by Katie McCollow


I’ve lately become addicted to reading Nextdoor, my neighborhood social network. My sister turned me on to it when I was lamenting Craigslist’s high-rape rate; “If only I could purchase a 4×6 area rug and not be scared I’m going to wind up in someone’s trunk,” I believe were my exact words.

“Try Nextdoor,” she said. Whaa? What is this, you say? Here is the description from Nextdoor’s homepage:

Nextdoor is the private social network for you, your neighbors and your community. It’s the easiest way for you and your neighbors to talk online and make all of your lives better in the real world. And it’s free.
I quickly signed up for my neighborhood’s site. I love it! On any given day, I can log on and see a post about a lost puppy, suggestions for how to make homemade dandelion wine or a pair of old hockey skates for sale, all on the homepage! Sure, things are subcategorized if you choose to navigate it that way, but I prefer to read it in all it’s newly-posted,  hodge-podge glory. And, everyone signs their posts and comments  with their actual names, and lives around me so if I do go missing after answering an ad for an old rug, it’ll be easier to figure out which basement I’m chained in. Win, win!
But the piece de resistance is the pure entertainment value. Users get to comment/opine on everything posted, and boy, do they.  It’s the best reading this side of a public bathroom stall. 
The following is inspired by Nextdoor, but I encourage you to read, and join the real thing.

For Sale: Yogurt Maker


I have a vintage KitchenAid yogurt maker I got as a wedding gift 37 years ago. Needs agitator; otherwise works great. 50 dollars obo.




                                                            Replies: 4


Angie replied: I have an agitator from an old food processor, I wonder if it would fit? What color is it?  Would you take 47 dollars? Pls PM me


Bob replied: I already have a yogurt maker.
       Brianna responded to Bob: ha ha ha
       Jennifer responded to Bob: I think I’m speaking for a lot of people when I say we don’t appreciate comments like that here and I no longer feel safe
      Michelle, Englebert, Patrick and 16 others like Jennifer’s comment


Fred replied: I don’t mean to shame anyone who took offense to Bob’s comment, but I think it’s important everyone know that I know Bob personally and he actually does have a state-of-the- art yogurt maker. I’ve eaten his yogurt for years, and I know several people tried it at the block party.
       Bob liked Fred’s comment


Matilda replied: Will it double as a crock-pot? If so I will take it.


Looking to Start a Sewing Club


Hi neighbors, I’d like to create an old-fashioned sewing circle this winter. I recently began mending my dish towels by hand, and now I’m hoping to embroider a few. I’m happy to share what I’ve learned and hoping to learn more from others! Snacks, wine, sewing?


                                                               Replies: 3


Patrice replied: That sounds so fun! I’m in. I’m a terrible sewer but I’m great at drinking wine!
         Allejandra, Bill, Samuel and 8 others like this
         Nathan responded to Patrice: I think you mean terrible seamstress.
         Patrice responded to Nathan: But I’m great at drinking wine! ; )


Bella replied: Learn how to get grease stains out of upholstery with this quick tip!


Jennifer replied: Um, am I the only one who thinks this sounds archaic and sexist? Women sewing dishtowels and drinking wine–way to perpetuate outdated stereotypes.  And anyway embroidery and sewing are two very different things.
              Bill, Samuel and 12 others like Jennifer’s comment
              Blythe responded to Jennifer: I have an embroidery hoop I’d be happy to trade for tickets to Blake Shelton next month
              Jess responded to Jennifer: I’m actually a man, so…
              Alicia responded to Jennifer: Jess is my ex. He may not be trying to perpetuate outdated gender stereotypes, but he is definitely trying to bang all his female neighbors.  And he’s obviously mending his dishtowels by hand because he’s too broke to pay his child support.
              Bill, Samuel, Levi, Jason and 53 others like this
              Brianna responded to Alicia: ha ha ha
              Jess replied to Alicia: Your comment is in violation of our agreement


ISO Notebooks and Pencils


Hey neighbors! With my kids just about to start school again, wondering if any of you have some extra notebooks and pencils you’re not using? Or an old lunchbox or two or possibly some canned goods. Appreciate it!




                                                         Replies: 4


Dottie replied: Seriously? Try Walmart.
            Frank, Erica, Alicia and Verdeen like this
           Gregory responded to Dottie: I think it’s offensive that you would A) discourage someone from upcycling non-used paper and canned goods and B) direct them to Walmart, a place no forward- thinking person would frequent.
            Richelle responded to Gregory: I think you’re missing the bigger issue–why is this person having more than one child?
            Deandra responded to Richelle: I can’t have children, and I’m really offended that you said that. I would love to have some kids heading back to school.
            Brad responded to Deandra: Deandra, I’m so sorry to hear that. My cousin’s best friend also can’t have children and she finds it very rewarding to read to Kindergartners. PM me.
            Tad responded to Gregory: Wait, what’s wrong with Walmart?
            Dottie responded to Tad: That’s my point, you cheap f***!
            Bethany responded to Dorothy: I don’t care for that kind of language. This is a community board, not a cruise ship.


