IT’S ALL HAPPENING! 4/26

https://mediumhappy.com/?p=2753

“We’ve had enough Bushes” — Barbara Bush, when asked whether she’d like to see her son, Jeb, run for president. She did preface that comment by saying that Jeb was the best-qualified Bush (so as to make sure she alienated all the Bush men in one quote. Well done!)

In the mid-90s, Gavin Rossdale and friends filled the Bush void between 41 and 43.

Starting Five

1. Three offensive tackles are chosen among the first four picks in the NFL draft and author Michael Lewis quietly says to himself, ‘Ch-ching!” Eric Fisher (Central Michigan), Luke Joeckel (Texas A&M) and Lane Johnson (Oklahoma) are picks 1,2 and 4. Picks 3, 5 and 6 are all defensive ends — Dion Jordan (Oregon), Ziggy Ansah (BYU) and Barkevious Mingo (LSU) — which proves a commonly held theory that defensive linemen have more unorthodox parents than offensive linemen.

The Chiefs used the No. 1 pick on a player who was formerly an All-State honorable mention player at Stoney Creek H.S. in Michigan.

So maybe the camera should be focusing on the “edge” all game than following the football. That is, apparently, where the game is won or lost.

Five of the top ten picks were first-team All-Americans last season, which may mean that the scribes and the scouts are generally in agreement (Fisher, the No. 1 overall selection, was a 3rd-team All-American). Not one running back was chosen and only one quarterback, E.J. Manuel of Florida State, was selected, even though Jon Gruden absolutely cannot stand his sleeves. Manuel was not even chosen first-team QB in his own conference (Tajh Boyd of Clemson was) and his selection by Buffalo at No. 17 is an even bigger surprise since the Bills’ new coach, Doug Marrone, just arrived from Syracuse where he coached draft-eligible quarterback Ryan Nassib.

 

2. Biggest NAMES (not necessarily best players) still available today, for the 2nd Round and beyond. These are the names that college football fans know better than almost all of the names from Round 1: CB Tyrann Mathieu of LSU, QB Geno Smith of West Virginia, QB Matt Barkley of USC, QB Landry Jones of Oklahoma,  LB Manti Te’o of Notre Dame (who won the Lott Trophy, Maxwell Award, Bednarik Award, Walter Camp Trophy, Butkus Award, Lombardi Award and Bronko Nagurski Award…. but dated a phantom), QB Denard Robinson of Michigan, QB Collin Klein of Kansas State, LB Arthur Brown of Kansas State, WR Keenan Allen (“his brother is the quarterback”) of Cal, CB and 2012 Thorpe Award Winner Johnthan Banks of Mississippi State.

In fact, only three men who won a major college football award last season were selected last night: Outland Trophy winner Joeckel, Paul Hornung Award winner Tavon Austin of West Virginia (8th, St. Louis) and John Mackey Award winner Tyler Eifert of Notre Dame (21st, Cincinnati).

FYI: Nine different college football players made a national or regional cover of Sports Illustrated last fall. None were drafted last night (Klein, Mathieu, De’Anthony Thomas of Oregon, who is still in school, Robinson, Barkley, Te’o, Jones, Smith,  and Katherine Webb’s beau, who is also still in school)

Small but speedy Tavon Austin: We can already hear Berman doing a “whoop-whoop” during a Sunday Blitz package in which Austin could go all the way.

3. Outrageously compelling first-person account of last Thursday night’s car-jacking in Boston that eventually led to the capture of the Boston bombers. “Danny” is one brave, brave soul.

4. David Letterman meets A.J. Clemente ( a few nights ago). Dave: “And I know the folks in Bismarck were on the edge of their chair wanting to know the results of the London Marathon.” As usual, Dave cuts to the salient point that no one has yet made.

5. Tomorrow night is the annual White House Correspondents’ Dinner, a.k.a. The Nerd Prom. Conan O’Brien, who last hosted in 1995, will emcee. The Washington Post compiled five memorable moments from the WHCD — you can straight to No. 3. I still think Seth Meyers’ set in 2011 was as good as anyone’s. “Donald Trump often appears on Fox, which is ironic, because a fox often appears on Donald Trump’s head.” And: “What can I say about Joe Biden that hasn’t already been said incorrectly by Joe Biden?”

