Monthly Archives: October 2017

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 1 Comment

by John Walters

Halloween thought: I’ve always thought of The Exorcist as the Linda Blair Witch Project…

Starting Five


Top Jimmy Struts

As if having to spell Papadopoulos were not tough enough for the MH staff, the Patriots have now dealt up-and-coming QB Jimmy Garoppolo to the 0-8 San Francisco 49ers, who play not far from where Tom Brady grew up. From the Back Bay to San Francisco Bay is not a bad career move.

Apparently Bill Belichick’s deal with the devil was approved and Brady will live forever, or at least until Belichick retires. Garoppolo turns 26 on Thursday. Brady is 40. The Pats got next year’s 2nd-roudn pick in return. Feels as if they got robbed, but BB is way smarter than the rest of us, so it’ll probably work out for the best for them.

2. Clown Show

As The Worst Wing begins to unravel, you’ve got President Trump assuring Americans that there was NO COLLUSION because you know why? Because Paul Manafort’s defense attorney says so.

 

You’ve got Sarah I Heart Huckabees winking at the media, you’ve got Sean Hannity saying “President Clinton” when he refers to Hillary, you’ve got Carter Page appearing on MSNBC and dancing very close to the flame,

and you’ve got John Kelly saying that he does not owe Frederica Wilson an apology after it was proven that he was either misinformed or outright lying about her. But when do white men ever own black women an apology?

Oh, speaking of black women, watch Joy Reid go master chef with the ginsu knife on this hapless pundit. It’s so much easier to win when you have the facts on your side.

3. Her, Too

This is going to be a daily thing now, isn’t it? We’re not objecting, we’re just noting. Over the weekend it was Annabella Sciorra alleging that Harvey Weinstein raped her, and yesterday WNBA’er Breanna Stewart wrote a first-person piece for the Players Tribune in which she revealed that she was repeatedly molested by a family friend/relative? before puberty.

In related news, Netflix has canceled House of Cads.

4. DeMarcus Where?

It’s still astounding that serial brooder DeMarcus Cousins has never played in a single postseason contest, seven full seasons in. Last Thursday, in a homecoming game in Sacramento, Boogie put up 41 and 23. Two weeks in, he’s second in the league in Scoring (29.4), third in Blocked Shots (2.14) and fourth in Rebounds (13.6) for the 3-4 Pelicans.

Giannis is more popular, but DeMarcus is your October MVP.

5. U2 Debut

Happened upon this on YouTube (shouldn’t there be a U2-ube channel?) and before we forget about it, thought we’d air this gem. The year is 1980: Bono is 20 years old. This was the first song from Side 2 of their first album, Boy.

One year later…

Look how much more confident they are.

Music 101

Mr. Crowley

Before there was Metallica, there was Black Sabbath. And after Black Sabbath, there was simply Ozzy. This tune is dedicated to Aleister Crowley (1875-1947), Great Britain’s notorious occultist and reputed muse for Led Zeppelin, among others.

Remote Patrol

World Series, Game 6

Astros at Dodgers

8 p.m. Fox

Justin Verlander gets the pill on the hill. We want a Game 7 in November, don’t we?

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 7 Comments

by John Walters

Starting Five

Mueller Gets His Manafort

In the People vs. Donald Trump (and Steve Bannon, Stephen Miller, Michael Flynn, Steve Mnuchin, Corey Lewandowski, Roger Stone, Sean Spicer, Paul Manafort, Carter Page, Jared Kushner, Donny, Jr., et al), the first domino falls: this morning special prosecutor Robert Mueller is expected to indict former campaign manager Manafort, a Georgetown law alum whose reputation for honesty and candor is….not impeccable.

See below…

 

Manafort has already surrendered. The fun part will be to see whether Manafort trades testimony for immunity.

It’s just another Mueller Monday

I wish it were Conway

What will Trump say

I-wish-I’d-never-run day….

2. Houston Marathon

Adam Bregman’s two-out single scored pinch-runner Fisher…

Let’s get the numbers out of the way first: 10 innings, 25 runs, 7 home runs (by 7 different players), 14 pitchers, and 5 hours and 17 minutes (more than twice as long as Game 1). Game 5 in Houston was an undeniable classic. Still, there have been 22 home runs (a “new” record, Leigh Torbin!) in this Fall Classic through five games. This entire World Series is corked. Or juiced. Or both.

In a game started by Cy Young winners Clayton Kershaw and Dallas Keuchel, the Astros win 13-12. Houston rebounded from a 4-0 deficit in the fourth, while Los Angeles rebounded from a 12-9 deficit in the 9th.

But it was the bizarre moments that’ll make Game 5 live on (and admittedly, we missed much of the first half of the game): Joc Pederson‘s pausing to watch what might have been a triple but was instead a double; Charlie Taylor believing his 3rd base coach was saying “No, no” when we viewers could hear him say, “Gotta go!”; George Springer‘s rocket blast of a home run that seemed to literally explode as it landed; and an unidentified fans stealing Yasiel Puig‘s home run from the woman who caught it and tossing it back into left field.

Great stuff. Please let this go seven.

3. The NBA in October Is Drunk

Tim Hardaway, Jr., scored a season-high 24 for NYK

The Cavs are 3-4 after their third straight defeat, all to teams that are .500 or below (Brooklyn, New Orleans and New York). Golden State lost to Detroit last night and the Dubs are just 4-3. The Dubs lost their third game of the season last year on December 1 and lost their third game of the season two years ago on January 13.

