Nothing’s Really Happening

People often ask me, “Katie, how come when you guest write at Medium Happy, you don’t follow the “Starting Five” format? And by people, I mean no one, and by often, I mean never. But the answer, my friends, is blowin’ in the wind. The answer is blowin’ in the wind.

Truthfully, whenever I write here, I usually have to spend the next couple of days avoiding angry phone calls from John, wanting to know “how I knew the password” or some such nonsense.

Everyone knows the password, John. Everyone.

Carrying on…oh, and I should tell you–there are no pictures or large fonts or anything fun like that today, because I don’t know how to make those things happen. My apologies, for that and, well, all of it really.

Starting Five

1.  Jane Fonda Looks Amazing

Which is literally the only good thing I can say about the movie Peace, Love and Misunderstanding, which I just watched on Netflix. I’ve been trying to live more frugally this week since school is starting soon and the children need pencils, so instead of blowing 1.29 at the Red Box, I’ve been sticking to the already-paid-for Netflix streaming offerings, which are not great (not counting the documentaries—they are all great).

Anyway, Jane plays this old hippie grandma who never shuts up about how great Woodstock was, Catherine Keener is her uptight daughter who wears utilitarian dresses and Jeffrey Dean Morgan, best known as the dead husband from Weeds, plays the love interest. Now, some of you may be crying foul, that Jeffrey Dean Morgan is actually best known as the dead boyfriend from Grey’s Anatomy or the dead guy from Supernatural, and you might be right. The point is, he had the good sense to die on all of those shows. No such luck here—instead of dying he sleeps with Catherine Keener, and then we find out he also slept with Jane Fonda, and then we puke out all our popcorn. And then everyone realizes that we’re all just human and love is all you need. I would argue a good script also comes in handy.

The night before last, I watched Safe Haven, starring Julianne Hough and Josh Duhamel. That was also terrible, but I have to admit I kind of liked it and if I come across it on cable this January, I’ll watch it again. She plays a girl on the run, he plays a widower, they meet and fall in love and there are cute kids and beach montages and rustic houses and adorable vintage bicycles and Julianne and Josh are both spectacularly attractive, and the scenery was nice. Heck, let’s call it like it is—three more viewings and it’ll probably be my favorite movie.

And finally, three nights ago I watched the Spectacular Now, starring Shailene Woodley and some kid who reminded me of a young, doughy Vince Vaughn. Or I guess I could just say a young Vince Vaughn. It was very after-school-specially-lots of teen alcoholism and growing and learning. Bleh.

2)   I Don’t Care That Robin Williams Died

OMIGOD NOT REALLY! I’m not the devil. I just wanted to see if anyone was actually reading. Plus I wanted to take some of the heat off John for hating on the ice-bucket challenge. Now I see it was a terrible mistake. (You: I’ll tell you what was a terrible mistake! You writing for Medium Happy!) Please send all hate mail to John.

3)   Something About Sports

By and large I believe this is considered a sports blog, so here goes: umm….OK, apparently someone called Bubba Watson is sorry for behaving badly at the PGA Golf tournament a few weeks ago. I guess he refused to participate in the long drive contest, swore a bunch and treated his caddy like the dirt on his cleat. Here’s what Bubba had to say by way of apology:

“If you look at the bigger picture, not competing in the Long Drive Contest was the first mistake. When you look at just me as an individual, that was the selfish part, because I didn’t agree with it but there’s a lot of things that I don’t agree with that I do.”

Uh, what?

He goes on to say he’s not so bad, because after all he did give his umbrella to someone who needed it.

Can I stop pretending I follow sports now?

4)   Governor Rick Perry Turns Himself In

Just kidding! Number four is really Jason Bateman. Last week I watched two back-to-back Bateman offerings and loved them both: The Longest Week and Bad Words.

The Longest Week was an unexpected delight- it felt like a mash-up of Woody Allen, Whit Stillman and Wes Anderson (something the director winks at in a moment toward the end) -smart, quirky and chock full of dry, hilarious dialogue and narration, not to mention it looked completely awesome. I swear I could watch it again with the sound off and enjoy it just as much.

Jason Bateman plays the heir to a hotel fortune who has never had a real job. He gets cut off when his parents get divorced and neither one wants to pay for his upkeep. He moves in with his best friend, played by Billy Crudup, who is aging very well and is extremely funny. Billy Crudup is in love with Olivia Wilde, and he stupidly introduces Jason Bateman to her. Jason Bateman and Olivia Wilde fall in love, Billy Crudup gets mad, Olivia Wilde finds out Jason Bateman is actually a jobless, clueless nitwit and she dumps him. In the span of one week. That’s pretty much the whole story—but it’s told so well! And everyone and everything is so beautiful! Watch it.

