STARTING FIVE

1. Rule No. 1…

…is, of course, “Gravity always wins.” Snow falls downhill (by definition of the word “fall”). An avalanche on the slopes of Mount Everest claims the lives of 12 or 13 Sherpa guides this morning, as Jon Krakauer rushes out to Staples to buy more note pads and pens.

2. tWITter

Conan turns 51…

How an IT guy from Peoria, Ill., landed a job writing for Late Night with Seth Meyers based on his tweets. This was not a “30 Rock” plot line.

Meanwhile, Conan O’Brien, who turns 51 today, airs rare footage of Jesus’ domestic life (something nice for Good Friday).

3. Giggle Meals

Comedian Amy Schumer, with help from Josh Radnor Charles, sends up the tropes of Aaron Sorkin.

4. “We’re No. 10!”

But be sure to read all of Grantland’s pieces lauding the Motor City as it promotes “Bad Boys” this week.

In a list compiled by Forbes of America’s “10 Most Miserable Cities”, my home of New York City finishes outside the single digits. Of the nine more miserable, California, Illinois and Michigan split evenly with three apiece. Detroit and Flint were Nos. 1 and 2.

Okay, kids, I’m late, I’m late, for a very important date. Will return to this later…

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner 1937:  Tris Speaker, CF; Cy Young, P ; 1938: Grover Cleveland Alexander, P; Eddie Collins, 2B 1939:Nap Lajoie, 2B; Joe Jackson, LF; 1940: Billy Hamilton, OF; Cap Anson, 1B; 1941: Wee Willie Keeler, RF; George Sisler, 1B; 1942: Rogers Hornsby, 2B; Pie Traynor, 3B; 1943: Mickey Cochrane, C; Frankie Frisch, 2B 1944: Ed Walsh, P; Old Hoss Radbourn, P 1945: Lou Gehrig, 1B; Kid Nichols, P 1946: Ed Delahanty, LF; Lefty O’Doul 1947: Pud Galvin, P; John McGraw, INF 1948: Carl Hubbell, P; Addie Joss, P 1949: Harry Heilman, OF/1B; Monte Ward, P/SS 1950: Cool Papa Bell, CF; Jimmie Foxx, 1B 1951: Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, P; Josh Gibson, C 1952: Paul Waner, RF; Charlie Gehringer, 2B 1953: Mel Ott, RF; Hank Greenberg, 1B 1954: Eddie Plank, P; Dan Brouthers, 1B 1955: “Wahoo” Sam Crawford, OF; John Clarkson, P 1956: Chief Bender, P; Bill Dickey, C 1957: Sam Rice, RF; Joe DiMaggio, CF 1958: Bill Terry, 1B; Heinie Manush, LF 1959: Dizzy Dean, P; Tim Keefe, P 1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P

Johnny Bench, 7 bal

 1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P 1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P 1978: Roberto Clemente, RF; Chuck Klein, RF 1979: Willie Mays, CF; Luis Aparicio,  SS 1980: Al Kaline, RF; Enos Slaughter, RF 1981: Bob Gibson, P; Harmon Killebrew, 1B 1982: Hank Aaron, RF; Frank Robinson, OF 1983: Brooks Robinson, 3B, Juan Marichal, P 1984: Hoyt Wilhelm, P; Arky Vaughan, SS 1985: Lou Brock, LF; Pete Browning, OF 1986: Sidd Finch, P 1987: Willie McCovey, 1B, Roger Maris, RF 1988: Willie Stargell, 1B, Catfish Hunter, P 1989: Earl Averill, CF, Billy Williams, LF 1990: Johnny Bench, C, Carl Yastrzemski, LF 1991: Jim Palmer, P, Joe Morgan, 2B 1992: Rod Carew, 2B; Gaylord Perry, P 1993: Reggie Jackson, RF, Tom Seaver, P 1994: Phil Niekro, P, Rollie Fingers, P 1995: Pete Rose, INF, Mike Schmidt, 3B 1996: Steve Carlton, P, Denny McLain, P 1997: Jim Rice, LF, Don Sutton, P

1998

Dick Allen, 1B; 1963-1977, Phillies

The essential Dick Allen: Note the cig

The “Wampum Walloper” may be the best position player not in Cooperstown. How many other players have been named Rookie of the Year (1964), league MVP (1972) and have led their league at least once in home runs, RBI, triples, runs, slugging percentage, on-base percentage, total bases and walks? A controversial player who was at least a decade ahead of his time in terms of social issues, Allen remains left out of MLB’s Hall. But not mine.

Dave Parker, RF; 1973-1991, Pirates

If it weren’t for a cocaine habit, the Cobra would probably have gone on to become one of the 100 greatest players of all time. Physically gifted like another contemporary named Dave (Winfield), Parker was a seven-time All-Star as well as the 1978 MVP. He was also the first player to earn an average salary of $1 million per year. A two-time batting champion, he also helped two different teams to World Series championships, in 1979 and ’89. Like Allen, he is not actually enshrined in Cooperstown.

STARTING FIVE

Notice the FC Barca fans showing their appreciation for Bale’s goal.

1. Gareth Bales Out Real Madrid

(The judges would also have accepted “Keeping it Real”)

Oh, this was just a magnificent singular effort by the prince of Wales in the Copa del Rey. That it was also the game-winner made it even sweeter. We’ll likely never see Bale play in a World Cup, since Wales has only qualified once, in 1958, so enjoy him between August and May.

2. Faulty Towers

With a 5.04 ERA, Wade Miley is actually the ace of the staff. Team ERA is an MLB-worst 6.02 (the state’s area code).

The Arizona Diamondbacks find themselves in unfortunate serpent stances: an MLB-worst 4-14 after being swept at home by the New York Mess. They are 1-11 at Chase Field. They traveled to Australia to begin the season for a two-game set in Sydney versus the Dodgers and failed to score a run. They’ve allowed 115 runs in just 18 games. Everyone is playing in their pool right now. The honeymoon for manager Kirk Gibson is definitely over, but the GM, Kevin Towers, is taking the blunt of the blame.

Do Jeff Hornacek and Ryan McDonough do baseball?

3. Lake Bell Epoque

And she still wants to be the starting quarterback for Bob Stoops.

That’s Brooklyn royalty Lake Bell on the cover of Esquire and no, I still don’t understand why HBO chose not to review “How To Make It In America.” Where’s my Rasta Monsta energy drink?

4. Gnash-ville

Over the next 11 days there will be 89 films shown at New York City’s Tribeca Film Festival, but none has more teeth than Zombeavers, the seminal “undead semi-aquatic rodent horror flick.” The full list of films is here, and I encourage you to see a few if you’re in town. Me, I’m already working on a Kickstarter campaign to fund my film, ZomBiebers.

5. “Oui Out, Bitches!”

Dust off the beret. Did anyone inform Kobe that there is a Disneyland much closer to his Newport Beach home?

Laker legend Kobe Bryant said “Au revoir” to the worst season in franchise history one day early, jetting off to France on the eve of the team’s final game, in San Antonio. The Lakers defeated the league’s best team, 113-100, to finish 27-55.

Reserves

Walhbergers

Donny Donnie Wahlberg inducts himself into the Over-Chicked Hall of Fame by getting engaged to Jenny McCarthy. Mark Wahlberg as a brother-in-law? That’ll be interesting.

Bullets, Near Broadway

Tanaka has struck out 28 batters in 22 innings. The splitter has filth all over it.

If the Yankees do make the playoffs this season, it’ll be because of their pair of aces: 25 year-olds Masahiro Tanaka and Michael Pineda, who both anchored shutouts against the Chicago Cubs in the Bronx yesterday. It was baseball’s first doubleheader sweep shutout since 1988, and the two hurlers, both of whom are in their first active year in pinstripes (Pineda was injured all last season), were brilliant. Tanaka allowed just two singles, both on bunts.

The Cubs, by the way, have never won a game in the Bronx. They were swept in both the 1932 and 1938 World Series, in a 2005 interleague series (in which Derek Jeter hit his first and only career grand slam), and yesterday.