By the way, MH NBA experts thought it was a terrible move for Cleveland to trade Kyrie Irving. Even an unhappy Kyrie is going to perform. Now you have a lesser team whose players likely feel strongly that LeBron has one foot out the door and is headed to L.A. Yes, it’s very early but the Cavs do not look special.

Meanwhile, the New York Knicks of Porzingis and Kanter are a fun and very tall watch. They beat Cleveland by 19 in Cleveland last night. It was their first victory against the Cavs, who look extremely mortal, after 10 straight losses.

Meanwhile, the top 3 scorers in the NBA in its first fortnight are Giannis Antetokounmpo (34.7) DeMarcus Cousins and Kristaps Porzingis.

4. J.T. Was Just Terrific

This was supposed to be Penn State’s official “We’re Back!” game and, after one play, a 97-yard kickoff return, it appeared to be Saquon Barkley’s Heisman showcase. And for three quarters it was.

But then Ohio State, which is simply harder to kill for good than Jon Snow, roared back on the strength of 16 consecutive J.T. Barrett completions and a furious defensive line led by Nick Bosa, who on one play sacked both Barkley and Trace McSorley.

The Big Ten in one photo….

Results: Ohio State wins a 39-38 thriller. Penn State is now on the outside looking in for the playoff. Barkley, who finished with 44 rushing yards, suddenly looks catchable in the Heisman race (Go visit 33trucking.com). And Ohio State, which has made two of the first three CFB Playoffs and would have made all three if Urban Meyer had just handed off the damn ball to Ezekiel Elliott versus Michigan State in 2015, is alive and well. I think you’ll see the Buckeyes in the playoff, a la the 2014 season.

The MH Domin-Eight: Alabama, Georgia, Notre Dame, Ohio State, Clemson, Oklahoma, Wisconsin, Oklahoma State.

5. Spacey Balls

Spacey’s come on? “There’s only us/There’s only this/Forget regret/Or life is yours to miss…”

Anthony Rapp (Rent, Dazed and Confused) accuses Kevin Spacey (LA Confidential, Se7en, The Usual Suspects, House of Cards) of attempting to seduce him when Rapp was 14 in 1986. Spacey apologizes, comes out of the closet (sorry, Mr. Weinstein, THAT was the worst-kept secret in Hollywood).

So this was not “off the record, on the QT, and very hush hush.”

Music 101

Walk On Water

Look at what Jordan Catalano became! Andrea Chase, find that boy! This is Jared Leto and his band, 30 Seconds To Mars, performing their 2017 hit at the VMAs last month. Yes, it’s the song you recognize from ESPN’s college football game promos.

Remote Patrol

The Babadook

Netflix

Give yourself a baseball break—you deserve one if like us you stayed up until Adam Bregman’s walk-off hit last night—and tune in to this 2014 Aussie horror flick. The acting here by the two leads—the mom, played by Essie Davis, and her son, Samuel, played by Noah Wiseman—is ridiculously sharp and haunting.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 4 Comments

by John Walters

Starting Five

Flaccout

Joe No!

The Miami Dolphins’ Kiko Alonso (yes, it IS a fun name to say) wiped out Baltimore Raven quarterback Joe Flacco late in the first half last night. Is this a good enough reason to eliminate Thursday night NFL games?

The Ravens won 40-0, Flacco suffered a concussion but Alonso was not ejected, and a kitty cat made its way onto the pitch at one one point.

Personally, this was the best NFL highlight since Sunday:

Mourning Joe

Why? Why? WHY? The New York Yankees got rid of manager Joe Girardi yesterday, which makes us wonder if George Steinbrenner is really dead. In 10 seasons the erstwhile pinstriped catcher led the Yanks to one World Series victory and three more ALCS trips and more importantly, no embarrassing missteps or back page-unworthy quotes.

A total class act. Remember in 2009, on the night the Yankees won the World Series, that Girardi stopped on a Westchester-bound parkway (the Hutch? The Cross-County?) to help a stranded motorist? That’s who he is, and he shepherded these Baby Bombers to within one win of the Fall Classic. Don’t get it. Won’t get it.

3. The Battle of 15-14

Stanford: “I’m all out of Love, I’m so lost without you/I know you were right believing for so long.”

What did we learn from Stanford’s improbable comeback win on the road in Corvallis:

1) The Cardinal offense, which could not score a TD until the final :20 versus a 1-6 team, is mundane minus Bryce Love 2)  A very good coach, probably but Cory Hall is certainly gonna be a very entertaining one (would love to know what David Shaw told him postgame when he held the laminated play chart to his mouth to keep us from lip reading it) 3) the Beavers were able to live down  to their “one turnover every five possessions” reputation in the worst of ways 4) Brock Huard continues to be the best game analyst out there 5) David Shaw is one stubborn SOB, refusing to take out Keller Chryst, who waited until the final two minutes to make his two best throws of the night 6) Notre Dame isn’t the only school whose heart Shaw is able to break after being outplayed all night and 7) Dave Flemming, who proposed that by his absence last night Love bolstered his Heisman chances because his value to the team was magnified, may smoke weed while he works (notice how Huard did not utter a word in support of that Bayless-ism?).

4. The Blake Show

While ESPN runs around with its head up LaVar Ball’s ass, a very funny thing is happening in the same building in which the Los Angeles Lakers play. To wit, Blake Griffin is absolutely flourishing since the exodus of Chris Paul. He’s like the divorcee who lost 12 pounds, started hitting Soul Cycle, and is absolutely killing it on Match.

