IT’S ALL HAPPENING! Monday, March 31

March 31, 2014April 1, 2014 by John Walters | 1 Comment

STARTING FIVE

1. Rain Man

The Biblical epic “Noah” tops the box office ($44 million) on a weekend that, at least here in New York, produced near non-stop precipitation and anti-deluvian flooding. It’s a film that stars Russell Crowe and Jennifer Connelly as a married couple in which the husband hears disembodied voices. So, yes, totally new territory for this pair. If form holds, Connelly will marry the voice of God in real life.

2. The Upper Hand? Nope

Nik Stauskas scored a game-high 24 points for UM, but it wasn’t enough

Tough Sunday for the state of Michigan, as both the Spartans and Wolverines fall in their respective NCAA regional finals. The good news: baseball season begins today and Justin Verlander is on the mound this afternoon at Comerica Park versus Lorde’s favorite team.

3.Flesh Mob

She operates a post-zombie B&B. But are you the second B?

“All who arrive, survive,” proclaims Terminus’ own Tokyo Rose, but for how long? The season finale of “The Walking Dead” suggests that the erstwhile railroad depot Terminus, now a “sanctuary”, is just a new spin on “Soylent Green.” In the post-apocalyptic world that Sheriff Rick and the gang inhabit, everyone apparently wants to eat you: if it ain’t the zombies, then it’s just fellow survivors.

4. Elliott Mess

My former SI colleague, Josh Elliott, is leaving Times Square and “Good Morning America” for 30 Rock and ~~“Today.”~~ NBC Sports (it’s a short hike from 7th Avenue to 6th Avenue, and up from 46th Street to 49th. You can stop into the Steakateria en route).

From what has been reported, Josh was earning just over $1 million per and wanted a raise up to $8 million. And that may sound crazy to you, but GMA went from No. 2 to No. 1 in the morning after he arrived, and the incumbent host at “Today” earns approximately $25 million. Yes, Matt Lauer IS “Today”, but he’s also 56 so he’s not Tomorrow. On Today.

Josh is.

I like Josh a lot. He’s always been very, very sure of himself, but not in a way that is a turn-off. Plus, all the Ad Sales lasses at SI thought he was dreamy (he is). His first day at GMA, by the way, in May of 2011, was the morning after Osama Bin Laden was taken out. What a way to begin your national career as a news reader.

So who should GMA look to now? Scott Van Pelt would be “useful” (as suggested by Jim Weber on Twitter) but he just re-upped at the WWL and he may prefer where he is. You need another male on set. My easy suggestion is David Muir: intelligent, handsome, hard news background, 40ish. My wildcard suggestion is Zach Aldridge, because of this.

5. “I’m Literally Starving…’

Allie LaForce…she also appeared live in NYC this weekend.

Comedian Louis C.K. guest-hosts on Saturday Night Live and kills with his opening monologue. I happen to agree with everything he says here about religion, for example, God replying to the recently deceased about heaven: “I’m supposed to make a universe and then a whole ‘nother amazing place?!? You people are greedy ____ down there!”

Reserves

“60 Minutes” had not one but two segments last night that everyone is talking about: one about Michael Lewis’ new book, “Flash Boys”, which is about how Wall Street is emulating Peter Griffin’s scheme in “Office Space” and the other about my man Elon Musk, whom I have praised repeatedly on this site.

****

The SickSirs win! And by 25 points. Which means that their streak ends at 26 games, which only ties them with Cleveland for the worst of all time. Oddly enough, tonight they visit the Atlanta Hawks, who themselves have the NBA’s worst current losing streak at six games –and are only two games in the loss column ahead of the Knicks for 8th place in the East.

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner

1937: Tris Speaker, CF; Cy Young, P ; 1938: Grover Cleveland Alexander, P; Eddie Collins, 2B 1939:Nap Lajoie, 2B; Joe Jackson, LF; 1940: Billy Hamilton, OF; Cap Anson, 1B; 1941: Wee Willie Keeler, RF; George Sisler, 1B; 1942: Rogers Hornsby, 2B; Pie Traynor, 3B; 1943: Mickey Cochrane, C; Frankie Frisch, 2B 1944: Ed Walsh, P; Old Hoss Radbourn, P 1945: Lou Gehrig, 1B; Kid Nichols, P 1946: Ed Delahanty, LF; Lefty O’Doul 1947: Pud Galvin, P; John McGraw, INF 1948: Carl Hubbell, P; Addie Joss, P 1949: Harry Heilman, OF/1B; Monte Ward, P/SS 1950: Cool Papa Bell, CF; Jimmie Foxx, 1B 1951: Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, P; Josh Gibson, C 1952: Paul Waner, RF; Charlie Gehringer, 2B 1953: Mel Ott, RF; Hank Greenberg, 1B 1954: Eddie Plank, P; Dan Brouthers, 1B 1955: “Wahoo” Sam Crawford, OF; John Clarkson, P 1956: Chief Bender, P; Bill Dickey, C 1957: Sam Rice, RF; Joe DiMaggio, CF 1958: Bill Terry, 1B; Heinie Manush, LF 1959: Dizzy Dean, P; Tim Keefe, P

Hack Wilson

1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P 1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P 1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P 1978: Roberto Clemente, RF; Chuck Klein, RF 1979: Willie Mays, CF; Luis Aparicio, SS 1980: Al Kaline, RF; Enos Slaughter, RF 1981: Bob Gibson, P; Harmon Killebrew, 1B 1982: Hank Aaron, RF; Frank Robinson, OF 1983: Brooks Robinson, 3B, Juan Marichal, P 1984: Hoyt Wilhelm, P; Arky Vaughan, SS

1985

Lou Brock, LF; 1961-1979, Cardinals

The greatest base thief of his generation and one of the best of all time, Brock led baseball in steals for eight seasons and set the record for steals in one season with 118 in 1974. When he retired Brock held both the single-season stolen base mark and the career stolen-base mark (938), records that were both later broken by Rickey Henderson. A six-time All-Star, he also eclipsed the 3,000-hit mark with 3,023.

Pete Browning, OF; 1882-1894, Louisville Eclipse/Colonels, Others

Browning

Browning is not actually in the Hall of Fame, but he is one of those baseball ghosts worth knowing about. First off, he hit .341 in 13 seasons, which is the 13th-best batting average in baseball history. Second, he was deaf and often played with massive head pain due to mastoiditis, an inner ear condition. He was known as “The Louisville Slugger” (he was born and died in the same house in L’ville) and was the first to have bats made custom for him. Browning was also the first Major Leaguer to purchase a bat from the Hillerich & Bradley Co., hence that’s why you know the nickname. He spent a season with a team called the Cleveland Infants. His dad died in a cyclone when he was 13. He gave his bats Biblical names and spoke to them. He stared into the sun to strengthen his eyes. I’m making none of this up.

Remote Patrol

How I Met Your Mother

CBS 8 p.m.

Kids, let me tell you about the series finale of HIMYM…While Barney Stinson is currently on Broadway (technically, he’s on 44th St. b/w 6th and 7th playing the lead –it’s a one-man show– in “Hedwig and the Angry Inch”) the show will finally come to a close. Brilliant in its first few seasons, it’s petered out some in the end. Still, it gave us this (with Stacy Keibler!), which may have convinced Broadway producers that NPH was up for Hedwig, and many other great moments. Take a bow, kids.

