IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

Starting Five

Bad Man v Supermoon

Yesterday’s two biggest newsmakers: a racist, anti-Semite with a homeless man beard and a satellite that is closer to the earth than it has been since 1948. Too close, perhaps. We oughta bomb the hell out of it.

When Trumpism sends its people, it’s not sending their best….It’s sending people that have lots of problems, and they’re bringing those problems with them.

They’re bringing drugs.

They’re bringing crime. They’re racists.

And some, I assume, are good people.

2. What’s In Storrs

Sophomore Napheesa Collier paced the Huskies with 28 points

Sophomore Napheesa Collier paced the Huskies with 28 points

The UConn women won their season opener (no surprise) by two points (big surprise). The No. 3 Huskies, who have now won 76 in a row (this is a different win streak than their 70- and 90-game win streaks under Geno Auriemma, beat No. 12 Florida State by 2 last night in Tallahassee. The last time UConn lost a season opener? 1995.

Next up: No. 2 Baylor on Thursday at Gampel Pavilion. “There’s a lot of angry basketball players and a lot of angry coaches in America,” said Auriemma, whose teams have won four consecutive national championships. “And a lot of them are on our schedule.”

3. Twitter Joust

Now that Richard Deitsch cannot tweet his true feelings about Jamie Horowitz or Clay Travis (SI and Fox Sports have formed a partnership, God knows why), we are left to find new battles. Newly liberated-from-TV Bill Simmons versus NBC Football Night In America analyst (and former NFL Pro Bowl wide receiver) Cris Collinsworth, for example.

 

….is what Simmons tweeted during Sunday night’s Seahawks at Patriots game. Collins worth later returned fire:

CC has since deleted his

CC has since deleted his “sick burn” tweet from his timeline

 

4. Dassey Goes Free

Dash has been released on his own recognizance pending an appeal of his murder conviction. He's not scot-free; more like Scott Walker-free.

Dash has been released on his own recognizance pending an appeal of his murder conviction. He’s not scot-free; more like Scott Walker-free.

Everyone’s favorite Wrestlemania fan and wrongly imprisoned teen, Brendan Dassey from Making A Murderer, was at long last released from prison yesterday. Dassey, now 27, was first jailed in 2005 after “confessing” to helping his uncle Steven Avery commit a murder.

Let’s give the last word to Cris Collinsworth again, who is probably someone we should all be following:

 

5. Here Come The Clippers

Jamal Crawford, the Don Cheadle of NBA stars, is one of five Clips averaging double figures in scoring

Jamal Crawford, the Don Cheadle of NBA stars, is one of five Clips averaging double figures in scoring

This year’s Golden State Warriors may be located down I-5: the Los Angeles Clippers, who beat the Nets 127-95 last night, are 10-1. Their lone loss was by 2 to the Thunder, and they’re winning by an average margin of 16.6 points per game—the next best average victory margin is 10.7 points, by the Hawks.

I see fewer Blake Griffin ads and fewer Cliff Paul/Chris Paul ads on TV and maybe this team, whose nucleus has now been together for 3-plus seasons (Griffin, Paul, DeAndre Jordan, Jamal Crawford, J.J. Redick and coach Doc Rivers), has figured it out. Note: they have yet to play GSW.

Word Up

Logorrheic*

adj., “incessant or constant talkativeness; pathologically incoherent”

*After seeing this word in Richard Sandomir’s column on Bill Simmons’ exodus from TV

Music 101

Fly Robin Fly

This song by German disco group Silver Convention actually rose all the way to No. 1 in the USA in November 1975. If ever a song was made for a K-Tel Hits compilation album, this one was it. The chorus isn’t much, but the instrumental bridge is solid.

Remote Patrol

No. 2 Kentucky vs. No. 13 Michigan State

7 p.m. ESPN

No. 1 Duke vs. No. 7 Kansas

9:30 p.m. ESPN

Allen and the Blue Devils are taking a trip to New York City

Allen and the Blue Devils are taking a trip to New York City

This double header from Madison Square Garden features four probable Hall of Fame coaches who between them possess eight national championships (five by Coach K, one each among the other three). But none of them will score a point tonight. So who should you keep your eyes on? Grayson Allen of Duke, Josh Jackson of Kansas and Malik Monk of Kentucky.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

November: When the college football season

November: When the college football season “winds down.”

Count On Chaos

I’ve never met him in person, but I do like and respect Jason McIntyre. Built his own site, The Big Lead, from nothing and has helped launch the careers of solid writers such as Steven Douglas, Kyle Koster and Ty Duffy (Yo, JM, where all the female scribes?).

Where we always disagree: He wants an 8-team playoff and I think four is enough (the working title of a late-Seventies ABC drama that never took off). So on Saturday around noon EST he tweeted something to that effect and Dan Wolken and I both said, “No” and JM returned with this tweet….

 

Oh, Jason. Over the next 10 hours No. 2 Clemson lost at home to Pittsburgh, 43-42, No. 3 Michigan lost on the road to Iowa, 14-13 (both of those losses to unranked teams on last-second field goals) and No. 4 Washington lost at home to USC, 26-13. It was the first time since October of 1985 that the 2nd, 3rd and 4th-ranked teams all lost on the same day.

So, yes, yesterday was unusual, but November shockers in college football are an annual event. I’m not sure if Jason just isn’t paying attention or if he’s so horny for the NFL that he thinks something as beautiful and unique as the college football season needs to conform to that boring schedule or….

….Or, if there is something more insidious going on here, that as a Fox Sports employees he’s surreptitiously surrogating for an 8-team playoff because he’d like to see Fox Sports get those extra games, and if that’s the case, I’d hate to think he’s doing the bidding, like a less Aryan Corey Lewandowski, of his Fox Sports higher-ups. Even after these spectacular results, Jason returned to tweeting about how he wants to see the five conference champs and three at-larges make a playoff. My rebuttal is the photo above.

Duncan: Chic

Duncan Chic: Iowa frosh kicker Keith Duncan ruins Jim Harbaugh’s night, and who can’t love that just a little bit?

Regardless, college football demonstrated why it’s so special yet again on Saturday. There’s no reason to sterilize it, to take the confusion and chaos out of it. That’s exactly why those of us who consider it our favorite spectator sport love it. You can keep gambling and playing Fantasy Football to appease your boredom about the outcomes of games in the first three months of the NFL season (the biggest story in the NFL this year is that a backup QB is refusing to stand for the national anthem), and we’ll keep loving our game the way it is.

2. DBAP: Don’t Be A Pr*ck

When he’s not refining his predictable Fried Green Bill Simmons act, Clay Travis sells self-promotional garments to his obsequious fans. Clay’s latest idea to appeal to his acolytes who don’t like that the world has gotten too politically correct (which it has) is to sell shirts that read, “DBAP,” an acronym for “Don’t Be A P***y.”

Given how that word cropped up in the final two months of the election, he should’ve also been marketing “DGAP” t-shirts, but his mostly red-state redneck audience probably wouldn’t have bought as many of those.