***

Jerry Seinfeld’s 10 funniest jokes…

****

Man you don’t at all feel sorry for…

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner 1937:  Tris Speaker, CF; Cy Young, P ; 1938: Grover Cleveland Alexander, P; Eddie Collins, 2B 1939:Nap Lajoie, 2B; Joe Jackson, LF; 1940: Billy Hamilton, OF; Cap Anson, 1B; 1941: Wee Willie Keeler, RF; George Sisler, 1B; 1942: Rogers Hornsby, 2B; Pie Traynor, 3B; 1943: Mickey Cochrane, C; Frankie Frisch, 2B 1944: Ed Walsh, P; Old Hoss Radbourn, P 1945: Lou Gehrig, 1B; Kid Nichols, P 1946: Ed Delahanty, LF; Lefty O’Doul 1947: Pud Galvin, P; John McGraw, INF 1948: Carl Hubbell, P; Addie Joss, P 1949: Harry Heilman, OF/1B; Monte Ward, P/SS 1950: Cool Papa Bell, CF; Jimmie Foxx, 1B 1951: Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, P; Josh Gibson, C 1952: Paul Waner, RF; Charlie Gehringer, 2B 1953: Mel Ott, RF; Hank Greenberg, 1B 1954: Eddie Plank, P; Dan Brouthers, 1B 1955: “Wahoo” Sam Crawford, OF; John Clarkson, P 1956: Chief Bender, P; Bill Dickey, C 1957: Sam Rice, RF; Joe DiMaggio, CF 1958: Bill Terry, 1B; Heinie Manush, LF 1959: Dizzy Dean, P; Tim Keefe, P 1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P

John Clarkson

 1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P 1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P 1978: Roberto Clemente, RF; Chuck Klein, RF 1979: Willie Mays, CF; Luis Aparicio,  SS 1980: Al Kaline, RF; Enos Slaughter, RF 1981: Bob Gibson, P; Harmon Killebrew, 1B 1982: Hank Aaron, RF; Frank Robinson, OF 1983: Brooks Robinson, 3B, Juan Marichal, P 1984: Hoyt Wilhelm, P; Arky Vaughan, SS 1985: Lou Brock, LF; Pete Browning, OF 1986: Sidd Finch, P 1987: Willie McCovey, 1B, Roger Maris, RF 1988: Willie Stargell, 1B, Catfish Hunter, P 1989: Earl Averill, CF, Billy Williams, LF 1990: Johnny Bench, C, Carl Yastrzemski, LF 1991: Jim Palmer, P, Joe Morgan, 2B 1992: Rod Carew, 2B; Gaylord Perry, P 1993: Reggie Jackson, RF, Tom Seaver, P 1994: Phil Niekro, P, Rollie Fingers, P 1995: Pete Rose, INF, Mike Schmidt, 3B 1996: Steve Carlton, P, Denny McLain, P

1997

Don Sutton, P; 1966-1988, Dodgers, 4 others

As a rookie Sutton, then 21, found himself in the same Dodger rotation as Sandy Koufax and Don Drysdale. His career was almost the polar opposite of Koufax, one of length and consistency that rarely approached untouchable brilliance. Sutton won 324 games in 23 seasons, finished with 3,574 strikeouts and 58 shutouts, all of which place him in the top 15 on those respective lists. And yet he only had one 20-win season.

Jim Rice, LF; 1974-1989, Red Sox

In the summer of 1975, sports’ greatest debate was which Boston Red Sox rookie would win American League Rookie of the Year (if not MVP): Rice or Fred Lynn (it’ll be a “30 for 30” some day; book it). The latter would win both, while Rice would finish 2nd and 3rd in the respective categories…and go on to a more prolific career. The eight-time All-Star led the A.L. in total bases three years in a row, becoming the first player since Ty Cobb to do so. Good company.

Remote Patrol

Life Below Zero

National Geographic Channel 9 p.m.

Looking for a Starbucks

This is NOT a Bret Easton Ellis novel brought to the screen. Or one of the worst Elton John albums ever. Instead, it’s a peek inside the lives of seven Alaskans who prefer living on the outer fringes of North America and the habitable planet. With a cameo by no one you’ve ever met.

STARVING FIVE

1. Food, Glorious Food!

The NCAA deregulates…your appetite? All Division I schools may now provide “unlimited meals and snacks” to its athletes, guaranteeing that the country’s 70% obesity rate is in no immediate danger of falling. College football also added a 40th bowl game, in Orlando. It was more bowls everywhere yesterday.

I will salute the first football team to put a  fixins bar on the sideline…

Also, does this mean players can engage in Joey Chestnut vs. Kobayashi-style competitive eating contests?

Of course Andy Staples, SI‘s bard of barbecue, had to, um, weigh in on the topic.

2. Kiss, and Makeup

Sure, they’re millionaires, but not a doctor or lawyer in the group. Oy vey!

Okay, sure, they’re really a nostalgia band at this point. And they’re hopelessly narcissistic. But Kiss has made the cover of the Rolling Stone, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and booked a live gig on Jimmy Fallon’s Tonight Show in the past fortnight. I LOVED Brian Hiatt’s profile of the band in RS and urge you to read it if for no other reasons than 1) the lede and 2) to learn what Peter Criss told Paul and Gene when he first met them.

Also, do you ever need a good excuse to recall this philosophical discussion on the value of Kiss from “Role Models?” (“I didn’t know Jews could sing like that.”)

3. Smells Like VIP Spirit

If Kurt Cobain were still alive, being inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame probably would have killed him.

The surviving members of Nirvana, Dave Grohl and Krist Novoselic, play a private gig for 230 invited guests  in Brooklyn (of course…as my colleague Alexander Nazaryan has aptly stated, “Manhattan is the new Brooklyn) following the band’s Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction. Joining them as lead vocalist for the band’s seminal hit was none other than Joan Baez….wait, I’m checking….Ohhhhhhh, Joan Jett. Anyway…enjoy.

4.  Peeling the Layers

Death to America. But we’d like to try a waffle taco first.

Here’s a story from The Onion that you might not want to forward to any of your pals who know the words to Alan Jackson’s “Proud to be an American.” Whether or not Al Qaeda was this smart, this advanced in game theory, I’ve always suspected that the best tactic for them, following 9/11, was to just sit back and allow certain unnamed men in power overreact. And what has happened?

I’ll stop now. I laughed. But only because I think it hits a little too close to home.

5. Cheeky Brits

Viking Quest, on the Thames.

The Times of London shows off its comedy chops. There are at least three editors I could name from my days at Sports Illustrated (all of whom attended or lived in Princeton…or were named Jerry) who would have “fixed” this item.

Reserves

“A millionaire comedian walks into a bar on the Lower East Side and….” (I liked the third graf).

*****

If you didn’t watch the Hillsborough doc on ESPN last night, I highly recommend catching it at some later date.

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Florida State would like our only memories of the fall of 2013 to be the school’s national championship in football and its quarterback’s Heisman Trophy performance, but Walt Bogdanich and the New York Times have other ideas. By the way, how much extra does it cost to make every web layout look this good? Because, IMO, it’s worth it.

****

?????

It appears from the above photo that ubermodel (see, cuz she’s German) Heidi Klum is sharing an intimate moment with Jonah Hill…but actually the 40 year-old stunner (I take all my literary cues from “Page Six”) is topless on a Mexican beach with something called a Vito Schnabel (that’s what, two Axis powers?). And he’s 27. Seriously, A.J., you’re better-looking (and younger) than he is. Go for it! (fyi, A.J. is the son I never had and is an occasional reader of this blog…he may or may not be famous some day, but he’ll always be entertaining).

*****

Boston $trong

The two Emerson (Lake and Palmer) College students who began printing “Boston Strong” T-shirts last April in hopes of being able to sell 110 of them and contribute $2,000 to the One Fund? They’ve sold 59,000 plus and made $893,000. Take that, “Catholics vs. Convicts.” Seriously, I think those two kids should keep a little of the coin for themselves. They’ve earned it.

