: Chief Bender, P; Bill Dickey, C 1957: Sam Rice, RF; Joe DiMaggio, CF 1958: Bill Terry, 1B; Heinie Manush, LF 1959: Dizzy Dean, P; Tim Keefe, P 

Nap Lajoie

1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P 1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P 1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P 1978: Roberto Clemente, RF; Chuck Klein, RF 1979: Willie Mays, CF; Luis Aparicio,  SS 1980: Al Kaline, RF; Enos Slaughter, RF 1981: Bob Gibson, P; Harmon Killebrew, 1B 1982: Hank Aaron, RF; Frank Robinson, OF 1983: Brooks Robinson, 3B, Juan Marichal, P 1984: Hoyt Wilhelm, P; Arky Vaughan, SS 1985: Lou Brock, LF; Pete Browning, OF 1986: Sidd Finch, P 1987: Willie McCovey, 1B, Roger Maris, RF
1988

Willie Stargell, OF/1B; 1962-1982, Pittsburgh Pirates

“Pops” will always be a beloved figure from a grand sports era  in the Iron City, having led the Pirates to a pair of World Series crowns in the same decade that the Steelers won four Super Bowls. A seven-time All-Star and the 1979 MVP, he finished with 475 home runs and 2,232 hits and was the unquestioned leader of the franchise (even if Dave Parker had more natural talent).

Jim “Catfish” Hunter, P; 1965-1979, A’s, Yankees

Injuries shortened a brilliant career as Hunter, baseball’s first big money free agent (signed, of course, by George Steinbrenner), was the ace on staffs in Oakland and New York that won five World Series in a seven-year period in the mid-Seventies. Hunter enjoyed five consecutive 20-win seasons and pitched a perfect game in 1968. The first pitcher since 1915 to win 200 games by age 31, he retired two years later due to persistent arm problems with a 224-166 record. The nickname notwithstanding, he never punked someone on the internet.

Remote Patrol

Spurs at Thunder
TNT 8 p.m.
Why watch? This season’s MVP (Kevin Durant) versus a Spurs team that has won 19 in a row. Oh, and they have the NBA’s two top records (56-19 and 54-19), even though I think the Clippers and Heat are both currently better than OKC.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING! Tuesday, April 2

STARTING FIVE

Seriously, though, these two for next year’s “True Detective.”

1. Pardon The Interruptions

An actual televised debate not produced by Jamie Horowitz?!? Apparently, it is possible. Watch Brad Katsuyama of IEX and Bill O’Brien of BATS square off on the subject of High Frequency Trading, which sounds arcane and over our heads because, well, it kinda is. It’s very Peter Griffin.

O’Brien provides a textbook example of how NOT to argue, on- or off-camera. Tony Reali docked him five points for badgering Brad. And I think it might be time for Bill to switch to decaf.

2. Tiger, Tiger, Burning Back

Tiger Woods will not play the Masters due to back surgery.

Yesterday I tweeted, “Tiger, no Masters; Lindsay, no Olympics. Elin is a voodoo master.” That elementary tweet received more RTs than anything I’ve ever tweeted, even though I don’t particularly think it’s brilliant, which is to say that for one brief moment I understood what it feels like to be Dane Cook.

3. “Bruuuuuuuuuuce!”

Last night, as pitcher Scott Feldman was plunking The Captain –in his first at-bat of his last season– news was breaking that college football savant Bruce Feldman was jumping from CBS Sports to Fox Sports. Good move for the Foxies, as Bruce is great people and has credibility within the ranks. And the respect of coaches and players.

Besides, Bruce can drive from his home to the Fox Studios on Sepulveda (I think). Now, where will CBS Sports find a college football pundit who lives in New York City????? Hmmmmmm.

4. Ching Chong Ding Dong So Long

Nation…the funniest man after 11 p.m., Stephen Colbert, in his first TV appearance since the #CancelColbert hysteria became a thing, is typically brilliant and incisive. I love how he notes that there was far more of an uproar over his satirical charity, the “Ching Chong Ding Dong Foundation for Orientals or Whatever”  than there has been over the “Washington Redskins Original Americans Foundation.”

5. They’re Right

Somewhere in the background Russell Crowe is building a ship.

Someone edited the final three or so minutes of “How I Melt Your Mother” and it’s TM, totally masterful. I hope someone shows this to Carter Bays and Craig Thomas and they use it for all forthcoming DVDs and syndication episodes.

And do not browbeat me for caring so much about a sitcom.

And, yes, for its first four or so seasons HIMYM was awesome, kinda like “Scrubs” in its early years. I won’t apologize.

