IT’S ALL HAPPENING! Tuesday, April 1


Ted’s kids, mirroring your own body language last night.

1. TED Talks

“Kids, let me tell you about a time when I alienated a loyal fan base with a sacrilegious and tone-deaf series finale.” So, Ted Mosby finally told us how he met their mother, only to kill her off a scene or two later so that he could wait outside Aunt Robin’s window toting a blue French horn.”

The sad thing? Ted and The Mother actually had terrific chemistry in the scene in which they met.

Alan Sepinwall was not pleased. ( <— That’s a terrific read, by the way)

I’ll say this: I moved to New York City when I was 22 and spent the next dozen years here uninterrupted. No sitcom every captured the joy and zaniness and silliness (Did my friends and I play Hide-And-Go-Seek once at the Waldorf-Astoria, with me ending up on a window ledge outside about 20 floors up? Maybe…)  of being a New Yorker in their 20’s better than How I Melt Your Mother. Let’s remember “Suit up!” and “Legen….wait for it and I hope you’re not lactose-intolerant because the next word is…dary” and “Slap bet!” and not let last night define the series for us.

Better yet, let’s go to the mall!

Seriously, though, if you’re going to divorce Barney and Robin –one week after their wedding, an event you spent an ENTIRE final season on, and then have Barney have a child on his own, why not go all the way and have him come out of the closet? Daddy’s home-o!

2. Mets Lose, Cubs Lose, Death, Taxes

Neil Walker blasts the game’s lone run in Pittsburgh

Baseball’s Opening Day hit yesterday, even though the Los Angeles Dodgers were idle and already 2-1. The Mets lost after allowing the tying run in the ninth inning and surrendering four in the top of the tenth, then new Met Curtis Granderson struck out looking to end the contest. The Cubs fell in Pittsburgh on a walk-off homer in the bottom of the tenth that was also the game’s lone run.

And in Anaheim, Felix Hernandez (he of the immortal moniker, “F-Her”) struck out 11 batters in six innings of work as the Mariners reeled in Trout.

In more interesting Opening Day news, Ranger fans unintentionally desecrated a statue of Shannon Stone, the fan who died at the ballpark a few years back, and Angels hitting coach Don Baylor broke his ankle while catching a ceremonial first pitch.

3. March Magnificence

Can the Spurs win another championship with mostly aging veterans, um, Hall of Famers? Kawhi not?

San Antonio closed out an undefeated month (16-0) with a 26-point rout of the East’s best team for most of the season, the Pacers, in Indianapolis. Oh, and remember that game ESPN over-hyped last week in Indy? It was the Pacers’ only win in the past six games.

Last night, on the other hand, was the Spurs’ 18th consecutive win, a franchise record. They have the league’s best record at 56-16 and appear to be the most inspired team in the league by a mile. Is anyone in Bristol —besides San Antonio native Michelle Beadle — paying attention?

4. Flori-Duh

Car leads cops on a two-county chase, but stops to pay tolls (Did he learn nothing from watching “The Godfather?”). Reminds me of the vehicle that led cops on a high-speed chase but never failed to use its turn signals. Thanks to Andy Staples for this.

5. The Jewell and the Odyssey

Odyssey Sims and The Mulkey, that li’l spitfire of a coach.

Fantastic regional final last night in women’s hoops, Baylor at Notre Dame. The Lady Bears’ Odyssey Sims, the nation’s second-leading scorer, drains 33 points in her final college game while Irish up-and-comer Jewell Loyd, a sophomore, finishes with 30 as the undefeated Irish advance, 88-69. We are one Irish win and two UConn wins away from a pair of unbeatens meeting in the NCAA Championship Game.


An ESPN Ian Darke promo for the World Cup. This is how you do it.

April Fool’s Day alerts: Richard Deitsch at SI announces on Twitter that he is headed up to Bristol to debate Skip Bayless on “First Take” in May, while USATF announces a 2 x 100 human-canine event.

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner

1937:  Tris Speaker, CF; Cy Young, P ; 1938: Grover Cleveland Alexander, P; Eddie Collins, 2B 1939:Nap Lajoie, 2B; Joe Jackson, LF; 1940: Billy Hamilton, OF; Cap Anson, 1B; 1941: Wee Willie Keeler, RF; George Sisler, 1B; 1942: Rogers Hornsby, 2B; Pie Traynor, 3B; 1943: Mickey Cochrane, C; Frankie Frisch, 2B 1944: Ed Walsh, P; Old Hoss Radbourn, P 1945: Lou Gehrig, 1B; Kid Nichols, P 1946: Ed Delahanty, LF; Lefty O’Doul 1947: Pud Galvin, P; John McGraw, INF 1948: Carl Hubbell, P; Addie Joss, P 1949: Harry Heilman, OF/1B; Monte Ward, P/SS 1950: Cool Papa Bell, CF; Jimmie Foxx, 1B 1951: Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, P; Josh Gibson, C 1952: Paul Waner, RF; Charlie Gehringer, 2B 1953: Mel Ott, RF; Hank Greenberg, 1B 1954: Eddie Plank, P; Dan Brouthers, 1B 1955: “Wahoo” Sam Crawford, OF; John Clarkson, P 1956: Chief Bender, P; Bill Dickey, C 1957: Sam Rice, RF; Joe DiMaggio, CF 1958: Bill Terry, 1B; Heinie Manush, LF 1959: Dizzy Dean, P; Tim Keefe, P 