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner 1937:  Tris Speaker, CF; Cy Young, P ; 1938: Grover Cleveland Alexander, P; Eddie Collins, 2B 1939:Nap Lajoie, 2B; Joe Jackson, LF; 1940: Billy Hamilton, OF; Cap Anson, 1B; 1941: Wee Willie Keeler, RF; George Sisler, 1B; 1942: Rogers Hornsby, 2B; Pie Traynor, 3B; 1943: Mickey Cochrane, C; Frankie Frisch, 2B 1944: Ed Walsh, P; Old Hoss Radbourn, P 1945: Lou Gehrig, 1B; Kid Nichols, P 1946: Ed Delahanty, LF; Lefty O’Doul 1947: Pud Galvin, P; John McGraw, INF 1948: Carl Hubbell, P; Addie Joss, P 1949: Harry Heilman, OF/1B; Monte Ward, P/SS 1950: Cool Papa Bell, CF; Jimmie Foxx, 1B 1951: Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, P; Josh Gibson, C 1952: Paul Waner, RF; Charlie Gehringer, 2B 1953: Mel Ott, RF; Hank Greenberg, 1B 1954: Eddie Plank, P; Dan Brouthers, 1B 1955: “Wahoo” Sam Crawford, OF; John Clarkson, P 1956: Chief Bender, P; Bill Dickey, C 1957: Sam Rice, RF; Joe DiMaggio, CF 1958: Bill Terry, 1B; Heinie Manush, LF 1959: Dizzy Dean, P; Tim Keefe, P 1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P

 1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P 1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P 1978: Roberto Clemente, RF; Chuck Klein, RF 1979: Willie Mays, CF; Luis Aparicio,  SS 1980: Al Kaline, RF; Enos Slaughter, RF 1981: Bob Gibson, P; Harmon Killebrew, 1B 1982: Hank Aaron, RF; Frank Robinson, OF 1983: Brooks Robinson, 3B, Juan Marichal, P 1984: Hoyt Wilhelm, P; Arky Vaughan, SS 1985: Lou Brock, LF; Pete Browning, OF 1986: Sidd Finch, P 1987: Willie McCovey, 1B, Roger Maris, RF 1988: Willie Stargell, 1B, Catfish Hunter, P 1989: Earl Averill, CF, Billy Williams, LF 1990: Johnny Bench, C, Carl Yastrzemski, LF 1991: Jim Palmer, P, Joe Morgan, 2B 1992: Rod Carew, 2B; Gaylord Perry, P 1993: Reggie Jackson, RF, Tom Seaver, P 1994: Phil Niekro, P, Rollie Fingers, P 1995: Pete Rose, INF, Mike Schmidt, 3B 1996: Steve Carlton, P, Denny McLain, P

1997

Phil Rizzuto, SS; 1941-1956, Yankees

Holy Cow! It must have been great to have been “The Scooter.” Never the best player on those Yankee dynasty teams, and standing just five-foot-six, he was nevertheless the 1950 American League MVP. To have played at Yankee Stadium in perhaps the most exciting era in the city’s history, a guys-and-dolls era when your teammates were Joe DiMaggio, Mickey Mantle and Yogi Berra. The Scooter turned more double plays than all but one player in MLB history and was part of seven World Series winners.  A five-time All-Star who retired with a .968 fielding percentage, second only to Lou Boudreau at the time, he was also one of baseball’s best bunters. His number, 10, was retired by the Yanks, fittingly. Born in Brooklyn, raised in Queens, and made famous in the Bronx (where he was also the Yankee broadcaster for four decades), the Scooter is an indelible part of the Big Apple.

Ferguson Jenkins, P; 1966-1983, Cubs, Rangers

The firs Canadian inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame (his dad was from Barbados, his mother a descendant of slaves), Jenkins had an eight-season tear in which he won at least 20 games in seven of them (while never pitching for good teams). The 1971 National League Cy Young Award winner, Jenkins went 24-13 while tossing 30 complete games. One of only four pitchers in baseball history to fan more than 3,000 while walking less than 1,000.

STARTING FIVE

Bostonians exercising their 1st amendment rights to “peacefully assemble.”

1. Portrait of Resilience

The Sports Illustrated cover of what appears to be the entire populace of Dorchester perched at the finish line of the Boston Marathon is an example of a brilliant idea perfectly executed. Kudos to SI photo dept. head Brad Smith for pulling it off — I don’t yet know who shot it, but perhaps occasional reader MoeCav will enlighten us. As for whose idea, I don’t know, but a number of the top editors are either from Boston or attended college there.

And you thought I was going to lead today with a story on a very different photo, now didn’t you? (I won’t even link to it; Phyllis reads this, after all).

2. Coachella Fitzgerald McRainey

Fans take in the Haim set. If nothing else, this should inspire a Big Head Todd & the Monsters reunion.

So there’s like 166 bands and tickets cost $375, and that’s before you factor in transportation, food and lodging. The last time I attended a music festival (Pemberton, 2008) is probably the last time I attended a music festival. And I’m not the only dude who’s down on them.

Then again, I’m old. If Guns and Roses reunited for this, I’d at least give it a shot. If three of your five favorite bands on the bill were The Replacements, The Pixies and The Cult, then you are probably…me.

Also, there was/is a band playing there named UZ. How many disappointed fans showed up expecting to see them? Don’t the organizers of Coachella know that U2 fanboys now need reading glasses and might easily misread that band’s name? Of course they do!

Festival was both last weekend and this weekend in Indio, Calif., which is Spanish for “dust gets in your food.”

3. Lap Dance

Phelps’ agent should also land him a cameo in “Sharknado II.”

So, Michael Phelps is jumping back into the pool. Because he’s not exactly a charismatic personality, he’s not handsome or dumb enough to be Ryan Lochte, and how long do you want to be shilling fritos on your sub and flatizzas for Subway? Phelps is the greatest swimmer that America has ever produced, even better than Mark Spitz (who once dated a woman who appears regularly on NBC), but most of us who heard him say that he was retiring after London thought, He just needs a year or two off. He’ll be in the pool in Rio. And so it looks as if Phelps, who will still only be 30 then, will be.

Besides, did you see what was going on with Tinder at the Sochi Olympic Village? I’m sure Michael did.

4. Veep is Peeve Spelled Backwards (Kinda)

They may be amoral clowns, but they’re still better than the real thing.

So much terrific television on Sunday evening, as there has been for years, but no program features better ensemble acting than HBO’s “Veep.” Think about the degree of difficulty. On “Walking Dead” or “Breaking Bad”, for example, but particularly on the former, it’s just one person soliloquying (is that a word? No? Deal with it) followed by another. Even “Game of Thrones” isn’t so verbally challenging; it’s the action where choreography is required.

In “Veep”, however, it’s often multiple people bickering at once, and the frenzied chaos is so authentic that you forget you’re not watching a documentary. Besides, Julia Louis-Dreyfus is a unique figure, a self-absorbed female anti-hero who may be more venal than everyone who works for her. Oh, and I don’t know where Tony Reali finds the time to appear in the show, but I think that he does.

I hesitate to call it the best show on Sunday nights. But right now, it may be the smartest.

5. Pullit Surprise

Journalism’s last angry man. You’re welcome.

Medium Happy isn’t losing sleep wondering when its Pulitzer will come (though we do wonder when Matt Taibbi will receive his long overdue bauble). Anyway, the Pulitzers were announced yesterday and some dude from the Washington Post (or, WaPo…or, as Jonah Ryan of Ryantology calls it, the Washington Toast), gave a really nice speech.

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner 1937:  Tris Speaker, CF; Cy Young, P ; 1938: Grover Cleveland Alexander, P; Eddie Collins, 2B 1939:Nap Lajoie, 2B; Joe Jackson, LF; 1940: Billy Hamilton, OF; Cap Anson, 1B; 1941: Wee Willie Keeler, RF; George Sisler, 1B; 1942: Rogers Hornsby, 2B; Pie Traynor, 3B; 1943: Mickey Cochrane, C; Frankie Frisch, 2B 1944: Ed Walsh, P; Old Hoss Radbourn, P 1945: Lou Gehrig, 1B; Kid Nichols, P 1946: Ed Delahanty, LF; Lefty O’Doul 1947: Pud Galvin, P; John McGraw, INF 1948: Carl Hubbell, P; Addie Joss, P 1949: Harry Heilman, OF/1B; Monte Ward, P/SS 1950: Cool Papa Bell, CF; Jimmie Foxx, 1B 1951: Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, P; Josh Gibson, C 1952: Paul Waner, RF; Charlie Gehringer, 2B 1953: Mel Ott, RF; Hank Greenberg, 1B 1954: Eddie Plank, P; Dan Brouthers, 1B 1955: “Wahoo” Sam Crawford, OF; John Clarkson, P 1956: Chief Bender, P; Bill Dickey, C 1957: Sam Rice, RF; Joe DiMaggio, CF 1958: Bill Terry, 1B; Heinie Manush, LF 1959: Dizzy Dean, P; Tim Keefe, P 1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P