Anyway, my DBAP to Clay is simple: Don’t Be A Prick.

November 6…..

 

led to….

 

 

But within one week…

November 13….

so…

So maybe a little hypocrisy here? But Clay’s lemmings are so blind that they’ll even give that a pass. He’s a lot like Trump, I’ll give Clay that: he’s managed to find a fan base that is so utterly blind in their adoration that even when he pisses directly into their faces, they open their mouths wider.

3. Dak To The Future

Elliott is the NFL's only 100-yard-per-game rusher....

Elliott is the NFL’s only 100-yard-per-game rusher….

No one will write about how NFL TV ratings are down today because they weren’t down this weekend because the NFL actually was fun yesterday. The two marquee match ups, Dallas-Pittsburgh and Seattle-New England, exceeded the hype, as both games featured seven lead changes. It’s the first time IN EVER that the Shield has had two such games on the same day.

Takeaways: After a season-opening loss to the G-Men, the Cowboys have won eight in a row (35-30 at Pittsburgh). Dak Prescott has earned the right to keep starting over Tony Romo, and Ezekiel Elliott could very well be the first person since Earl Campbell (Oilers, ’78) to be named Rookie of the Year and MVP in the same season. It’s all pointing forward for Dallas.

p.s. The only other player I know of who pulled the ROY/MVP double is Jim Brown. That’s good company.

Eric Berry had an incredibly sweet Pick 6

Eric Berry had an incredibly sweet Pick 6

In New England, this time it was the Patriots who couldn’t punch it in late from within five yards as Seattle wins 31-24. Pats are class of the AFC, but they’e beatable.

In New Orleans, Denver beat the Saints by blocking the go-ahead PAT very late and returning it to the abode for a 25-23 victory.

Finally, the Chiefs are now 18-3 in their past 21 games with almost no one noticing (that’s why Hillary lost the election!). K.C. came back from 17-0 down AT Carolina and won 20-17 without scoring an offensive touchdown.

The difficult OOC-college football-schedule fan in me notes that all four of these were inter-conference games (and that the visitors won all four games).

4. Liberals’ Last Stand

A quick wrap of the weekend’s late-night rebuttals to Trump-ism and the divisiveness all around. First, here’s Bill Maher on “Real Time” and I’d advise you go directly to 51:00 when the host gets to his final “New Rule” (although there’s a lot of terrific wisdom from NYT columnist Thomas Friedman throughout the show).

On the other coast one night later, openly lesbian SNL cast member Kate McKinnon, dressed yet again as Hillary, opened the show with a tribute to Leonard Cohen, who died last week, by performing his classic “Hallelujah” (who knew she could play the piano?). Of course, it was also a sort of paean to HRC and to those who reject what Trump’s rise has begotten.

Cohen famously wrote dozens of verses for the song, most of which you’ll never hear listening to the Jeff Buckley or Rufus Wainwright versions. McKinnon took one that you’ll not hear on radio and inserted it because it fit the moment and candidate so well:

I did my best, it wasn’t much/I couldn’t feel, so I tried to touch/I told the truth, I didn’t come to fool ya’*/And even though it all went wrong, I’ll stand before the lord of song/With nothing on my tongue but ‘Hallelujah’….

An aside: On November 3 I went to see Aussie musician/comic Tim Minchin here in NYC. For his second and final encore he had all the house lights turned off except for one very faint blue light above his piano. Beacon Theater was in almost pitch darkness as he sat at the piano, apologized before being the millionth artist to cover this song, and then played a wonderful rendition of “Hallelujah.” I’m thinking he must have known that Cohen was in his final days and hours.

*Well, maybe she did a little bit…..

Finally, if you missed Dave Chappelle’s opening monologue, here it is, highly recommended (stick around for the ending anecdote) :

5. A Few Words on the Electoral College….

My old friend Mike DePaoli, a Stanford-educated lawyer, wrote this essay on the Electoral College, which confers as many legitimate Trump University…..

TO: THE ELECTORS OF THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE

I want to talk about your Constitutional, moral, social responsibility. Under our Constitution, it is not the voters who are charged with preserving our way of life, it is the Electors. Your job as an Elector is to preserve the unique American experiment in democracy. I am writing to ask you Electors to do your job with honor and honesty and rational thinking, devoid of any blind allegiance to disgusting party politics. 

The Constitution does not empower the States to bind your vote as an elector. You are free to vote for whomever you want. To the extent that your State has attempted to limit your choice, you should immediately hire a lawyer and seek an injunction in Federal Court to prevent your State from punishing you for exercising your Constitutional right to vote your conscience. 

New World

New World

The President is required to take this oath: “I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my Ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.” However, notwithstanding this upcoming oath, Trump has already indicated his intent to violate the freedom of religion under the First Amendment. Trump intends to target Muslims, and create new and different laws specifically for Muslims who want to enter the USA. This is a blatant violation of the freedom of religion. 

Trump has promised his intent to significantly increase the production and the burning of coal, oil, natural gas. In addition, Trump has promised his intent to eradicate the laws of the Environmental Protection Agency that regulate greenhouse gases. To the extent that ninety-nine percent of the reputable and qualified scientists are indeed correct about climate change and the burning of fossil fuels, then the destruction of our Earth will be on the heads of the Electors who put Trump into office. Do not destroy our planet. Do not vote for Trump. 

This kinda reminded me of the opening of the late, great ABC sitcom

This kinda reminded me of the opening of the late, great ABC sitcom “Soap”

Trump on the campaign stated his plan to deal with ISIS as follows: ““I would bomb the shit out of them. I’d just bomb those suckers. And, that’s right, I’d blow up the pipes, I’d blow up the refineries, I’d blow up every single inch—there would be nothing left.” Any person who brags about bombing the shit out of people has no business, no right, no moral claim to be in charge of the nuclear arsenal of the USA. Given Trump’s seemingly pathological excitement about bombing people, of which he bragged about openly, every innocent death that results from Trump’s bombing missions will be on the heads of the Electors who put him into office. 

Trump also claimed that he knew more about ISIS than our military generals. Such delusion from a man who avoided the draft during the Vietnam War is entirely troubling, especially given his admitted excitement to bomb people. 

The difference being, of course, that this family had an actual military veteran

The difference being, of course, that this family had an actual military veteran

Trump has also promised to commit war crimes by torturing people in the form of waterboarding, and also by intentionally targeting the families of suspected terrorists. Please, you Electors, think for a moment. Just think. Is that how you want the great and powerful United States of America to behave? Do you really want to be the nation that targets and kills innocent children, spouses, and parents? Do you want to live in a nation that tortures people? If not, then do not cast your ballot for Trump. 

Trump wants to start a trade war with China. He wants to start a hot war with Iran. He wants to destroy our relationship with Mexico by building a wall. He wants to charge our allies for the help we provide. 

Both the Ku Klux Klan and Communist Russia are overly excited about Trump’s impending election victory. Russian politicians cheered. The Klan wants to hold a victory parade. Think about that, please. Does that tell you how un-American this whole thing has become? Here is a general observation that you should heed: When the Klan and the Communists both enthusiastically agree that a certain person should be President, such person should not be President. 

