by John Walters

“Longstanding Canadian game show host who turns 75 today….”

It’s All Happening!

Would you be able to survive a Trump attack?

1. Trumpnado!

We always knew the Trump was lethal, but in the Summer of ’15 we learned just how much. Mexicans, POWS, Lindsey Graham. No one is safe! Do not dip your toe in the political waters. Is it safe to run for president yet?

2. 93,226

Unofficially, the most people ever to see a soccer match at the Rose Bowl in which no one revealed a sports bra

Does Los Angeles want pro football? Well, yes, if it does not include helmets and shoulder pads (or Roger Goodell). More than 90,000 jammed the Rose Bowl last night to watch the world’s greatest professional team, F.C. Barcelona, square off against the MLS’ Los Angeles Galaxy.

(Sure, but a lot of them were probably Latinos, so not “real” Americans). Barca, the current La Liga and UEFA Champions League champions, won 2-1 and Luis Suarez (the biter) scored.

This Saturday Barca plays Manchester United (Wayne Rooney) in Santa Clara and then next Tuesday they face Chelsea (the EPL side, not the former –and future?– president’s daughter) in Washington, D.C.

Of all the European acts touring the U.S. this summer, Barca is the one most in its prime.

The sad thing? The world’s premier player, Lionel Messi, did not make the trip. Which is a lot like seeing U2 without Bono.

3. Welcome to Baltimore!

The Orioles game has been postponed

This could be a downtown view of Baltimore…or Boston…or New York City… in 100 years and, let’s face it, in most cases that would be an improvement. Dr. James Hansen, the former top scientist at NASA and now an adjunct professor at Columbia, has just published a paper (with 16 co-authors…geez, I only needed seven on The Same River Twice) that projects sea levels will rise 10 feet in the next 50 years.

We conclude that continued high emissions will make multi-meter sea level rise practically unavoidable and likely to occur this century,” Hansen and his co-authors wrote. Something to think about as you climb into your Dodge Ram pickup this morning.

We’ve all been warned. We’ll all ignore — and then shout at someone, “How did you let this happen?!?”

Your grandchildren will enjoy summering at the beach in Allentown, I just know it.

As this map suggests, we’re all moving to Omaha…

4. Infinite Jester

I had a chance to catch a screening of the new film about the late author David Foster Wallace, The End of the Tour, last night. If you’re nerdish about writers and the interviewing process — the story revolves around the few days that a Rolling Stone writer who receives no counsel from Lester Bangs spends with Wallace on a book tour — then you may enjoy this. There are no Marvel characters or The Rock or even anything that is fast or furious.

As a reporter, I enjoyed watching the “faux” relationship between Wallace, played sublimely by Jason Segel, and writer David Lipsky (Jesse Eisenberg). When you are sent out to profile a subject, it is by definition a person who is greater than, or has done more with his life, than you have. So it is inherently a relationship between unequals. The more gracious interview subjects, as Wallace was here, recognize that fact and do not exploit it. But many do.

In the end, Lipsky comes off as a much worse person than Bill Miller ever did, though, to Lipsky’s credit, he is the one who chronicled all of this, so he acknowledges it. Good stuff.

By the way, the attractive blonde in the film is Sting’s daughter, Mickey Sumner.

And here is a clip of David Foster Wallace appearing on Charlie Rose in 1997, so you can glimpse some of his essence.

5. Wedding Crasher

(I’m sorry for this headine, and at the same time I’m not)

The plane’s fuselage was deep in the bush, no photos. And there are no pics of the pilot. But this is his friend, whose name is Klondike Hughes. I couldn’t resist.

Last weekend Michael Zagula, 54, of Trapper Creek, Ala., decided to do a flyover of his daughter’s wedding reception. It did not turn out so well.

Music 101 

The Lion Sleeps Tonight

In our continuing series — “How White People Usurp African Music” — we present one of the most spectacular poachings not involving white rhinos. The song was originally penned in the 1920s by Solomon Linda, a South African singer of Zulu heritage, under the title “Mbube” (“lion” in Zulu), then it was covered by a whole bunch of people, and then the English doo woo group The Tokens added some lyrics in English and took it to No. 1 in the United States in 1961.

My personal rendition, dedicated to my roomie, is “The Kitty Sleeps Tonight (and This Morning and This Afternoon)”

 Remote Patrol

Sharknado 3

SyFy 9 p.m.

I’d have more faith in President Cuban if he could hold on to free agents and CEOs…

One thought on “IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

  1. Forget Sharknado 3, “OH HELL NO!” broke out at the Tour de France today! I’m stunned & gutted. Tejay Van Garderen, the American who had been sitting in 3rd place & who is usually at his best in the Alps (4 stages beginning today), got dropped on the 1st climb (!) & seemed to be in a world of pain. ( Actually, looked like he was trying to sh*t out a watermelon, if you get what I’m saying). Somehow, he & a few others got back up to the main bunch but then was quickly dropped again on the next climb. Shortly after, he abandoned the race! NOOOOOOOOOoooooooo! I took vacation time to watch at home LIVE today & couldn’t believe my eyes. Some kind of illness, but not much more was known during the broadcast.

    And if THAT wasn’t bad enough, 2-time Tour champ & current 5th place Contador crashed on the big descent (unseen by TV cameras), had to swap out his bike & lost 1-2 minutes, so now there is NO chance he can win it all or even give Froome a headache unless he tries a “Schleckattack” (named after Andy Schleck who saved his Tour & became eventual runner-up back in 2011 when he got into an all-day breakaway on a big mt stage – something top GC guys do NOT usually do). The odds of this are not good – Contador’s team is not powerful enough right now to help him (excluding the Saginator), AC is still nowhere near his peak form thanks to riding & winning the Giro back in May, & Froome’s team Sky IS strong enough to chase him down if he tries). sigh.

    I can’t even remember the last time a guy SO close to being on the final podium with only 5 days to go left the race unless he crashed out (or, um, tested positive). And so far, Tejay had been having a GREAT Tour – almost perfect 1st week, limited his losses in other stages that are not his forte during the 2nd week & now this. Just unbelievable. And yet, this is the Tour de France – one day you’re a shark, the next day you’re shark bait.

    So, you weren’t the only one to experience ‘THE END OF THE TOUR’ in the last 24 hours. Excuse me while I go (not so) gently weep. 🙁

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