Last night Griffin buried a game-winning, buzzer-beating three at Portland. He’s averaging 26.3 points per game and the Clips are 4-0. Oh, and he’s dating Pepsi-for-PO-lice advocate Kendall Jenner.

5. Tech Thursday!

Bezos muscles up…

Amazon, Alphabet (Google), Intel and Microsoft ALL killed it in after-the-bell quarterly earnings reports yesterday. In pre-dawn trading, here’s what you see:

AMZN…. Up $87, or 9% (glad we bought more shares yesterday), to $1,061

GOOGL… Up $45, or 4.5%, to $1,036

MSFT….Up $5.60, or 7.2%, to $84

INTC….Up $2.13, or 5%, to $43.48

The message: Big oil and big manufacturing is no longer where it’s at; data is.

Keep an eye on GOOGL, though, as it owns YouTube, which is headed for much greater heights.

Reserves

This piece, The Reckoning Always Comes, by Deadspin‘s Drew Magary.…

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I haven’t dived in to the JFK Files yet, but it sounds as if we’re no closer to finding out if Woody Harrelson’s father (or Ted Cruz’s dad) did it…

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Can’t wait to read this behind-closed-doors piece on the NFL Owners’ meetings. WHO LEAKED????

This has been the Richard Deitsch portion of the broadcast…

Music 101

Tub Thumping

We’ll be singing/When we’re winning

An unabashed anthem for all punters, Chumbawumba‘s infectious 1997 hit was the ultimate Premier League-ready tune. And yet, if you listen closely to the lyrics, this is an ironic a song to be proud of for its subjects as “Born In The U.S.A.” was for pols to be playing at rallies. Has anyone ever sung “Pissing the night away…” with more elegance and grace? The one-hit wonders had a No. 6 hit here with it and it went to No. 1 in five other nations, including Ireland, Australia and Canada.

Remote Patrol

World Series Game 3

Dodgers at Astros

Fox 8ish

Presumptive NL Rookie of the Year has been silent during the Fall Classic, going 0 fer 7 thus far. That’ll change tonight.

No aces tonight, so expect more of a Game 2-style fest of slug.

SATURDAY

3:30 p.m. BONANZA

No. 2 Penn State at No. 6 Ohio State

Fox

No. 4 TCU at No. 25 Iowa State

ABC/ESPN2

No. 14 North Carolina State at No. 9 Notre Dame

NBC

No. 3 Georgia vs. Florida

CBS

Nick and above, cousin Bradley. It’s a two-Chubb window at 3:30 p.m.

We’re not even going to miss you this week, Alabama, not that your games have been any fun to watch this season from a competitive standpoint.

MH Picks: Penn State, TCU, Notre Dame, Georgia (so yes, chalk)

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 5 Comments

by John Walters

Starting Five

Brim Shot

Rule No. 6: Just when you think you’ve seen it all in baseball…you haven’t.

In the top of the third inning, with Astro runners on first and third, Alex Bregman‘s hard liner bounces off the brim of Dodger center fielder Chris Taylor‘s hat and ricochets directly into left fielder Joc Pederson‘s glove, preventing the runner on first from advancing beyond second.

Later, Pederson hit a game-tying home run (“Joc-tober!“), the first of a record-eight home runs in a single World Series contest (See Rule No. 6). This 11-inning classic featured the Astros becoming the first club to score off the Dodger bullpen in 28 innings this month, tying the game in the 9th, then taking a two-run lead in the tenth, then the Dodgers tying it with two outs in the bottom of the tenth, then taking another two-run lead in the 11th, then the Dodgers hitting a home run with two down in the 11th, setting the stage for Yasiel Puig to take the count to 3-2 before finally breaking Mary’s Hart and losing.

One night after taking a golden sombrero, George Springer hits the game-winning home run in the top 11th

There were FIVE home runs hit in the two extra innings. Nutty.

7-6, Astros. Series tied 1-1. Hope you enjoyed this four-hour plus classic.

2. The Chips Were Down (And Then They Reversed Course)

Thoughts and prayers to Denver’s Channel 2 Daybreak anchor Natalie Tysdal, whose on-air regurgitation will live in infamy. She’s a good sport for not backing down from the chip challenge.

3. Vin, Vidi, Vici

 

The winner of Game 2 were Dodger fans, who were treated to a ceremonial first pitch featuring Vin Scully, Steve Yeager and Fernando Valenzuela. The classiest man in baseball if not all sports, Scully deflected the attention due him to Yeager and Fernando. I noticed a little shaking in the left wrist on the 89 year-old (he turns 90 next month), but the voice and sense of humor were pure and true.

 

As our friend Matt Zemek tweeted, “He delivers performance art but conveys warmth and humility more than any other qualities.”

As for Yeager, a youthful 68, he looked like that neighbor who is washing his car on the driveway and blasting the Scorpions.

Also, it’s 2017 so even a timeless Scully moment had to be compromised: Did you notice an inning or two later when Fox was obligated to show, and Buck was obligated to gush about (for YouTube promotional purposes), the five guys from Dude Perfect also having tossed out a ceremonial first pitch.

Finally, Buck said he’d drive to Vin Scully’s house to deliver him to the booth to call a World Series game. Joe, name that tune!

4. London Crawling

This is Chicago’s Home Insurance Building, which in 1884 became the world’s first skyscraper. At the time, the tallest building in London was St. Paul’s Cathedral. In this decade, London’s skyline is due for some dramatic changes.

The above is being called The Scalpel, a 38-story building that will soon be completed.

And this is One Blackfriars, also known as The Vase, a 52-story apartment building that will also soon be completed.

