by John Walters

alles Gute zum Geburtstag, Diane Kruger! Now how do I hold up three fingers in Deutschland again?

Starting Five

Baseball’s next legend

1. Big Pond, Bigger Fish

The Angels — and Millville, New Jersey’s — Mike Trout leads off the All-Star Game with a home run to the opposite field off Zack Greinke and leads the American League to a 6-3 victory (Game 7 at Minute Maid Park!!!!) while earning his second consecutive All-Star Game MVP award.

Trout is 23.

He is also the 196th-highest paid player in the bigs. That’ll soon change.

2. Other Notable Performances from Cincy

Chapman: Coming to a contender near you before the trade deadline.

The Mets’ Jacob deGrom strikes out the side on 10 pitches. deGrom whiffed Stephen Vogt, Jason Kipnis and Jose Iglesias.

Royals outfielder “He don’t mind, he don’t mind, he don’t mind” Lo Cain was the only player with two hits. Cain singled and doubled in three at-bats and had one RBI.

The Reds’ Aroldis Chapman pitched the ninth at his home park. Chapman threw premium unleaded: 14 pitches, 12 of which were clocked at above 100 m.p.h. The Cuban emigre also struck out the side.

3. A Rose By Any Other Game…*

Rose is 74 and if he wants to wear cowboy boots he can go right ahead

*We will also accept “Pete Rose to the Occasion” and “Cincy Stopped By, We Might as Well Honor Him”

Hey, who’s that guy on the infield before the All-Star Game? And in the booth for Fox? Why, it’s Charlie Hustle himself, the Hit King, 4,256, Pete Rose.

The only downer was that Rose took both the American League and the Connecticut Sun in a two-team parlay and the Sun lost at home to the Lynx.

4. He’s Kilian It

Kilian Jornet: a legend in his own clime/climb (See what I did there!)

Just eight days after winning the Mount Marathon Race in Seward, Alaska, in record time, Spain’s Kilian Jornet won the Hardrock 100 in the San Juan mountain range in southern Colorado. The latter race is a 100.5 mile ultra that begins and ends in Silverton, Colo., and involves 33,992 feet of vertical climb (and descent!) which, yes, is higher than Mount Everest.

Kilian Jornet, kind of a stud.

Of course, he’ll receive less attention than the dude who finished the race ONE SECOND before its 48-hour cut-off.

5. Going Radio GaGa Over LiveAid

Ready, Freddie?

I blew it. Monday marked the 30th anniversary of LiveAid and I forgot to mark it here (my apologies, Day of Yore imperial wizard). I don’t want to overstate it. It wasn’t Woodstock — not that I’d know — but it was an auspicious gathering, on two continents, of most of the most amazing rock acts who were relevant at the time.

Highlights: Queen’s return from exile/irrelevance, and U2’s coming-out party with Bad, in which Bono told the world, Yeah, I have charisma and we’re gonna be here awhile (and I don’t care if you think it’s over the top). Intro by Jack Nicholson, by the way.

I mean, Freddie Mercury and Bono on the same stage in one day? That’s rock and roll history in terms of showmanship.

Under-appreciated (by history) performance? Dire Straits (with an assist from Sting), who were never bigger than they were in July of ’85.

Music 101


Remaining with the LiveAid theme, here’s Eric Clapton and Phil Collins’ performing Slow Hand’s classic love letter to George Harrison’s wife from Wembley.

Remote Patrol

There’s nothing on tonight. Yes, I see you, Norby.

7 thoughts on “IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

  1. I have long hoped to pull off a Copa Banana-quality riff on the preponderance of kitchen-based TV shows called “Cooking.”

    If you wanna eat right
    There’s a show on tonight

    If you wanna flambe
    You should try Bobby Flay

    It don’t fry
    It don’t fry
    It don’t fry

    But seeing Lo Cain, I think we need a CSI: Miami version that’s …

    If a corpse is in Glades
    He’s the one with the shades
    Ho Caine

    If the crime’s in Biscayne
    He’s the first to detain
    Ho Caine

    Ho Caine

  2. I have a recurring dream of sleeping in a watermelon patch under the stars with today’s birthday diva: “John, Kruger, Melon Camped.”

    How old is she today? “Thirty nein!”

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