by John Walters
They Went To Jaret*
*The judges will also accept “JP More Gains” and “Right, Patterson!”
Buffalo running back Jaret Patterson had a game for the ages on Saturday. In a game between two 3-0 MAC squads, Patterson rushed for an astounding 409 yards and scored EIGHT touchdowns on runs of…. wait a minute here while I look it up… 3, 31, 42, 49, 1, 7, 11 and 58 yards.
On his TD runs alone, Patterson gained 202 yards.
Patterson’s eight TDs tie former Illinois running back Howard Griffith for the most ever in an FBS game (Sept. 22, 1990).
Patterson’s 409 yards (on 36 carries) fell 18 short of the 427 gained by Samaje Perine (Oklahoma) in 2014, and his mark is now in second place.
Patterson’s teammate, Kevin Marks, Jr., had a decent game with 97 yards and two touchdowns, but few will ever remember it.
Notre Dame’s center is named Jarrett Patterson (broke foot versus Boston College, out for rest of season). He’s considered the best player at his position in college football. But he’s not the best Jarrett/Jaret Patterson in college football.
Patterson now leads the FBS in rushing at 230 yards per game.
*The judges will also accept “Dunked On”
Is there a more 2020 headline than “Former NBA Dunk Contest Champ Knocked Cold By 23 Year-Old YouTube Sensation?” Probably, but this is certainly bizarre enough to make the annals. Nate Robinson, who is 36, 5’9″ and during an unlikely 13-year NBA career became the league’s first three-time slam dunk champ, was knocked out and cold by Jake “The Problem Child” Paul. Who is a YouTube millionaire.
It wasn’t pretty.
One Small Kick For Womenkind
In Columbia, Missouri, Sarah Fuller became the first female to play in an SEC and/or Power 5 football contest. The full-time keeper on Vanderbilt’s women’s soccer team, Fuller stepped in to assume kicking duties for the Commodores due to Covid-19.
Vandy being Vandy, it never scored and thus only kicked off once during the contest: a designed squib kick. The next day, Vanderbilt head coach Derek Mason was fired. Not because of this, but I’m sure Clay and Jason will find a way to correlate the two events.
We don’t want to spend too much time on the lame duck, only to note this “interview” (diatribe) with Fox Business’ Maria Bartiromo Sunday morning (oh, now she’s bemused). We watched this and thought of a comment from a CNN or MSNBC guest a couple weeks back who noted that Trump was in the early stages of DABDA (Denial Anger Bargaining Depression Acceptance) that all terminally ill folk go through.
But then we had a thought. We don’t believe the president will ever cycle through all five stages of DABDA. Denial and Anger, certainly, and to an extent even Bargaining (bits of all three in this rant). But Depression? Perhaps. Acceptance? Never.
That’s what makes him different. It’s also why so many people admire him, but this is not a virtue. It’s a flaw. Not a feature, but a bug. Not sure why so many people admire someone who can never admit they lost or they’re wrong, when they’ve clearly lost or are clearly wrong. That’s not heroic; it’s immature.
In An Instant
This is William “Rowdy” Harrell, who was living a dream life up until the moment it was all taken away. The Moundville, Ala., native was killed in a car crash last week while honeymooning in the Florida Keys. His wife, Blakley, also died in the accident. Harrell’s vehicle, a Toyota Corolla, apparently crossed the center line of a two-lane highway and struck a pickup truck. The other driver was treated for minor injuries.
Harrell was 30. He’d attended college, in Tuscaloosa, just up the road from his hometown. Walked on to the football team and was a part of THREE national championship squads for the University of Alabama (2009, 2011, 2012). Then he got a job with Hendrick Motor Sports as part of the pit crew. If you are a good ol’ boy, particularly one from Alabama, you’ve checked two of the three boxes (all that was missing was a stint on the Pro Bass Fishing Tour).
An incredible adventure. Cut tragically short.
Remember the Utah desert monolith? It’s disappeared. Kudos to whoever pulled this stunt, be they terrestrial or extra-terrestrial.
What needs to happen next is for it to keep making surprise cameos in unlikely places. Maybe at the next College GameDay?