The Wall on the Mexican border would be a violation of the principles in the Declaration of Independence, wherein one of the reasons the United States revolted from the King of England was the King’s “obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither.” 

But, it gets worse. Trump is either an intentional or an unwitting Russian Communist mole. He praises Putin. He wants to bomb people alongside Putin. Trump has criticized NATO. Trump has criticized the United Nations. Trump praised the British exit of the European Union because he wants to weaken Europe, which in turn would help Russia. Trump’s first wife was born in a nation that entered the Warsaw Pact, and she grew up under the Warsaw Pact. Trump’s third and current wife was born and grew up in a Warsaw Pact nation. A Russian foreign minister admitted right after the election that the Russians were in contact with Trump during the election campaign. Indeed, Trump knew in advance that there might be a dump of stolen information about Secretary Hillary Clinton. Our Federal Government officials have determined that it was the Russians who hacked the emails of the Democratic National Committee. Trump’s former campaign manager had previously been a paid consultant to Ukraine’s President who was a Kremlin ally. The bottom line is that Trump is not going to come out and admit his true relationship with Russia, and anything Trump says would most likely be a lie consistent with his character, but there is enough information to raise probable cause. Your job as Electors is to protect the USA from the mere possibility of a communist mole gaining access to the nuclear codes. 

Yes, he has been called a pathological liar by his fellow Republicans. His list of lies is long, constant, and repeated often. 

He wants to terminate the health insurance for approximately twenty million people, many of whom might be sick, and some of whom might die without medical treatment, whose deaths would be on the heads of the electors who voted Trump into office. 

His entire campaign was a claim of anti-establishment, promising to bring new people to Washington, in order to end the alleged Washington corruption via new ideas. Yet, his transition team is filled with Washington insiders and lobbyists for the elite. Thus, the basis for his election victory was fraudulent. 

Trump has created a huge conflict of interest by having his children run his allegedly “blind” trust, but his children will also serve on the transition team that will select the people and policies for our government, thus giving the children the power to further Trump’s private economic interests via government action. 

Trump’s economic plan is to enact an immediate and significant tax cut. However, he also wants to spend huge amounts of money to build a huge border wall. And, he wants to pay for the arrests and the court appearances and the deportations of millions of people. And, he wants to increase spending on our military. The result of such runaway spending coupled with 

reduction in tax revenue would be economic devastation. We have experienced the trickle down theory before, and the ensuing economic collapse will happen, again. 

Indeed, Trump won the election by promising that he would create millions of jobs, which is an incredibly cruel promise to the people who believed him and voted for him. There will not be new jobs when the economy grinds to a halt. How are you Electors going to live with yourselves, after the fact, if you were to put a pathological liar into the White House whose economic policies are not supported by rational thinking but by selfish impulses? Seriously, Trump promised twenty-five million new jobs over the next decade and an economic growth rate of four percent, just like he promised that people would become wealthy if they enrolled in Trump University. 

Trump’s construction activities have stiffed the working stiffs. His “university” fooled people and cheated people. His orchestrated bankruptcies for his businesses have allowed him to reap wealthy paydays while leaving his creditors poor and out in the cold. And, we have no idea what kind of business conflicts he might have around the World, because he did not release his tax forms. 

The Constitution grants you Electors the moral right to stop a person like Trump from becoming President. This is it. This is now. We are on the brink. It is on your shoulders. It is up to you. Everything bad that could happen will be your fault. The question is simple: Will you Electors do your job and protect the United States of America? 

Michael Thomas DePaoli, author of numerous eBooks, including WHY YOU SHOULD NOT GO TO LAW SCHOOL, INVECTIVE, LOKI TRUMPET, and READ MORE POETRY.

 

Music 101

Death Or Glory

Them’s fighting words. The Clash are known, and rightly so, as one of the godfathers of punk, but they also produced some crazy catchy tunes. This song never charted because the masses are idiots, but you oughta know that by now.

Remote Patrol

Put down the clicker. Go outside. Look at SUPERMOON! Our favorite satellite won’t come this close again until 2034, and it’ll be full tonight, and who knows if this site will still be operating then, so who will remind you then?

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

Starting Five

“Unift to serve” meets “the worst president of my lifetime” as a bust of Martin Luther King, Jr, looks over the former’s shoulder. Coincidence? No, product placement.

Paradox Lost

*The judges will also accept The Manhattan-churian Candidate and/or White House Meets Breit House

Donald Trump was the favored candidate of Middle Americans who identify with a man who lives in a gold-and-glass tower on the most expensive stretch of Fifth Avenue in New York City.

Donald Trump was the favored candidate of blue collar types who identify with a trust fund kid who never had to apply for a job until the one he is about to take and who regularly, over the course of 40 years, stiffs working-class types who either work for him or do business with him.

You did this to yourself, America. And you will pay for it dearly.

You did this to yourself, America. And you will pay for it dearly.

Donald Trump was the favored candidate of evangelical types who identify with a man who never attends church, doesn’t pretend to, and who is a serial adulterer in the midst of his third marriage.

 

(He’s a sore winner, too? Are you surprised?)

Donald Trump was the favored candidate of white military veterans who identify with a man who not once, not twice, but at least three times found a lame excuse for not serving in Vietnam: bone spurs in his foot, which never prevented him from marching at his military-style high school. Oh, and he insulted a senator and war veteran who had the option to leave the Hanoi Hilton soon after being captured and chose not to invoke his privilege, remaining there and being tortured for a few more years.

White House staff: I saw these same looks on people's faces when the Nazis rolled through Paris in 1940

White House staff: I saw these same looks on people’s faces when the Nazis rolled through Paris in 1940

And those who voted for Trump will say, “This just proves what a terrible candidate Hillary Clinton was.” Maybe. She had her flaws. But maybe it proves even more about that voter, something that voter has never consciously confronted about himself or herself. Because when you defy the value you most identify about yourself to cast a ballot for someone who is antagonistic to that value, maybe it’s time to admit that there’s another something you identify with even stronger.

****

Meanwhile, what an historic day at the White House: the 44th president, the 45th president, and LeBron James (the 50th president?) all were at the White House within an hour of one another. Immediately after shuffling Donald off, Barack Obama cleansed his palate by welcoming the Cleveland Cavaliers.

Kevin Love trumps hate?

Kevin Love trumps hate?

****

Two things to consider: 1) If Donald Trump had won the popular vote but lost election in the electoral college—which is exactly what happened to Hillary—do you think he might have invoked the “R-word?” Maybe just once. 2) As Rachel Maddow pointed out last night, imagine if John McCain had led Barack Obama in 2008, then in the final weeks a source started leaking damaging information about McCain and Obama took the election (which he did)? Then, just imagine THE DAY AFTER THE ELECTION if Russia had bragged about having been in touch with Obama advisors and operatives clandestinely in the weeks leading up to the election? Do you think that might have caused a little bit of a furor? Because that’s exactly what happened in this election.