Dan replied: I have a lot of canned goods, but mostly beans? If you’re OK with garbanzo beans PM me.
             Sheryl responded to Dan: I have a wonderful garbanzo bean salad recipe. PM me.
             Dee responded to Sheryl: I’d love that recipe too, Sheryl! But my husband is allergic to garbanzo beans. Do you think it would work with leftover baked beans? PM me.
             25 people like this
Peter replied: I have an old chum bucket that could easily be used as a lunchpail. It’s got some paint flakes stuck to it and it’s not real big, but as long as you cut your sandwich into fourths, I think it’d be just fine.
           Alicia likes this
           Jennifer responded to Peter: Chum buckets are barbaric


Beatrice replied: Tad, what school do your kids go to? I have kids, too! We should get them together sometime. I homeschool, though.


Gently Used Tube Socks For Sale


Hi all, I have about 16 pairs of tube socks that I only wore for about three years, mostly for playing field hockey and going rock climbing. I got them from a fire sale at a mortuary. Still a lot of life in them! 10 dollars a pair obo.


                                                      Replies: 0


Looking for Recommendations for a Handyman


Hey friends, I’m wondering if any of you have a name/number for a reliable handyman? My kitchen sink has been clogged for almost 8 days. I’d rather not pay anyone, though, really hoping to work it out as a trade. I make balloon animals.  Also has anyone seen my guinea pig? He went missing right before the sink clogged.  Pictures attached.


                                                     Replies: 2


Noelle replied: My son’s teacher delivers newspapers during the summers, I can see if this is something he could do
          Patrice, Allejandra, Ike and Maryjo like this


Ron replied: Have you been putting the balloons down the sink?
          Gustave responded to Ron: Ha ha, no of course not.


Shanda replied: If you don’t find your guinea pig, I have one you can have.
          Gustave replied to Shanda: I found him! He was in his cage!


Rash of Car Break-ins on 7th Avenue


Hi all, just a heads up that my brother’s dentist’s best friend heard that some vehicles were broken into along 7th Avenue over the holiday weekend. No one has seen anything. I noticed the other day that my Kenny Loggins Greatest Hits CD was missing from my car, though, and I was parked on 6th.


Dell replied: I saw Kenny Loggins in concert in 1982. Epic.
           Yolanda, Steve, Margaret and Xang like this


ISO Nanny


My wife and I are looking for a nanny for our three kids, ages 2, 5 and 8. Must hold Master’s Degree in Early Childhood development, be a certified gourmet chef and have a safe, reliable car no more than two years old, with three rows of seats. Fluent in Cantonese preferable. Live in. Hours are Sun-Saturday, 5 a.m to 10:45 pm and one “date night” sleepover per week. Our kids are allowed one half hour of screen time per 48 hours. Pay is 7 dollars an hour, with possible pay increase after 36 months. No benefits.


                                                       Replies: 1                        


Thea replied to Doug: Hi Doug, my daughter is 13 and would only be available after school three days a week- she has Irish dancing on Tuesdays and Thursdays. She is Red Cross-certified, though. She obviously doesn’t drive so you would have to pick her up. She is allergic to soy.
           Noelle, Shannon and Custer like this
           Liz responded to Thea: Where does she take Irish dancing? I’m interested in that for my kids
           Thea responded to Liz: The Irish Institute in Rockville.  It’s a wonderful program–all the wigs are hand-crocheted by cloistered monks.
           Jim, Kathy, Lew and 12 others like this
           Liz replied to Thea: Do you have to be Irish to participate? We did and it turns out we’re 100% German.
           Thea replied to Liz: Oh no! But I’m sure it’s fine for the dance classes
           Jennifer replied to Thea: I’m really offended that you would say “oh no” to finding out someone was German. I’m not German, but still.
            Broderick, Emily, Lucy and Pathilde like this
            Doug responded to Thea: When would she be able to start? PM me.

6 thoughts on “IT’S ALL KATIE!

  1. Ha Katie, I love this because it reminds me of my own neighborhood. We may not be as esoteric, but we have organically developed a group forum over the years, where you can learn via email that a giant bobcat is on the prowl, a pet dog has fallen victim to a coyote jumping a wall, a dining room set is going for cheap, or find a good drywall guy. ‘Merica.

  2. I find it offensive that so many people ‘like’ Jennifer’s cyber bullying. she’s obviously the one who has a basement full of chained up neighbors.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *