by John Walters

Starting Five

Linton: “Nobody knows the trouble I’ve obscene”

1. Let Them Eat Sheet Cake

Above, that’s Louise Linton, 36, wife of Secretary of the Treasury Steve Mnuchin, 54 (if you don’t have the looks, boys, then for god’s sake you better be filthy rich). Yesterday the stay-at-home actress got into an Instagram battle with a peasant from Oregon, calling her “adorably out of touch.” This from a woman who hashtags #HermesScarf #TomFord and #Valentinorockstudheels (three of the four words were high school nicknames for your author).

The genesis of the kerfuffle: Linton posts on Instagram yesterday

Anyway, it was yesterday’s Kerfuffle of the Day and the jump from Linton to Marie Antoinette is pretty easy to make. In fact, the commoner from Oregon, one Jenni Miller, a 45 year-old mother of three, dared to make it. A reminder that Ms. Antoinette, a true historical figure who infamously said, “Let them eat cake” as to the plight of starving peasants, lost her head.


Here’s the deets on yesterday’s social media fracas.

2. Be Leave Land

In short (no offense, Isaiah), the two best teams in the Eastern Conference traded All-Star guards last night. The Cavs sent 6’3″ Kyrie Irving (25.2 ppg last season) to the Boston Celtics in exchange for NBA leading scorer Isaiah Thomas, who is listed at 5’9″ (28.9) but may be shorter.

Irving is 25 and has three years left on his deal. Thomas is 28 and can walk after this season with LeBron James, who will probably do the same. It’s Last Hurrah time in Cleveland, and it’ll be interesting to see how The King responds to a new teammate who is even more of a chucker than Irving was. The thing is, though, no one not in a Warriors uniform is a better clutch shooter than Thomas is. The heat is off LeBron in that regard.

If you’re a Celtics fan, you have to like the young nucleus of Irving, Gordon Hayward and now Markelle Fultz Jayson Tatum, all of whom will be joining the Celtics anew for their October 17 season debut against…the Cleveland Cavaliers.

3. Fight of the Phoenix

President Donald Trump made his eighth campaign stop since BECOMING president in Phoenix, Arizona last night. He harangued the media (calling us “very dishonest”; remember, Rule No. 1 of Trump is to believe the opposite of everything he says; Rule No. 2 is that whenever he slanders anyone, he’s calling them exactly what he himself is) and threatened to shut down the federal government  (or hold his breath) if the border wall is not funded and then implied that he might pardon Sheriff Joe Arpaio by asking, “Was Sheriff Joe convicted for doing his job?” He then said, “I think Sheriff Joe will be just fine,” intimating that he will pardon him, but on a day when the news can be buried more easily.

Then there was mayhem in the streets, which is hard to find in August in the Valley of the Sun, when anyone with any sense is inside with the AC blasting or at a pool party.


4. All They Do Is Win, Win, Win

Wildling or the NL’s leading hitter with a .336 average? Perhaps Justin Turner is both.

While the ESPN (and other outlets, both TV and online) salivate about the prospects of NBA trades in August, the Los Angeles Dodgers trudge forward toward what may be the best regular-season record in baseball history. If only they were a big-market franchise or had some sort of history….

Anyway, the blue bloods won again last night in Pittsburgh to push their record to 89-35 (.718) and they’re now 54-10 since D-Day. The winningest regular-season baseball team was the 1954 Cleveland Indians, who went 111-43 in the 154-game season for a .721 win percentage. The Tribe, alas, were swept in the World Series by the New York Giants, 4-0 (Willie Mays’ absurd catch versus Vic Wertz is your freeze-frame moment).

Say Hey

The best record for a 162-game season belongs to the 2001 Seattle Mariners, who finished 116-46 (.716) and lost in the ALCS to the New York Yankees (who lost in the World Series to the D-Backs).

The point is, for the second time in two years a California-based team is threatening to post the best regular-season record in its major sport’s history, but notice the difference in hype between the 2015-16 Golden State Warriors’ run to 73-9 and the Dodgers’ journey toward 117-45, which would break the Indians’ record.

L.A. needs to go 28-10 the rest of the way to break the mark.

Curiosity: L.A.’s top two hitters by batting average, 3B Justin Turner and SS Corey Seager, have yet to hit a triple this season (as has MLB’s leading home run hitter, Giancarlo Stanton of the Miami Marlins)

5. Daily Harrumph: Lee Genes

An ESPN overreaction by any other name….

Take a breather, editors of The Onion. The real world has you covered this morning. Yes, ESPN actually pulled announcer Robert Lee (left) off a Virginia broadcast because of the weird “coincidence” that he shares a name, if not a genetic pool, with former Confederate commander Robert E. Lee.