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IT’S ALL HAPPENING! Friday, March 28

March 28, 2014 by John Walters | Leave a comment

STARTING FIVE

1. Gettin’ Miggy With It (Da-da-da-da, da-da-DAH!)

The Detroit Tigers give their 30 year-old slugger, Miguel Caruso Cabrera, whose contract does not even expire for another two seasons, an eight-year, $248 million extension. This will only make Cabrera the highest-paid player in baseball history, although since he never attended college I do worry for his future.

Cabrera is already slated to earn $44 million over the next two seasons and by the time he’s 35 should be about as agile as Fred Sanford. So why did Detroit, which went cheap on its ace, Max Scherzer, last week, do this?

As Michael Rosenberg explains on SI.com, because you never want a guy who doesn’t expect to live long enough to see his next Olympics make your baseball personnel decisions.

2. Johnny Football’s Prop Day

Manziel eluded a broom much like this one in front of pro scouts. Projected back-ups, however, get mop-up duty.

Johnny Manziel demonstrated that he is no match for domestic tools during his Pro Day in College Station yesterday. Me, I’ll just think of JFF’s two games versus Alabama as his Pro Days.

Next month: the nation’s most talented student newspaper scribes will take part in their Prose Days. Try writing a lede as Bill Belichick casts a clinical eye your way.

3. Soy Un Perdedor

This is Casper Ware. He’s 5-10, he eats potato chips, and he scored 7 points for the SickSirs last night.

The SickSirs lost again last night, at Houston, tying the NBA record for consecutive second-place finishes in games at 26. Honestly, I’ve been watching them and they’re much improved over those debacles last month on the West Coast (123-78 at Clippers and 123-80 at Golden State on consecutive nights).

Now that they’ve cut DeSean Jackson, though, I do think they’ll win at home versus Detroit tomorrow so as not to own the skid mark outright.

4. Blake Wood Dive

This is Lakewood, which is adjacent to Cleveland. Not Blake Wood, who will pitch for Cleveland.

You have to love this. Indians manager Terry Francona visits the mound to inform pitcher Blake Wood that he has made the big-league club. My mind is racing with so many potential other things Francona might tell a pitcher on future visits (“your wife just left you for a Venezuelan utility fielder”). Also, you music fans are probably wondering how Blake Wood went from canoodling with Amy Winehouse to becoming a big-league pitcher, and I don’t have the answer.

5. Nick at (Late) Nite

It’s refreshing to see a Nick play well in SoCal this week.

Arizona point guard Nick Johnson goes 0-10 over the game’s first 37 minutes and then scored 15 in the final 2:45 as Arizona outlasts San Diego State in the Sweet 16. Florida got a similar late-sizzle performance from point guard Scottie Wilbekin.

You NEED guards in the tourney, which is why I like both the Gators and Zona in the Final Four (a reminder that my Final Four was Zona, Florida, Virginia and Louisville…I think). So you can see who I like tonight. Also like Tennessee in an upset and The Fighting Shabazzes of Connecticut.

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner

1984

James Hoyt Wilhelm, P; 1952-1972, Nine teams

The patriarch of relievers, Wilhelm is the first pitcher to record at least 200 saves (227) and the first to appear in at least 1,000 games (1,070). A knuckler who retired 16 days before his 50th birthday, Wilhelm earned a Purple Heart in the Battle of the Bulge (there were so many more Pat Tillmans then) and did not make his MLB debut until he was 29. Hit a home run in his first MLB at-bat and then never hit another one in his 21 seasons. Two more items: 1) Only one pitcher who has pitched more than 2,000 innings since 1927 has a lower career ERA than Wilhelm’s 2.52 –and that is Mariano Rivera (2.21) and 2) When one of the Three Stooges names a John Cougar song title, it sound’s as if he’s praising Wilhelm.

Hoyt’s so good

Joseph Floyd “Arky” Vaughan, SS; 1932-1941, 19487-1948, Pirates, Dodgers

This nine-time All-Star once got into a dispute with his manager, Leo Durocher, then handed in his uniform and sat out the next three seasons. Vaughan’s best season was 1935, when he led the National League in hitting with a .385 batting average. He retired with a .318 batting average. Died at the age of 40 when, while fishing with a buddy on Lost Lake near his ranch in Eagleville, Calif., reportedly the buddy stood up in the boat, it capsized, and both men drowned. Gene Tierney was nowhere in sight (a Leave Her To Heaven reference, in case you wondered).

Remote Patrol

March Madness

CBS & TBS 7 p.m.

Come for the hoops, stay for the unscripted Charles Barkley clowning. CBS and Turner are totally Vanessa Williams-ing it, as the evening’s last games (Kentucky-Louisville and Virginia-Michigan State) are better potentially than next week’s Final Four. Sometimes the snow comes down in June…

IT’S ALL HAPPENING! Thursday, March 27

March 27, 2014 by John Walters | 1 Comment

STARTING FIVE

1. There’s No ‘I’ in Teamster

So, the National Labor Relations Board has ruled that Northwestern football players may unionize. They also may still blow double-digit leads in the fourth quarter when facing ranked teams.

If there were ever a town in which you wanted to flip the game on the NCAA and create a union, that town is Chicago. Ask Studs Terkel.

Good thing? Bad thing? I’m going to go Zen Master on this and say, “We’ll see.”

2. Zooropa

If you read this site often, you know that I love animals.

More than most people.

I don’t apologize for that.

So I don’t quite understand what is taking place at the Copenhagen Zoo, which has exterminated two giraffes and now four lions in the past month. I’m not even sure I want to understand the logic, but can’t they just deport them? Or put them on a boat with an Indian boy? Sell them to Matt Damon?

I hate this.

3. The National’s League

You will be hearing about this film: “Mistaken For Strangers.” It’s a documentary, ostensibly about the indie rock band The National, made by Tom Berninger, the dissipated younger brother of the band’s front man, Matt Berninger. What begins as a band-on-tour doc transforms into a story about the film maker himself, a man who has lived his adult life in his big brother’s shadow and is trying to find his own niche. And, with this film he may have done just that.

Haven’t seen it yet, but it’s getting great reviews. I like to think of it as the “Rain Man” of rock docs.

4. Strangers with Candy Crushed

The reaction on Wall Street to Candy Crush’s stock price.

The company that makes games such as Candy Crush, Farm Heroes and Ultimate Time Suck*, King Digital Entertainment (KING) had its IPO yesterday and the stock plummeted 15%. That’s the worst IPO performance of the year. So, there is hope, people. You do realize that this life thing is not a dress rehearsal, don’t you? This is all we get. So why are you playing Farm Heroes? (“So why are you writing a blog?”) (Hey, I’ll ask the questions here.)

*Not an actual game

5. Pacers Win This Round

The Pacers beat the Heat in an over-caffeinated, thump-your-chest game that ESPN will tout as male soap-opera drama until they (hopefully, for some) meet again in late May. Hey, LeBron scored 38 and looked terrific, but these games that end in the 80s are often ugly and far too physical. Me, I’ll watch the Western Conference where they don’t care so much about winning the line of scrimmage.