 1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P 1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P 1978: Roberto Clemente, RF; Chuck Klein, RF 1979: Willie Mays, CF; Luis Aparicio,  SS 1980: Al Kaline, RF; Enos Slaughter, RF 1981: Bob Gibson, P; Harmon Killebrew, 1B 1982: Hank Aaron, RF; Frank Robinson, OF 1983: Brooks Robinson, 3B, Juan Marichal, P 1984: Hoyt Wilhelm, P; Arky Vaughan, SS 1985: Lou Brock, LF; Pete Browning, OF 1986: Sidd Finch, P 1987: Willie McCovey, 1B, Roger Maris, RF 1988: Willie Stargell, 1B, Catfish Hunter, P 1989: Earl Averill, CF, Billy Williams, LF 1990: Johnny Bench, C, Carl Yastrzemski, LF 1991: Jim Palmer, P, Joe Morgan, 2B 1992: Rod Carew, 2B; Gaylord Perry, P 1993: Reggie Jackson, RF, Tom Seaver, P 1994: Phil Niekro, P, Rollie Fingers, P 1995: Pete Rose, INF, Mike Schmidt, 3B

1996

Steve Carlton, P; 1965-1988, Phillies

“Lefty” finished with a 329-44 record and 4,136 strikeouts, which are 11th and 4th on the all-time lists, respectively. He is the last National League pitcher to win at least 25 games in a season (27-10 in 1972) was the first to win four Cy Young Awards. The 10-time All Star once struck out 19 batters in a game, though to be fair, it was the Mets in the Sixties. On the dubious side, Carlton holds the MLB record for most balks, with 90, which is more than double anyone else.

Denny McLain, P; 1963-1972, Tigers

I’m going off the grid and saluting a Detroit Tiger pitcher for having a singularly sensational season (and he likely won’t be the last Tiger pitcher I praise thusly). In 1968 McLain transcended sport, making the cover of Time magazine and appearing on The Ed Sullivan Show (with his quartet and guitarist Bob Gibson, performing “The Girl From Ipanema”) as he went 31-6. McLain is the first and only pitcher since Dizzy Dean, who did so in 1934, to win 30 or more games (Dean was on hand to congratulate him). The following year McLain was still brilliant, going 24-9 and pitching three more shutouts than the previous season. He was named the All-Star starter, but when the game was delayed one day due to rain, he chose not to cancel a scheduled dentist appointment. He visited the dentist, then flew himself (he had a pilot’s license) to Washington, D.C., and arrived at the park in the second inning. Those were different times.

Yes, I know all about his gambling involvement.

Remote Patrol

Hillsborough

ESPN 8 p.m.

A cynic (looks around) might note that ESPN’s first soccer-themed doc to get viewers gassed for the upcoming World Cup is not so much about soccer as it is about death and mayhem. Noted. Still, the tragedy that took place 25 years ago today in Sheffield, England (as I’m sure Bill Hubbell will tackle later today in Day of Yore) that claimed 96 lives was a signature moment in sport, and it occurred just before SportsCenter began to take off, which means that it really never resonated here. I’m not even Googling it, but I bet that Clive Gammon wrote the story for SI, because back then Clive Gammon was Grant Wahl, and that’s one of the best jobs in sports journalism: SI’s lone soccer writer (although now the editors there actually care about soccer so you can’t pretend to be an expert as much as you used to be able to…but I digress).

Quick aside: watched the Champions League final in 1998, a classic between I believe Man U. and Bayern, in a bar on the Upper East Side. With me were Steve Rushin and Jeff Bradley (Bob’s brother). Few journalists in America back then were as up on soccer as those two (in fact, I think ESPN even noted one or both of them during the telecast)…and they were with me in a a bar on the UES. Again, times have changed.

STARTING FIVE

Joffrey’s dad, apparently, is not the only king slayer

1. He Had It Coming

Young King Joffrey gets the comeuppance we’ve all been waiting for, on his wedding day. Either that or he had a wine-and-cake allergy. Not to worry, Castle (and Beckett) are on the case. Seriously, though, the police lineup should be everyone in Westeros not named Cersei.

Meanwhile, since it’s April and since wine played a large role in Joffrey’s demise, how about a face-melting, kickass song from April Wine? April Wine is Canadian for “Scorpions.”

By the way, I love the guy on Twitter who wondered why Bran Stark was visiting the Ticket Oak. Brilliant.

2. Bubba Gumpin’…

Bubba Watson.

Someone named Bubba won something in the South. You are either a Masters person or you are not. I can appreciate how beautiful the course is, but my view is tainted by how exclusionary the place is. As April events go, I’ll take Pat’s Run in Tempe, which celebrates the life of Pat Tillman and in which tens of thousands participate.

3. NCAA Union Talk

Mat Bodie and Colin Stevens lament the fact that they’re not being paid for this.

And it has nothing to do with players’ rights and/or Northwestern. Nope, Union College in Schenectady, N.Y., won the Frozen Four after outlasting Minnesota on Saturday night. The Gplden Gophers had advanced to the final by scoring the game winner versus North Dakota with 0.6 seconds left on Thursday night.

No lie, I spotted a dude wearing a “Union, Men’s NCAA Hockey Champions” t-shirt yesterday.

So this is curious…the NHL is a major spectator sport. And there’s college hockey. But there’s also junior professional hockey and granted, hockey is still not a revenue producer at most schools. The beauty of this is that we can still almost have a national championship featuring Union vs. North Dakota, and players can still be drafted, but no one skulks around with a surly look on their face all day long.

4. Pronunciation is His _ _ _ _ LL _ _   _ _ _ L

In case you missed this gem from “Wheel of Fortune.” That’s the game show’s second viral video in the past month. I’m beginning to become suspicious. Not a big deal. It only cost Julian one million dollars.

5. Peggy and the Plunger

If you think I’m hot, you should see my brother Bailey’s girlfriend.

The season premiere of “Mad Men”: Don writes ad pitches in absentia just to stay sharp…yet another 90s TV teen brunette pursues an affair with Don (Linda Cardellini last year, Neve Campbell last night)…two classic 60s tunes that are heavy on organ and where the organist was also the vocalist are used masterfully (Spencer Davis Group’s “I’m A Man” and Vanilla Fudge’s “Hangin’ On”)… Ted Chaogh eats his toast dry because that’s the kind of life he’s living these days…Pete Campbell has gone LA LA and he’s even more insufferable (but not as angry)…Ken Cosgrove now has Keith Olbermann’s problem… Joan goes to college (for an afternoon)…the kid from “Cougar Town” has a business degree…Peggy is now a loathed Upper West Side land lord…Lou Avery is every implacable, stuck-in-the-mud boss you’ve ever had…in the Time-Life Building (I’ll just name him “Peter Carry” for as long as he remains on the show)…Meg’s teeth still need fixing…Nixon is inaugurated, marking the last time a man with that bad a hairline would ever become president of the United States…Don buys Meg a TV and doesn’t have to wait for cable to be installed…and Roger appears to believe ’69 is more than just a year.

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner 1937:  Tris Speaker, CF; Cy Young, P ; 1938: Grover Cleveland Alexander, P; Eddie Collins, 2B 1939:Nap Lajoie, 2B; Joe Jackson, LF; 1940: Billy Hamilton, OF; Cap Anson, 1B; 1941: Wee Willie Keeler, RF; George Sisler, 1B; 1942: Rogers Hornsby, 2B; Pie Traynor, 3B; 1943: Mickey Cochrane, C; Frankie Frisch, 2B 1944: Ed Walsh, P; Old Hoss Radbourn, P 1945: Lou Gehrig, 1B; Kid Nichols, P 1946: Ed Delahanty, LF; Lefty O’Doul 1947: Pud Galvin, P; John McGraw, INF 1948: Carl Hubbell, P; Addie Joss, P 1949: Harry Heilman, OF/1B; Monte Ward, P/SS 1950: Cool Papa Bell, CF; Jimmie Foxx, 1B 1951: Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, P; Josh Gibson, C 1952: Paul Waner, RF; Charlie Gehringer, 2B 1953: Mel Ott, RF; Hank Greenberg, 1B 1954: Eddie Plank, P; Dan Brouthers, 1B 1955: “Wahoo” Sam Crawford, OF; John Clarkson, P 1956: Chief Bender, P; Bill Dickey, C 1957: Sam Rice, RF; Joe DiMaggio, CF 1958: Bill Terry, 1B; Heinie Manush, LF 1959: Dizzy Dean, P; Tim Keefe, P 1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P

