by John Walters

Starting Five

This is not even a paid ad. We are doing it ALL WRONG at MH.

1. U(S)A!

The sports footwear and clothing company, Under Armour, reports earnings today. Under Armour (UA) is trying very hard to be the 21st century Nike, and thus far you cannot dismiss the Maryland-based company and its charismatic founder, Kevin Plank.

Here’s the thing, though, and why I’m leading with a stock story. Some of the most oft-mentioned brands of the past year or so have soared 100% 50% or more in value over that period.

Think about this: millionaires hand their money to hedge fund managers, who routinely promise an annual return of less than 10% in return for you handing them a minimum of $1 million (sometimes I specialize my stories specifically for An Inconvenient Ruth). Anyway, sure, great, but you haven’t had to be a genius or an alum of Goldman Sachs to find big returns in stocks the past couple of years. Look at the trendy names, invest in them, and just sit back and watch. To wit:

NetFlix (NFLX)….. Last April 21: $349 Today: $567 Up 62%

Apple (AAPL)….  Last April 21: $75 Today: $128  Up 71%

Chipotle (CGM)….Last April 21: $522 Today: $686 Up 31%

Under Armour (UA)….Last April 21: $53.50 Today: $84.76 Up: 58%

The question, of course, may be, Are their runs up finished? Perhaps. Under Armour, as I said, reports after the bell today (this is where I’m obligated to tell you I own UA stock, so hell yes I’m biased). The important thing I’ve learned, though, is to be less of a trader and more of an investor. Buy good companies and just walk away for awhile.

2. Headey, Lamar Make Magazine Covers (“That’s Headley! No, Wait a Minute, It’s Not. My Bad.”)

Lena Headey– that’s Queen Mother Cersei to you–on the cover of More, because they can’t come right out and call it Cougar

Lena Headey, who is pregnant, will not reveal the name of the father. Art imitates life sometimes. And then Kendrick Lamar made the cover of the Rolling Stone (when you cannot personally identify one song by someone on the cover of RS, you’re officially old. That’s me.)

Okay, so who’s the stylist?

3. EGOT Does Not Equal GoT

Helen Hayes, the first female EGOT winner

I discovered this while reading a(nother) dry and funny Stephen Douglas post in The Big Lead, this one dealing with Michelle Beadle’s Spurs fandom (Can we all agree that Beadle has become juuuuuuuuuust a little too full of herself? No? Well, whatever…). Anyway, it’s called EGOT, and it stands for Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, Tony, and refers to people who have won all four.

Only 12 people have done it, including Audrey Hepburn, Mel Brooks and Whoopi Goldberg (yes, Whoopi Goldberg). The latest, and youngest, member of the club is Robert Lopez, a talented lyricist and writer who co-created The Book of Mormon and Avenue Q, as well as writing songs for Frozen. Lopez is 40 and he may or may not have twin brothers who are taking part in the NBA playoffs.

4. The Price is (Bleep)

“Always Be Closing…with Aroldis Chapman!”

I went to a pre-game manager’s presser and Glengarry, Glen Ross broke out. Cincinnati Reds manager Bryan Price, in a pre-game meeting with reporters (standard), unleashes the F-word 77 times in five minutes. I have to admit, I was shocked: I thought Sparky Anderson was still managing the Reds. Also, who’s the guy who counted the number of F-words and how long did that take? “Are you sure it’s 77, Skip, because I got 75.” “Okay, let’s start over.”

5. That Item in Which The World Showers Taylor Swift with Love and Adulation Again (and Kanye Is Not Allowed in the Building)

MH has exceeded its use of Taylor Swift pics already for 2015 (and it isn’t even May), so please enjoy this photo of Stormile Swift (who recently won the Stromilestone Award)

That girl wins the Milestone Awards at the ACMs on Sunday night. Mom gives the introductory speech in which she reveals that Taylor wrote her breakout hit, Love Story, in one hour after her parents told her that they strongly disapproved of a boy (“and rightfully so!).