Reserves

Guilty…Of Love in the First Degree

This is so Florida, except that it happened in the Bay Area: man flirts with a female employee at a fast-food joint named Curry Up Now (there should be a law against that name), then later returns to rob the store. Police abducted him by arranging a phony date with the object of his ardor.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING! Wednesday, March 26

March 26, 2014March 26, 2014 by John Walters | 3 Comments

STARTING FIVE

1. Terror Firma

Mudslide in the state of Washington kills at least 24, but as many as 100 or more people in rural Snohomish County may have perished. The area has received more than twice the average amount of rain (15 inches, as opposed to 7 1/2) this month, and that most likely triggered it.

2. Jimmy Fallon’s Funhouse

In his first month as host of The Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon has turned the venerable franchise into Pee Wee’s Playhouse. And that’s not a bad thing. He’s never going to do the hard-hitting interview, but that boyish sense of adventure and enthusiasm is serving the 40 year-old well. Here he is enticing Billy Joel into a terrific two-man doo-wop rendition of “The Lion Sleeps Tonight.”

3. “Tell Sloan I said, ‘What broke?”

So Kevin Connolly, whom you may know better as Eric or “E” from Entourage, was filming a scene for the movie version of the popular HBO show in which he catches a post-route thrown by Russell Wilson of the Seattle Seahawks. You know, the guy who quarterbacked the Super Bowl-winning team. Well, it didn’t go so well as Connolly suffered a fracture in two places in his lower left leg when he tripped over a sprinkler. But he did catch the ball.

Afterward everyone hugged it out.

4. “Nobody said it was easy…”

So you probably won’t hear Chris Martin and the boys play “Green Eyes” live any time soon. The lead singer of Coldplay and his wife of 10 years, Gwyneth Paltrow, have announced ~~that they are separating~~ a “conscious uncoupling” (befoe it was simply an “odd coupling?”).Oddly enough, Paltrow appeared on “Glee” last night and sang “Party All The Time” in a sudsy disco. Give a hand to Jason McIntyre, who tweeted out this “60 Minutes” piece on C9ldplay which portrays Martin as an irrefutably likeable bloke. And I’ve always loved this.

5. Area 51

Henry scored a team-high 22 off the bench.

The ‘bockers and their new team president, Iron Phil Jackson, invaded Staples Centers last night for a date with a Loss Angeles Laker team that will finish with its worst record since fleeing the Twin Cities in 1960. El ‘bockers desperately needed a win, as they were three games in the Loss column out of the eighth spot in the East.

What happened? They were outscored 36-20 in the second quarter and 51-31 in the third –yes, they allowed 87 points in one half in a non-All Star Game– in a 126-97 beat down. The 51 points were the most the Lakers had ever scored in a quarter (think about that: they scored 51 not with Elgin Baylor or Jerry West or Wilt or Magic or Kareem or Kobe or Shaq, but with Xavier Henry and Swaggy P and Chris Kaman–in fact, their “All-Star”, Pau Gasol, did not even suit up) and the 33-point lead was their largest of the season.

The New York Knicks, 2013-14: R.I.P. City

Reserves

Bench-clearing shove-a-thon in Florida-Florida State baseball game (hey, isn’t Jameis Winston on one of those teams???) after one player takes supreme umbrage at another player running to first base.

****

Navy freshman slotback Will McKamey, a 5-9 rusher who did not see action last fall, dies after falling into a coma after practice on Saturday. McKamey had suffered a serious head injury during a game in high school.

****

This is the photo that comes up when you Google-search “Clemson court storm Belmont.”

Did Clemson students ironically storm their court after defeating mid-major Belmont in the NIT?

***
Shaq, doing first-half highlights of the Knicks-Lakers, admonishes the ‘bockers for their lack of focus, then refers to Raymond Felton as Felton Spencer.

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner

1983

Brooks Robinson, 3B; 1955-1977, Orioles

“The Human Vacuum Cleaner” was, as the pseudonym suggests, a Hoover at the hot corner. THE gold standard for playing the toughest defensive position in baseball, Robinson won 16 consecutive Gold Gloves, the most of any non-pitcher in baseball history. Was an American League MVP in 1964, an All-Star Game MVP in 1966 and a World Series MVP in 1970. Robinson collected 2,848 hits in his 23 seasons and played on two World Series winners.

Juan Marichal, P; 1960-1975, Giants

The Dominican Republic native won more games (191) in the decade of the 1960s than any other pitcher and likely made the most enemies doing so, as he was known to aim pitches directly at a batter’s helmet. Marichal went 25-8 in 1963 and 26-9 in 1968. A 10-time All-Star famed for his uber-high leg kick, Marichal finished with a 243-142 record and a 2.89 E.R.A.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING! Tuesday, March 25

March 25, 2014March 25, 2014 by John Walters | 1 Comment

STARTING FIVE

“Heyyyyyy, this isn’t Bob Knight. It’s Ted Knight. We want Bob Knight.” “You’ll get nothing and like it.”

1. “Oh, Bob”

“If I were involved with the NBA I wouldn’t want a 19-year-old or a 20-year-old kid, to bring into all the travel and all the problems that exist in the NBA. I would want a much more mature kid. I would want a kid that maybe I’ve been watching on another team and now he’s 21, 22 years old instead of 18 or 19, and I might trade for that kid. On top of it all, the NBA does a tremendous, gigantic disservice to college basketball. It’s as though they’ve raped college basketball in my opinion.”

And he was doing so well until that last line. Or, as Chris Littman tweeted earlier today, well, this.

Is this a generational disconnect? A political correctness kerfuffle? You be the judge, but trafficking in Hitler and/or rape metaphors is risky business (although sometimes you gotta say, “What the ____?”)

And, yes, this might not have been as bad if Knight hadn’t famously equated rape to stress a quarter century ago in an interview with Connie Chung.

Worth noting: I once ran into a waiter in Lawrence, Kansas, a kid just out of college whom Knight didn’t know, but who met him and expressed a sincere interest in getting a job in college hoops. And Knight placed him, I believe, in an entry level job at KU –he was waiting tables to make ends meet. The young man couldn’t say enough great things about Knight, and I imagine there are a lot of people like him. People Knight has helped without fanfare.

2. But You May Still Dink and Dunk

Now Tony Gonzalez is definitely gone…zalez.

The NFL outlaws dunking over the goalposts after a touchdowns. Updating the list:

1. No crying in baseball.

2. No dunking in football.

3. No sex in the champagne room.

4. No more ‘I love you’s.” (<—–Annie Lennox insisted on this)

3. And Yet They Never Got Walter White, Pinkman, or Todd’s Uncle

Hey, Albuquerque Police Department, slow your roll. The ABQ has shot 36 people, 20 of them fatally, since 2010. Here’s more on it.

4. You Wanted The Best?

You got it! A scant 40 years after releasing its first album, KISS (Knights In Satan’s Service?) makes the cover of Rolling Stone. That’s a vintage shot from the Seventies, with Paul, Gene, Ace and Peter. Check out this surprise appearance they recently made for John Varvatos.

5. Pablo Honey

A lingering case of shingles to the eponymous host of Olbermann has created a larger window of opportunity for understudy Pablo Torre, a former Sports Illustrated reporter and writer, who keeps looking more and more comfortable in the chair. Here’s the Manhattan Regis Prep and Harvard alumnus (hey, just like Colin Jost) waxing philosophical on one-and-done and Occam’s Razor last night. Well done. He must have been on the debate team somewhere.