I’ll take either Seth or either Jimmy when it comes to late-night host potential.

 

Reserves

So, apparently there is a television program called “Duck Dynasty” on A&E and on Wednesdsay night, for its season finale, it drew 9.6 million viewers. I’d have watched it but I spent most of the evening channel-surfing for “House of Cards.”

 

Duck Dynasty: Not brought to you tonight by the Gillette Pro Glide Styler.

A few days ago Tyrann Mathieu announced, via Twitter, that he’d be hosting an after-party on Thursday night after his first-round selection in the NFL draft. The only two problems with that? Mathieu was not selected and he does not turn 21 until May 13th, whereas the party was due to be held at the SL Club, a dance club in NYC’s Meatpacking district. Hmm.

David Letterman: “Today is ‘National Take Your Children to Work Day’. I brought in my kids –Tina, Nancy and Frank, Jr.” Paul guffaws, the audience furrows its brow, and Dave grins with an air of satisfaction as he says, “I know. It never works, but we do it, anyway.” (Dave is referencing the Sinatra kids, by the way).

More Letterman: ” ‘Stooge of the Night’, brought to you by Del Frisco’s Double Eagle Steakhouse. Face it, life’s too short for a Single Eagle steak!” Why didn’t I think of that???

Even more Letterman, on yesterday’s opening of the Bush Presidential Library: “They have a section dedicated to weapons of mass destruction…but nobody can find it.”

Please join me in raising Hazardous Duty Pay funds for the ESPN makeup artist whose job it was to work with the coifs of Chris Berman and Mel Kiper, Jr., last night. Even Jon Gruden’s blond locks are starting to look a little thin. And there’s full-bodied Adam Schefter, just itching for his chance to join the big desk next April.

What, hunh? Half-Pint married the dude from Thirtysomething? What are the odds on two redheads getting wed, by the way?

Ray Allen buries five threes to give him 322 for his career in the postseason, passing Reggie Miller for the all-time NBA record in Miami’s Game 3 victory in Milwaukee. And Stephen Curry makes a mental note of it.

Remote Patrol

Game 3: Spurs at Lakers

ESPN 10:30 p.m.

This will be fascinating. It’s all on Dwight Howard’s shoulders at Staples Center, as a Laker team that may well be without its top four guards must face the league’s most consistently consistent team. Lose tonight and the series is over for all intents and purposes. No word yet on whether Mike D’Antoni will activate Arash Markazi in time for tip-off. Also, in case you’re interested (speaking of leading men types), Jon Hamm appears on Late Show with David Letterman.

 

 

One thought on “IT’S ALL HAPPENING! 4/26

  1. I clicked around all night so didn’t see any of the commercials, but if your “steakateria” did not buy some TV air time during last night’s NFL Draft, they missed a major marketing opportunity : Prime beef meets Prime beef. With all that weight, it’s a wonder the risers didn’t bust down during the pre-festivities photo-op. (You seem like the kinda guy who might know this – think the combined weight of last night’s 1st Round is the heaviest in history?)

    Poor Manti & poor Geno. I was surprised neither got taken in the 1st Round. E.J. Manuel was another surprise. I didn’t have any strong opinions on him but after hearing McShaft’s hissy fits late last night and again this morning, I’m now hoping the guy is the next Tom Brady. In addition to being an “in-your-FACE!” to McShaft, it would be luscious karma to fellow division member Jets, my new much-hated team for what they did to Timmy.

    What’s the history of Heisman runner-ups & the Draft? If they come out/graduate, don’t they usually go in the 1st Round? “Te’o, Teeeee-ehhhhh-ohhhhhhh”, indeed. For the past 3 months, all I heard & read from the “NFL experts” was that the phantom-not-dead girlfriend would have NO impact on Manti’s draft status. Hmmmm. Was it really just his slowish 40 speed at the Combine that’s delaying the hoped-for hula (by me at least) celebration? Or has his not-dead girlfriend come back to haunt him?

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