In Bad Words, which Jason Bateman also directs, he plays a mean man who exploits a loophole so he can compete in the national spelling bee circuit. Everyone hates him, but not half as much as he hates them. The stuff that comes out of his mouth–well, let me just say you shouldn’t drink hot tea while you watch it. It’s funny, kids, really funny—and then it becomes touching, and then everything makes sense and we realize he’s not mean, he’s just on a mission and the mission makes sense.

5)   This Ad I Just Found On Craigslist:

50 Shades of Fun

compensation: Varies

Interviewing today for an office assistant position. After staring at the stack of resumes, an interesting thought popped into my head. What if there was a woman out there who can do this job and a little more for her boss? 😉 If this is something you might be interested in please send your resume and a picture in your reply. Like I said, interviews are taking place today and if your open to the idea this will guarantee you an interview today! Hope to hear from you soon!

My reply:

Dear Sir,

 I appreciate someone who is human enough to admit he gets bored at work and lets his mind wander off. I myself often have odd thoughts when faced with mundane tasks, like sometimes when I’m supposed to be filing invoices, I wonder what it would be like to watch a man slowly die of arsenic poisoning or what a brick to the temple really sounds like. Ha ha! Perhaps great minds think alike? Please let me know what time we can set up that interview. I couldn’t attach a picture, because I am wanted in Montana.

 Best Regards,

 Katie McCollow



10 thoughts on “Nothing’s Really Happening

  1. Haha Katie! Loved your photos!

    I think the existential crisis here is one that you oh so subtly
    broached. What exactly is Medium Happy?

    I am not qualified to answer that question. It’s more than a feeling.
    More than a sports blog with titillating photos.

    If only there were share buttons, so we could send these
    snippets of genius out into the universe. 🙂

  2. And Kate,

    Sports is only a tiny fraction of what is happening in this world! I roamed around your site last night and thought it’d be cool if you maybe spent some time talking about some of the art work you do.

    It seems to always baffle me the creativity that artists have. I can’t speak for everyone, but I’d definitely enjoy a unique perspective.

    • As one of many in a large Irish family, my psyche is half “always assume people are taking the piss out of me” and half “total attention whore”. So you are on, Sir Jacob! I will talk about that. I’ll talk about it til you good people beg me to stop, which will probably be sometime early next Wednesday.

  3. Who is Jane Fonda?

    Bubba Watson, who hit perhaps the most spectacular golf shot in history at the Masters a couple of years ago, sounds like someone Katie met on Watters World.

    I am much more than medium happy to be briefed on movies I will go far out of my way to avoid.

  4. There are few writers I enjoy as much as jdubs but you, Katie (with the fabulous yet unseen hair) are part of the few, the Medium HAPPY few, a virtual band of brothers and sisters. I am curious if jdubs insisted on blood shedding or substituted a blood oath for the bonding ritual. 🙂

    I have only seen the TV ads for Safe Haven (a while back) but is Julianne “on the run” from a current or ex abusive/psycho husband/boyfriend or is she herself the criminal? I’m guessing the former. Why? Because her name begins with a ‘J’ & the movie sounds like ‘Enough’ starring Jennifer Lopez & ‘Sleeping with the Enemy’ starring Julia Roberts. Seems Hollywood has mandated all young “J”-named actresses must remake the ‘wife on the run’ movie. A subgenre of the WIP (women in peril) movies. Could be worse – back in the 30s, the new ingénues always seemed stuck playing gangster’s “molls” & back then, they did NOT have happy endings (medium or otherwise).

    About the ice bucket challenge – while I’m not surprised at jdubs’ somewhat grumpypants take, I’d be skeptical if he’s NOT really loving the non-stop videos of self-important celebrities & athletes dumping buckets of ICE WATER OVER THEIR HEADS! Come on, it’s a HOOT! I haven’t laughed this much in August since Nixon resigned! (8/8/74 – a date I celebrated with yearly anniversary parties for about 15 years.) BTW, Donald Sterling – the “Nixon” of this generation : it wasn’t just the one thing in which he was caught, it was ALL the “dirty deeds” that finally got media attention that truly made him have to go. Bright side for Donald – HE doesn’t have to FLY off to his exile in California.

    Bad Words (haven’t seen either) – “he’s just on a mission & the mission makes sense”. Are you saying this is a funny, non-sporty Vision Quest?

    Finally, loved the email “reply”! You should be an advice columnist.

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