If you’re keeping score at home, former SI bullpen members now making a far more cushy living appearing regularly on national TV include Torre, Josh “Misdemeanor” Elliott and Seth Davis.

Fasten your seat belts, everybody. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner

Lefty Gomez

1982

Hank Aaron, RF; 1954-1976, Braves

His is the first name that appears alphabetically in The Baseball Encyclopedia, but it’s fitting. Hammerin’ Hank is baseball’s all-time home run king with 755 but he is also first in…. Most Seasons as an All-Star (21), RBI (2,297), Extra Base Hits (1,477) and Total Bases (6,856). Hammerin’ Hank is also fifth all-time in hits (3,771) and retired with a .305 batting average. One of the game’s more understated superstars, and one who exists in a rare orbit.

Frank Robinson, OF; 1956-1976, Reds, Orioles, Others

Sort of a poor man’s Hank Aaron who was a contemporary of his, Robinson finished a brilliant career with 586 home runs and 2,943 hits. Robinson won the Triple Crown in 1966 and remains the only player to have been named both a National League MVP (1961) and an American League MVP (1966). An All-Star in 12 seasons, he would later become baseball’s first African-American manager.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING! Monday, March 24

March 24, 2014March 24, 2014 by John Walters | 2 Comments

STARTING FIVE

1. Opera in Austria

This is the Bregenz Festival — or Bregenzer Festspiele, if you prefer — a performing arts fest that has been staged on Lake Constance, literally, since the first summer after the end of the Second World War. The opera is the main event, but there are dozens of smaller performances and this in a town that, when the festival was, ahem, launched, did not even possess a theater in its town (Bregenz).

All the world’s a stage…

The festival takes place in July and August, and I’d never heard of it before yesterday, so I thought I’d add it before I forgot. Got vacation plans?

2. Plucky Plains People Plucked

McDermott, who did not hit a single three, finished with 15 points, and ends up No. 5 on the all-time scoring list at 3,150 points, or 15 shy of Alphonso Ford.

Wichita State. Creighton. North Dakota State. Kansas.

They all went down this weekend.

The Shockers deserved it least, running into a Kentucky team that has discovered chemistry and purpose in the past 10 days. That contest was a classic, particularly in the second half.

The Bluejay Way (Did it say that on their warmups, and can the Beatles sue them?) was not fit for facing an athletic Baylor club in San Antonio.

The Bison lost on Saturday night, leading to a teary-eyed coach, Saul Phillips, who remarked that Charles Barkley would make fun of him for crying. Barkley did not –at least not until Sunday. After Kansas fell to Stanford, CBS’ cameras showed a prepubescent lad, a Jayhawk fan, in tears, to which Charles quipped, “That boy is gonna grow up to coach North Dakota State.”

3. James Rebhorn, R.I.P.

You knew his face, if not his name.

James Rebhorn’s film credits include “Scent of a Woman”, “My Cousin Vinny”, “Basic Instinct”, “The Talented Mr. Ripley”, “Guarding Tess”, “Carlito’s Way”, “Lorenzo’s Oil” and perhaps most memorably, “Meet the Parents.”

He was the D.A. on the final episode of “Seinfeld”, as well as a recurring character on “30 Rock” and a featured character on “Homeland.”

Always working. Usually playing lawyers or FBI types, often in the role of an antagonist.

There was something about that thin, angular face that made Rebhorn, who passed away this weekend at age 65, perfect for those cold roles. He never got to play the role he was born for, though: a real-life Montgomery Burns in live-action version of “The Simpsons.”

4. Today’s Conspiracy Theory

Thaddeus Young.

Item: The San Antonio Spurs have the NBA’s best record (53-16) and the league’s longest win streak, 13 games.

Item: The Philadelphia SickSirs have the league’s second-worst record (15-55) and its longest losing streak, 24 games.

Item: The NBA’s longest losing streak ever is 26 games, by the Cadaverliers just two years ago. If Philly loses tonight, they’d have to beat Houston on the road to avoid tying Cleveland’s mark.

Item: Philly isn’t beating the Rockets in Houston (they’d get Detroit at home to avoid breaking the mark, and that game’s a toss-up).

Item: Philly’s coach is Brett Brown, who spent the previous 11 seasons before this one working as an assistant for Gregg Popovich or in the Spurs’ front office.

Item: Gregg Popovich pauses not one moment to consider whether or not the league office is happy with him or his team’s decorum.

Suggestion: The Spurs might just lose tonight. Throw the game? Perhaps not, but I could see Pop giving his three Hall of Famers the night off. And, granted, SAS should still win even without them, but I wouldn’t be suprised if Pop’s pretty low-key about how his team plays tonight. Expect to see a lot of Jeff Ayres and Austin Daye.

5. Good Will Gardner Hunting

“They’re going to kill off my character??? I object!”

They killed Knox Overstreet. In a courtroom. In “The Good Wife.”

Which is not to be confused with free web access at Starbucks, which I refer to as “The Good Wifi.”

Seriously, when more main characters die on a Sunday night in “The Good Wife” than in “Walking Dead”, something’s wrong.

Now what does Josh Charles do? Wait for a “Sports Night” reunion?

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner

Jesse Burkett

1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P 1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P 1978: Roberto Clemente, RF; Chuck Klein, RF 1979: Willie Mays, CF; Luis Aparicio, SS 1980: Al Kaline, RF; Enos Slaughter, RF

1981

Bob Gibson, P; 1959-1975, St. Louis Cardinals

A five-time 20-game winner, Gibby’s 1968 season was a masterpiece, arguably the greatest season a starter has had since Sandy Koufax left the mound: Gibson went 22-9 with a 1.12 ERA, 13 shutouts and 268 strikeouts (the last three stats led the N.L.). In Game 1 of the World Series that season, he struck out 17 Detroit Tigers.

The following year, Major League Baseball lowered the mound from 15 inches to 10 inches in what became known as “The Gibson Rule.”

Two World Series rings (and two World Series MVPs), nine All-Star Game appearances and nine Gold Gloves, two Cy Youngs. The lowest one-season E.R.A. in the modern era (1.12) and the most strikeouts ever in a World Series contest. Gibby (251-174) enters the VIP room of the Hall.

Harmon Killebrew, 1B; 1954-1975, Minnesota Twins

“Killer” led the American League in home runs six different seasons between 1959 and 1969, clouting more than 40 in each of those years. His 573 career fence-clearers are the fifth-most in baseball’s pre-steroid history. An All-Star in 11 of his seasons, Killebrew was also the American League MVP in 1969.

Remote Patrol

How I Melt Your Mother

CBS 8 p.m.

There have been some legen…wait for it…day aspects of HIMYM, not excluding its acronym: “Slap Bet”, for example, or the number “Nothing Suits Me Like a Suit.” The early seasons had a fresh, non-formulaic, truly fun aspect to them all anchored around one love-sick boy’s sober search for a wife (which, by the very title of the show, we knew would happen). It was…silly, but not superficial.

I’ve not been a fan of the last season, which was the Steve Nash at 40 of seasons (“I want the money”), but maybe we should all watch tonight’s penultimate episode. By the way, it may only be a coincidence that in real life Barney Stinson and Steve Nash turned 40 in the same year.

