Starting Five

This is more useful to us than another pic of a dejected-looking Rose

1. Derrick Woes

You love Derrick Rose. I love Derrick Rose.

Three knee surgeries in the past three years –ACL tear in left knee, medial meniscus tear in right knee, a second medial meniscus tear in his right knee — all of them potentially season-ending, have told the Chicago Bulls that it’s time to move on.

Not to say that Rose cannot return, or be a starter for the Bulls again. But as a franchise you just cannot expect to build around him any more. At 26, his quickest days are behind him.

The Bulls are into Rose for $41 million the next two seasons.

2. 2nd Bananarama

The runner-up in this contest is the true winner

Fantastic idea here by Grantland, a “Top Second Banana Bracket.”

So who’s missing? Lacey. Teller. The Captain. Billy Davis, Jr. Cameron. Andrew Ridgely. Howard Borden. B.J. Honeycutt. Little Dipper. Tonto.

And yet in other ways he was George Michael’s first banana…

If you ask me, the championship game should pit George Constanza versus Scottie Pippen, with the true champion being whoever finishes second…which means that it should end in a tie.

3. Court Storm Chasers

“I’ll take 500 shares of Exxon at $120.25!”

“Auntie Em! Auntie Em! It’s a twister!”

“No, darlin’. It’s just K-State beating Kansas at home again.”

Whither the hardwood tempest? I think, like most curmudgeons, my problem with it isn’t the act itself, but rather that it’s become more about students wanting their 15 seconds of fame. That is, the “feeling” is no longer genuine. It’s about getting on ESPN (and I’m not really blaming them) and being part of the show.

Odds are fair that this shot may have been snapped within a mile or two of Manhattan, Kansas.

When it’s a genuine shocking upset, I can see it (and maybe Monday night’s outcome qualified). But when the court storm begins too much to resemble the parade scene from Animal House, you begin to have a problem.

4. KO Needs a T.O.

Medium Happy editorial policy precludes us from showing more than a limited number of photos of men over the age of 50 per month. Yes, this is blatantly discriminatory. Oh, and enjoy Sports Illustrated!

So it’s fair to assume that Keith Olbermann will not be the commencement speaker at Penn State any time soon?

A good man just got a little too trigger-happy on the ol’ Tweeter (that’s never happened to me, no, not once). Although, as Mark Ennis noted on Twitter, if ESPN hadn’t suspended KO for the rest of the week, Ennis (and most of us) would have remained oblivious to the incident. This, as someone informed me on Twitter, is known as the “Streisand Effect.”

I’ll admit I’ve been a little oblivious to the show itself since it left late night to compete with ESPN’s ATH/PTI combo at the 5 p.m. hour.

5. Gaucho Marks

The last winless team in Division I college hoops, UC-Santa Barbara’s women, put a “1” in the left-hand column last Saturday with a 48-39 defeat of Cal State-Fullerton. If you did not already know it, the Gauchos play in the “Thunderdome.” There will be no winless teams in D-I hoops this season, which is nice.

Remote Patrol

San Fernando Valley? Sure. Indiana? Not quite.

I neglected to note the series finale of Parks and Recreation last night, but in truth I never really got into the series. So last night I tuned in for about 6 minutes and there was a flash-forward to an over-the-top Jewish character staging his own fauxneral (thank you!) and I thought, I spent a lot of time in Indiana and there’s just no one in Pawnee who would be that guy.

And that’s always been my problem with smirk-fests such as thisand the American version of The Office. I never for one moment believed in the authenticity of the characters and I always felt that the writers and producers of the shows were so arrogant that they never cared for a moment about matching the setting of their shows to the real-life inhabitants of places such as Scranton or Pawnee. It was a bunch of L.A. types who never for a moment tried to conform to the setting of the show.

I always felt as if I were watching a bunch of smug Hollywood actors chew scenery before getting off the set in time to pick up their kids from some tony day school in Pacific Palisades or Brentwood.

But that’s just me. And I’m a horrible person.


3 thoughts on “IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

  1. Gaucho Marks. Strong on both ends, as they say. One good subhed like that, everything else is gravy.

    Second-banana bracket is genius, though I have to think the greater honor is being the national runner-up.

  2. Au contrarian. One should never apologize on one’s own Tumblr (or WordPress) for having an opinion. As for gratuitous photos, sure. Apologize away! 🙂

  3. “Derrick Woes (er, Rose), professional basketball player. A man whose career is barely alive. People, we can rebuild him! We have the technology. We have the capability to make the world’s first bionic NBAman. Derrick Rose will be that man. Better than he was before. Better…stronger…faster.”

    Of course, Derrick is WAY past being a “6 million dollar man” already so maybe the “The Billion Dollar Man”?

    Anyhoo, wouldn’t you think by now that knees really could be totally replaced with something “better”? Titanium? Carbon fiber? An “i-knee”?

    Speaking of AAPL, I’ve been thinking about how you could spend some of your Apple moolah – what about a little get-away place in the sun? How about South Beach? LBJ’s old house is a “steal” at $17 million! The fact that he bought it at $9 mill & is trying to sell it less than 5 years later at $17 mill certainly qualifies as a “steal” by SOMEbody in my book, but I digress. OR, since this is Apple money & you already live there, maybe you want to finally purchase YOUR piece of the BIG Apple? Well, Joan Rivers old place is on the market although it may not be your “style” – Joan was often quoted “Marie Antoinette would have lived here if she had had the money”. 🙂

    Well, between Rose & Bosh, I’m not sure who to feel sorrier for. CB is one of the Heaters, one of my fave current players (plus smart & sweet), & had been playing fantastic this season. And I watched him 3PEAT in that All-Star Saturday event ‘Shooting Stars’ & it’s unbelievable that a mere few days later he’s got blood clots in his lung! Thank goodness he went to the Drs when he did! As for Rose, it must be heartbreaking for him. Can only imagine what he’s thinking & feeling. I felt bad for him all last night (& still do ) but then it hit me – in what other career can you KEEP getting paid your actual salary when you’ve barely worked the past 3 years? As sad as it is, at least HE won’t lose his house because he can’t pay the bills.

    As for the court storming – UNLESS you beat #1 or #2 AND your team is out of the top 10 then I think it is ridiculous! And VERY dangerous.

    Dubs dubs bo bubs BANANAfana fo fubs fee fi mo mubs, DUBS! I’m a middle kid but I was 2nd banana to no one. How about you?

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