IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

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Starting Five

The greatest 56 associated with New York City since Joe DiMaggio’s hitting streak

1. Old Lady Madonna

The new issue of Rolling Stone has a cover story on Madonna, 56, penned by the hardest-working feature writer at the mag, Brian Hiatt. Unofficially, it’s her 21st time pulling a Dr. Hook, a band that ironically never has made the cover of the Rolling Stone.

It’s also 20 more times than Stillwater has made the cover, I believe.

Madonna channeling Marilyn

Do you know who really deserves an RS cover, and now? He’s never had even one: Paul Shaffer.

By the way, if you’re a music and pop culture fan and want to vanish for 15 minutes half an hour, work your way through this fabulous Cover Wall that RS has assembled. SI needs to put theirs back up, too.

Madonna covering Culture Club’s “I’ll Tumble For Ya'” at the Brit Awards

Madonna Update: She’s fallen and she can’t get up! Madonna tumbled while I was writing the above at the Brit Awards while performing “Living For Love” off her new album. Madonna, your new LifeLock spokesperson.

2. Brit, A Filter

Taylor’s tailor does not waste much fabric on pants

About those Brit Awards…they’re the United Kingdom’s Grammys and considering the UK’s contributions to pop, pop, pop music, (Beatles, Stones, Bowie, Queen, The Who, Led Zeppelin, ELO, Pink Floyd, Duran Duran, Adele, and, of course, M) you have to wonder why these are not televised here in the Colonies (or are they?)

Anyway, our gal Taylor, who is not British (yet), opened the show with “Blank Space,” which I believe is the same tune she performed in London two months ago for the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. What awards show/gala/anniversary special has she not turned up at this year? How was she not given a cameo in the Parks & Rec finale?

Swift was given the “International Woman of Mystery” or some such award, which serves as a good inducement to have her fly across The Pond and open your telecast. A complete list of winners is here

3. No Cheers for Arsenal

Trust me: Behind those hands, Giroud is handsome

The Gunners, playing at home at Emirates Stadium in London for the first leg of their knockout round home-and-home versus AS Monaco in the UEFA Champions League, were a bit dodgy. Okay, more than a bit, as they fell 3-1 and uber-handsome striker Olivier Giroud, who is even more of a striking striker than his names suggests, whiffed at shot after shot. The Guardian went so far as to describe him as a “wandering wardrobe” on this night, which is a term I wish I’d thought of.

Now Arsenal, the subject of Nick Hornby’s breakthrough quasi-novel Fever Pitch, which begat a Colin Firth movie of the same title, which then begat a horrible Jimmy Fallon movie of the same title, must outscore Monaco by 3 goals on March 17 in the lovely principality if it hopes to advance. As Liam Neeson’s nemesis might say, “Good luck.”

4. Killing O’Reilly

Brian Williams claims to have been at the birth of one of these ladies –we’re still investigating

NBC’s Brian Williams sneezes, and FOX News’ Bill O’Reilly catches a cold.

Ever since Williams was suspended for six months without pay by his own network, FOX News’ heavyweight star has come under one assault after another as to the verity of his early reportage. Most of what has been investigated, by Mother Jones, the Washington Post and Media Matters, paints O’Reilly as a serial embellisher (not unlike BW).

O’Reilly’s most egregious mistake, thus far, seems to be his repeating a tale of seeing “four nuns getting shot in the back of the head” while in El Salvador. Four Catholic nuns did meet that grisly fate in El Salvador in 1980–two years before O’Reilly arrived as a CBS correspondent. The FOX anchor has since backtracked and said that he saw a photo of the four nuns being murdered.

On that basis, we all witnessed the JFK assassination.

5. Play Guitar!

At the SNL 40th: She’s his little rock ‘n roll…

It always fails to not cease to amaze me that Rolling Stones axe-wielder Keith Richards 1) married a girl from Staten Island 2) married what must be the most beautiful creature ever to emerge from Staten Island (with apologies to Josh Krulewitz of ESPN) 3) has been married to that same woman, Patti Hansen, for 31 years and 4) is still, at the age of 71, walking this planet.

Quick aside: “Keif” married Hansen on December 18, 1983–his 40th birthday. Best possible way to celebrate. Hansen is 13 years younger and beaming like this in every photo I’ve ever seen of her.

Their daughter, Alexandra Richards, shown here at last week’s Michael Kors fashion show,  favors her mom’s physical traits.

Remote Patrol

Warriors at Cavaliers

TNT 8 p.m.

Mozgov was the missing link that Cleveland needed

Golden State (44-10) opened the season 21-2. Cleveland( 36-22) is 17-2 since lose six straight. When they met earlier in Oakland, the Cavs were without the father of that really talented 10 year-old kid and lost, but THIS GUY tweeted that night, having seen the additions of J.R. Smith and Timofey Mozgov, that the Cavs were going to be a very, very good team. And they are. This is your odds-on-favorite right now for the NBA Finals.

One thought on “IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

  1. Do you think tonight’s game is a PREVIEW of the Finals? If not, who do you like in the West?

    And sure, Moz & JR have been great additions BUT if LeBron hadn’t started playing like LEBRON (‘process’ or no process), they’d be back in 6th place. Anyhoo, I’m hoping they pass Toronto for 2nd in the standings but it will not be easy – the Cavs have a much harder schedule for the remainder.

    And since LBJ is playing like himself – HE IS the MVP! I saw Harden the other night & was not impressed. Ok, ok, Sweet Pea still needs to cut down on the turnovers, but there is NO ONE who is playing better!

    And you’ll be happy to know that I’m finally warming up to Kyrie. 🙂

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