The Film Room with Chris Corbellini: Oscar Picks

March 23, 2014March 23, 2014 by John Walters | Leave a comment

The Oscars were televised three weeks ago — in case you haven’t heard (I think Captain Phillips swept every category– “I am the captain NOW!”). Anyway, Medium Happy’s resident film critic, of both Hollywood films and NFL Films, Chris Corbellini, did me a solid by penning his Oscar picks, only I was in a strange land without digital media, and when I returned, of course, I’d forgotten about it.

Because I’m scatterbrained and self-absorbed.

Anyway, it’s just as good a read now, and I promise I haven’t tampered with any of Chris’ picks. So here you are, a post facto Oscars preview, via the future screenwriter and showrunner of “Piranhakeets“, Chris Corbellini (does the Kermit “Yaaaaaaaaaaay!” while clapping wildly).

Somewhere Over Gravity’s Rainbow

By Chris Corbellini

In case you didn’t feel like shelling out a cool $47,000 a year on film school, here’s one of the first lessons in writing for dramatic arts: There’s a three-act structure, and it goes like so …

Act One—get your hero character up a tree.

Act Two—throw stones/rocks at him or her, and…

Act Three—get him or her down.

By that pure, lean, storytelling standard, a standard to go by when judging deeply personal pieces of cinema all over the map, the best films of 2013 are 12 Years a Slave, American Hustle, and Gravity. Of the three, I’d go with the movie that follows that arc almost literally — steely Sandra Bullock raging against the dying of the light before plummeting through Earth’s atmosphere. All those rocks thrown at the lead (a tragic backstory, orbiting projectiles, fireballs, some seriously clingy seaweed), coupled with groundbreaking special effects and sound work, should be enough to beat out the rest of this year’s contenders for Best Picture. Will it win?

I have a nagging suspicion it won’t.

The prestige picture in the room may win out over mastery of the medium.

More to come on that below. Remember that while the Oscar ceremony celebrates artists, it is also a telecast of losing artists stuck in their seats with no place to go. The winners shimmy off-stage to strategize with agents and later use a chic Beverly Hills hotel as their personal dance floor, liquor cabinet, and ash tray. The rest must sit through the broadcast wondering why it didn’t happen for them. I look forward to spotting the evening’s finest fake smile (Julia Roberts, I’m looking in your general direction).

On to the statuettes…

SOUND EDITING All is Lost, Captain Phillips, Gravity, The Hobbit, Lone Survivor

The winner: Gravity

The skinny: Think of this category, this go-around anyway, as one simple question: What does ____ sound like? Who had the toughest challenge answering that question? Captain Phillips had the sea … the slap of boots on steel stairs, the whirring engines of the pirate boats, the spray of ocean water, and the thump of the waves on the skiff at the end as the U.S. Military closed in. For that, it deserves the silver. Gravity’s opening title card says there’s no sound in space. So the sound editors knew the audience would be keyed into that from frame one. That’s a challenge. It’s still an admirable work of audio, voices in the dark, and silence.

(Actual winner: Gravity)

Based on his MH reviews, I have a sneaky suspicion that this was CC’s favorite film of 2013.

VISUAL EFFECTS Gravity, The Hobbit, Iron Man 3, The Lone Ranger, Star Trek Into Darkness

The winner: Gravity.

The skinny: Child, please. Just re-visit the opening shot of the movie.

(Winner: Gravity)

FILM EDITING American Hustle, Captain Phillips, Dallas Buyers Club, Gravity, 12 Years a Slave

The winner: Captain Phillips

The skinny: Editor Christopher Rouse wowed the movie business with his work on the Bourne movies (herky-jerky, kinetic, somehow it all makes sense), so this won’t surprise anyone in the room. He wins Oscar by building the tension with his famed quick cuts through to the inevitable conclusion (just look at this shot of the life boat escape), and then had the good sense to go against his creative instincts and let Tom Hanks’ tearful medical look-over play out in a long shot to finish the movie.

(Winner: Gravity)

ORIGINAL SCORE The Book Thief, Gravity, Her, Philomena, Saving Mr. Banks

The winner: Gravity

The skinny: When Bullock pierces the atmosphere towards our little bright blue ball, Gravity’s score lifts us up. It’s heavenly, amidst heavenly bodies. In a film where natural sound is minimal at best, the music bed had to wrap itself around the stars, and the movie stars themselves. I think it did.

(Winner: Gravity)

ORIGINAL SONG Happy, Let It Go, The Moon Song, Ordinary Love

The winner: “Let It Go”

The skinny: I wonder if the inevitable Karaoke version will have sections of its movie “Frozen” in it, or the standard shots of a couple walking on the beach at sunset?

(Winner: Adele Dazeem)

PRODUCTION DESIGN American Hustle, Gravity, The Great Gatsby, Her, 12 Years a Slave

The winner: Gravity

The skinny: Gatsby was appropriately opulent, the way a Gatsby party should be. It also looked cartoonish in spots. I’ll give Gravity the nod on technical achievement. They built space stations worthy of the best of 2001: A Space Odyssey, then the director blasted them into fiery pieces.

(Winner: The Great Gatsby)

CINEMATOGRAPHY The Grandmaster, Gravity, Inside Llewyn Davis, Nebraska, Prisoners

The winner: Gravity

The skinny: Roger Deakins’ work on Prisoners could pull off the upset. But of all the nominees listed here, Gravity deserves to be seen on the big screen. It’s an immersive experience.

(The winner: Gravity)

COSTUME DESIGN American Hustle, The Grandmaster, The Great Gatsby, The Invisible Woman, 12 Years a Slave

The winner: American Hustle

The skinny: Let’s give it up for the folks who poured Jennifer Lawrence and Amy Adams into those dresses.

(Winner: The Great Gatsby)

MAKEUP AND HAIRSTYLING Dallas Buyers Club, Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa, The Lone Ranger

The winner: Dallas Buyers Club

The skinny: Admittedly not even close to an expert in this category, but a motion picture featuring strong performances to go with the wrapping paper of wigs/makeup should win out over a straight-up comedy, and a straight-up joke of a tentpole summer feature.

(Winner: Dallas Buyers Club)
SOUND MIXING Captain Phillips, Gravity, The Hobbit, Inside Llewyn Davis, Lone Survivor

The winner: Gravity

The skinny: Mixing is an art, meshing and leveling all those audio tracks into one perfect symphony, and knowing when to raise one sound over the rest. There are a lot of worthy contenders here. Smaug’s voice in The Hobbit is chilling exactly when it needs to be. Anytime you have a quality film involving music like Inside Llewyn Davis, it should be in the conversation. Captain Phillips and Lone Survivor accurately depict the clangs and shrieks of chaos. Still, Gravity has that one moment where all the alarms of a space pod are rendered silent as an astronaut returns to visit another. It stays silent for some time, and you wait for the sound, any sound … and keep waiting well after the hatch is closed, until finally the alarm fades up and you can breathe again. Forty seconds later. I also loved how Bullock’s labored breath dominates from there, with Clooney much more relaxed, and it’s seamless. That’s not an accident.