This BBC piece on London’s changing skyline is fantastic and an example of the potential of internet journalism that your rolled-up newspaper just cannot match.

5. Roam (If You Want To)

Chile’s Atacama Desert

The New York Times will release its 13th annual “52 Places To Go” list in January, but this year they are searching for a writer to travel to all those spots. We discussed it with the MH staff, and even our intern, and their response was…

“I wanna go to cool places with you/I wanna take you cool places tonight...”

“I wanna go, I wanna go, I wanna go, I WANNA GO!”

Here’s last year’s list. It’s real and it’s spectacular.

Reserves

From the MeToo fallout: The latest lecherous male to lose a gig over being an alleged sexual harasser? MSNBC’s Mark Halperin:

 

 

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The Rockets beat the Sixers last night on this buzzer beater three by Eric Gordon…

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After four games, Lonzo Ball is shooting 31.6% from the field. That ranks LAST in the NBA of the 131 players listed on ESPN’s stat charts…

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Donald Trump yesterday: “I went to an Ivy League college. I was a nice student. I did very well. I’m a very intelligent person.”

Fredo Corleone:

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Shouldn’t the Five Guys hamburger chain make these dudes an offer?

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The other day two climbers, Brad Gobright and Jim Reynolds, set a speed record of 2 hours and 19 minutes ascending the Nose Route of Yosemite’s El Capitan. As our friend Leigh Torbin reminds us, it is not a “new record,” as that is redundant, and I am telling you that for “the last and final time” as per Jamie Reidy reminds us, “an added bonus.”

Here’s the 90-degree route from afar…

Music 101

Searchin’ So Long

I doubt NBC aired any of it, but Chicago (minus, alas, Peter Cetera) played halftime of last Saturday’s USC-Notre Dame game. Their manager, Peter Schivarelli, is a former Fighting Irish football player (1968-70). This song reached No. 9 on the Billboard chart in early 1974. I’ll reiterate: some day someone will bring a musical to Broadway centered around this band’s songs. I cannot believe it has not already happened.

Remote Patrol

Stanford at Oregon State

ESPN 9 p.m.

Either Bryce Love plays on national TV and this is a must-watch, or he sits (he’s banged up) against the 1-6 Beavers in Corvallis and there’s a load of time to fill.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 4 Comments

by John Walters

Starting Five

Heat Stroke

The hottest (103 degrees) Game 1 of a World Series ever. The shortest World Series game (2 hours and 28 minutes, with “America the Beautiful” tossed in) since 1992. And a 32 year-old, 5’11” ginger with a beard, long hair and a bald spot hitting his second game-winning homer in as many Dodger home games for the lads in blue. As someone on Fox, perhaps it was John Smoltz, maybe Keith Hernandez, floated after the L.A.’s 3-1 victory, “Very seldom do you see a guy in his late 20s go from a journeyman to a superstar.”

 

Yeah, let that hang in the air for a moment. Justin Turner hit 15 home runs in his first six seasons of Major League Baseball. He has hit four in this postseason alone and 64 in his past three seasons, since turning 30. Old man strength or HGH?

Meanwhile, Clayton Kershaw, the most dominant regular season pitcher since at least Bob Gibson and Sandy Koufax, pitched the gem we knew he had in him: 11 strikeouts, no walks and only three hits.

Flake News

First it was John McCain standing alone. Then Bob Corker, another Republican, stepped up in the past two days. Then yesterday Jeff Flake, a man at last who doesn’t look like your grandfather, had his say. Here is his speech in full…

Here is a more condensed version.

While I somewhat admire Flake’s stand, I’m bothered by this line: “For the next 14 months, relieved of the strictures of politics, I will be guided only by the dictates of conscience.”

Isn’t that the crux of the problem in a nutshell?

Emboldened by the courage of McCain, Corker and Rubio, as well as by the drive-by, never-mentioned-Trump-explicitly tongue lashing of Bush 43, more Republicans will be expected to speak out against little Donny Trump.

Maybe our republic has a chance yet…

3. A Thin Line Between Love and Tate

Pac-12 Offensive Player of the Week this season: Stanford’s Bryce Love has been named so twice, while Arizona’s midseason replacement QB Khalil Tate has been named three times (the last three in a row).

Love is the nation’s leading rusher (198 yards per game) and among players with the minimum amount of rushes/games, its leader in yards per carry (10.27). He is rightfully the Heisman Trophy frontrunner or at worst, in second position.

But keep an eye on Tate. Since becoming the Wildcat QB three games ago (all wins versus Pac-12 foes; he got not one snap in the previous two games, both losses), he has rushed for 327, 230 and 137 yards. His yards per carry average is a whopping 13.7. The 6’2″ sophomore from southern Cal powerhouse Junipero Serra replaces Donavan Tate, who is 27 and the son of former UGA standout Lars Tate, but if you read Billy’s comment in yesterday’s MH, you already knew that.

Conceivably, Bryce Love could win the Heisman Trophy while Khalil Tate could win Pac-12 POY.

By the way, here’s just another reason to LOVE Saquon Barkley.  This could be a Tom Rinaldi story if only the girl later developed cancer.

4. Roasted!

Did Chris Hayes just absolutely destroy Bill O’Reilly last night? Yes, yes he did. Watch this.

Locate petard, then hoist, aaaaaaaaand done.

5. Lost In Venice

If you’ve been to Venice, you’ve probably gotten lost in Venice (my personal record: one visit, one time very lost, nearly missed train). Of course, if you’re leading the Venice Marathon, you don’t expect to get lost. But that’s what happened last weekend, when the six leading runners (all Africans) followed a motorcycle off the course and were misled (literally) several hundred meters (at around the 15-mile mark) before realizing their error.

