by John Walters
*The judges will also accept The Manhattan-churian Candidate and/or White House Meets Breit House
Donald Trump was the favored candidate of Middle Americans who identify with a man who lives in a gold-and-glass tower on the most expensive stretch of Fifth Avenue in New York City.
Donald Trump was the favored candidate of blue collar types who identify with a trust fund kid who never had to apply for a job until the one he is about to take and who regularly, over the course of 40 years, stiffs working-class types who either work for him or do business with him.
Donald Trump was the favored candidate of evangelical types who identify with a man who never attends church, doesn’t pretend to, and who is a serial adulterer in the midst of his third marriage.
Just had a very open and successful presidential election. Now professional protesters, incited by the media, are protesting. Very unfair!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 11, 2016
(He’s a sore winner, too? Are you surprised?)
Donald Trump was the favored candidate of white military veterans who identify with a man who not once, not twice, but at least three times found a lame excuse for not serving in Vietnam: bone spurs in his foot, which never prevented him from marching at his military-style high school. Oh, and he insulted a senator and war veteran who had the option to leave the Hanoi Hilton soon after being captured and chose not to invoke his privilege, remaining there and being tortured for a few more years.
And those who voted for Trump will say, “This just proves what a terrible candidate Hillary Clinton was.” Maybe. She had her flaws. But maybe it proves even more about that voter, something that voter has never consciously confronted about himself or herself. Because when you defy the value you most identify about yourself to cast a ballot for someone who is antagonistic to that value, maybe it’s time to admit that there’s another something you identify with even stronger.
Meanwhile, what an historic day at the White House: the 44th president, the 45th president, and LeBron James (the 50th president?) all were at the White House within an hour of one another. Immediately after shuffling Donald off, Barack Obama cleansed his palate by welcoming the Cleveland Cavaliers.
Two things to consider: 1) If Donald Trump had won the popular vote but lost election in the electoral college—which is exactly what happened to Hillary—do you think he might have invoked the “R-word?” Maybe just once. 2) As Rachel Maddow pointed out last night, imagine if John McCain had led Barack Obama in 2008, then in the final weeks a source started leaking damaging information about McCain and Obama took the election (which he did)? Then, just imagine THE DAY AFTER THE ELECTION if Russia had bragged about having been in touch with Obama advisors and operatives clandestinely in the weeks leading up to the election? Do you think that might have caused a little bit of a furor? Because that’s exactly what happened in this election.
2. Join The Fun!
Late Night with Seth Meyers writer Amber Ruffin perfectly summed up the “misery loves company” angst enveloping so many voters (on the coasts). I know I’ve walked around the past month looking at white people an entirely new way.
3. Colbert Comes Back
Been a solid week for Stephen Colbert, his best since arriving at CBS more than a year ago. Last night he delivered the best monologue I’ve seen since hatching from his Comedy Central show, and you definitely want to stick around to the end.
The only place I can find the video is on that link above, so I entreat you to watch. It’s all good, but the ending in which he shows Omarosa threatening that Donald Trump will make everyone who ever insulted him bow down to him….well, at first you get the standard network host reaction that we’ve come to expect…but then Colbert reaches back to his cable comedy roots and delivers a jaw-dropping line.
Most telling: After he delivers that final line—which I did not expect—his bandleader Jon Batiste, ran over from the bandstand and gave him what certainly seemed like a spontaneous and honest embrace. It may be the moment where Colbert planted his flag and for the first time since he left Comedy Central, the first time he really seemed to have a pair.
Also, if you stayed up, Colbert’s second guest, the lovely Thandie Newton, who is mixed race, had some very wise things to say about the election. She talked about how so much of the hatred comes from fear, and that all she has for the hate spewers on Trump’s side is compassion. Because they’re afraid of change. And how spewing hate back is like drinking poison to kill your enemy.
The night before, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog appeared and discussed the Trump victory: “People hope he can take us back to a happier time—like yesterday afternoon.” (Ba-DUM)
4. Welcome President Euron Greyjoy
Re-watch this scene from last season’s Game of Thrones. Did anything presage the past few months of this presidential election better than the kingsmoot? You can almost hear the rabble of the Iron Islands chanting “Lock her up!”
5. The Kelly File
Talk about good timing. Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly’s memoir, Settle For More, comes out on November 5. In this New York Times (“Horrible paper, they’re going out of business…Did you know that?”) book review we learn that Roger Ailes quite explicitly sexually harassed her 10 years ago (she’s an attorney; she understands the legal definition) and that someone at Fox fed Donald Trump her infamous question the day before she asked him at the first GOP debate. In other words, 1) the Rosie O’Donnell line was not off the top of his head and 2) yet again, he accuses Hillary of something that he himself did.
When The World Is Running Down, You Make The Best of What’s Still Around
This song by the Police from 1980 just sort of fits this week.
No. 20 USC at No. 4 Washington
Saturday FOX 7:30 p.m.
Will the Pac-12 land a team in this year’s College Football Playoff? We should know by the end of tonight, as 9-0 U-Dub hosts a 6-3 team Trojan team that is far better than its record. Meanwhile, the L.A. Rams will watch this game wondering why they took Jared Goff when these two Pac-12 QBs, Jake Browning (sophomore) and Sam Darnold (frosh) are going to turn out to be so much better?