(Winner: Gravity)

Now, on to the Sexy Awards…

BEST ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE Christian Bale (American Hustle), Bruce Dern (Nebraska), Leonardo DiCaprio (The Wolf of Wall Street), Chiwetel Ejiofor (12 Years a Slave), Matthew McConaughey (Dallas Buyers Club)

The winner: Matthew McConaughey

The skinny: Walking out of 12 Years a Slave, I thought Chiwetel Ejiofor was a lock for this. I even tweeted “A movie of a 1,000 horrors demands a lead capable of a 1,000 faces” – which is what he conveys. He also admirably underplays moments while Michael Fassbender and Lupita Nyong’o swing for the fences beyond the fences. But this is McConaughey’s MVP season. Maybe he gets two steps closer to an EGOT and wins an Emmy for “True Detective” as well. Five years ago, I thought Wooderson was destined to play opposite a tanned Kate Hudson in two-star romantic comedies destined for the February release dust bin. Instead, he wins a little golden dude for this role, put up an admirable effort in Mud, stars in a hit HBO series, and stole a scene from DiCaprio in Wolf of Wall Street. It must be said: Alright, Alright, Alright.

(Winner: His hero 10 years ago)

BEST ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE Amy Adams (American Hustle), Cate Blanchett (Blue Jasmine), Sandra Bullock (Gravity), Judi Dench (Philomena), Meryl Streep (August: Osage County)

The winner: Cate Blanchett

The skinny: Blanchett does terrific work with a detestable character — she hammers home the point that the rich from New York City truly think they are better than us, even while in the process of crumbling into little pieces. Also, amidst all that character actor talent, and Sally Hawkins, who was nominated for Best Supporting Actress herself, Blanchett played off Andrew Dice Clay best. She can find chemistry with anyone. Aside from maybe Adams, I can’t see anyone else in this group giving Dice a chance to really shine in such a pivotal moment. Bullock has a shot here too. Beyond the showy and tearful confessions, all that blue screen wire work demanded the timing and precise movements not unlike a ballerina. Every move had a purpose.

(Winner: Cate on a Hot Tin Roof)
BEST ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE Barkhad Abdi (Captain Phillips), Bradley Cooper (American Hustle), Michael Fassbender (12 Years a Slave), Jonah Hill (The Wolf of Wall Street), Jared Leto (Dallas Buyers Club)

The winner: Jared Leto

The skinny: Fassbender conjures up evil. He’s a twister of sweaty bitterness and self-loathing. Still, Leto’s got all the momentum for his turn as a drug addict and AIDS patient.

(Winner: Jordan Catalano)

(Edtor’s Note: Bobby Cannavele, in Blue Jasmine, got screwed here. At worst, deserved a nomination).

BEST ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE Sally Hawkins (Blue Jasmine), Jennifer Lawrence (American Hustle), Lupita Nyong’o (12 Years a Slave), Julia Roberts (August: Osage County)

The winner: Lupita Nyong’o

The skinny: A two-gal race between Lawrence and Nyong’o. Ms. Katniss Everdeen was funny (Science oven!) and her one moment of vulnerability in the movie is breathtaking to watch (“I don’t like change. It’s really hard for me. Sometimes I think that I’ll die before I change.”), but the image I can’t shake is the mist of blood from Nyong’o’s back as she was being whipped. Halfway into the picture I wondered “Wait, who is this actress?” I’m sure I’m not the only one.

(Winner: Nyong’o)

Note: the character upon whom Lawrence’s Rosalyn Rosenfeld is based, Marie Weinberg, was found hanged to death only weeks after she went to the press claiming her husband had profited from AbScam. Murder? Suicide? Also, she was 50 years old.

ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY American Hustle, Blue Jasmine, Dallas Buyers Club, Her, Nebraska

The winner: American Hustle

The skinny: A good argument for Her in this category is that as good as American Hustle was, a lot of it was improvised. The scene where Bale confronts Lawrence in their bedroom after he was nearly killed by mobsters in a car? Made up on the set. How do you reward a script the highest of honors when pages were tossed aside for spur-of-the-moment reactions? Still, I’m guessing Academy voters won’t care. The crowd-pleaser does have the best line of the year: “The art of survival is a story that never ends.” That should do it.

(Winner: Her)
ADAPTED SCREENPLAY Before Midnight, Captain Phillips, Philomena, 12 Years a Slave, The Wolf of Wall Street

The winner: 12 Years a Slave

The skinny: Before Midnight deserves it, but as Clint Eastwood once said “Deserve’s got nothing to do with it.” There is some Oscar history here: Before Sunset, the second and best of the Julie Delpy and Ethan Hawke walking and talking trilogy, was also nominated in this category in 2005, but lost to Sideways. A period piece will top Midnight this go-around. Looking at the hard-earned casualness of their three-picture work though, here’s hoping Delpy, Hawke and director Richard Linklater will continue this series every nine years. This one was angry, a great romance wilting under the strains of marriage. The hypothetical fourth movie, when both are 50, could arc in a lot of different directions, and it wouldn’t surprise me if Celine and Jesse are divorced and find a common ground for the sake of their family.

(Winner: 12 Years a Slave)
ANIMATED FEATURE The Croods, Despicable Me 2, Ernest & Celestine, Frozen, The Wind Rises

The winner: Frozen

The skinny: One of the easier categories to handicap.

(Winner: Frozen)

BEST DIRECTOR David O. Russell (American Hustle), Alfonso Cuaron (Gravity), Alexander Payne (Nebraska), Steve McQueen (12 Years a Slave), Martin Scorsese (Wolf of Wall Street)

The winner: Alfonso Cuaron

The skinny: When you spend six months in darkened edit bays collaborating with creatives that work or worked with actual Hollywood directors, you pick up some interesting gossip and a deeper understanding of what pros like about other pros. Something I learned — OK, confirmed — about director David O. Russell, from his friend: He’s completely insane and almost untethered to the reality that the rest of us live in. But the man knows story, and pulls or yanks the very best out of his cast. In another year, he wins this. But Cuaron did something magical with Gravity. He won’t win Best Picture, but when you wow everyone in your industry like Gravity did (and judging by the folks I talked to, he did), you pick up Best Director. Ang Lee won best director for the spectacle Life of Pi last year, and I see Cuaron doing the same in 2014.

(Winner: Cuaron)

BEST PICTURE American Hustle, Captain Phillips, Dallas Buyers Club, Gravity, Her, Nebraska, Philomena, 12 Years a Slave, The Wolf of Wall Street

The winner: 12 Years a Slave

The skinny: Back to the three-act structure and the tree. I thought American Hustle got the two lovers down to safety a little too cleanly. I was waiting for the body count. I enjoyed Hustle the most out of all the movies I watched in 2013. But it was not the best movie. Meanwhile, Gravity saw Bullock climb down to safety, enduring every imaginable life-threatening scenario to get there. In my opinion, it’s the great movie of this field. But 12 Years a Slave hits your psyche again and again like a folding chair to your back, and when Solomon finally reunites with his family, after all those agonizing moments and that devastating burned up letter, it’s an earned moment. I think the Academy will reward that.

(Winner: 12 Years a Slave)

If you were counting, Corbs went 15 for 19.

I’m going to go ahead and give him 16 for 20, since I admire his taste and am certain he would’ve chosen The Great Beauty, which may have been my favorite overall film of 2013, for Best Foreign Picture.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING! Friday, March 21

March 21, 2014March 21, 2014 by John Walters | 3 Comments

STARTING FIVE

Perfect photo. Love that the ball is still in the pic, probably bouncing, and the Dayton player celebrating.

1. Aar-Craft Carriers

This is what I call broadcasters who devote the majority of Ohio State basketball games gushing over Ohio State guard Aaron Craft. Or the writers who cannot resist the panegyrics.