2. Join The Fun!

Late Night with Seth Meyers writer Amber Ruffin perfectly summed up the “misery loves company” angst enveloping so many voters (on the coasts). I know I’ve walked around the past month looking at white people an entirely new way.

3. Colbert Comes Back

Been a solid week for Stephen Colbert, his best since arriving at CBS more than a year ago. Last night he delivered the best monologue I’ve seen since hatching from his Comedy Central show, and you definitely want to stick around to the end.

The only place I can find the video is on that link above, so I entreat you to watch. It’s all good, but the ending in which he shows Omarosa threatening that Donald Trump will make everyone who ever insulted him bow down to him….well, at first you get the standard network host reaction that we’ve come to expect…but then Colbert reaches back to his cable comedy roots and delivers a jaw-dropping line.

Most telling: After he delivers that final line—which I did not expect—his bandleader Jon Batiste, ran over from the bandstand and gave him what certainly seemed like a spontaneous and honest embrace. It may be the moment where Colbert planted his flag and for the first time since he left Comedy Central, the first time he really seemed to have a pair.

Newton espoused her First Law of Social Dynamics

Newton espoused her First Law of Social Dynamics

Also, if you stayed up, Colbert’s second guest, the lovely Thandie Newton, who is mixed race, had some very wise things to say about the election. She talked about how so much of the hatred comes from fear, and that all she has for the hate spewers on Trump’s side is compassion. Because they’re afraid of change. And how spewing hate back is like drinking poison to kill your enemy.

The night before, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog appeared and discussed the Trump victory: “People hope he can take us back to a happier time—like yesterday afternoon.” (Ba-DUM)

4. Welcome President Euron Greyjoy

 

Re-watch this scene from last season’s Game of Thrones. Did anything presage the past few months of this presidential election better than the kingsmoot? You can almost hear the rabble of the Iron Islands chanting “Lock her up!”

5. The Kelly File

Yes, but where will she work next?

Yes, but where will she work next?

Talk about good timing. Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly’s memoir, Settle For More, comes out on November 5. In this New York Times (“Horrible paper, they’re going out of business…Did you know that?”) book review we learn that Roger Ailes quite explicitly sexually harassed her 10 years ago (she’s an attorney; she understands the legal definition) and that someone at Fox fed Donald Trump her infamous question the day before she asked him at the first GOP debate. In other words, 1) the Rosie O’Donnell line was not off the top of his head and 2) yet again, he accuses Hillary of something that he himself did.

Music 101

When The World Is Running Down, You Make The Best of What’s Still Around

This song by the Police from 1980 just sort of fits this week.

Remote Patrol

No. 20 USC at No. 4 Washington

Saturday FOX 7:30 p.m.

Keep an eye on U-Dub's blazing fast wideout John Ross

Keep an eye on U-Dub’s blazing fast wideout John Ross

Will the Pac-12 land a team in this year’s College Football Playoff? We should know by the end of tonight, as 9-0 U-Dub hosts a 6-3 team Trojan team that is far better than its record. Meanwhile, the L.A. Rams will watch this game wondering why they took Jared Goff when these two Pac-12 QBs, Jake Browning (sophomore) and Sam Darnold (frosh) are going to turn out to be so much better?

 

 

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

Starting Five

The KKK in North Carolina has announced a December 3rd victory parade for Donald Trump. No kidding.

Yes We Klan!

Is everyone who voted for Donald Trump racist? No.

Is everyone who is racist a Donald Trump voter/supporter? Almost certainly.

It’s been funny in the first 30 hours or so to witness the level of offense and umbrage taken at the intimation that Trump or his supporters are racist by the very same group that professed with no evidence that his predecessor was not born in the USA.

The millions of decent people who supported Trump? Why are they more bothered with being considered racist than they are that so many racists feel empowered by a Trump presidency? Where is their empathy for people, for fellow Americans, whose lives and welfare are now at risk? And what has their president-elect said or done during his campaign to assuage any fears that white supremacists and nationalists are about to become more brazen? The blood of innocent people is on the hands of anyone who voted for Trump. Strong words? Yes. But let’s not sugarcoat this.

2. Van Against Evil

This exchange between Trump surrogate Corey Lewandowski and Clinton surrogate Van Jones on CNN is incredibly symbolic. Here’s one grown man acknowledging his party’s defeat and calling for a period of grace and acceptance—basically the five-minute cooling off period after a sporting event—and here’s the other guy saying, “Nanny nanny doo doo.” This is just the beginning.

And here’s NBC’s RIchard Engel on election night, after midnight. Engel knows the Middle East and America’s foreign policy better than almost anyone, certainly better than Gary Johnson or Donald Trump. When Brian Williams asked him what a Trump presidency means for America’s standing in the world, Engel plainly stated, “Absolutely catastrophic.”

3. Why He Won: “Git ‘er Done”

Red, WHITE, and Blue

Red, WHITE, and Blue

Whites still outnumber every other race in the U.S., and non-college-educated whites still outnumber college-educated whites. There’s nothing wrong with not having a college degree (I have two wonderful parents who did not attend college but literally worked two jobs apiece to send to a great school), but the heaviest incidences of unemployment and yes, nationalism and white supremacy, emanate from this demographic. Trump, while he very well may “love African-Americans” and the like, did little to disabuse white nationalists of the notion that their values were his values during the campaign.

Yes, in 2000 The Simpsons predicted America’s first female president, but only after a President Trump. Sad.

Popular Vote

Clinton…………………..59,814,018 (48%)

Trump……………………59,611,678 (47%)

Electoral College

Trump………………….279

Clinton…………………228

Among White Men

Bros For Trump

Bros For Trump

Trump………………63%

Clinton……………..31%

Among White Women

Trump………………..53%

Clinton……………….43%

AMONG NON-COLLEGE EDUCATED WHITE MEN

He's mad as hell and he's not going to take it any more. Mad about what, exactly, nobody knows. it's as if some vegan tried to outlaw buffalo wings.

He’s mad as hell and he’s not going to take it any more. Mad about what, exactly, nobody knows. it’s as if some vegan tried to outlaw buffalo wings.

Trump…………………72%

Clinton……………….23%

AMONG NON-COLLEGE EDUCATED WHITE WOMEN

Trump…………………62%

Clinton………………..34%

 

Among Blacks

Clinton…………………..88%

Trump……………………8%

Among Latinos

Clinton……………………65%

Trump…………………….29%

Among All Eligible Voters

“If you vote for her, you’re a grownup. If you vote for him, you’re a sucker. If you don’t vote, you’re an asshole.”  –Louis C.K.

Clinton…………………..25.6%

Trump……………………25.5%

Did Not Vote………….49.9%

4. I’m With Herb

California voters passed Proposal 64 (they couldn’t have called it Proposal 420?), making it legal to use marijuana recreationally. As many a tee-hee’ing scribe wrote, support for cannabis “reached a new high,” as voters in Massachusetts and Nevada approved similar proposals.

5. “Not My President!”

