1. TED Talks
“Kids, let me tell you about a time when I alienated a loyal fan base with a sacrilegious and tone-deaf series finale.” So, Ted Mosby finally told us how he met their mother, only to kill her off a scene or two later so that he could wait outside Aunt Robin’s window toting a blue French horn.”
The sad thing? Ted and The Mother actually had terrific chemistry in the scene in which they met.
Alan Sepinwall was not pleased. ( <— That’s a terrific read, by the way)
I’ll say this: I moved to New York City when I was 22 and spent the next dozen years here uninterrupted. No sitcom every captured the joy and zaniness and silliness (Did my friends and I play Hide-And-Go-Seek once at the Waldorf-Astoria, with me ending up on a window ledge outside about 20 floors up? Maybe…) of being a New Yorker in their 20’s better than How I Melt Your Mother. Let’s remember “Suit up!” and “Legen….wait for it and I hope you’re not lactose-intolerant because the next word is…dary” and “Slap bet!” and not let last night define the series for us.
Better yet, let’s go to the mall!
Seriously, though, if you’re going to divorce Barney and Robin –one week after their wedding, an event you spent an ENTIRE final season on, and then have Barney have a child on his own, why not go all the way and have him come out of the closet? Daddy’s home-o!
2. Mets Lose, Cubs Lose, Death, Taxes
Baseball’s Opening Day hit yesterday, even though the Los Angeles Dodgers were idle and already 2-1. The Mets lost after allowing the tying run in the ninth inning and surrendering four in the top of the tenth, then new Met Curtis Granderson struck out looking to end the contest. The Cubs fell in Pittsburgh on a walk-off homer in the bottom of the tenth that was also the game’s lone run.
And in Anaheim, Felix Hernandez (he of the immortal moniker, “F-Her”) struck out 11 batters in six innings of work as the Mariners reeled in Trout.
In more interesting Opening Day news, Ranger fans unintentionally desecrated a statue of Shannon Stone, the fan who died at the ballpark a few years back, and Angels hitting coach Don Baylor broke his ankle while catching a ceremonial first pitch.
3. March Magnificence
San Antonio closed out an undefeated month (16-0) with a 26-point rout of the East’s best team for most of the season, the Pacers, in Indianapolis. Oh, and remember that game ESPN over-hyped last week in Indy? It was the Pacers’ only win in the past six games.
Last night, on the other hand, was the Spurs’ 18th consecutive win, a franchise record. They have the league’s best record at 56-16 and appear to be the most inspired team in the league by a mile. Is anyone in Bristol —besides San Antonio native Michelle Beadle — paying attention?
Car leads cops on a two-county chase, but stops to pay tolls (Did he learn nothing from watching “The Godfather?”). Reminds me of the vehicle that led cops on a high-speed chase but never failed to use its turn signals. Thanks to Andy Staples for this.
5. The Jewell and the Odyssey
Fantastic regional final last night in women’s hoops, Baylor at Notre Dame. The Lady Bears’ Odyssey Sims, the nation’s second-leading scorer, drains 33 points in her final college game while Irish up-and-comer Jewell Loyd, a sophomore, finishes with 30 as the undefeated Irish advance, 88-69. We are one Irish win and two UConn wins away from a pair of unbeatens meeting in the NCAA Championship Game.
An ESPN Ian Darke promo for the World Cup. This is how you do it.
April Fool’s Day alerts: Richard Deitsch at SI announces on Twitter that he is headed up to Bristol to debate Skip Bayless on “First Take” in May, while USATF announces a 2 x 100 human-canine event.
Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner
1937: Tris Speaker, CF; Cy Young, P ; 1938: Grover Cleveland Alexander, P; Eddie Collins, 2B 1939:Nap Lajoie, 2B; Joe Jackson, LF; 1940: Billy Hamilton, OF; Cap Anson, 1B; 1941: Wee Willie Keeler, RF; George Sisler, 1B; 1942: Rogers Hornsby, 2B; Pie Traynor, 3B; 1943: Mickey Cochrane, C; Frankie Frisch, 2B 1944: Ed Walsh, P; Old Hoss Radbourn, P 1945: Lou Gehrig, 1B; Kid Nichols, P 1946: Ed Delahanty, LF; Lefty O’Doul 1947: Pud Galvin, P; John McGraw, INF 1948: Carl Hubbell, P; Addie Joss, P 1949: Harry Heilman, OF/1B; Monte Ward, P/SS 1950: Cool Papa Bell, CF; Jimmie Foxx, 1B 1951: Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, P; Josh Gibson, C 1952: Paul Waner, RF; Charlie Gehringer, 2B 1953: Mel Ott, RF; Hank Greenberg, 1B 1954: Eddie Plank, P; Dan Brouthers, 1B 1955: “Wahoo” Sam Crawford, OF; John Clarkson, P 1956: Chief Bender, P; Bill Dickey, C 1957: Sam Rice, RF; Joe DiMaggio, CF 1958: Bill Terry, 1B; Heinie Manush, LF 1959: Dizzy Dean, P; Tim Keefe, P
- Hack Wilson
1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P 1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P 1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P 1978: Roberto Clemente, RF; Chuck Klein, RF 1979: Willie Mays, CF; Luis Aparicio, SS 1980: Al Kaline, RF; Enos Slaughter, RF 1981: Bob Gibson, P; Harmon Killebrew, 1B 1982: Hank Aaron, RF; Frank Robinson, OF 1983: Brooks Robinson, 3B, Juan Marichal, P 1984: Hoyt Wilhelm, P; Arky Vaughan, SS 1985: Lou Brock, LF; Pete Browning, OF
Hayden Siddhartha “Sidd” Finch, P; 1985, New York Mets
Finch, the French horn-tooting hurler who threw pure thermonuclear heat (168 m.p.h.) and pitched while only wearing one shoe, a size 14 boot, was a brilliant comet that briefly flashed across the baseball sky. As Sports Illustrated reported, “He’s a pitcher, part yogi and part recluse, impressively liberated from our opulent life-style. Sidd’s deciding about yoga–and his future in baseball.”
The Man With The 132-Pound Scrotum
DFH 10 p.m.
April Fool’s? You decide. Here’s the actual blurb: “A profile of a Las Vegas man with a debilitating medical condition called scrotal lymphedema that caused his scrotum to swell to more than 100 pounds.” That’s nuts.