It’s not that we hate Craft (well, some of us may), it’s just that we’re so tired of hearing that his feces don’t stank. He’s the Tim Tebow of hoops. That’s why there was so much schaudenfreude when he not only allowed his man to score the winning bucket –someone on-air blamed the Buckeyes’ secondary defender for not helping out–and then missed his last shot.

Oh, and I’ve come 180 degrees in my thoughts on Craft. I don’t think he plays in the NBA. Great hustle, great defender, but he’s not at all a threat to score from outside. I do think he’d make a terrific addition to the Grantland staff.

Your thoughts?

2. First Day of Spring

Sweat and Loe

I don’t care what the earth’s axial relationship to the sun says, the first day of spring is the tip-off of the NCAA tournament (and I don’t mean Dayton). Highlights from yesterday.

** A New Zealander named Rob Loe who doesn’t much resemble Rob Lowe leading St. Louis to an overtime win versus North Carolina State. Loe scored 22 points and grabbed 15 rebounds, and when the game still hung in the balance, inspired this tweet from Sodapop Curtis himself: “We Rob Loe’s know how to ball! But can he get the ‘W’??” (get it?).

You know who did not get it? Greg Gumbel.

**From American Hustle to American Horror Story (thanks, Brian H.): Wisconsin trails 17-10 to American early in the first half –in Milwaukee–as Twitter is vexed. Because nothing is as reliable on Twitter as first-half tweets from scribes who want to call an upset early. Of course, from that point on Wiscy turned American into cheese, outscoring them 65-18. American, idle.

**Harvard upsets Cincinnati, gets a whole lot of Likes on Facebook.

**Both Ohio State (Herbstreit) and Colorado (Fowler) lose. Call it the Revenge of Musburger.

**Grantland does a “Watch Simmons Watch the Tourney”, which has about 5% of the entertainment value of any of The Sports Guy’s live blogs of such from the previous decade. Jalen Rose was the Jesus of Cool, showing up in long camo pants, a sweat shirt, and swinging his own bat (I seriously have college friends who sported that same look watching games back in Dillon Hall), but everyone else was stiff in the “Grantland Man Cave.”

Love Simmons. Love Jalen. Wasn’t too crazy about Rembert Browne (dude, you’re on national TV; you look like a tool with a MacBook on your lap). House was fine. But the couches need to be more lived in and there should be pizza and beer, no?

**Arizona State takes the ironic defeat award as Texas scores the winning bucket on a put-back that just eludes the reach of the Sun Devils’ 7-2 center and nation’s leading shot blocker, Jordan Bachynski.

***We’re Yahoo!Sports and we believe in page views.

3. Black and White

Duke haters, can I get a show of hands?

This deserves its own item. Grant Hill, doing studio work for Tru TV, told a reporter that the reason people so intensely hated Duke when he played was because it had so many good white players (Bob Hurley, Christian Laettner, etc.) and referred to “white-on-white” hate, as so many of the arenas were filled with Caucasian fans.

Meanwhile, when J-Rose noted on Grantland that the Fab Five never got any magazine covers (and ESPN the Mag was not around then, so he basically meant SI and perhaps The Economist). Simmons, kudos to him, noticed the elephant in the room and quipped, “20% racism.” To which Rose muttered in reply, “More than that.”

(And I imagine that’s when John Skipper flashed the “You’re Fired” graphic as a warning to both.

Anyway, there’s some truth to both sentiments, but as for the former, some of that loathing was the backlash to players such as Hurley being, in the public’s mind, fantastically overrated because 1) they were white and 2) the media had a crush on Duke that had started a decade earlier. As for the Fab Five, definitely racism was part of it. But, also, this was the first group in memory –in history?–that so blatantly chose a school solely for what it could do for them. They were opportunists, mercenaries (and smart), and at the time the idea of ME (or, in their case, US) over TEAM (good ol’ School U.) seemed offensive.

4. Now ND Has a Brianna, Too

As noted previously on this blog (No. 2), you’re no one in women’s college basketball unless you have a Brianna (or some homophone thereof). The best player in women’s college basketball as of the moment, and it isn’t even close, is Breanna Stewart of undefeated and No. 1 Connecticut.

So, yesterday, Notre Dame, which is No. 2 and undefeated, but will still lose the NCG next month to the Huskies by 8 to 15 points, had reason to smile. Signee Brianna Turner of Manvel High School in Houston, who carries a 3.71 GPA, was named Gatorade National Player of the Year.

I attribute the Turner-Notre Dame marriage to two factors: 1) Turner, 6’3″, didn’t want to follow in the footsteps of another Breanna/Brianna and 2) the ascendance of Irish alumna Skylar Diggins as a pop-culture phenom. Diggins, by the way, is the only other Gatorade PoY to attend Notre Dame.

5. This Is NOT Why MH 370 Disappeared

That’s meteorologist Maria Molina of Fox News moments before passing out while riding in the back seat of an F-18 flown by the Blue Angels. Video here. My question: To reduce the deficit, I’d have our Navy pilots conduct “rides” such as this for passengers daily. Charge $100,000 per ride. You’d find enough 1% to pay it. Give them a little thrill for their money instead of simply taxing them.

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner

Rabbit Maranville

1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P 1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P 1978: Roberto Clemente, RF; Chuck Klein, RF 1980: Willie Mays, CF; Luis Aparicio, SS

1980

Al Kaline, RF; 1953-1974, Detroit Tigers

“Mr. Tiger” accumulated 3,007 hits, 18 All-Star Game appearances over three decades, 10 Gold Gloves and one World Series ring. Retired with 399 home runs and 498 doubles–just didn’t want to stick around any longer to break those barriers, I guess.

Enos “Country” Slaughter, RF; 1938-1959, Cardinals, 3 others

“Country” retired with a precision .300 batting average. A 10-time All-Star and a four-time World Series champion, he is best known for scoring the winning run in Game 7 of the 1946 World Series versus the Red Sox. Slaughter took off from first base on a single and beat Johnny Pesky’s cut-off throw.

Remote Patrol

March Madness

CBS, TNT, TBS, TruTV All Night

Don’t miss another Mercer moment. Coastal Carolina versus No. 1 Virginia? Probably not, but watch out for No. 14 North Carolina Central over Iowa State. An NCCU win would finally give the city of Durham a win in a 14-3 game today.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING! Thursday, March 20

March 20, 2014March 20, 2014 by John Walters | 3 Comments

STARTING FIVE

1.” Frightening”

No one in baseball throws harder than Reds closer Aroldis Chapman, who regularly eclipses 100 m.p.h. on the radar gun. Which means that no one has the potential to have a ball hit directly back at him with less time to react than the Cuban lefty.

Last night in a Cactus League game versus the Kansas City Royals, Chapman was struck above the left eye by a line drive hit right back to the box.

At the moment all we know is that Chapman was on the ground for 11 minutes before being carted off the field and that he suffered fractures to his nose and around his left eye socket.

2. Was Anyone Surprised?

Albany, from the “feet up.”

I like Gregg Doyel of CBSSports.com. R’ally I do. He may wonder if I do –he probably doesn’t care–but I do.

So that’s why I get upset when he writes columns like the one he penned for yesterday about the First Four. Gregg lives in Cincinnati, so was he really surprised when he drove up to Dayton to discover that the two nights of games here were a sham, a “money grab” as he called it?