Protests erupted in cities (but not likely in rural areas) all over the country over the election. I dropped in on the protest outside Trump International Hotel on Columbus Circle. There were at least 1,000 protesters there, chanting things such as “Pay Your Taxes!”, “My Body, My Choice!” and “Not My President!” I also saw a young woman go topless and sit atop a dude’s shoulders.

I saw signs that read “My President, Not My Leader” and “Grab Him By The Balls.” Given the nature and the degree of invective that Trump launched, wholly without apology, during his campaign, given all the people he insulted, it shouldn’t surprise anyone that these protests are taking place.

But, for the moment, they are peaceful protests. And it is possible to support your nation, and to respect the office of the president, while not liking or respecting the person who holds it. That would be more than many a Republican did for Barack Obama during his eight years in office.

Word Up

Surreptitious (Adj)

Kept secret, especially because it wouldn’t be approved of

The president-elect engaged in daily surreptitious phone calls with Vladimir Putin.

Music 101

Happy

The second single from the Rolling Stones‘ classic Exile on Main Street, with Keif handling lead vocals. In the summer of 1971 Richards wrote the song in the south of France in his inimitable style: “We did that in an afternoon, in only four hours, cut and done. At noon it had never existed. At four o’clock it was on tape.” The tune reached No. 22 on the Billboard charts, or not as high as Pharrell’s song of the same name 40-something years later.

Remote Patrol

Utah at Arizona State

FS1 9:30 p.m.

If’s-and-Buts: Trailing 28-23, the Utes had three shots from inside Cal’s 2-yard line back in September to score win with less than :10 to play. Had they won that and with everything else being equal, they’re 8-1 heading to the desert tonight, the lone loss by a TD to No. 4 Washington. They can still win the Pac-12 South if they win out, beginning tonight in Tempe. Joe Williams, who has 683 yards rushing and 6 TDs in the 3 games since returning from “retirement.” was not at the Cal game.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

R.I.P., American Decency

This is a text from a female friend that I received when I woke up (with very minor revisions) (UPDATE: My friend consented to let me use her name; it’s my old friend Moose, who lives in Toronto; she lived in the USA for more than a decade and Toronto is farther south than Minneapolis, anyway, so it may as well be in America)….

“I’m so depressed. It’s literally soul-crushing as a woman. Everything we were taught to believe is a lie. How can a man who literally says he’s going to grab women’s pussies still even be in this race let alone get elected? What does anyone tell their daughters tomorrow? What does any woman tell themselves? How does maybe the most qualified candidate ever lose to a misogynistic, racist, narcissistic, awful human being?

I cannot tell you how discouraged this makes me. That people would prefer this piece of crap over a capable woman is pretty much every experience I’ve had at work. I don’t think I’ve ever been this discouraged and this disgusted. Honestly, it was just too much as a woman to watch this happening. I went to bed and I cried. You can make jokes about me all you want but this election proves that women are still second-class citizens, still seen as objects, and I despair for all the little girls out there. 

How many times have I found my boss’ hand on my knee, or been pinned in an elevator, or been passed over and paid less? How many times has a man thought it was okay to put his hands on me? How many times have men ignored what was coming out of my mouth and tried to get a peak down my shirt? How many times have I been condescended to, had to listen to inappropriate jokes, had to play at being “one of the boys?” How many times have I literally fought off a sexual assault by a man senior to me at work? 

How many times have men talked to me in ways they would never have talked to a man? How much money over the years have I lost by being paid less than a man while working longer, harder and better? And we all keep fighting through it because we’d been raised to believe that we could do and be anything we wanted if we worked hard enough, tried hard enough, were enough. They’ve elected a female president of Pakistan! And this nation that holds itself up as the model of society, the greatest country on earth, elects as their head of state a truly vile, criminal, dangerous, lying piece of crap. 

A man who will stack the Supreme Court to take away the right of a woman to make choices about her own body. A man who considers sexual assault “locker room talk.” A man who preaches hate, racism, division and misogyny. A man who truly believes women are objects for his enjoyment and second-class citizens at best. 

I’m so not kidding. You just cannot know what this feels like. And how do I explain to my 10-year-old niece that “the bad man on TV who says such terrible things and uses such bad words that my mum turns off the TV” has been elected head of the greatest country on earth? How can I honestly look at her and tell her she can be anything she wants and do anything she wants? How can I move forward? 

That that man is what people prefer over a capable woman means that there is no hope. That people are totally okay with his actions and the words that come out of his mouth. It’s sickening. Every part of me hurts. And every battle I’ve fought through as a woman means nothing and we are all fools for ever believing things would change when the worst example of a man beats a woman who for 30 years has never quit on anything. I truly, truly despair. And my heart and soul are just broken. 

 

 

 

 

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

Starting Five

This may be Floorida. Or California. Or Arizona. Or Nevada. Or Colorado. You know, one of those funny states with a Spanish name.

This may be Floorida. Or California. Or Arizona. Or Nevada. Or Colorado. You know, one of those funny states with a Spanish name.

Armageddon Ready To Vote

The new wonder drug? D.C.-alis “If your election lasts longer than 15 months, please consult a physician. 

It’s election day: and you thought Christmas would never get here when you were a kid. Get out there and vote. And remember to charge your phone before you go because you may be standing on line a while. Especially if you’re black.

2. Stronger To Get Her Elected

Two presidents—possibly three—two First Ladies, the first African-American president, possibly the first female prez, possibly the first First Gentleman, and possibly, who knows, the first female African-American prez....and a Stanford grad

Two presidents—possibly three—two First Ladies, the first African-American president, possibly the first female prez, possibly the first First Gentleman, and possibly, who knows, the first female African-American prez….and a Stanford grad

On election eve, the Democratic nominee went to the birthplace of this nation, Philadelphia and Independence Hall. She brought out Bruce Springsteen as her opening act (possibly the first woman he has opened for since Anne Murray in the early Seventies), who was shrewd enough not to play “The River”, “Born In The USA” or “Roll of The Dice.”

The audience was both lit AND woke

The audience was both lit AND woke

President Obama made his last of 17 campaign appearances for Hillary Clinton in this battle. Trump: “He should be doing his job.” Donald, he is. He’s trying to keep America great.

Then for Hillary it was on to a rally in Raleigh, joined by Lady GaGa and Bon Jovi.

“Nuuuuuge!” Grabs himself by the pu**y

Trump held rallies in five states, finishing up in Grand Rapids, Michigan, with Ted Nugent in camo as his opening night. If you were watching MSNBC’s Brian Williams, he wryly noted as Nuge took the stage that “You may not be able to see him with all that camouflage, but trust us, Ted Nugent is there.” (Nugget’s last Top 100 hit, “Wango Tango,” came in 1980, by the way).

3.  Ann-o-Wrexit

You cannot spell

You cannot spell “Hannity” without placing “ann” right in the middle

There was a Coultergeist sighting on the eve of the election, as America’s favorite harridan tweeted this:

 


And she tweeted this a few hours before 3 a.m. I’m not sure if there has been any time in this nation’s history when Americans who had four grandparents born on these shores were in the majority….which has always been one of the best aspects of America. I’ll give her this, though: she may be right. But she’s also Far Right.