 1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P 1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P 1978: Roberto Clemente, RF; Chuck Klein, RF 1979: Willie Mays, CF; Luis Aparicio,  SS 1980: Al Kaline, RF; Enos Slaughter, RF 1981: Bob Gibson, P; Harmon Killebrew, 1B 1982: Hank Aaron, RF; Frank Robinson, OF 1983: Brooks Robinson, 3B, Juan Marichal, P 1984: Hoyt Wilhelm, P; Arky Vaughan, SS 1985: Lou Brock, LF; Pete Browning, OF 1986: Sidd Finch, P 1987: Willie McCovey, 1B, Roger Maris, RF 1988: Willie Stargell, 1B, Catfish Hunter, P 1989: Earl Averill, CF, Billy Williams, LF 1990: Johnny Bench, C, Carl Yastrzemski, LF 1991: Jim Palmer, P, Joe Morgan, 2B 1992: Rod Carew, 2B; Gaylord Perry, P 1993: Reggie Jackson, RF, Tom Seaver, P 1994: Phil Niekro, P, Rollie Fingers, P

1995

Pete Rose, INF/OF; 1963-1986, Reds, Phillies

The Hit King is No. 1 all time in the single-most important category in the game: Hits (4,256). He’s also No. 1 in games played (3,562), at-bats (14,053) and outs (10,328). He was also a 17-time All-Star at five different positions. Numbers don’t tell the entire story with Rose, who also had a 44-game hit streak in the summer of ’78: he was a feisty overgrown child who played every game like he was nine years old –he even had a nine year-old’s haircut. For gambling as a manager, he deserves to  be out of baseball. But he is far too integral to the game’s history to not be in the Hall.

Mike Schmidt, 3B; 1972-1989, Phillies

Rose’s teammate for a time, Schmidt is arguably the greatest hitting third baseman in the game’s history. If not the greatest at the position, bar none. A slugger, he led the National League in home runs in eight different seasons and retired with 548. By the way, the Phils’ infield of the ’70s –Schmidt, Bowa, Cash, Allen — is nearly iconic as that of the Big Red Machine’s –Rose, Concepcion, Morgan, Perez.

Remote Patrol

Gone With The Wind

TCM 8 p.m.

Sort of eerie to air this classic on a day when there are tornado alerts across the Central Time Zone (not to mention on the anniversary of Lincoln’s assassination). Anyway, if you’ve never caught this Civil War classic in its entirety (I have not), here’s your chance to at least DVR it and save it for some time when you have four hours to kill. Which, if you watch Yankee-Red Sox games, you do.

STARTING FIVE

There’s no foreign substance replay, as far as I am aware, but no, that ain’t dirt.

1. “You Say Pineda, I Say Pedroia”

2. Goo Goo Goo Joob

Walrus and Smallrus

3. LOL, Lolo

Will Lolo solo at ESPYs? (I hereby publicly request to be her escort)

4. Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Inductions

Nirvana, and its surviving DNA.

5. Big Chimpin’

Reserves

This AT&T parody of “True Detective” and its own ads is brilliant (“That’s not even a thang”). Give that man or woman who thought of this a raise.

***

Nora Tobin, personal trainer.

Now this is just smart magazinery. Shape puts out a list of the “50 Hottest Female Trainers” (oh, and okay, “50 Hottest Male Trainers” [go wild, A.J.] in America. I’m waiting on their “50 Hottest Female Trainers in Iceland.”)

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner 1937:  Tris Speaker, CF; Cy Young, P ; 1938: Grover Cleveland Alexander, P; Eddie Collins, 2B 1939:Nap Lajoie, 2B; Joe Jackson, LF; 1940: Billy Hamilton, OF; Cap Anson, 1B; 1941: Wee Willie Keeler, RF; George Sisler, 1B; 1942: Rogers Hornsby, 2B; Pie Traynor, 3B; 1943: Mickey Cochrane, C; Frankie Frisch, 2B 1944: Ed Walsh, P; Old Hoss Radbourn, P 1945: Lou Gehrig, 1B; Kid Nichols, P 1946: Ed Delahanty, LF; Lefty O’Doul 1947: Pud Galvin, P; John McGraw, INF 1948: Carl Hubbell, P; Addie Joss, P 1949: Harry Heilman, OF/1B; Monte Ward, P/SS 1950: Cool Papa Bell, CF; Jimmie Foxx, 1B 1951: Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, P; Josh Gibson, C 1952: Paul Waner, RF; Charlie Gehringer, 2B 1953: Mel Ott, RF; Hank Greenberg, 1B 1954: Eddie Plank, P; Dan Brouthers, 1B 1955: “Wahoo” Sam Crawford, OF; John Clarkson, P 1956: Chief Bender, P; Bill Dickey, C 1957: Sam Rice, RF; Joe DiMaggio, CF 1958: Bill Terry, 1B; Heinie Manush, LF 1959: Dizzy Dean, P; Tim Keefe, P 1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P

Chief Bender

 1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P 1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P 1978: Roberto Clemente, RF; Chuck Klein, RF 1979: Willie Mays, CF; Luis Aparicio,  SS 1980: Al Kaline, RF; Enos Slaughter, RF 1981: Bob Gibson, P; Harmon Killebrew, 1B 1982: Hank Aaron, RF; Frank Robinson, OF 1983: Brooks Robinson, 3B, Juan Marichal, P 1984: Hoyt Wilhelm, P; Arky Vaughan, SS 1985: Lou Brock, LF; Pete Browning, OF 1986: Sidd Finch, P 1987: Willie McCovey, 1B, Roger Maris, RF 1988: Willie Stargell, 1B, Catfish Hunter, P 1989: Earl Averill, CF, Billy Williams, LF 1990: Johnny Bench, C, Carl Yastrzemski, LF 1991: Jim Palmer, P, Joe Morgan, 2B 1992: Rod Carew, 2B; Gaylord Perry, P 1993: Reggie Jackson, RF, Tom Seaver, P

1994

Phil Niekro, P; 1964-1987, Braves, 3 others

The ultimate knuckle ball maestro, Niekro lasted 24 seasons, winning 318 games (16th all time) and striking out 3,342 (11th). He retired at age 48 (only Julio Franco, who would come decades later, played at an older age). Niekro threw one no-hitter and is also the last pitcher to win and lose 20 games in the same season (21-20 in 1979). Ralph Kiner once compared Niekro’s knuckler to “watching Mario Andretti park a car”, which is a better line than most sportswriters have ever dreamed of. True to his quirky pitch, Niekro was born on April Fool’s Day.

Rollie Fingers, P; 1968-1985, A’s, Padres

While he technically has a losing record (114-118), Fingers was one of baseball first superb closers, saving a league-leading 35 games in 1977 and 37 games in 1978. In 1981 with the Brewers he won both the Cy Young and the AL MVP after saving 28 games with a ridiculous 1.04 ERA and –even though the stat had yet to be invented — 0.872 WHIP. A seven-time All Star and three-time World Series champ, Fingers merits induction for his handlebar mustache alone.

Remote Patrol

Mad Men

Sunday, 10 p.m.

So you’ve got GoT at 9 p.m. followed by , Don Draper Dick Whitman, last seen sharing a priceless moment with his children as they stood outside his childhood whorehouse as Judy Collins’ “Both Sides Now” played in the background. Seriously, though, that was one of the best television moments of ever. 

 STARTING FIVE

Well done, Stat Boy.

1. Reali TV

So, Good Morning, America taps Tony Reali, the purloined letter of ESPN programming, to sorta replace Josh “Misdemeanor” Elliott. Good move. The Fordham alum hosts Around the Horn with aplomb and does a fine job as PTI‘s red pencil.

Meanwhile, Max Kellerman has carved out a smaller fiefdom, on radio primarily, in Los Angeles.

At some point during his first month on GMA, Reali should share this story. Lara Spencer will just gape.

Like Jim Nantz, Reali grew up in Marlboro, N.J., just a town or two over from where this scribe grew up.

2. Teed Off

This month’s Golf Digest cover model. But you’re right, Augusta won’t miss Tiger.

