Have we all recovered from the randy ramblings of Olivia Thundersaddle? Dear Lord, Katie, I had five nightmares last night, all of which included that line from Airplane: “Joey, have you ever been in a Turkish prison?”

On with the show…

1. Victor? Victoria

Adriana and Alessandra

Last week’s Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show from London aired on the CBS last night and someday soon we’ll laugh about the fact that this ever appeared on tape delay (just like the 1980 NBA Finals did). VS has figured it all out, accompanying much of the runway segments with live performances from big name acts (Hozier, Ariana Grande, Taylor Swift, some schlumpy ginger dude who looks like the guy you studied with for the Econ final [Ed Sheeran]).

They’ve also turned the models –Adriana Lima, Alessandra Ambrosio, Candace Swanepoel, Karlie Kloss–into rock stars themselves. And they’ve dubbed them “Angels” because dubbing them “Unnaturally thin and busty babes who probably have eating disorders” is tougher to fit on a curtain.

This is exactly the reason, back when I worked at SI, that I tried to never walk the hallway at the same time as Josh Elliott

This will be an event held in an NBA arena-sized venue in a few years. It’s like the pro version of Miss Universe. I do hope Mr. George Michael (not the Sports Machine guy, Davo) receives his due for launching this phenomenon. And look how far we’ve come….

2. Mad Bum Phillips Milk of Magnesia

Bumgarner: Out standing in his field.

So Sports Illustrated named San Francisco Giant October ace Madison Bumgarner as its Sportsman of the Year –narrowly edging out the Ebola Fighters. It’s not a bad choice –his postseason numbers are historic (0.25 career World Series ERA in 36 innings, including 0.43 in 21 innings versus the Royals in October) for a minimum of 25 innings, although David Ortiz’s offensive numbers in last year’s postseason were no less historic –.688 batting average– for a minimum of 25 plate appearances. But Madison Bumgarner has to be the first SOtY who ever went on a date with someone who shared the same full name as he does, so that almost earns him the honor on its own.

Tom Verducci’s profile is excellent.

This trio, plus Pop, would have gotten my vote…

What I’m more peeved about is that SI made the effort to compile an Anti-Sportsmen of The Year photo gallery (solid idea) and yet omitted Tony Stewart. Whaaaaaa? I mean, sure, Donald Sterling is a racist and Ray Rice punched out his fiancee, but neither of them killed anyone while taking part in their sport. And it was, you know, kind of accidental.

3. A King and His Court

LeBron commits a touch foul on the House of Windsor

It was two nights ago, but I’ll always happily take a day off when Katie’s commercial actress schedule allows us to grab her for a day, so herewith a note about Monday’s regal NBA game in Brooklyn (if only it had been played in Queens). The lineup:

King James: (Lebron)

Prince William

Jarrett Jack

Beyonce (a Queen…it’s NYC, so I’m sure she wasn’t the only queen there)

A Duchess: Kate Middleton

A Duke alum: Mason Plumlee

Not in attendance: Lorde, Lady Gaga, former Cav Brevin Knight.

4. A Christmas Carol O’Connor Cook

Your cast: Mark Linn-Baker, Jefferson Mays, Jason Danieley & Marin Mazzie and Bill Kurtis

If you want to try something different besides watching Christmas specials that were rendered half a century ago (I love them all, too; too bad no one has improved upon them since), try this NPR broadcast of Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol that was performed a couple of nights ago in NYC. You can watch it, or just turn out the lights, light a fire in the hearth, and listen. It’s excellent.

5. Cow Girls


This pic comes to us courtesy of Division III’s most enthusiastic sports information director, Dick Quinn of Williams College in northwest Massachusetts (Williams is the college that most Ivy League schools pretend to be). Anyway, sorry it’s out of focus, but these are the ladies of the Ephs’ women’s soccer team that advanced to the NCAA national championship game and lost on Penalty Kicks to Lynchburg. Bummer.