4.  Arc Diocese of Curry

You think Curry was aware that his 13th three broke a record?

You think Curry was aware that his 13th three broke a record?

Someone gave Stephen Curry the scouting report on 0-6 New Orleans and he decided to make it rain in Oakland. Curry drained an NBA-record 13 threes (in just 17 attempts) as Golden State defeated the Pelicans, 116-106.

Curry finished with 46 points, and if you study that stat box further, you’ll see that he shot an abysmal (especially for him)  33% from inside the arc and 50% from the free throw line, but 76.5% from beyond the arc.

You may recall, and this is hardly a coincidence, that on Friday night, on the second evening of a back-to-back, for Golden State, Curry missed all 10 of his three-point attempts at the Lakers, snapping his league-record of 157 games with at least one three-pointer. So, with two consecutive days off, he rested up, maybe took a couple treys at the practice facility, and atoned.

It was Curry’s first 40-point game of the season (he led the NBA with 13 last year). Also, I may be wrong, but it may have been the first Dubs game in which both Curry and Klay Thompson (24) outscored Kevin Durant (22). The Dubs are now 5-2 after starting out 24-0 last season.

5. Who You’re Really Going To Lose Your Job To…

And he won't ask for a raise...

And he won’t ask for a raise…

Mexicans? Cambodians? Indonesians? Try C-3PO and R2-D2.

You see the headlines about “Driverless Cars” and “Drones” and your bank probably already has automated tellers. Robots are cheaper for employers because they don’t need health benefits, they don’t ask for raises, and they (probably) don’t sexually harass their female robot co-workers.

But ultimately every robot replaces at least one job, no? The next president is going to have to address this issue, that what’s better for a corporation’s bottom line (and stock price) is not necessarily better for the U.S.A.  Think of all the non-college educated people whose primary job is to drive something or someone somewhere. Where do they go when driverless cars and drones take their jobs? Will they all just become robot mechanics?

Now, think of things like Uber and AirBnB, which are basically completely deregulating the taxi and hospitality industry. That’s not a robot problem, but it’s still a problem. Basically, Isaac Asimov predicted the end of the world accurately more than 50 years ago. Sad.

Music 101

The Winner Takes It All

This song seemed rather apropos for today. Then again, you may say, “We’re even outsourcing our election-appropriate tunes now!!?! What the WTF?!?” Meanwhile, here’s the thing about Abba: they wrote all their lyrics in a second language, knowing who their biggest potential market was. The 1980 tune was voted Britain’s favorite Abba song, though it only climbed to No. 8 here ou the U.S. charts.

Remote Patrol

Election Night Coverage

PBS (and every other network, but I’d watch PBS) 7 p.m.

Donald Trump last night: “If we don’t win, I will consider this the single greatest waste of time, energy…and money…” And that would make KellyAnne Conway America’s single greatest expert in waste management.

MSNBC contributor Nicolle Wallace, who worked on the McCain/Palin ticket, has been a breakout star of this election

MSNBC contributor Nicolle Wallace, who worked on the McCain/Palin ticket, has been a breakout star of this election

Anyway, it all ends tonight. Then we can return to talking about how the Pac-12 gonna get screwed in the College Football Playoff.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

Tate (15) left Smith (22) wondering if anyone dude can tackle him

Tate (15) left Smith (22) wondering if anyone dude can tackle him

Make America Tate Again

Not sure how often the ones scrimmaged against one another at Notre Dame practices between 2007-2009, but when they did, chances are that wide receiver Golden Tate Warrior and safety Harrison Smith had some good battles. On Sunday  in Minnesota, they were at it again, Tate caught the above pass in overtime, eluded Smith’s tackle, then nonchalantly helicoptered across the plane (SWIDT?) for the  game-winner. A 29-yard TD pass.

And he held onto the football

And he held onto the football

We’ve seen this before. One of the most underrated things about Tate, just ask USC’s Taylor Mays, is how strong he is. Watch him shake off Smith as if he’s a little brother.

Will never forget, after the 2009 season opener (a 35-0 thumping of Nevada, who had a QB named Colin Kaepernick), someone asked Charlie Weis if Michael Floyd who that day had TD catches of 24, 70 and 88 yards, would go down as the best wide receiver in Notre Dame history. Charlie’s answer: “Golden might not agree with that.”

Airborne Tate is nothing new....

Airborne Tate is nothing new….

I’m with Charlie. Golden Tate was at least the equal to Floyd, if not better. And he’s always been more fun to watch. Also a reminder: three players from that 2009 football team were on the field in Minneapolis yesterday: Tate, Harrison and Viking tight end Kyle Rudolph. And they still finished 6-6 and got Weis fired (Rudolph missed most of the season with an injury) (Update: No, he didn’t. Rudolph started 10 games; Floyd missed 5 with injury, though: remember, those 4 on the same team couldn’t beat Michigan and Tate Forcier became a one-week legend because of it).

2. Keepin’ It 10-0

This play had no effect on the outcome, but it typifies how difficult it was for the Tigers to stop Hurts

This play had no effect on the outcome, but it typifies how difficult it was for the Tigers to stop Hurts

For three quarters in Baton Rouge, neither top-ranked Alabama or two-loss LSU were able to score off one another. It was the first game all season that headed into the fourth quarter with a score that looked like an old-timey barbell.

Then Tide freshman QB Jalen “Everybody” Hurts sprinted around right end on a designed keeper, cut back inside, and was barely touched as he scored from 23 yards out to break the ice.

Think of all the playoff hopefuls and all the points they put up on Saturday: Clemson 54, Michigan 59, Washington 66, Ohio State 62, Louisville 52. These are almost certainly the crop of teams that, besides Alabama, the four-team playoff will draw from. And yet Alabama (9-0) and its one measly TD and one field goal are easily the best team in the land.

3. Earthquake Alley?

Oklahoma tossing up more bricks than Klay Thompson

Oklahoma tossing up more bricks than Klay Thompson

Remember when Oklahoma used to be infamous for its tornadoes (Is that why they named their NBA team the Thunder??? Whaaaaaat?)?  Anyway, a 5.3 magnitude earthquake struck central Oklahoma last night.

Here is a run-down on the number of magnitude 3 or higher earthquakes in the Sooner state the previous three years:

2013…….109

2014……585

2015……907

So what’s happening? Is it fracking? Indirectly, yes, as this article attests. Of course, fracking makes a lot of people in Oklahoma a lot of money while bringing down people’s gas bills, so I wonder what side of the aisle will dismiss this reasoning as ludicrous.

4. Bill Folds

Her show:

Her show: “Garbage Time.” His show: garbage.

On Friday HBO canceled Any Given Wednesday, saying that this week’s show will be Bill Simmons’ last (special guest: John From Cincinnati cast reunion). That’s a quick hook—four months—but we could all see that this show wasn’t going anywhere. The best personality-driven sports show on TV is hosted on midnights on ESPN by Scott Van Pelt. As a TV host, SVP is HBO-worthy. Simmons just never was.