The Masters begins without Tiger Woods for the first time in 20 years. Both Jim Nantz of CBS and ESPN assure us that there’s still plenty of drama that awaits. Okay, sure. But they also have a vested interest in us watching. It’s spring time in New York City after a winter longer than even Ned Stark could imagine, so I’ll be outside, anyway.

3. Oscar, Oscar, Oscar

The Pistorius trial ratchets up the drama as prosecutor Gerrie Nel becomes your ex-girlfriend (“You just refuse to take responsibility for anything!”) and also accuses him of being terribly self-centered (an Olympic athlete?!? Mon dieu!). I have a hunch that the Blade Runner will break down and confess to knowingly shooting Reeva Steenkamp, but…that’s just a shot in the dark.

Also, take note of how Oscar will never utter the word “kill” no matter how many times Nel baits him to do so. Not that saying the word “kill” would be a confession to murder, but Oscar’s defense counsel, Barry Roux, understands that if you get Oscar uttering that word it’ll be on every news cast from now until people stop caring about this trial. He won’t let that happen.

4. NC-PAY-A

AD noted that he had the financial hardship of helping raise a child he fathered out of wedlock as a freshman. I’m a troll for mentioning this, of course. These things just “happen.”

ESPN puts a story on its rundown about how former NFL MVP Adrian Peterson, the most deserving Heisman Trophy winner who didn’t win a Heisman Trophy in the past quarter century, believes that college athletes should be paid.

Well, of course he does.

Peterson cites himself and Johnny Manziel as examples of guys who earned a lot of money for their schools –he is correct –and LeBron James as someone who would have made a school tens of millions. Again, correct.

Peterson fails to mention –and the ESPN scribe who wrote the story, Ben Goessling, never does, either — that that trio would represent 0.02% of college football and basketball players in any one season. By this reasoning, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg are the reasons that you should drop out of college.

That idea, by the way, is a spoof premise in the series premiere of “Silicon Valley.” The idea that college is a dead end.

Peterson’s belief comes from a very personal perspective, and in his case he’s correct. Also, he’s correct that high school grads should be eligible for the NBA and NFL drafts. Let the owners decide individually whether or not to take the risk. But to use those three men as examples of why college jocks should be paid ignores the 99-plus% who are actually getting the better deal than had they not accepted the scholarship.

5. The Colbert Rapport

“Nation… the next host of ‘Late Show’ will be Stephen Colbert.”

I’m a Catholic white guy slightly younger than Colbert, so it’s no surprise that I love this choice. That and the fact that he’s fearless, smarter than the other kids in class, and hilarious.

The New York Times has its doubts, but then didn’t they just print a retraction about their dismissal of evolution or heliocentrism or women’s suffrage (something like that)? A reminder of just how funny Colbert can be.

So, yes, Reali and Colbert get upgraded TV gigs in New York City today. That’s Catholic Power, bitches.

Think about how difficult it is to play a character night-after-night, a satirical send-up of the far right who still manages to be engaging enough to draw in most everyone. Excellent choice. Other prospective hosts who would’ve been solid, at least to me:

1. Ellen Degeneres

2. Neil Patrick Harris

3. Kevin Spacey

4. Seth Meyers

5. Pablo Torre….He’s a quick study

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner 1937:  Tris Speaker, CF; Cy Young, P ; 1938: Grover Cleveland Alexander, P; Eddie Collins, 2B 1939:Nap Lajoie, 2B; Joe Jackson, LF; 1940: Billy Hamilton, OF; Cap Anson, 1B; 1941: Wee Willie Keeler, RF; George Sisler, 1B; 1942: Rogers Hornsby, 2B; Pie Traynor, 3B; 1943: Mickey Cochrane, C; Frankie Frisch, 2B 1944: Ed Walsh, P; Old Hoss Radbourn, P 1945: Lou Gehrig, 1B; Kid Nichols, P 1946: Ed Delahanty, LF; Lefty O’Doul 1947: Pud Galvin, P; John McGraw, INF 1948: Carl Hubbell, P; Addie Joss, P 1949: Harry Heilman, OF/1B; Monte Ward, P/SS 1950: Cool Papa Bell, CF; Jimmie Foxx, 1B 1951: Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, P; Josh Gibson, C 1952: Paul Waner, RF; Charlie Gehringer, 2B 1953: Mel Ott, RF; Hank Greenberg, 1B 1954: Eddie Plank, P; Dan Brouthers, 1B 1955: “Wahoo” Sam Crawford, OF; John Clarkson, P 1956: Chief Bender, P; Bill Dickey, C 1957: Sam Rice, RF; Joe DiMaggio, CF 1958: Bill Terry, 1B; Heinie Manush, LF 1959: Dizzy Dean, P; Tim Keefe, P 1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P

Jack Pfiester

 1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P 1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P 1978: Roberto Clemente, RF; Chuck Klein, RF 1979: Willie Mays, CF; Luis Aparicio,  SS 1980: Al Kaline, RF; Enos Slaughter, RF 1981: Bob Gibson, P; Harmon Killebrew, 1B 1982: Hank Aaron, RF; Frank Robinson, OF 1983: Brooks Robinson, 3B, Juan Marichal, P 1984: Hoyt Wilhelm, P; Arky Vaughan, SS 1985: Lou Brock, LF; Pete Browning, OF 1986: Sidd Finch, P 1987: Willie McCovey, 1B, Roger Maris, RF 1988: Willie Stargell, 1B, Catfish Hunter, P 1989: Earl Averill, CF, Billy Williams, LF 1990: Johnny Bench, C, Carl Yastrzemski, LF 1991: Jim Palmer, P, Joe Morgan, 2B 1992: Rod Carew, 2B; Gaylord Perry, P 1993

Tom Seaver, P; 1967-1986, Mets, Reds, Indians

Tom Terrific helped the Miracle Mets to their unlikely 1969 World Series win while also winning 311 career games (18th all-time) and recording 3,640 strikeouts (6th). A 12-time All-Star, three-time Cy Young Award winner and the 1967 NL Rookie of the Year.

Reggie Jackson, 1967-1987; A’s, Yankees

Senor Octubre

No one in the history of baseball whiffed more times (2,597) than Mr. October, but that from-the-heels swing also accounted for 563 career home runs, 463 doubles, 2,584 hits, 14 All-Star Game appearances and five World Series rings.

STARTING FIVE

1. Reverse Posterization

The greatest basketball player on the planet soared skyward for a game-winning dunk, at home, for a team that has won the previous two NBA championships. All that stood in his way was a white rookie center from Duke who looks like Herman Munster’s long lost Nordic nephew (Marilyn Munster’s brother, perhaps?).

Did you know there were two Marilyns (Pat Priest, here, and Beverley Owen)? They both married Darrin Stephens.

What happened next? The white rookie, Mason Plumlee of the Brookynettes, blocked LeBron James’ slam and even more shockingly, was not whistled for a foul.

Maybe there is a Santa Claus.

While some regular readers of this blog probably are screaming for a foul, I maintain that a dunk is a very different type of shot than say, a jumper. The shooter is trying to jam the ball in the hoop. There’s going to be a little more contact, kind of like a goal-line stand in football or a play at the plate in baseball. Did “Plums” catch King James’ right hand? Sure, he did. Was it a foul? Yes. Actually, Joe Johnson also fouled LBJ as he drew the ball into both hands a second before.

Am I fine with how the referees handled this? Yup.

2. Declaration of Independents

Who’s in charge of RS’ cover art? Jonah Ryan?

Let’s get it straight, Jann Wenner…

Declaration of Independence: “When in the course of human events…”

Constitution: “We the people…”

Declaration of Independence: John Hancock’s over-sized signature

Constitution: Hancock did not sign it.

Got it, Jann? This is what happens when you let your best writer, Matt Taibbi, leave.

History should recall this as Rolling Stone’s “Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?” moment.

3. Geno Wins…Again

Geno’s rim shots are usually jocular.

I’ll admit, I was torn, and not in a Natalie Imbruglia way, but more so in an Ednaswap way, since they’re the band that wrote the song. My alma mater, Notre Dame (which is the ultimate in Motherhood, after all, alma or no) versus the program that once allowed me behind the curtain.

On Sunday I tweeted, as the Irish were dismantling Maryland, that Notre Dame looked good and that UConn would win by no more than 17. I was wrong (again), of course, as the Huskies won by 21, 79-58.