Music 101

And When I Die

This 1968 tune, as recorded by Blood, Sweat & Tears (that’s 1960s for “Chicago”), reached No. 2 on the Billboard charts, but the real story here is Laura Nyro. The songwriter, who also penned Wedding Bell Blues (“Bill, I love you so/And I always will…”) wrote this uplifting tune about death in 1966 when she was just 17, and then sold it to The Mamas & The Papas for $5,000. Then two years later BS&T recorded it.

The lead singer with the strong, rich, raspy voice is David Clayton-Thomas, and his story is right out of Inside Llewyn Davis. Barely surviving on handouts in New York City in the Sixties, he was singing at a Greenwich Village club one night when Judy Collins saw him. She told her friends, who were looking for a lead singer in their band about him, and the next thing you know he was singing lead for BS&T. And then the first album they did together sold 10 million copies. It’s just…that…easy.

Remote Patrol

Paris St. Germain at F.C. Barcelona

FS1  2:45 p.m.

Thomas Muller leads Bayern, as he led Germany to the World Cup last summer. But will we even see him today?

With apologies to the dudes at FOX Sports, who do a splendid job of covering the footy, they’re airing the wrong game. Yes, Lionel Messi is the greatest artist to work in Spain since Picasso, but Barca is at home and already have a 2-goal lead heading into the 2nd leg of the quarterfinal. Meanwhile in Munich, Bayern must rebound from a 2-goal deficit as it hosts surprising FC Porto. For much of the winter, Bayern Munich looked like the best club team in the world. Injuries have ravaged them, however, but the UEFA Champions League final will be played in Berlin. Germany’s glorious year of soccer uber alles is at risk.

3 thoughts on “IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

  1. UA has been on my “watch list” for 4 years. That I’m STILL only watching & not swimming in/throwing money in the air in an homage to the immortal Scrooge McDuck just proves the non-investment in NFLX is not the only proof of my ‘stock stoopidity’. At least I own AAPL. As for “look at the trendy names, invest in them, and just sit back and watch”…. HAHAHAHA! The poor saps who bought RIMM back in 2008 at $150 thought they were doing that very thing. (RIMM is now BBRY & sells for under $10). The key to making “big money” is to invest in something BEFORE it becomes trendy & get the hell out BEFORE the trend is over. If you are ‘Walters the Wondrous’ in this regard, let me know & I’ll drop my Motley Fool subscriptions & stop spending countless hours reading financial websites & mags & just follow your advice. Watch out Scrooge McDuck, I can do a mean cannonball! 🙂

    And if you’re going to show an NBA player with a HEADBAND & it’s not LeBron ‘Sweet Pea’ James, well, that’s just cruel.

    Hey, is the internet, the media & TV talk shows demanding the firing of that Reds manager? Lets see, he is AT WORK, supposedly DOING work for which he is paid quite handsomely & he screams “f*ck” 77 times AT the media paid to listen/record/write what he says? And THIS is not worse than McHenry? A woman who did NOT scream or wave her arms, did not threaten physically or verbally, was not drunk or disorderly, but in a PRIVATE life interaction with a NOTORIOUS scumbag company that preys upon the innocent, responded with a few nasty comments in a time of stress? As for whether her career is “finished”, hahaha, what’s that old trope about “publicity”? Plus, ANYone who has ever been victimized by a parasitic company or government agency & felt powerless has a new “f*cking” hero, isn’t that right, Bryan Price?

  2. What up? Neither “Bitch, Don’t Kill My Vibe” or “To Pimp a Butterfly” comes immediately to mind when you see the new cover of Rolling Stone?

    Perhaps it’s time for Music 202, Thug Life edition. (Or not).

  3. Hey, one of my stocks shot up 18% today : TTS. It has now passed INFN as my best performing stock of the year as it’s up 67%. Of course, what I’m failing to mention is this had been one of my worst dogs since I bought in late 2013 & added 3 more times in 2014 as it kept falling down, down, doowwwwwnnnnn. Something about an undisclosed “brother-in-law” of the CEO’s doing something shifty. Yep, that will cause a stock to go all ‘Culture Club’ – “I’ll TUMBLE for you, I’ll TUMBLE for you” in a hurry. Anyhoo, since being in the red pretty much since the day I bought (& bought,bought,bought), I’m FINALLY in the green overall by 17% Whoo-hoo! 🙂

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