The pack leaders lost at least two minutes. The eventual winner? An Italian, Eyob Faniel. Crafty paisans.

Reserves

On the other hand, you are looking at all the reasons anyone ever took Jenn Sterger seriously as a journalist

Jenn Sterger Unloads

In the wake of the Sam Ponder/Barstool Sports fiasco, Jenn Sterger unleashed a rant on ESPN’s own sexist and sexual harassment ways. No huge surprise here, but why not name the jerk, Jenn?

 

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Music 101

From The Beginning

In the early Seventies, there were quite a plethora of tunes that featured some excellent acoustic guitar musicianship (this song from Emerson, Lake & Palmer, songs from America, Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young, Jackson Browne, etc.). This song always reminds me of being in the desert, and I can’t exactly tell you why. The English trio’s tune peaked at No. 39 on the Billboard charts in 1972; it deserved better.

Remote Patrol

World Series, Game 2

Astros at Dodgers

Springer took a golden sombrero form Monday night’s defeat

Let’s shoot for another sub-3 hour classic, guys. Verlander vs. Hill.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 2 Comments

by John Walters

Starting Five

The worst American of my lifetime

1. All White Now, Baby, It’s All White Now

Remember last month, when the President of the United States as well as the Vice President declared that NFL players who knelt during the national anthem were disrespecting the military?

Now remember yesterday when the president doubled down on his lie (“two solariums!”) about calling Frederica Wilson a liar by disputing the corroboration of Sgt. La David Johnson’s widow, Myeisha Johnson? The president of the United States called a Gold Star widow a liar just a few weeks after her husband was killed while serving his country. Why aren’t the same people who were fuming at NFL players now fuming at the president for directly disrespecting the widow of a U.S. serviceman, especially when the evidence appears heavily tilted in her favor?

 

Why would she lie, Donald?

Could it be that it’s because both Wilson and Johnson are black? “Oh, now, JW, it’s not that simple.” You know what? Maybe it is. Trump’s “base,” as they are euphemistically known, have a short but consistent history of supporting anything the president says or does as long as it is contrary to minorities, particularly blacks. This really isn’t so difficult to comprehend.

2. Oh, Really, O’Reilly?

Lis Wiehl, who allegedly got a $32 million settlement from O’Reilly. No wonder he sounds so angry all the time.

Coming in a close second to Donald Trump in the World’s Worst White Man (he gets silver; Donald gets both gold and, due to skin color, bronze) Olympics is Bill O’Reilly, who yesterday blamed everyone but himself for the sexual harassment fiasco that led to his exodus from Fox. Yesterday Blah Blah O’Reilly blamed “weasel reporter” Michael Schmidt of the New York Times, the New York Times itself, and even God for the predicament in which he finds himself.

Meanwhile, former Fox News Megyn Kelly struck back at O’Reilly’s contention that no one complained about him by saying that she was one of the Fox femmes who complained about him. Deny that, Bill.

3. Peak Mansplaining

 

Love this. Twitter Dude attempts to explain to Twitter Lass what she fails to understand about a story he read in The Atlantic. The woman, Loren Schulman, gets the last word when she informs the dude, “I’m the writer.”

 

 

4. “Watson, Come Here…I Need You…To Clear Out Of Your Office”

After just three games, two 40-plus point defeats and one highly disenchanted starter, Eric Bledsoe, the Phoenix Suns bid adieu to head coach Earl Watson. This marks the sixth coach to come and go in the 13 years that Robert Sarver has owned the franchise. At some point, Robert, you need to look in the mirror and recognize that you are the problem.

5. Last Call for Barstool

They lasted less than a happy hour.

After all of one show, ESPN skipper John Skipper pulled the plug on Barstool Van Talk, “starring” Big Cat and PFT Commenter. Fortunately you won’t have to wait for the “30 for 30” on this saga, as the entire series history of this project is contained within this link. We hardly knew ya. We’ll hardly miss ya.

Reserves

The University of Virginia names Carla Williams as its new athletic director, making her the first African-American female A.D. in a Power 5 conference. So suck on it, Charlottesville Nazis.

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In case you have not seen this terrific Burger King ad already…

Hate to be THAT GUY, but cows get bullied all the time. That’s how they make more cows…

Music 101

After The Fire

This 1985 song appeared on a Roger Daltrey solo album and was written by his bandmate in The Who, Pete Townshend. The band was supposed to play the song as one by The Who earlier that summer at Live Aid, but they didn’t have time to rehearse it, so Townshend gave it to his lead singer for his solo album Under The Raging Moon.

Remote Patrol

World Series, Game 1

Astros at Dodgers

Fox 8 p.m.

We will all miss the Yankees. Okay, some of us will.

Keuchel, Kershaw. Altuve, Turner. Bellinger, Springer. Correa, Puig. Should be fun.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 7 Comments

by John Walters

Starting Five

Irish OutmUSCle Trojans

Wow. 28-0 at halftime versus Sam Darnold and the Not-Ready-For-Their-Closeup-Mr. DeMille Trojans? Wow.

Notre Dame, which some people we know have been saying are far better than the pollsters claim for a month now, smoked USC 49-19 on Saturday. And the Fighting Irish did not require a “decided schematic advantage.” They simply lined up and, on both sides of the ball, owned the line of scrimmage.

