by John Walters

Starting Five

The 6’4″ first baseman is batting .347 in this nascent season

1. Duda, Who Stole My Car? 

The New York Mets –not Mess–make it 10 in a row with a second straight conquest of the Braavos (“Valar Morghulis“) at Citi Field. Lucas Duda drove in the game-winning run in the 8th.

Most of these wins have come without David Wright. At 12-3, the Mets have baseball’s best record as today’s first pitch is at 1:10 p.m. The last and only time the Mets opened 13-3? In 1986, the last year they won the World Series.

p.s. The Yanks have taken 2 of the first 3 from Detroit, which has the A.L’s best record, in Motown.

2. Buenos Diaw

A late steal by Boris Diaw (who was once tres chubby) forces overtime in L.A. and the Spurs steal one on the road in overtime. Spurs-Clips now at one game apiece with the reminder that if this goes seven, Game 7 will be on the night of Saturday, May 2, the same evening as Mayweather-Pacquiao. 

3. Yes, But Is She Still *#%$-able?

Hello, Irony. In the same week that People magazine anoints a 50 year-old actress, Sandra Bullock, the World’s Most Beautiful Woman, Amy Schumer does a bit with a trio of over-40 actresses about no longer being, in Hollywood’s eyes, suitable for mattressing.

Louis-Dreyfuss, Schumer, Fey and Arquette


If you haven’t seen the bit, from the season premiere of Inside Amy Schumer, here it is (but don’t show Phyllis!).

p.s. You can’t win everything, Taylor.

4. Kurt’s Last Song

Nirvana, following their morning run

Nirvana played its final gig on March 1, 1994, at an airplane hangar in Munich, Germany. Kurt Cobain’s voice was in horrible shape, as he was suffering from both bronchitis and laryngitis (and heroin?). Anyway, Rolling Stone has audio of the final song the band played together in public, Heart-Shaped Box. As you’ll learn if you read the item –or if you keep reading here — the band opened the show with a sarcastic version of The Cars’ My Best Friend’s Girl (I’d like to hear that).

5. Guardians of the Gala (see?)

Amy Schumer pranks Kanye, who’s always up for a good joke, especially if it’s at his expense

JW, where were you Tuesday night? We couldn’t find you.

Oh, you know, I attended the Time 100 Gala at Lincoln Center.

Really?!? As what!?!

Well, my gym is in the 2nd basement of the building. So, I mean, I was there.


I mean, I totally deserved to be there. It’s cool. I’m attending the Newsweek 200 Gala next week. We’re going to block out a few picnic benches on Stone Street and grab some pizza from Adrienne’s. I think Amy Schumer would enjoy it more, anyway.

Aaaand, Scene.

So, yes, Nerd Season officially began this week with the Time 100 Gala. Up next is the White House Correspondents Dinner, where Will MacAvoy will be served a subpoena, followed by Anna Wintour’s annual shakedown of the fashion industry, better known as the Met Gala. 

Music 101

O-o-h Child

Someday, child, we’ll walk in the rays of a beautiful sun….

Believe it or not, in the summer of 1970 there was a group of five African-American siblings from the Chicago area who scored a Top 10 hit with an absolute classic and they weren’t the Jackson Five (who hailed from nearby Gary, Ind.). No, this was The Five Stairsteps, and even though their vocals aren’t quite up to the Jacksons’ standards, this tune stands the test of time. It’s been covered more than 20 times.

Here’s the band performing lip-synch-live on Soul Train. Any time you get to see Don Cornelius is a good time….

Remote Patrol

Jimmy Kimmel Live

ABC 11:30 p.m.

Why am I touting this? Because Earth, Wind & Fire are performing with Chicago. That’s a lot of brass. This pairing of Chicago-based horn sections is only about 40 years late, but hey, who’s counting?

One thought on “IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

  1. Yes, apparently Tin Duncan reads this site AND the comments & took umbrage to my suggesting the Spurs would fall to their true opponents – that ‘Power Couple’ known as Father Time & Mother Nature.

    Hey, Amy Schumer is coming out with a movie & guess who has a supporting role (not cameo)? AND he’s reportedly quite funny! You know him as LeBron ‘Walk on Water’ James. 🙂

    And I know you’re tired of reading this, but ANOTHER of my stocks has shot up – ARRS is currently up 21% today! Whoo-freakin-hoo! For the 1st time in FOREVER, April has NOT been the cruelest month for me.

    Man, 3 stocks shoot up 18/20/21% in 3 straight days, Timmy’s getting another “shot” at his NFL dream, all I need now is to win the lottery. Speaking of which, last night I got a check for my lottery subscription ticket winnings! Yep, a whopping THREE entire dollars! I’ve decided to “invest” it in a 6-pack of Diet Pepsi. Life is good. 🙂

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