Geno not only passes Pat Summitt on the all-time women’s national championships list (9, but keep an eye out for Tyler Summit), but moves to 9-0 in championship games. That is Phil Jackson (11-0), John Wooden (10-0) and Red Auerbach (9-1) territory.

Asked what he’d bring home from Nashville as a memento, Geno was his typical self: “bags under my eyes and a hangover.”

He’s an all-timer…

4. CancellRovell

Rovell (left) shares a quiet moment with his Twitter tormentor.

ESPN’s business analyst vaults past RA Derek as the week’s biggest buzzkill and tool (and it’s only Wednesday) as he reports a college student for making a funny joke about himself, Hitler, the swastika, and branding on Twitter.  Rovell did Nazi the humor in it, apparently.

Here’s hoping Charles Shipan at the University of Michigan did not go all Dean Wormer on the student (and, yes, that’s our second “Animal House” reference of today if you’re keeping score). Wondering if Rovell was more offended from a religious vantage point or because a student at another Big Ten school (Darren’s a Northworstern alum) tweaked him.

5. R.I.P, Ultimate Warrior

I’m not a wrestling fan (except if Bugs Bunny is in the ring against The Crusher), but James Hellwig, alias the Ultimate Warrior, died at age 54 yesterday. Only three days earlier he was inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame. Coroners have ruled out “pile driver” as the cause of death.

Arrangements will be made by The Undertaker.

By the way, if my surname was Hellwig, I wouldn’t use any alias. Would you? Now the sobriquet of Ultimate Warrior returns to its rightful owner, Rick Barry.

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner

1937:  Tris Speaker, CF; Cy Young, P ; 1938: Grover Cleveland Alexander, P; Eddie Collins, 2B 1939:Nap Lajoie, 2B; Joe Jackson, LF; 1940: Billy Hamilton, OF; Cap Anson, 1B; 1941: Wee Willie Keeler, RF; George Sisler, 1B; 1942: Rogers Hornsby, 2B; Pie Traynor, 3B; 1943: Mickey Cochrane, C; Frankie Frisch, 2B 1944: Ed Walsh, P; Old Hoss Radbourn, P 1945: Lou Gehrig, 1B; Kid Nichols, P 1946: Ed Delahanty, LF; Lefty O’Doul 1947: Pud Galvin, P; John McGraw, INF 1948: Carl Hubbell, P; Addie Joss, P 1949: Harry Heilman, OF/1B; Monte Ward, P/SS 1950: Cool Papa Bell, CF; Jimmie Foxx, 1B 1951: Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, P; Josh Gibson, C 1952: Paul Waner, RF; Charlie Gehringer, 2B 1953: Mel Ott, RF; Hank Greenberg, 1B 1954: Eddie Plank, P; Dan Brouthers, 1B 1955: “Wahoo” Sam Crawford, OF; John Clarkson, P 1956: Chief Bender, P; Bill Dickey, C 1957: Sam Rice, RF; Joe DiMaggio, CF 1958: Bill Terry, 1B; Heinie Manush, LF 1959: Dizzy Dean, P; Tim Keefe, P 1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P

 1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P 1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P 1978: Roberto Clemente, RF; Chuck Klein, RF 1979: Willie Mays, CF; Luis Aparicio,  SS 1980: Al Kaline, RF; Enos Slaughter, RF 1981: Bob Gibson, P; Harmon Killebrew, 1B 1982: Hank Aaron, RF; Frank Robinson, OF 1983: Brooks Robinson, 3B, Juan Marichal, P 1984: Hoyt Wilhelm, P; Arky Vaughan, SS 1985: Lou Brock, LF; Pete Browning, OF 1986: Sidd Finch, P 1987: Willie McCovey, 1B, Roger Maris, RF 1988: Willie Stargell, 1B, Catfish Hunter, P 1989: Earl Averill, CF, Billy Williams, LF 1990: Johnny Bench, C, Carl Yastrzemski, LF 1991: Jim Palmer, P, Joe Morgan, 2B

1992

Rod Carew, 2B; 1967-1985, Twins, Angels

The greatest Panamanian hitter of all time, Carew finished his career with 3,053 hits and a .328 batting average. He led the American League in hitting in seven different seasons, though not in 1970 when he batted .366 (because of a lack of plate appearances). The ultimate contact and/or singles hitter, Carew finished with only 92 home runs and in 1972 won the batting crown without hitting even one ball that left the yard. An 18-time All Star in his 19 seasons and also the 1967 Rookie of the Year and 1977 AL MVP, Carew never played in a World Series.

Gaylord Perry, P; 1962-1983, 8 teams

Perry, here in an SI photo, pitched until age 45

Notorious for doctoring baseballs, Perry was not actually ejected from a game for throwing a spitter until his 21st season. The first pitcher to win a Cy Young award in both the AL (1972) and the NL (1978), he finished a never-dull 22-year career with 314 wins and 3,534 strikeouts, which is 8th all-time. A true character.

STARTING FIVE

Nantz and Napier.

1. A Sedition Unlike Any Other

UConn wins a national championship that looks a lot like its 2011 national championship, as Shabazz Napier scolds the NCAA for worrying about academics and SI‘s Pete Thamel scolds Kentucky coach John Calipari for being egotistical, a poor in-game strategist, and not Urban Meyer.

Or maybe Pete was just attempting to inveigle Calipari to take the Laker job (Southern Calipari?). Or spike page views on SI.com.

Napier. Thamel. Apparently, joy is now frowned upon.

2. R.I.P., Roseland Ballroom

The legendary midtown Manhattan concert venue, where this scribe once landed flat on his back after being dropped while crowd-surfing at a Jesus and Mary Chain show, closed its doors for good last night’s Lady Gaga concert.

Roseland opened in 1919 and has hosted everyone from Count Basie to Nirvana. Now the space, which is located directly across 53rd Street from the stage entrance to The Late Show, is being converted to a 59-story apartment building. Why? Because Manhattan is dying.

3. RA Derek

RA Derek: He’s no Van Wilder.

Not to be confused with R.A. Dickey. The UConn resident advisor’s email to his residents goes viral after he strongly urges them to get off his lawn and reminds them that they are cheering for laundry. He’s a buzz kill, but he’s right.

4. R.I.P., Mickey Rooney

Rooney Mara. Close enough.

Kids, this is the short actor, not the 60 Minutes pundit with the large eyebrows (Andy Rooney), who passed three years ago. Mickey Rooney: 200 films and eight wives. It’s amazing that he lasted until age 93.

5. Bill on Dave

Terrific piece in Grantland by its editor-in-chief on Letterman’s retirement announcement and the late night turf. I love it when Simmons really cares about a topic.

Here’s another well-done retrospective in The New Yorker.

Every day on Twitter someone feels a compulsion to write that Letterman isn’t funny, or hasn’t been funny for years, or has never been funny. At first I’m angry, then slightly annoyed, but ultimately I feel pity for these people. Most of the time I agree, different strokes for different folks. But on this one, if you don’t get why Dave is special, let’s just not be friends.

Reserves

Ping Pong

Survived crash with rugged jawlines and A&F clothing intact.

Searchers hear a ping. Then they don’t hear a ping. Then they hear a ping. Then they don’t. You’re watching CNN…

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner

1937:  Tris Speaker, CF; Cy Young, P ; 1938: Grover Cleveland Alexander, P; Eddie Collins, 2B 1939:Nap Lajoie, 2B; Joe Jackson, LF; 1940: Billy Hamilton, OF; Cap Anson, 1B; 1941: Wee Willie Keeler, RF; George Sisler, 1B; 1942: Rogers Hornsby, 2B; Pie Traynor, 3B; 1943: Mickey Cochrane, C; Frankie Frisch, 2B 1944: Ed Walsh, P; Old Hoss Radbourn, P 1945: Lou Gehrig, 1B; Kid Nichols, P 1946: Ed Delahanty, LF; Lefty O’Doul 1947: Pud Galvin, P; John McGraw, INF 1948: Carl Hubbell, P; Addie Joss, P 1949: Harry Heilman, OF/1B; Monte Ward, P/SS 1950: Cool Papa Bell, CF; Jimmie Foxx, 1B 1951: Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, P; Josh Gibson, C 1952: Paul Waner, RF; Charlie Gehringer, 2B 1953: Mel Ott, RF; Hank Greenberg, 1B 1954: Eddie Plank, P; Dan Brouthers, 1B 1955: “Wahoo” Sam Crawford, OF; John Clarkson, P 1956: Chief Bender, P; Bill Dickey, C 1957: Sam Rice, RF; Joe DiMaggio, CF 1958: Bill Terry, 1B; Heinie Manush, LF 1959: Dizzy Dean, P; Tim Keefe, P 