And what about this Bob Ley? Will he, too, face ramifications?

You see what happened was, ESPN’s Archduke of BLM, Rob King, decreed (as Kings often do) that Lee switch broadcasts out of the William & Mary-UVA game  to avoid an awkward moment. Then someone at the WWL snitched to Outclick The Coverage founder and chief ESPN gadfly Clay Travis, who probably at first thought he was being punched (this was too good to be true), then checked facts and broke the story. What a disaster.

The WWL, like the White House, has leakers.


CFB Predictions To Clip And Save

Here’s the AP Top 25

Here’s the Coaches Poll  Top 25

Here’s The Big Lead Top 25

Here’s SI’s bowl and national champion predictions.

We’ll post ours later this week, we mean, now that everyone else has and our preseason pick of Wyoming at No. 1 would’ve looked a tad, well, risky.

Music 101


That’s Ritchie Blackmore (guitar legend) of the band Deep Purple giving Hugh Hefner a guitar lesson during a short-lived late-night show called Playboy After Dark (and you wondered where the Pac-12 got that title). This tune, a cover of a song that peaked at No. 45 a year earlier in 1967 that was written by Joe South and recorded by Billy Joe Royal, was a No. 4 hit for the band in 1968.

This is a certified vintage MH clip. P.S. I have those pants.

A Word, Please

insouciant (adj.)

showing a casual lack of concern; indifference

7 thoughts on “IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

  1. you had a couple of mistakes in your Kyrie Irving coverage.

    (1) third year remaining on contract is player option, and since he ‘only’ makes ~$20M/year I am sure he opts out. So Boston needs to make him happy in the next two years

    (2) Boston traded down in draft and took Brandon Ingram, not Markelle Fultz

    -Your friendly copywriter

    • You are mostly right but Boston actually took Jayson Tatum. This fact thing is very difficult. I do appreciate the corrections, though.

  2. This ENTIRE SUMMER has been one clusterf*ck after another with the Cavs & I’m FURIOUS! DISGUSTED! DEPRESSED! From letting the GM go THE WEEK OF THE DRAFT (!), to then not getting any of the good free agents, to the constant LOUD rumors that had Kev in every trade (the guy had a double-double in almost every game last season, leave him alone!), to the even more bizarre rumors that had the Cavs offering up Kyrie (looking at you, Simmons!) & hoping Kyrie didn’t hear them too (alas, looks like he did), to Kyrie then asking for a trade to supposedly “get away from LeBron’s shadow” (WTF?!), to the nauseating UNDENDING chorus by the media that LeBron will “definitely” leave Cleveland next year, it’s been one upsetting rumor or fact after another. And oh, I don’t like the new uniforms either!

    And then, last night – I come home, turn on NBA-TV to watch the last quarter of the 2016 Final’s Game 6, where Sweet Pea once again displayed his magnificence by scoring 41 (which he had also done in the previous game!), & where Steph fouled out, threw his mouthpiece & then was EJECTED from the game, oh, it was GOOD TIMES! I then watched some of the Olympic Channel but came back to watch the 4th quarter of 2016’s Game 7 (love NBA-TV!) & got excited all over again as the clock ran down – The Block, The Shot, the Stop! Right when I was reveling in the memory, there at the bottom of the screen was the “tragic” news – Kyrie was traded to the Celtics. I actually had let myself believe there was still a chance things could all be worked out. That Kyrie would realize it was ALL a “misunderstanding” & that LeBron had NOT been on board with the idea of trading his flat-earth butt away. Sigh.

    Isaiah is 29, is 5’9 & has a bad hip. This is supposed to make Cavs fans HAPPY? I’ll try to keep an open mind.

    The only thing worse than Kyrie being a selfish, entitled delusional brat traitor (ahem) would be if LeBron actually does leave next year for ANY other team but ESPECIALLY the hated Lakers! EVEN if the Cavs actually beat the Warriors again for the championship! He ‘wrote’ that damn LETTER! He wanted to raise his kids in OHIO! Play out his career at HOME! Show all the folks of NE Ohio that it’s such a great place to live! Well, if he leaves again, it was all a LIE!

    Enough ranting for the day. My finger is tired from hitting the “!” mark. 😉

    Anyone Who Had a Heart (nudge, nudge) would show a little empathy for me & all Cavs fans on what’s been a TOTAL ECLIPSE of a freakin summer. 🙂

      • Er, it was all those “!”s, my fingers were overworked & snuck a “D” in there. 😉

        And LeBron will always be my “Sweet Pea” but if he actually goes to the Lakers, I may have to modify the name to “Sweet & Low Pea” or SLP for short. 😉

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