He’s an incredibly engaging writer. Very funny. And people who listen to sports podcasts like his (I’d rather listen to his old pal Adam Corolla on a podcast). Whatever. HBO wasted millions of dollars on Simmons—they were never paying that much just to have The Ringer or for him to be a behind-the-scenes sports doc guy.

So, what’s next? My guess is they’ll both behave as if this setback is something they’ll move past, but then Simmons—stop me if you’ve heard this—will get a little whiny and petulant and HBO will decide he’s just not worth the bother. They’ll “amicably” divorce and Simmons will be hired by his pal Jamie Horowitz over at FOX.

If there’s a Bill Simmons movie, or better yet a “30 for 30” doc on the parabola of his career (“What if I told you a sports blogger got more than he ever dreamt of and it made him miserable?”), the last scene is Simmons and ESPN’s John Walsh sitting pond-side in Boston Common, as Walsh keeps repeating, “It’s not your fault…it’s not your fault…it’s not your—wait, maybe it is your fault.”

5. Gimmicks Gonna Gimmick

Fitbit's stock pace has fallen off some...

Fitbit’s stock pace has fallen off some…

Do you own a GoPro? Or a FitBit? Did someone give you either as a gift last Christmas or did you bequeath either or both on someone else? The Christmas before, perhaps? Two very popular gadgets a year or two ago are now going the way of “Bop It!” and Rollerblades. Check out their stock arcs:

FitBit (FIT)

IPO, June 17, 2015: $20/share

Peak, August 5, 2015: $51.90

Today: $8.95

GoPro (GPRO)

IPO, June 26, 2014: $24

Peak: Sept. 30, 2014: $96.45

Today: $11.16

Which brings us to Twitter (TWTR), which is a service as opposed to a product.

IPO (Nov. 7, 2013): $26

Peak (Dec. 26, 2013): $74.73

Today: $18.17

Is Twitter a gimmick , too? Will it fade? I don’t think so. And I’m not saying the above two companies are dead. They’ve just settled to a place beneath Irrational Exuberance. I still believe Twitter has a far higher ceiling than the other two. It’s the only one of the three that I’m sure will eventually return to its IPO price.

Reserves

Election Special. Since we have “One Day More” before we vote on who will be “Master (or Mistress) of the House,” here’s the showstopper from Les Miserables (if this doesn’t draw a Katie McCollow comment, nothing will).

Word Up

An experimental feature in which we showcase and define a word that you probably won’t see on Twitter.

mellifluous (adj) Sweet or musical, pleasant to hear

Music 101

Travelin’ Man

Sometimes at night/I see their faces/I feel the traces/They’ve left on my soul…” In 1975 Bob Seger released the album Beautiful Loser, on which this song opened Side 2. The album peaked at 131 and this song never even charted. The Michigan native was even more  of a local hero to Michigan than Springsteen is in New Jersey. One night in 1976, he played before 80,000 at the Pontiac Silverdome  only to perform before fewer than 1,000 fans the  following night in Chicago.

After Seger released Night Moves in 1976, he became an international star. He’d then release a live album, Live Bullet, on which this song was played together with “Beautiful Loser” (they don’t even appear on the same side on the album) and it became the most played song(s) on the album, which to this day remains a Top 10 all-time live album in terms of sales. Love this tune.

Remote Patrol

Bills at Seahawks

ESPN 8:30 p.m.

Buffalo Bill the man never lived in New York (but he did live in Toronto for awhile). The More You Know....

Buffalo Bill the man never lived in New York (but he did live in Toronto for awhile). The More You Know….

Quick, which city, Buffalo or Seattle has the greater latitude number? If you said, “Buffalo,” you’re wrong. Seattle is nearly five degrees farther to the north. We East Coasters get SCREWED on weather. It’s nice to see the Bills (4-4) on prime-time TV. Seattle is in first place (4-2-1) in the NFC West.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

Durant was dominant with 39 points and this blocked shot

Durant was dominant with 39 points and this blocked shot

Durant’s Domain

Golden State used a 37-11 second quarter to take a 25-point lead into halftime versus the Thunder, then West Coasted home for a 122-96 victory. Kevin Durant wins the first battle between his present and former teams. Russ had 20. It was OKC’s first loss, while the Dubs have won 4 in a row following that season-opening embarrassment versus SAS.

2. Isn’t This How Facebook Started?

In true Puritan style, they wear a

In true Puritan style, they wear a “Crimson letter” at each game (“Heathen?”)

Chauvinistic and craven Harvard males rating Crimson coeds on their looks? A dozen or so years earlier, this is how Facebook began. Now, it’s gotten the men’s soccer team’s season canceled as punishment.

For those of you college soccer-addled freaks, the Crimson were 10-3-2 overall, 4-0-1 in the Ivy League, and riding a 6-match win streak when the hammer fell.

3. An Oliver Twist*

*The judges will grudgingly accept “Boulder Dash,” but it’s a hed the judges used for a story about CU football back in 1994, too, so….

Colorado gets past UCLA, 20-10, in Boulder when Isaiah Oliver took a punt 68 yards to the cabin with less than five minutes left. This game also featured UCLA running back Soso Jamabo and CU wideout Bryce Bobo. “Soso, Bobo. Bobo, Soso.”

4. Shelter from the ‘Storm’

Had the opportunity to see Aussie lyricist/pianist/comic Tim Minchin at the New York Comedy Festival last night. Brilliant dude, and last night as a second encore he had every last light turned down and did a spot-on rendition of “Hallelujah” (while apologizing for being the latest singer to cover the song).

Minchin veered away from discussing our election for all but about 30 seconds, where he relented and said the following: “If the FACT of him doesn’t bother you, my talking about the fact of him isn’t going to change anything.”

Anyway, here’s a bit he does that sort of shows off his genius for word play and genius in general. Up top is live, and down below here is the animated version.

5. Meanwhile in Bleaksville…

Does it feel a little like everyone has done that “I’ve come to Flyover Country To Understand Why Trump Voters Are So Angry” piece? Well, Benjamin Hart thought so, too. This is funny stuff.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

One Hundred and Eight Is Enough

Cubs win.

Cubs win.

One long national nightmare is over…while another may soon begin.

Kris Bryant, when asked by Tom Verducci what this feels like: “This Trumps everything.”

2. Blame It On Theo

Bill Murray (left) and Theo after

Bill Murray (left) and Theo after

2004: Boston Red Sox win their first World Series since 1918 (86 years).

2007: Boston Red Sox win their first World Series since 2004 (3 years)

2016: Chicago Cubs win their first World Series since 1908 (108 years)

In all three cases, Theo Epstein, age 42, was the general manager. He should be enshrined in Cooperstown tomorrow. Curse of the Goat? Theo’s the GOAT.

Note: Epstein’s grandfather and great uncle (as opposed to “Epstein’s mother”) won Oscars for Best Original Screenplay for Casablanca. The kid at least matched that career achievement.

Also note: The manager for those two Red Sox teams was Terry Francona.