Hack Wilson

1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P 1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P 1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P 1978: Roberto Clemente, RF; Chuck Klein, RF 1979: Willie Mays, CF; Luis Aparicio,  SS 1980: Al Kaline, RF; Enos Slaughter, RF 1981: Bob Gibson, P; Harmon Killebrew, 1B 1982: Hank Aaron, RF; Frank Robinson, OF 1983: Brooks Robinson, 3B, Juan Marichal, P 1984: Hoyt Wilhelm, P; Arky Vaughan, SS 1985: Lou Brock, LF; Pete Browning, OF


Hayden Siddhartha “Sidd” Finch, P; 1985, New York Mets

Finch, the French horn-tooting hurler who threw pure thermonuclear heat (168 m.p.h.) and pitched while only wearing one shoe, a size 14 boot, was a brilliant comet that briefly flashed across the baseball sky. As Sports Illustrated reported, “He’s a pitcher, part yogi and part recluse, impressively liberated  from our opulent life-style. Sidd’s deciding about yoga–and his future in baseball.”

Remote Patrol

The Man With The 132-Pound Scrotum

DFH 10 p.m.

April Fool’s? You decide. Here’s the actual blurb: “A profile of a Las Vegas man with a debilitating medical condition called scrotal lymphedema that caused his scrotum to swell to more than 100 pounds.” That’s nuts.

4 thoughts on “IT’S ALL HAPPENING! Tuesday, April 1

  1. What’s your definition of “overhype”? I disagree that ESPN overhyped last week’s Heat-Pacer’s game for 2 reasons – 1) The game was broadcast on ESPN, so of course they are going to market the bejesus out of it & 2) the Heat are the 2-time defending CHAMPEENS with the BEST player on the planet (& jaw-droppingly hot physical specimen but I digress…) on their roster & the Pacers were the SEASON-long Eastern Conference leaders who had blabbed ALL season how they were going to kick the Heat’s butt in this year’s play-offs because THEY were going to be the #1 seed & have home-court advantage. If this is not a “let’s get ready to rumble!” set-up, what is?

    Plus, PLUS, that game would be the 3rd of the 4 Heat-Pacers games to be played this regular season & they were tied at 1-a-piece. PLUS, both teams were stinkin up the month of March with their lackluster, & er, “NON-RHYTHMIC” play & the overwhelming curiosity to see which team would play worse OR “turn the beat around” was reason enough to tune in. If ESPN had hired skywriters in every NBA city, it still wouldn’t have been “overhype”.

    Meanwhile, you need to watch more NBATV as they talk about the Spurs ALL the time. I’ve been worried about them all season as 1 of the 3 threats to my Heater’s 3-peat chances so have kept up with how they were doing & the fact that they have the NBA’s (not just the Western Conf) best record pretty much locked-up worries me a great deal. THEY will have the home court in FINALS Game 7 this time! Of course, I think the Thunder COULD still beat them in 7 games in the Western Conf Finals, if Westbrook is healthy & the Thunder has finally gotten used to him being in the line-up again.

    Last June when the Spurs let the game AND Championship WIN slip right thru their fingers in the final 30 seconds of Game 6, you knew there were 2 possible outcomes for this Spurs season – they would either be SO crushed & disheartened that this season sucked like a lemon OR they take the loss, let it harden their skin/hearts & turn it into a massive motivation mantra, & SILENTLY (Pacers need to take note) crush all to get back to the Finals this year. And they really, REALLY want the Heat to be their opponent (though they will NEVER admit) as that is the only way to lay that devastating Game 6/Finals memory to rest.

  2. One more thing – that was NOT a “flagrant” foul by LeBron on Hibbert! Of course, as a devoted LBJ/Heat fan, even if it “technically” was, I’d reply by singing a chorus or two of “He Had It Comin’!” 🙂

  3. And I can’t believe I failed to write this above BUT the last 2 weeks of March are known for what, especially to ALL hoopheads? It AIN’T the NBA, it’s March Madness & what is the ONE event sports TV’s World Wide Leader does NOT have a seat at the table? Yes, all poor ESPN can do for those 2 weeks is talk BEFORE, AFTER, & AROUND the college hoops bacchanal. And hope to catch the attention of any sports fans needing a breather by waving ANYthing of any value at said viewer along with as much enthusiasm (fake or otherwise) their well-paid TV talkers can muster.

    Actually, the more I think about this, I have to wonder if ESPN did not slip a mil or two to the NBA when they were drawing up this season’s schedule. After last year’s Eastern Conf Finals, they had to think all the Heat-Pacers games would be hot commodities this year, so to get 1 of those games during March Madness? Come on, HOW is that a “coincidence”? What we have here is not a “failure to communicate” or “overhype” but of collusion.

    Plus, the last 3 weeks of the NBA regular season is known as the time when the best teams start “resting” their stars (& angering road-game fans) & where the only good games are usually between those desperate for the 7th-8th playoff spots. For the Heat-Pacers to have TWO games during this time is not so much ‘suspicious’ as Marketing 101 & a little “you scratch our back & we’ll scratch yours” between the NBA & their “partner” – ESPN. Of course, this could arguably be said is the basis for all “overhype”.

    Hmmmmm, so yes, I see your word choice has some validity. 🙂 However, I still think the “hype” was justified, not just as a business decision for ESPN but for the game itself. Ironically, *I* did NOT like the actual game – too “physical”! And how many bruises on the face does LeBron have to wear before refs start calling the fouls on his opponents? And since when is CLOTHESLINING a guy not a “flagrant” foul? That’s by ACCIDENT?!

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