Darnold? Two turnovers, a pick and a fumble on the Trojans’ first snap. Also, a punt returner flubbed one inside USC’s own 10. Irish? Josh Adams, 19 carries for 191 yards, including an 84-yard TD run from scrimmage late in the third quarter. He’s now aboard the Heisman Train.

By the way, both Adams and Saquon Barkley are juniors from eastern Pennsylvania.

The MH Domin-8: 1. Alabama 2. Georgia 3. Penn State 4. TCU 5. Ohio State 6. Wisconsin 7. Clemson 8. Notre Dame

2. What The Fog?

New England wins the Super Bowl LI rematch in Fogsborough, 23-7. No miraculous comeback necessary. Bill Belichick is the Macgyver of NFL coaches. It never matters whom he loses, he just uses some duct tape and parts from a transistor radio and patches together a football team. Having Tom Brady and Rob Gronkowski helps, of course.

3. A.L.-tuve

We saw not a single pitch of Games 6 and 7, but rumor has it that the Houston Astros shut down the Baby Bombers and are headed to the World Series to face the Dodgers. Presumptive American League MVP Jose Altuve hit a solo homer in both games and had 4 RBI total. The Yanks scored one run total in the two games when all they needed was one win.

This was all gravy this season, of course (remember when they trailed 3-0 in the first with runners on 2nd and 3rd with one out in the wild card game versus Minnesota?). We like the Dodgers in five and only wish that a Kershaw vs. Verlander matchup was on the Game 1 menu.The Astros will throw Keuchel in a battle of K-aces.

4. Karma Kick

No words necessary here.

5. “Smile, My Ass”

This is why you listen to NPR on a long road trip. Sunday’s episode of Radio Lab featured a look at the classic TV show, Candid Camera, which was the progenitor of all reality television. By 1969 the show had been on air for eight years, was wildly popular, and its creator and host, Allen Funt, was one of the most famous men in America.

So here’s where the story picks up. As the kicker for this profile, they tell the story of when Funt and his family were flying from New York to Miami in 1969. In the midst of the flight, a man put a knife to the throat of a flight attendant and walked her up to the cabin. The man, who only spoke Spanish, then told the flight crew, “Cuba! Cuba!”

The captain got on the loudspeaker and calmly told the passengers, “We have a man here who wants to go to Havana.” Before panic could set in, though, one of the passengers recognized Funt. And the word got around quickly. And everyone on the flight just assumed that they were part of a Candid Camera gag.

Funt tried to explain that this was an actual hijacking, but nobody was having it. At one point he turned to a priest and asked him to explain that this was real, but the priest smiled and told him, not in so many words, “Nice try.”

Eventually the plane landed in Havana. The passengers looked out and saw Cuban military circling the plane. That’s when they realized this was no joke. And for some odd reason they were furious at Funt. The last man off the plane looked down at him and simply said, “Smile, my ass.”

Reserves

 

This is what losing 45-7 to Alabama looks like. Champions of Life?

Music 101

Lay It On Me

James Keough, better known as Vance Joy, is an Australian former Aussie Rules Football player (he was named best first-year player in a lower professional league). He also recorded a perfect score on his standardized high school English exams. Don’t you hate people like this? This song is just a few months old; songwriting and musicianship is not dead.

Remote Patrol

Halloween Marathon

AMC 9 a.m. to Whenever

It’s the Mike Myers who doesn’t say, “Schwiinnngg!” or “Yeah, baby, yeah!” (Damn, how big was Michael Myers in the early to mid-Nineties?

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 3 Comments

by John Walters

Program Note: The MH staff is road-tripping to South Bend, so there probably won’t be a new post tomorrow. Adjust your heartbreak accordingly…

Starting Five

Tanaka has pitched two shutouts in the postseason and allowed just two runs in 20 innings, or a .90 ERA

1. Masahiro Worshippers*

*The judges will also accept “Tanaka Blast”

The Young Yankees (not as catchy) are breaking out. Greg Bird hit homers in Games 3 of the ALDS and Game 1 of the ALCS. Aaron Judge hit a pair of homers in the three-game sweep of the Astros in the Bronx, getting RBI in all three games, and Gary Sanchez had two RBI in Games 4 an 5.

But the hidden, under appreciated story? Starting pitching. The Yanks have thrown two shutouts in the playoffs and against Houston, their starters have allowed seven runs in five games. Two of those runs were charged to Sonny Gray, even though he didn’t toss the pitch that scored the runners. So, literally, five runs in five games against the highest-scoring offense in all of baseball.

Last night the Yankees threw a shutout for the second time in games started by Mashairo Tanaka this postseason. Yanks up 3-2 as we return to Houston.

The Astros have two Cy Young Award winners, but the Yankee arms are getting it done.

2. Sun Downers

The look on the face of Jared Dudley (far left) says it all

Holy Smoketree (inside joke)! The Phoenix Suns got run out of their own building on opening night, suffering the worst loss in franchise history, 124-76, to the Portland Trail Blazers. On the opening night of their 50th season, the Suns’ 48-point loss is also the worst in NBA history on an opening night. It could’ve been worse–the Blazers led by 58 before emptying their bench.

The one good note for us Suns fans: Alex Len did not play. He’d never let them lose that badly. But, man, are they going to be THAT bad this season, and is Marvin Bagley III going to return home next year?

3. Do NOT Mess With Cersei

The latest high-profile Harvey Weinstein accuser: actress Lena Headey, a.k.a. Cersie Lannister. Let her do the talking/tweeting:

and

 

and…

and

Earlier this week actress Lauren Holly also accused Weinstein of asking her for a naked massage. The balls on that guy.

