by John Walters

The MH staff was going to give itself yet another morning off—Casual Thursday?— but then there was a World Series no-hitter AND we learned that Miss Argentina and Miss Puerto Rico were secretly married and we were like, Once more unto the breach, my friends.

Phillie Phutility

Rule No. 7 (Every time you watch a baseball game there’s a chance you’ll see something that has never happened in a game before) is working overtime during this Fall Classic. On Tuesday Houston Astros pitcher Lance McCullers, Jr., became the first hurler to surrender five home runs in a single World Series game (the Phils tied the record for most hit in a game) as the ‘stros were swamped, 7-0. And then last night McCullers’ four pitching teammates—Christian Javier, someone someone Abreu, Rafael Montero and Not-Elvis Pressly—pitched the first combined no-hitter in World Series history (and only the second overall after Don Larsen’s perfect game for the Yankees in 1956).

So, one of the worst pitching performances in WS history followed by one of the best, in the span of less than 30 hours, from the same pitching staff.

Interesting note from my super student Jared: Vin Scully had the call for Larsen’s perfect game in ’56 for NBC. Scully, a Bronx native, was then the precocious broadcast voice for the Brooklyn Dodgers, Larsen’s victims that day. So here we are, 66 years later, and Joe Davis had the call last night for Fox. Davis is the current Dodgers announcer, having replaced… Vin Scully, who retired a couple of years ago and only passed away a mere three months ago. Wild.

Also worth noting: the closest Philly came to a hit came early, 3rd inning we believe, with a man already on first (walked) and Kyle Schwarber up. The lead-off dead-pull hitter smoked a screamer that barely sizzled foul past the first base line after taking a hop and was ruled (correctly) foul. But just barely. If that’s a hit Philly has at least men on 2nd and 3rd. That’s the second time this series (also, Game 2, the overturned home run) in which Schwarber has flat-out scorched a ball that was millimeters foul and, if fair, might have changed the outcome of the contest.

You get the feeling that, persistence and excellence being what they are, that Schwarber will eventually be rewarded for all these near-misses with a timely clout later in the series. He already has the most awesome blast (an upper-decker at PetCo Park) this postseason.

Miss Taken Identity*

*The judges will not accept “Caribbean Queens” for cartographical reasons, and also for graphical reasons

This is the content for which the internet was created: the former Miss Argentina, Mariana Varela (left), and the former Miss Puerto Rico, Fabiola Valentin, revealed that they got married last Friday. Both pageant contestants represented their Spanish-speaking nations in 2020.

Ryan’s Express (Plenty of Stops)

Only a buzzer-beating corner three from rookie Matt Ryan saved the Los Angeles Lakers from falling to 1-6 last night. Instead, Ryan’s trey forced overtime against the New Orleans Pelicans (after a Pelican missed two free throws, either one of which would have sealed the win) and led to a Laker victory.

Doing a little research, we were startled to realize this is the same Matt Ryan who never once smiled at Notre Dame and eventually transferred to Vanderbilt… before once again transferring to UT-Chattanooga.

We recall Ryan’s arrival as a freshman in South Bend and were somewhat giddy. Sure, the surname was tailor-made for the Fighting Irish, but this kid looked and shot like the second coming of Doug McDermott. So how come he never seemed to give more than 50%? You could see the potential, but Ryan just never seemed to fit. The 6’7″ kid from Westchester County never averaged double-digits in college until his senior year at UTC, when he averaged 15.7 (and that was the season March Madness was canceled).

Apparently, after college and with the poor timing of Covid-19, Ryan found himself doing odd jobs such as driving for Door Dash and working at a cemetery in Yonkers (not the most famous person associated with Irish basketball to work in a cemetery, though) before catching on with a G-League team. And now a kid who once was stroking shots off passes from the likes of Rex Pflueger and Matt Farrell is teammates with LeBron James.

It’s a crazy world. Don’t try to figure it out.


Inveterate readers may have realized that while they’re paying the same price for MH as before, they’re only receiving three items per blog as opposed to five, as MH operated for years. And our answer to that is, “Hey, inflation.”

But, okay, here’s one more… a writers’ roundtable that includes John Krasinski and Bo Burnham. Early on, you can see Krasinski sensing that he’s met his new best friend in Bo, who (and we know this has become a cliche) is the most genius person in entertainment under the age of, well, maybe death. But certainly under 40. If you don’t know Bo, find his Netflix special “Inside,” which is simply a masterpiece.