 

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner

1937:  Tris Speaker, CF; Cy Young, P ; 1938: Grover Cleveland Alexander, P; Eddie Collins, 2B 1939:Nap Lajoie, 2B; Joe Jackson, LF; 1940: Billy Hamilton, OF; Cap Anson, 1B; 1941: Wee Willie Keeler, RF; George Sisler, 1B; 1942: Rogers Hornsby, 2B; Pie Traynor, 3B; 1943: Mickey Cochrane, C; Frankie Frisch, 2B 1944: Ed Walsh, P; Old Hoss Radbourn, P 1945: Lou Gehrig, 1B; Kid Nichols, P 1946: Ed Delahanty, LF; Lefty O’Doul 1947: Pud Galvin, P; John McGraw, INF 1948: Carl Hubbell, P; Addie Joss, P 1949: Harry Heilman, OF/1B; Monte Ward, P/SS 1950: Cool Papa Bell, CF; Jimmie Foxx, 1B 1951: Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, P; Josh Gibson, C 1952: Paul Waner, RF; Charlie Gehringer, 2B 1953: Mel Ott, RF; Hank Greenberg, 1B 1954: Eddie Plank, P; Dan Brouthers, 1B 1955: “Wahoo” Sam Crawford, OF; John Clarkson, P 1956: Chief Bender, P; Bill Dickey, C 1957: Sam Rice, RF; Joe DiMaggio, CF 1958: Bill Terry, 1B; Heinie Manush, LF 1959: Dizzy Dean, P; Tim Keefe, P 

Paul Waner

1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P 1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P 1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P 1978: Roberto Clemente, RF; Chuck Klein, RF 1979: Willie Mays, CF; Luis Aparicio,  SS 1980: Al Kaline, RF; Enos Slaughter, RF 1981: Bob Gibson, P; Harmon Killebrew, 1B 1982: Hank Aaron, RF; Frank Robinson, OF 1983: Brooks Robinson, 3B, Juan Marichal, P 1984: Hoyt Wilhelm, P; Arky Vaughan, SS 1985: Lou Brock, LF; Pete Browning, OF 1986: Sidd Finch, P

1987

Willie McCovey, 1B; 1959-1980, San Francisco Giants

The National League MVP in 1969 when he led baseball in home runs (45), RBI (126) and OBP (.453), this six-time All-Star retired with 521 home runs. The inspiration for McCovey Cove was described by contemporary Bob Gibson as “the scariest hitter in baseball” (Gibson knew from scary) and led the league in homers three different seasons.

Roger Maris, RF; 1957-1968, Yankees, 3 others

Maris is not yet in the Hall of Fame, but how many other two-time American League MVPs can say that? Most famous for belting a single-season record 61 home runs in 1961 (which, depending on how you feel about PEDs, may or may not still be the rightful record), the Fargo, N.D., native was an All-Star between 1959-1962 and played on three World Series champions. As for the literal meaning of “Fame”, he earned it.

Remote Patrol

McDonald’s High School All-American Basketball Game

ESPN 9 p.m.

You can’t have this, Taco Bell! Also known as the University of Kentucky/Duke University spring hoops extravaganza, this exhibition will feature 2015 NBA Draft top picks Jahlil Okafor (Durham-bound) and Tyler Ulis (Lexington-bound).

IT’S ALL HAPPENING! Tuesday, April 1

STARTING FIVE

Ted’s kids, mirroring your own body language last night.

1. TED Talks

“Kids, let me tell you about a time when I alienated a loyal fan base with a sacrilegious and tone-deaf series finale.” So, Ted Mosby finally told us how he met their mother, only to kill her off a scene or two later so that he could wait outside Aunt Robin’s window toting a blue French horn.”

The sad thing? Ted and The Mother actually had terrific chemistry in the scene in which they met.

Alan Sepinwall was not pleased. ( <— That’s a terrific read, by the way)

I’ll say this: I moved to New York City when I was 22 and spent the next dozen years here uninterrupted. No sitcom every captured the joy and zaniness and silliness (Did my friends and I play Hide-And-Go-Seek once at the Waldorf-Astoria, with me ending up on a window ledge outside about 20 floors up? Maybe…)  of being a New Yorker in their 20′s better than How I Melt Your Mother. Let’s remember “Suit up!” and “Legen….wait for it and I hope you’re not lactose-intolerant because the next word is…dary” and “Slap bet!” and not let last night define the series for us.

Better yet, let’s go to the mall!

Seriously, though, if you’re going to divorce Barney and Robin –one week after their wedding, an event you spent an ENTIRE final season on, and then have Barney have a child on his own, why not go all the way and have him come out of the closet? Daddy’s home-o!

2. Mets Lose, Cubs Lose, Death, Taxes

Neil Walker blasts the game’s lone run in Pittsburgh

Baseball’s Opening Day hit yesterday, even though the Los Angeles Dodgers were idle and already 2-1. The Mets lost after allowing the tying run in the ninth inning and surrendering four in the top of the tenth, then new Met Curtis Granderson struck out looking to end the contest. The Cubs fell in Pittsburgh on a walk-off homer in the bottom of the tenth that was also the game’s lone run.