4. New Zealand’s New Leader

Suddenly Trump wants to improve relations with the Kiwis…

Meet Jacinda Ardem, 37, who was just elected as the Prime Minister of New Zealand. We are told that “Jacindamania” is sweeping the country and we really do hope Brett and Jermaine write a song about her.

That hand wave, though. Where have I seen it before?

The youth movement is strong. In Austria (not Australia) 31 year-old Sebastian Kurz was just named Chancellor. Kurz is the youngest national leader outside a monarchy anyone can recall. He’s also a quasi-Fascist, running on an anti-immigration platform. A quasi-Fascist from Austria? What could possibly go wrong?

Kurz, Wikipedia tells me, studied seven years at the University of Vienna without obtaining a degree. The Austrians just elected Van Wilder.

5. Checks, and Balances

You know how you intend to pay for your share of the Las Vegas Weekend with the boys and tell your buddy who laid out the cash that you’ll put that check in the mail as soon as you get home and then never do? Well, now you, too, can be president of the United States.

During a June condolence call with the father of a slain soldier, Donald Trump told the dad that he’d be sending him a check for $25,000. This week the Washington Post reported on the phone call to Chris Baldridge, who told them that the check never arrived (all of this probably would never have been dredged up if not for Trump’s obscenely false proclamation on Monday). Baldridge’s son Dillon was fatally shot by an Afghan police officer in June.

 

So now, yesterday, Trump sends the guy the check. And of course a White House spokesperson rebukes the media: “It’s disgusting that the media is taking something that should be recognized as a generous and sincere gesture, made privately by the President, and using it to advance the media’s biased agenda,” said spox (look at us, being all Page 6) Lindsay Walters (thank God, no relation).

We all know that check is never getting sent if WaPo hadn’t exposed the latest Donald Trump lie.

Reserves

Fake Melania?

When did America become one long episode of Monty Python mashed with Curb? My favorite part: “Who happens to be right here…”

****

Trailer for film I’m most excited about this autumn: Molly’s Game, the story of Molly Bloom (sister of Jeremy Bloom), a world-class skier who ran a high-stakes poker game. Written and directed by Aaron Sorkin, starring Jessica Chastain and Idris Elba (our sources tell us Sorkin is now dating the real Molly Bloom).

***

Blah Blah O’Reilly

This…

Music 101

Rock Around The Clock

In the original iteration of Happy Days (starring Ron Howard and Henry Winkler), this was the theme song. That version of the show, featuring this 1953 classic from Bill Haley & The Comets, was far more faithful to the ’50s (but alas, not as much of a ratings hit). The song hit No. 1 on the charts.

Remote Patrol

Game 5: Dodgers at Cubs

TBS 8 p.m.

It’s Clayton Kershaw’s turn. Will he finally close out a meaningful series for the Dodgers?

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 1 Comment

by John Walters

Starting Five

Carry Off Our Hayward Son

A rude welcome to the Eastern Conference for Gordon Hayward, who fractured his tibia and dislocated his ankle minutes into his Boston Celtics debut. The 7th-year forward and All-Star is probably undergoing surgery right now and his return date is unknown. Hayward incurred the injury after colliding with LeBron James as he went up for an alley oop.

The Cavs won 102-99 as LeBron finished with a game-high 29.

At least Hayward wasn’t injured by his own teammate by a punch in the face. That’s what happened in Chicago as 6’11” Bobby Portis Geno-Smith’ed fellow 6’10″er Nikola Mirotic.

2. Points To Ponder

Channeling her inner Tom Petty (“I won’t back down”), ESPN’s Sam Ponder “welcomes” the WWL’s new partner, Barstool Sports, by reminding them that their president, David Portnoy, once called her a See You Next Tuesday.

 

and then…

 

As soon as John Skipper saw these tweets, we imagine he suspended Jemele Hill another two weeks…

3. Relief Belief

Former catcher Kenley Jansen has pitched seven innings of relief in the postseason, allowing 2 hits and zero earned runs

In their last four games, the Los Angeles Dodgers bullpen has allowed 2 hits and no runs in 14 2/3 innings. L.A. shushed the Cubs back at Wrigley last night 6-1, and they didn’t even need Justin Turner’s heroics. When your Cy Young-level starters are being backed up by a bullpen that throws goose egg after goose egg, well, good luck. The Dodgers are back to resembling the “Best. Team. Ever?”

4. Vintage Bronx Tale

One of these two dudes will be the American League MVP

It felt like 1996 in the Bronx last night. A 5 p.m start, a gorgeous October evening, and a resilient Yankee squad that overcame a 4-0 deficit in the final three innings. Aaron Judge (22 strikeouts in 45 plate appearances) got it started with a solo homer in the 7th inning.

Then in the eighth, Gary Sanchez, 0-for-13 to that point in this series, smacked a two-run double to the right-center gap to plate the winning runs. Yankees win, 6-4. They’re 5-0 in the Bronx in the postseason.

Chase Headley stumbled, then got up and slid safely into second. Yankee Metaphor Alert.

Meanwhile, the sad ballad of Sonny Gray continues. Despite leaving the game in the sixth inning having not surrendered a run, he would’ve been on the hook for the loss. Gray has now tossed 21 1/3 postseason innings in his career without a SINGLE RUN of support. Not one.

5. Say What?

The latest installment of The Worst Wing has Donald Trump reportedly phoning the widow of one of the four Green Berets slain in the Niger ambush (and where are the Benghazi-like screams for justice on this one?) and saying, “He knew what he signed up for, but I guess it still hurts.” This news comes from Florida congresswoman Frederica Wilson (Dem), who was in a car with the widow at the time of the phone call, which she says was on speakerphone.