Also, it comes all the way at the end, but Bo sneaks in an “elephant in the room” line at around 55:55 that gets completely talked over. Sadly. It’s the most incisive comment of the entire hour.


by John Walters

Not A Paula Abdul Documentary

What happens when your soul mate holds no sexual attraction for you (a question Susie B. has wrestled with, obv)? This 2019 film from James Sweeney (right; he wrote, directed and stars in it) is currently playing on Netflix and has a whipsmart dialogue.

Sweeney must be a fan of the “meet cute” and of old movies and he makes two separate references to Gilmore Girls, so you know what you’re in for here. If you cannot name at least two of Rory Gilmore’s three boyfriends, this film may not be for you. If you can, dive in.*

*Film recommended by Katie McCollow, of course.

The Happy Hooker

Why is Tennessee quarterback Hendon Hooker currently atop MH’s Heisman favorites list? Three reasons: 1) He’s one of only two quarterbacks with at least 20 touchdown passes and only one interception (the other is USC’s Caleb Williams), 2) He’s one of only two quarterbacks averaging a nation’s-best 10.7 yards per attempt (the other is Ohio State’s C.J. Stroud) and, 3) he engineered the nation’s most impressive win of the season, over Alabama, in what was thus far the season’s most exciting game, a 52-49 win. The Tide hadn’t lost to an SEC East team in the regular season since, like, 2010.

Now Hooker and the No. 2 Vols visit No. 1 Georgia this week. The last time a 1 vs. 2 matchup in the regular season happened without Alabama being one of the two schools was in 2006, Michigan at Ohio State. On the eve of that game, Michigan’s legendary coach, Bo Schembechler, died. Weirdly, and exactly one week too soon, Georgia’s legendary coach, Vince Dooley, passed away last Friday night. The Wolverines lost that Saturday, if you wanna keep tabs.

Hooker has already moved into the oddsmakers’ slim favorite to win the Heisman (something former Vol QB Peyton Manning never did). If he leads the Vols to a Rocky Top moment in Athens on Saturday—and this just in, Dawgs’ All-American LB Nolan Smith is out for the season with a torn pec—he’ll be way out in front, and the Vols will be ranked No. 1.

Hooker, like most Heisman candidates these past few years, did not start out at the school he now attends. He enrolled early at Virginia Tech in January of 2017…and spent three seasons there. That’s right, he’s now in his sixth year of autumn college football. Hooker will turn 25 just a few days after the college football national championship game. Hooker would be the second-oldest starting quarterback in the AFC East right now.


So, as you know, Elon Musk’s $44 billion purchase of Twitter finally happened, we assume, because the world’s wealthiest man considered that a smaller price to pay than enduring discovery in a Delaware court, and then ultimately losing his case, anyway.

The question for some is whether to remain on the platform. Many find it humorous and ironic that Musk has insisted that he does not want to prevent Twitter from becoming a “hellscape” and also that he wants to charge people who are verified $20 a month for that blue check because “it’s the only way to keep out the bots and trolls (but he’s on the side of the bots and trolls, no?).”

Quick question: So if a millionaire celeb chooses not to pay, is Elon going to kick him/her off the site? Or simply retract the blue check mark? I mean, all that person’s followers already know who they are.

Tweets such as this are what make the platform so valuable

We read a good thread this morning (while still in bed, before coffee, and forgot to save) from a prof who noted that Musk seems to think he bought a tech site when in fact he purchased a community platform. And for it to succeed, he must strike a delicate balance. On one hand, you want to preserve the 1st Amendment. On the other, if you make it 4Chan or TruthSocial 2.0, then you’ll drive away all the “libs.” And what fun will it be for the trolls and bots to “own the libs” if they’ve taken their balls and gond home? That’s exactly why the far-right is on Twitter as opposed to Truth Social: it’s more fun to fight than to exist in an echo chamber.

So we’ll see how this all falls out. What will always befuddle us is that of all the tech and social media companies whose stock grew exponentially in the past decade or two (Facebook, Google, Apple, even Musk’s own Tesla), Twitter’s never has. One more function of it being inordinately popular with journalists (guilty) who erroneously thought it resonated more with everyone else.