by John Walters

Starting Five

Cover Me

A couple days ago Bruce Springsteen and the E  Street Band were playing in Brisbane, Australia, and this happened. Stick around ’til the end because the lad, Nathan Teston, lands a souvenir.

Just because it’s Another Day of Trump doesn’t mean we always have to begin with a downer….


At least Curry was honest about it....

At least Curry was honest about it….

I went to a basketball game and the Pro Bowl broke out.

2017 NBA All-Star Game: West 192, East 182

(I got out my calculator out, and that’s 374 points).*

*All-Star Game Record

 A few plays later, Curry went up for a defensive rebound, and Giannis happened...

A few plays later, Curry went up for a defensive rebound, and Giannis happened…

In case you were curious:

2014: East 163, West 155; 318 points. A record.

2015: West 163, East 158; 321 points. A new record.

2016: West 196, East 173; 369 points. A new record.

The last time I saw a market rise this irrationally, Michael Burry shorted it and became a kabillionaire. ESPN wants to talk about the Durant-Westbrook Alley Oop Armistice, but I think Marv Albert was making a more salient point: Sure, we like to see offense, but can we keep the dunk contest on Saturday and actually play a little bit of defense?

Not sure what carrot we need to dangle. Maybe the losing team has to get into a ship with Kyrie “Panned Planethood” Irving and sail off the edge of the Earth?

3. Artificial Sweden-er



Among the many dubious things Donald Trump said at Saturday’s “Rally To Massage My Fragile Ego,” he brought up Europe and terrorism: “We’ve got to keep our country safe. You look at what’s happening in Germany, you look at what’s happening last night in Sweden — Sweden, who would believe this?”

To which Sweden asked, “What?!?” (Or however you say that in Swedish).

This is from Carl Bildt, former Prime Minister of Sweden:


Trump was citing a Fox News interview he must’ve seen on Friday evening, but what’s funny is that even a few Fox News anchors have decided to no longer carry the president’s water. We featured a clip from Shepherd Smith last week, but here’s Chris Wallace (son of Mike) informing Reince Priebus that after only one month, the Trump White House has whined more about the media and said far more inflammatory things than Trump’s predecessor ever did.

Priebus kept talking about needing to get “sources on the record.” Like Deep Throat, Reince?

Meanwhile, how can we pass up a chance to replay “Let’s Look For Swedes…”

4. Boogie Down*

Is this the scariest man in the NBA?

Is this the scariest man in the NBA?

*The judges will grudgingly accept Sacramento King Cake and somewhat more enthusiastically accept “Buddy, Can You Spare a Dime?”

Sacramento King DeMarcus “Boogie” Cousins only played two minutes in last night’s All-Star Game and as I was mostly watching The Saviors vs. The Kingdom vs. Alexandria vs. the newest gang, The Heap-sters (love that name), I just assumed he’d been ejected. Turns out the talented but tumultuous big man was about to be traded.

Pelicans get: Cousins and forward Omri Casspi.

Kings get: Noted nut-puncher of Cousins, Buddy Hield; Tyreke Evans; Langston Galloway; a 2017 1st round, a 2017 second round.

As MH reader Okerland tweeted: “See what happens when you punch Boogie in the nuts?”

From heel to Hield in Sac-Town....

From heel to Hield in Sac-Town….

Cousins, who is 4th in the NBA in scoring and 11th in rebounding, is supremely gifted and still only 26. But he’s a little bit moody. Just a touch. If he and fellow former Kentucky big man Anthony Davis, who is 5th in the NBA in scoring and put up the easiest 52 points you’ve ever seen last night (an NBA All-Star Game record, but there was no defense, and these were mostly dunks, so….), then maybe the Pelicans can be something. They’ll still need a guard.

This trade isn’t about to bring Sac-Town to greatness, but they simply just got tired of Boogie being Boogie and knew when he became a FA this summer that he’d be leaving. As good as the surly 6’11’ Boogie is, this is his seventh NBA season and he still has yet to appear in a playoff game.

5. Milo: Hateful Ideas, But Charming and Smart

Kudos to Bill Maher for inviting every college student’s favorite alt-right target of hate, Milo Yiannopoulus, onto Real Time last Friday. I thought I’d be getting a younger version of Steve Bannon, a better-looking version of Stephen Miller, a just-as-punchable version of Richard Spencer, but you know what?

He’s a lot more like Bill Maher than any of those guys—just prettier. Milo is a world-class provocateur (during “Overtime” he got two of three panelists to tell him to “F**k yourself” or some variation) and he’s also funny and self-aware. Yes, some of what he spews is garbage, but he also has a lot more charm than anyone on the Trump staff or even in the alt-right universe. And he’s not stupid. Misguided in some of his opinions, but not stupid. Take a look.
Also, Bill Maher’s “Gall Pass” rant was right on (and by “right” I mean correct, not a political leaning). Watch it:

Music 101

I Didn’t Get To Sleep At All


If the topic is black female singers, you should be as familiar with Marilyn McCoo as you are with Whitney Houston or—do I dare?—Queen Bey. As the lead singer of The Fifth Dimension, it is the lovely McCoo’s lovely voice that you hear on “Wedding Bell Blues,” “Up, Up and Away” and this, the ultimate insomniac anthem. It climbed to No. 8 on the charts in spring of 1972.

Remote Patrol


11 p.m. Spike

Does George R.R. Martin write Game of Thrones if this hadn't come out?

Does George R.R. Martin write Game of Thrones if this hadn’t come out?

Maybe you’re the one person who is holding out and hasn’t seen this film. Maybe you thought you wouldn’t enjoy scenery of the Scottish Highlands, or men in kilts doing battle. Maybe you don’t have to be up early Tuesday morning. What Evs. On Oscar Week, let’s remember this ’95 film, a worthy Best Picture winner.


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