3. A Fall Classic

Two teams who had not won a championship in a combined 176 years (MLB was established 140 years ago).

A wild pitch that allows two runs, the first time that had happened in a World Series game since 1911.

A journeyman catcher hitting a dead-center home run in his penultimate Major League at-bat in Game 7  (David Ross).

A team overcoming a four-run deficit to tie Game 7.

The Aroldis Chapman meltdown/Rajai Davis’s two-out, game-tying home run in the eighth (and the look on Cusack’s face after).

The rain delay. And whatever Jason Heyward told his teammates.

Albert Almora’s tag-up from first on the deep fly to center (the key play of the game, IMO).

Ben Zobrist coming through for a second consecutive World Series.

The Tribe, with two outs and no one one, still scoring a run in the bottom of the 10th (Rajai Davis again) and putting the winning run at the plate (as they had all of the ninth inning).

The final matchup of Mike Montgomery versus Michael Martinez, the former who had not one save during the season and the latter who had not one hit during the postseason.

The final score, 8-7, which if you play with the numbers, “108”, or one from eight, gives you seven (yes, that’s a stretch).

Anthony Rizzo back-pocketing the ball after the final out. Where will that go? And what is it worth?

Nobody choked. A seventh game went extras. A true classic. No goats (cursed or not), just GOAT.

4. Harry Caray Is Not Suicide

Props to Budweiser for having this ad in the on-deck circle to run immediately after the Cubs won. Wonderful.

5. Cleveland, You’re On The Clock

George Plimpton is probably the second-best known Lion (after Barry Sanders) since their last championship

George Plimpton is probably the second-best known Lion (after Barry Sanders) since their last championship

The longest remaining droughts, by sport, in professional sports (I’m only counting franchises that have remained in the same city; sorry, Arizona Cardinals fans, you are not long-suffering even if the Cardinals are).

MLB: Cleveland Indians, 1948

Football: Detroit Lions, 1957

NHL: Toronto Maple Leafs, 1967

NBA: Atlanta Hawks, 1968

 

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

A Medium Happy 50th to Robert Kar—David Schwimmer

A Medium Happy 50th to Robert Kar—David Schwimmer

Starting Five

Look at me/I should be/Centerfield

Look at me/I should be/Centerfield

Magnificent: Seven

A two-out, two-run error in the first (that wasn’t ruled an error, but it sure did feel like one center fielder Tyler Naquin), and a grand slam bomb in the third (by Addison Russell, the first in the WS since Paul Konerko in 2005), and the Cubs waltzed to a 9-2 victory in Game 6. I’m not sure why Joe Maddon used Aroldis Chapman, either, but the thinking is probably, He’s a hoss, her our hoss, and he probably won’t be pitching for us next year, anywyay, so what do we care?

Fate seems to favor the Cubs, but Cleveland will have a very well-rested Andrew Miller tonight, and he’ll go three if not four innings. Could we see the second seven-game series this year involving a team from Cleveland and a blown 3-1 lead?

2. Gig ‘Em > Mush!

If the sole goal of putting A&M No. 4 was to get people arguing/hot taking, then it worked.

If the sole goal of putting A&M No. 4 was to get people arguing/hot taking, then it worked.

In the first College Football Playoff rankings, one-loss Texas A&M (“S! E! C!, S! E! C!”) nudges out unbeaten Washington for fourth place. To a large degree, I gots no problem with that (for now) as the Aggies have played a much more rigorous schedule than the Huskies.

Looking ahead: the Aggies host Ole Miss and LSU (on Thanksgiving night), while U-Dub hosts a much improved Southern Cal and visits Wazzu in late Novem-brrr. There’s a whole lot of the football remaining to be played, of course, and not just for these two. Don’t sweat it, dogs.

3.  Louie Brings It In Harlem

Louis C.K. on the election, on Conan last night:

“If you vote for Hillary, you’re a grown-up.

If you vote for Trump, you’re a sucker.

If you don’t vote for anybody, you’re an asshole.”

In a show taped at the Apollo Theater in Harlem, Louie, who was raised by a single mom, noted how cool it would be to have our first mom in the White House. “A great father can give a kid 40% of his needs, top; whereas any mother, 200%. What’s the last conversation you had with your mom? ‘Mom, alright! It’s enough!'”*

* I may resemble that remark.

Honestly, this may be the best endorsement for either candidate I’ve yet seen.

4. Nguyen Wins (“Win Wins”)*

Nguyen is Las Vegas' best homonym since

Nguyen is Las Vegas’ best homonym since “Steve Wynn”

*The judges will not accept, ‘Hold the Vayo’.

At least one World Series came to an end last night…the World Series of Poker.

The deets: Qui Nguyen, 39, defeated Gordon Vayo in Las Vegas.

Heads Up: The final two men of more than 6,000 entrants, Ngyuyen and Vayo played 181 hands heads-up, (i.e., one on one) before Nguyen won. Their heads-up showdown lasted seven hours. I’ve been at one of these. It’s mentally crushing to endure.

Prize: The coveted bracelet and $8 million.

Good Morning, Vietnam: Nguyen is the 47th WSOP Main Event champ, and the second Vietnamese.

Note: There has never been a female champion of the Main Event. Only one woman, Barbara Enright in 1995, has ever advanced to the final table.

5. War and Peacemonger*

*The judges will also accept “Brave, Heartbreaker”

Mel Gibson and his I-Don’t-Give-Half-a-%$*& beard were on Colbert last night to promote Hacksaw Ridge, Gibson’s first film since Apocalypto a decade ago. It’s the real-life story of Desmond Doss (Andrew Garfield), the first conscientious objector to win the Congressional Medal of Honor. In 1945 Doss, a private first class, took part in the bloody eponymous battle on Okinawa without carrying a weapon, but saved the lives of 75 fellow soldiers. It’s getting good buzz.

At the Venice Film Festival, the movie received a 10-minute standing ovation.

And if you want something really real, here is the man himself appearing on This Is Your Life, I’m guessing in the 1950s.

Music 101

You Sexy Thing

One generation gets Ice T, another had Hot Chocolate. Few better opening lines ever written than I believe in miracles/Where you from, you sexy thing? And, yes, those are the only words to the song most of us know. Hot Chocolate was a British act and that’s Errol Brown singing lead. The song climbed to No. 3 on the U.S. charts in 1976 and enjoyed a resurgence more than 20 years later when it was featured in The Full Monty.

Two years later another one-hit wonder named Exile had a song called “I Wanna Kiss You All Over” and if you listen to it, the chords sound very, very similar, no?

Remote Patrol

CMA Awards

ABC 8 p.m.

If you’re a country music artist who loves baseball, you’ve got quite a dilemma: attend the CMA Awards tonight in Nashville, or watch Game 7 as the Cubs or Indians go for their first World Series title in most of our lifetimes. Of course we’re going to watch Game 7.  I’m only posting this because Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood annually provide the most satisfying opening dialogue in awards shows, and you need to at least watch the first 10 minutes of this show, even if you don’t love country music. Plus, this is the 50th anniversary of the CMA Awards.