Wilson also claims Trump did not even know the fallen soldier’s name (Sgt. La David Johnson). Trump is denying all of this, adding, “Sad!”

Meanwhile, Trump also claimed that his predecessor “did not call” his Chief of Staff, John Kelly, when Kelly’s son was killed in Afghanistan six years earlier. Technically, that is true. What is also true is that Kelly sat next to the president and First Lady at a breakfast for Gold Star families back then.

Reserves

 Golden State Loses, World Yawns

Just like last year, the Golden State Warriors opened the season A) at home and B) by losing to a team from Texas. The Dubs fell 122-121 to the Houston Rockets. Big surprise? Newcomer Nick Young was the Dubs’ top scorer with 23 points and went 6 of 7 from beyond the arc. You go, Swaggy P!

 

Music 101

Mr. Big

At the Isle of Wight Festival in 1970, the London-based blues rock band Free performed in front of 600,000 people and lead singer Paul Rodgers established himself as the smokiest white singer on either side of the Atlantic. The group broke up three years later and Rodgers went on to become lead singer of Bad Company.

Remote Patrol

Baseball Doubleheader Deja Vu

Game 5: Astros at Yankees

FS1 5 p.m.

Game 4: Dodgers at Cubs

TBS 8 p.m.

 

Re-play ball! The Yanks and ‘stros are squared at 2 apiece, while the Dodgers are now 6-0 in the post season.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 3 Comments

by John Walters

Starting Five

Pop Goes Off On The Weasel

Asked on Monday afternoon why he had not commented on the four Green Beret troops who were killed in an ambush in Niger nearly two weeks ago, President Trump evaded the question and then said he had written personal letters to the families. But he could not stop there.

““If you look at President Obama and other presidents, most of them didn’t make calls,”  Trump said during a news conference in the Rose Garden. “A lot of them didn’t make calls. I like to call when it’s appropriate.”

Of course, that assertion is just plain fake news. Blatantly false. And it drew the fury of San Antonio Spurs coach Gregg Popovich, a U.S. Air Force Academy graduate. Popovich phoned Dave Zirin of The Nation and vented:

This man in the Oval Office is a soulless coward who thinks that he can only become large by belittling others. This has of course been a common practice of his, but to do it in this manner — and to lie about how previous presidents responded to the deaths of soldiers — is as low as it gets. We have a pathological liar in the White House: unfit intellectually, emotionally, and psychologically to hold this office and the whole world knows it, especially those around him every day. The people who work with this President should be ashamed because they know it better than anyone just how unfit he is, and yet they choose to do nothing about it. This is their shame most of all.

The Spurs host the Timberwolves on Wednesday night in their NBA season opener. Curious to see if Trump calls the 5-time NBA champion head coach a “loser” or if he recommends people stop attending NBA games.

What a loser.

2. Yankees Strike Back

A two-out, three-run home run by Todd Frazier in the 2nd inning and a two-out, three-run home run by Aaron Judge in the 4th helped stake the Yankees to an 8-0 lead and they held on to win on a crisp night in the Bronx. Game 4 tomorrow afternoon at 5 p.m. and the Yankees now trail 2-1.

3. Domo Arigoto, Mr. Roboto?

 

Okay, we loved this cover of The New Yorker, but we’re sharing this profile of Vice President Mike Pence, the departer-in-chief. You may have heard that Trump was quoted to have said of Pence’s stance on homosexuals, “He wants to hang them all.”

4. Mogadishu

It happened over the weekend. A truck is stopped at a checkpoint. It accelerates, crashes through a barrier and, carrying several hundred kilograms of military-grade explosives, explodes. The explosions ignites a fuel tanker nearby, sending up a massive fireball.

More than 300 innocent people perish in the capital city of Somalia. An Islamist extremist group. al-Shabaab, is believed to have been behind it.

5. MH Domin-Eight!

So whom do we like now that Clemson, Washington and Washington State have fallen? We really like Ohio State who, despite their one loss, have outscored their last five opponents 266-56. But we’ll respect decorum and wait to elevate the Buckeyes to the top four; they’ll have their shot against Penn State on the 28th.

  1. Alabama 7-0 No one else is close to the Tide (Rat Poison Alert)
  2. Georgia 7-0 Dawgs are No. 3 in Total Defense
  3. Penn State 6-0 Nittany Lions are No. 1 in Scoring Defense, will meet Michigan, who are No. 1 in Total Defense
  4. Wisconsin (6-0) Freshman Jonathan Taylor is nation’s third-leading rusher
  5. TCU (6-0) Frogs have a better road win than Wiscy
  6. Ohio State (6-1) Buckeyes anxious to welcome Nittanies to Columbus
  7. Oklahoma (6-1) One bad quarter may cost the Sooners a shot at the playoff, but Baker Mayfield is the nation’s top-rated passer
  8. Clemson (6-1) Don’t visit the Carrier Dome on a Friday night

Reserves

Enjoy your new partners, ESPN…

Music 101

Oh Yeah (On The Radio)

Somewhat under appreciated for his brilliance is Bryan Ferry, but trust me, your girlfriend knows his music. This Roxy Music tune was released in 1980, and it has such a wonderful, can’t-be-classified feel to it.

Remote Patrol

MLB Doubleheader

Game 4: Astros at Yankees

FS1 5 p.m.

Game 3: Dodgers at Cubs

TBS 8 p.m.

Don’t you just love October?