Don’t you hate the idea of a championship being decided on PKs? MH does not pretend to know too much about soccer, so take this suggestion for what it’s worth, but we’d play a sudden death OT and then, if no one scores in 30 minutes, each side must peel away one player until it gets decided. WAAAAAAY more entertaining AND legitimate than PKs, no?

Remote Patrol

The Sure Thing

TCM 8 p.m.

No, I don’t have the Cliff’s Notes for “Beowulf”

I was a freshman in college on a Midwest campus when this film starring John Cusack –in the first of many roles in which he played me and thousands of guys just like me–was released. If you are under 30 years old and your name is Nick, this movie may be the reason why. Another solid job of directing by Rob Reiner, who really made a ton of great films in the Eighties and Nineties (this, The Princess Bride and This is Spinal Tap, for starters). Also, there’s a character named Gary Cooper. I wonder if Sorkin stole this or uses it as an homage…


2 thoughts on “IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

  1. Yes, apparently the Brits are in a tizzy over LeBron putting his arm around Kate. Humph! 1st of all, the royals have various paid flunkies with them at all times & THEY should have informed LBJ of any “protocol instructions” before they got together. 2nd, for most if not all the years before their wedding, the British press daily trashed Kate as ‘common’ (because she was, AGHAST, a “commoner”). And 3rd, the BALL WAS IN HIS COURT (so to speak) so KING JAMES MAKES DA RULES!

    Speaking of that night, I was thinking what MY headline would have been for the game :
    “CAVS down Nets 110-88 in a ROYAL FLUSH”

    Or my personal fave – “The Princess & the Sweet Pea” 🙂

    BTW, what do you think of the players wearing those “I Can’t Breathe” shirts during warms-ups? One of the many reasons I admire LeBron is his willingness to speak out about social issues (UNLIKE Jordan!). And if they had worn those shirts in the locker room before &/or after the game when talking with the media or just wear them into the arena (as those walks are always taped/televised if you are the team star), I would have thought it was great. However, I don’t think the NBA can allow it on the floor- PRECEDENT. Who is to say what slogan can be worn? If you allow one, you have to allow others to “voice” their opinion on ANY topic & that is a slippery slope.

    And speaking of slopes, while you didn’t mention it, I commented here Monday about Lindsey Vonn’s triumphant return to the ski slopes last weekend. She had been out for most of 2 years with knee injuries/surgeries/rehab. It is a HUGE deal that she is back & that she actually won a Downhill on the World Cup (in just her 2nd race back). Here’s is what PISSES (sorry mamadubs) me off about the mainstream media – I did not hear a mention about this on Sports Center, not even on the crawl. It’s possible they did mention it & I missed it. Sure, sure, it was a BIG weekend of college football what with the Playoff drama. And then of course, according to ESPN, NO other sport exists on Sundays between Labor Day & Xmas except the freakin NFL. But hey, at least CNN wrote something about it! Yessiree, that writer stated “Vonn is nicknamed ‘Lake Lindsey’ because of her liking for racing at this venue” (i.e. Lake Louise in Canada). In fact, the article was titled “‘Lake Lindsey’ Vonn leads historic US Clean Sweep”. WHAT?! ANY one who follows skiing at all knows that COURSE (not Lindsey herself!) has been nicknamed “Lake Lindsey” for the past several years because of Vonn’s total domination of it. For f*^# sake! This was on CNN’s website. Does JOURNALISM NOT EXIST ANY MORE?!

    Ok, rant over. Unless you want to talk about Rolling Stone & the UVA rape article?

    And yes, LeBron James can put his sweaty arm around me ANY & all time. When I was a little girl & my Dad won another one of his jousting tournaments, *I* was crowned Princess with a hairband/tiara thing of flowers. So I’m a princess too! 😉 (All jousters compete under ‘royal names’ – my Dad’s was Knight of Blue Ribbon).

  2. The fact that Victoria’s Secret has a fashion show makes me laugh. I hope SNL does a spoof of it–A “Hanes Her Way” fashion show.

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