And in Anaheim, Felix Hernandez (he of the immortal moniker, “F-Her”) struck out 11 batters in six innings of work as the Mariners reeled in Trout.

In more interesting Opening Day news, Ranger fans unintentionally desecrated a statue of Shannon Stone, the fan who died at the ballpark a few years back, and Angels hitting coach Don Baylor broke his ankle while catching a ceremonial first pitch.

3. March Magnificence

Can the Spurs win another championship with mostly aging veterans, um, Hall of Famers? Kawhi not?

San Antonio closed out an undefeated month (16-0) with a 26-point rout of the East’s best team for most of the season, the Pacers, in Indianapolis. Oh, and remember that game ESPN over-hyped last week in Indy? It was the Pacers’ only win in the past six games.

Last night, on the other hand, was the Spurs’ 18th consecutive win, a franchise record. They have the league’s best record at 56-16 and appear to be the most inspired team in the league by a mile. Is anyone in Bristol —besides San Antonio native Michelle Beadle — paying attention?

4. Flori-Duh

Car leads cops on a two-county chase, but stops to pay tolls (Did he learn nothing from watching “The Godfather?”). Reminds me of the vehicle that led cops on a high-speed chase but never failed to use its turn signals. Thanks to Andy Staples for this.

5. The Jewell and the Odyssey

Odyssey Sims and The Mulkey, that li’l spitfire of a coach.

Fantastic regional final last night in women’s hoops, Baylor at Notre Dame. The Lady Bears’ Odyssey Sims, the nation’s second-leading scorer, drains 33 points in her final college game while Irish up-and-comer Jewell Loyd, a sophomore, finishes with 30 as the undefeated Irish advance, 88-69. We are one Irish win and two UConn wins away from a pair of unbeatens meeting in the NCAA Championship Game.

Reserves

An ESPN Ian Darke promo for the World Cup. This is how you do it.

***
April Fool’s Day alerts: Richard Deitsch at SI announces on Twitter that he is headed up to Bristol to debate Skip Bayless on “First Take” in May, while USATF announces a 2 x 100 human-canine event.

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner

1937:  Tris Speaker, CF; Cy Young, P ; 1938: Grover Cleveland Alexander, P; Eddie Collins, 2B 1939:Nap Lajoie, 2B; Joe Jackson, LF; 1940: Billy Hamilton, OF; Cap Anson, 1B; 1941: Wee Willie Keeler, RF; George Sisler, 1B; 1942: Rogers Hornsby, 2B; Pie Traynor, 3B; 1943: Mickey Cochrane, C; Frankie Frisch, 2B 1944: Ed Walsh, P; Old Hoss Radbourn, P 1945: Lou Gehrig, 1B; Kid Nichols, P 1946: Ed Delahanty, LF; Lefty O’Doul 1947: Pud Galvin, P; John McGraw, INF 1948: Carl Hubbell, P; Addie Joss, P 1949: Harry Heilman, OF/1B; Monte Ward, P/SS 1950: Cool Papa Bell, CF; Jimmie Foxx, 1B 1951: Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, P; Josh Gibson, C 1952: Paul Waner, RF; Charlie Gehringer, 2B 1953: Mel Ott, RF; Hank Greenberg, 1B 1954: Eddie Plank, P; Dan Brouthers, 1B 1955: “Wahoo” Sam Crawford, OF; John Clarkson, P 1956: Chief Bender, P; Bill Dickey, C 1957: Sam Rice, RF; Joe DiMaggio, CF 1958: Bill Terry, 1B; Heinie Manush, LF 1959: Dizzy Dean, P; Tim Keefe, P 

Hack Wilson

1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P 1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P 1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P 1978: Roberto Clemente, RF; Chuck Klein, RF 1979: Willie Mays, CF; Luis Aparicio,  SS 1980: Al Kaline, RF; Enos Slaughter, RF 1981: Bob Gibson, P; Harmon Killebrew, 1B 1982: Hank Aaron, RF; Frank Robinson, OF 1983: Brooks Robinson, 3B, Juan Marichal, P 1984: Hoyt Wilhelm, P; Arky Vaughan, SS 1985: Lou Brock, LF; Pete Browning, OF

1986

Hayden Siddhartha “Sidd” Finch, P; 1985, New York Mets

Finch, the French horn-tooting hurler who threw pure thermonuclear heat (168 m.p.h.) and pitched while only wearing one shoe, a size 14 boot, was a brilliant comet that briefly flashed across the baseball sky. As Sports Illustrated reported, “He’s a pitcher, part yogi and part recluse, impressively liberated  from our opulent life-style. Sidd’s deciding about yoga–and his future in baseball.”

Remote Patrol

The Man With The 132-Pound Scrotum

DFH 10 p.m.

April Fool’s? You decide. Here’s the actual blurb: “A profile of a Las Vegas man with a debilitating medical condition called scrotal lymphedema that caused his scrotum to swell to more than 100 pounds.” That’s nuts.