And why did so many media outlets –blogs, radio, etc.–give him so much attention on this? What’s his next column going to expose: that those nice puffy clouds you see may just come bearing rain? The most disingenuous aspect of the column, for me, is that Gregg works for CBSSports.com. C-B-S. These are the people behind the money that is behind the NCAA’s money grab. It’s like a writer for BuzzFeed lamenting America’s infatuation for lists

(Notice how I shrewdly avoided a Hitler analogy there? Avoid Hitler analogies at all times. That’s Rule No. 12 –I have to start writing these rules down somewhere).

3. “Bad?” We’d Have Gone With “Smelly.”

An ingenious idea: A Google autocorrect map of the United States based on the question, “Why is _______ so ______?”

4. W___ O_ _____E

Can you guess this puzzle? Because he did.

Being that it is the first day of March Madness, let’s just go ahead and say that Emil here is the U.S. Reed of “Wheel of Fortune.” Watch the link.

The only thing more miraculous is that Vanna White is still spinning letters. Not because she still looks good. No, because anyone else would have gone insane by now. er t

Emil pockets $45,000.

Pat Sajak later tweeted, “Tonight’s ‘Wheel of Fortune’ features most amazing solve in my 30-plus years on the show. No kidding.”

5. Tattoo Pallor

Oh, Maine. You’re trying to be Florida. It’s a solid effort. Keep up the good work.

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner

Luke Appling

1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P 1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P 1978: Roberto Clemente, RF; Chuck Klein, RF

1979

Willie Mays, CF; 1951-1973, Giants, Mets

The Say Hey Kid. Some people consider him the best to ever play the game. Definitely in the top ten. Mays was an All-Star 24 times (they staged two a year a few times back then; it was over a period of 20 years). He was both a two-time National League MVP and a two-time All-Star Game MVP. “They All-Star Game was created for him,” said Ted Williams. The Alabama native was also a 12-time Gold Glove winner and he would’ve won more but the award did not exist his first six seasons in the league. Made the greatest outfield catch in World Series history, robbing Vic Wertz in 1954. Twelfth all-time in hits (3,283), 3rd in home runs (660) (Sorry, Barry, I don’t recognize that mark).

True story: the 1975 or ’76 Old-Timers’ Day Game at Shea Stadium featured a nice surprise in which four iconic New York center fielders walked in together from beyond the center field fence (like in “Field of Dreams”, only 14 years earlier) before the first pitch: Joe DiMaggio, Mickey Mantle, Willie Mays and Duke Snider. I was there with my brother and my dad. Got Joe D’s autograph later. A good day.

Luis Aparicio, SS; 1956-1973, White Sox, O’s, Red Sox

Little Louie was an artist of the base paths, leading the American League in stolen bases in every one of the first nine seasons of his career. An All-Star in 10 different years, Aparicio was the 1956 Rookie of the Year and helped the Orioles to win the World Series in 1966. A nine-time Gold Glove winner, he also finished his career with 2,677 hits.

Remote Patrol

March Madness

CBS Noon-5 p.m., 7 p.m.-Midnight

From Cal-Poly to Calipari, from the Blue Hens to the Blue Devils, the best weekend in sports begins today. You can watch it here or you can watch it along with Bill Simmons and Jalen Rose on grantland.com. Whither J-Bug and House?

IT’S ALL HAPPENING! Wednesday, March 19

March 19, 2014March 19, 2014 by John Walters | 2 Comments

STARTING FIVE

54 years ago, Cal Poly-SLO students and faculty remember their fallen friends.

1. Mustang Memory

That’ll be California Polytechnic State University, San Luis Obispo making its NCAA tournament debut this evening in Dayton. Although, are you really in the tourney if you don’t advance beyond the play-in game? Despite a 13-19 record –10-19 before it played and won its conference tourney– Cal Poly-SLO is favored tonight versus Texas Southern.

Strangely enough, the school’s most well-known athletic moment also occurred in Ohio. On October 29, 1960, after a football loss at Bowling Green, Cal Poly-SLO’s plane crashed on takeoff and burst into flames. Twenty-two of the 48 people on board, including 16 players, perished.

2. Miss You

You may have read that a famous fashion designer allegedly committed suicide in New York City on Monday.

You may have read that Mick Jagger’s longtime companion committed suicide in New York City on Monday.

You probably read both, within a comma of one another.

The death of L’Wren Scott, who stood six-foot-three, garnered attention simply for the way it was covered. Were media outlets doing Scott a disservice by noting her attachment to Jagger? Am I doing her a disservice by noting her height? Did she do herself a disservice by committing suicide?

Anyway, the Rolling Stones postponed their tour in Australia and New Zealand in the wake of the news.

3. Bad Timing Award…

A gag order was in place for one topic at the “Lost” reunion.

…goes to Damon Lindelof, creator of the show “Lost.” To commemorate the tenth anniversary of the show’s premiere, Lindelof assembled most of the cast for a reunion at PaleyFest in Los Angeles this week. During a Q & A session with the audience, guess what topic was preemptively declared off-limits?

4. Worried?

Yankee brass believes that Jeter’s average will improve as soon as he stops toting two bats to the plate.

The Captain, Derek Jeter, is batting .147 in vernal ball after 34 at-bats. Are the Bombers concerned? Should they be? You know who isn’t concerned? Pete Rose.

5. Darwin Award Nominee

Is it better or worse to be released from this mortal coil due o a silly accident? John Anderson, 53, of Grapevine, Texas, perished when he fell 350 feet off the South Rim of the Grand Canyon* last Saturday. It is believed that Anderson was leaning over to retrieve a hat when he plummeted. An average of two to three people per year die from falls each year at America’s largest cavity.

* Rule No. 1

Reserves

Barack-etology: POTUS, as a Final Four picker, is a staunch conservative, taking No. 1 seeds Florida and Arizona as well as everyone’s favorite non-No. 1 seeds, Louisville and Michigan State.

****
Helicopter crash of a local news station’s copter near the Space Needle in Seattle kills two.

***

Pearl Jam at Auburn: The Tigers hire Bruce Pearl as their new basketball coach.

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner

Carl Hubbell

1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P 1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P

1978

Roberto Clemente, RF; 1955-1972, Pirates

One of baseball’s true greats, Clemente landed exactly on 3,000 hits (in his final at-bat of the ’72 season) and would have had more if he hadn’t perished in a plane crash while on a goodwill mission to Nicaragua on New Year’s Eve. A 15-time All-Star and 12-time Gold Glove winner, National League MVP (1966) and World Series MVP (1971), he was the epitome of the five-tool player.

Chuck Klein, RF; 1928-1944, Phillies, Cubs, Pirates

“The Hoosier Hammer” hit .337 or better in each of his first six Major League seasons and led the National League in home runs in four of them. His single-season bests were .368 in 1933 and 48 homers in 1929. Klein was named National League MVP in 1932, but did not repeat in ’33 even though he won the Triple Crown. After baseball Klein ran a bar and had a drinking problem, never a good combo. He died at age 53.

Remote Patrol

Iowa vs. Tennessee

TRU 9 p.m.

Two super-conference schools meet in Dayton. The Vols led No. 1 Florida at halftime by 10 points in the SEC semi-finals just five days earlier, while the Hawkeyes have lost six of their past seven. So, of course, take Iowa.