Rogers Hornsby

1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P 1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P 1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P 1978: Roberto Clemente, RF; Chuck Klein, RF 1979: Willie Mays, CF; Luis Aparicio,  SS 1980: Al Kaline, RF; Enos Slaughter, RF 1981: Bob Gibson, P; Harmon Killebrew, 1B 1982: Hank Aaron, RF; Frank Robinson, OF 1983: Brooks Robinson, 3B, Juan Marichal, P 1984: Hoyt Wilhelm, P; Arky Vaughan, SS 1985: Lou Brock, LF; Pete Browning, OF 1986: Sidd Finch, P 1987: Willie McCovey, 1B, Roger Maris, RF 1988: Willie Stargell, 1B, Catfish Hunter, P 1989: Earl Averill, CF, Billy Williams, LF 1990: Johnny Bench, C, Carl Yastrzemski, LF

1991

Jim Palmer, P; 1965-1984, Baltimore Orioles

Palmer joins Josh Elliott on the All Most-Handsome-Adopted-People list

The pride of Scottsdale High School (just like noted AP scribe Andy Bagnato) compiled eight 20-win seasons between 1970 and 1978 and no pitcher ever looked better doing so. A six-time All Star, three-time Cy Young Award winner and three-time World Series champ, Palmer finished with a career record of 268-152.

Joe Morgan, 2B; 1963-1984, Cincinnati Reds

Before he became a punch line for sports bloggers, Morgan was the ultimate clutch teammate of his generation. A 10-time All Star and a two-tine National League MVP, in the seasons in which the Big Red Machine won the World Series, Morgan is one of the top two or three second basemen of all time. 2,517 hits, 268 home runs, 689 stolen bases.

Remote Patrol

UConn vs Notre Dame

ESPN 8:30 p.m.

Two men women enter, one man woman leaves. Two teams, 76 games, zero losses thus far this year. Will this be the greatest women’s basketball game of all time? We shall see . Geno is 8-0 all-time in NCGs, but if there were ever a school that knew how to stop streaks, it’s Notre Dame.

STARTING FIVE

Aaron Harrison has exceeded his Shining Moment allotment for this year’s tourney.

1. Familiar Faces

Kentucky will meet UConn in the men’s NCAA championship hoops game tonight  Dallas Arlington North Texas, while UConn will face Notre Dame in the women’s edition tomorrow night in Nash Vegas.

Since 1996, the Wildcats have appeared in four Monday night finales (3-1) and the Huskies have appeared in three (3-0). No other school has won as many titles in that span as either of these two, and only Florida and Kansas have appeared in as many finals as UConn.

Since 1995, the Huskies have appeared in eight championship games –winning all eight — and the Irish in three, going 1-2. Only Tennessee has appeared in more.

2. HBO Go(T)

Selena: She’d be a heartbeat away from the presidency…if only she had a heart.

Season premieres of “Game of Thrones” and “Veep” sandwiched around the series premiere of “Silicon Valley.”

–Standout moments: Selena, when asked by a fan at a book signing what her favorite word is, replies, “Next” (which is also a brilliant call-back to star Julia Louis-Dreyfus’ final word in the immortal “Soup Nazi” episode)…. T.J. Miller’s t-shirt reads “I Know HTML (How To Meet Ladies)”….Tyrion Lannister: “I admired your mother…she wanted to have me executed, but I admired her.”

Really think Jamie Lannister needs to show up in a “GoT SILF?” T-shirt, though. And I miss the old Daario Naharis.

3. One Simple Rule For Dating My Teenage Daughter: Don’t

Gene Chizik’s stare here says it all.

That’s the same look Nick Saban gives senior back-ups who would like to apply for a fifth year.

4. The Prodigal Sun

Gerald Green scores 24 last night and had 32 Friday, off the bench, in key wins for Phoenix at Portland and versus Oklahoma City. He’s the Suns’ super sub, now with his seventh NBA team since entering the league in 2005 (and answering the question, “What’s basketball-ese for ‘Edgar Renteria?'”).

Don’t know how long Green –they should refer to him locally as “Verde”– will last in Phoenix, but he’s been a savior for them this season. Definitely deserves some Sixth Man of the Year votes. Either he or teammate Markieff Morris.

5. Bitch Perfect

That was Anna Kendrick hosting SNL, and I half-expected her to sit down on the stage and do the cups routine for her monologue. Instead, she did this.

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner

1937:  Tris Speaker, CF; Cy Young, P ; 1938: Grover Cleveland Alexander, P; Eddie Collins, 2B 1939:Nap Lajoie, 2B; Joe Jackson, LF; 1940: Billy Hamilton, OF; Cap Anson, 1B; 1941: Wee Willie Keeler, RF; George Sisler, 1B; 1942: Rogers Hornsby, 2B; Pie Traynor, 3B; 1943: Mickey Cochrane, C; Frankie Frisch, 2B 1944: Ed Walsh, P; Old Hoss Radbourn, P 1945: Lou Gehrig, 1B; Kid Nichols, P 1946: Ed Delahanty, LF; Lefty O’Doul 1947: Pud Galvin, P; John McGraw, INF 1948: Carl Hubbell, P; Addie Joss, P 1949: Harry Heilman, OF/1B; Monte Ward, P/SS 1950: Cool Papa Bell, CF; Jimmie Foxx, 1B 1951: Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, P; Josh Gibson, C 1952: Paul Waner, RF; Charlie Gehringer, 2B 1953: Mel Ott, RF; Hank Greenberg, 1B 1954: Eddie Plank, P; Dan Brouthers, 1B 1955: “Wahoo” Sam Crawford, OF; John Clarkson, P 1956: Chief Bender, P; Bill Dickey, C 1957: Sam Rice, RF; Joe DiMaggio, CF 1958: Bill Terry, 1B; Heinie Manush, LF 1959: Dizzy Dean, P; Tim Keefe, P 

Rogers Hornsby

1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P 1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P 1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P 1978: Roberto Clemente, RF; Chuck Klein, RF 1979: Willie Mays, CF; Luis Aparicio,  SS 1980: Al Kaline, RF; Enos Slaughter, RF 1981: Bob Gibson, P; Harmon Killebrew, 1B 1982: Hank Aaron, RF; Frank Robinson, OF 1983: Brooks Robinson, 3B, Juan Marichal, P 1984: Hoyt Wilhelm, P; Arky Vaughan, SS 1985: Lou Brock, LF; Pete Browning, OF 1986: Sidd Finch, P 1987: Willie McCovey, 1B, Roger Maris, RF 1988: Willie Stargell, 1B, Catfish Hunter, P 1989: Earl Averill, CF, Billy Williams, LF

1990

Johnny Bench, C; 1967-1983, Cincinnati Reds

Many consider Bench, the heart of the Big Red Machine in the 1970s, to be the greatest catcher of all-time. A 14-time All-Star, 10-time Gold Glove winner and two-time National League MVP, it was Bench who stands in the background as Carlton Fisk waves the ball fair in Game 6 of the 1975 World Series. And, yes, Cincy won that Fall Classic.

Carl Yastrzemski, LF; 1961-1983, Boston Red Sox

Yaz: He helped a generation or two of BoSox fans get over the loss of Teddy Ballgame.

This Yaz had nothing to do with “Upstairs at Eric'” and Only You, but he was an 18-time All-Star whose 3,419 hits currently puts him in 7th place on the all-time list (Derek Jeter should catch him before he retires). No one ever played the Green Monster more deftly, and Yaz was also the last American Leaguer, before Miguel Cabrera, to hit for the Triple Crown (in 1976).

Remote Patrol

NCAA Championship Game

CBS 9  p.m.

I honestly do not see what CBS sees in Greg Anthony as an analyst. Steve Kerr and he are oil and water, and there isn’t a person on the CBS/TBS/TNT/Tru set whom I don’t think would do a better job. ANYWAY, Cats and Dogs in Arlington tonight. Hard to bet against Calipari, but UConn’s backcourt have been the studs of the tourney.