by John Walters

Tweet du Jour

Starting Five

1. It Could Have Been Worse

A nearly naked, deranged white supremacist (redundancy alert) murdered four people, all minorities, at a Nashville-area Waffle House in the early hours of Sunday morning. Were it not for the decisive actions taken by James Shaw, Jr., a black patron who is the same age as the gunman (29), the number would have been at least triple that.

Checking boxes as to why Donald Trump has not tweeted about it yet…

  1. Hero was a good guy WITHOUT a gun, 2) Hero was black, 3) Victims were black 4) Assailant used an AR-15, 5) Assailant is a white supremacist 6) Gun laws so comically lenient that even after scaling a White House fence and being arrested by Secret Service, even after they took away his guns, law allowed local officials to return said guns to the assailant’s father, who then promptly returned them to his son.

The suspect is still on the run…

p.s. No one has explained how it was so quickly determined that this suspect is who he is. Curious about that…

2. The Wife Of The Party

It took a funeral and a weekend away from her husband to put a smile back on Melania Trump’s face. She’s probably already looking forward to when 41 passes.

Her husband, the president, did not attend as the White House statement reads, “out of respect.” But we thought funerals were where you paid your respects. It’s all so confusing.

p.s. Look at Melania’s heels. How do women spend more than five minutes in those walking torture chambers?

3. Belt Way

On Friday evening we watched pesky Yankee batter Reynaldo Torres work a 13-pitch at bat (he flied out to right) against a Toronto Blue Jay pitcher and wondered what the longest at-bat in MLB history was, but then of course we were distracted by something shiny and did not follow through on investigating it.

On Sunday afternoon in Anaheim, San Francisco Giant Brandon Belt solved the riddle, working an MLB-record (at least dating back to 1998, when pitch counts began being accurately recorded) 21-pitch at-bat versus Angel rookie Jaime Barrio (Rule No. 7). Officially, it was 3 balls, 2 strikes and 16 foul balls before Belt also flew out to right. The at-bat lasted 12 minutes.

Later in the contest, Belt would hit a home run.

Incidentally, Belt’s initials are baseball short-hand for a walk. Which he did not.

4. Forbidden Fruit*

*The judges will also accept “How Do You Like Them Apples” or “Fruit Flies”

Delta Airlines passenger Crystal Tadlock was flying from Paris to Denver with a layover in Minneapolis. Delta handed out snack bags to passengers (very nice) and Tadlock decided to save her apple for the second, shorter leg of her journey. The problem is that when she landed in the Twin Cities she forgot to declare it, U.S. customs officials found it, and handed her a $500 fine.

Tadlock is going to fight this in court. Meanwhile, this may be the first apple that is more expensive than something that is made by Apple.

5. He’s QUITE A Muslim

In his first Premier League season with Liverpool after coming over from A.S. Roma, Egyptian Mohamed Salah was named the PFA Player of the Year. Salah, 25, leads the Premier League in goals scored (31) and is sixth in assists (9) with three matches remaining. He’s put Liverpool into third place in the EPL (the top non-Manchester club in the league) and he’s also put them into the semis of the Champions League.

You’ll see more of Salah this June, as Egypt plays in the World Cup in by far the easiest group: Egypt, Uruguay, Saudi Arabia and host Russia (two teams will advance).

It’s funny. Between 1974 and 2013, every PFA Player of the Year (the MVP for what is the most visible sports league in the world) was European. Then in 2014 Luis Suarez of Uruguay won it. The last three winners have been Riyad Mahrez of Algeria, N’golo Kante of France (but his parents are from Mali) and Salah of Egypt.

The world keeps spinning….

Music 101

One Week

Who’s an even more fun and quirky Nineties band than They Might Be Giants? How about the Barenaked Ladies of suburban Toronto? This 1998 tune topped the Billboard charts in the U.S. for—appropriately—one week. It’s reminiscent of another song, “The Hook,” by another mid-Nineties act, Blues Traveler, in that it intersperses a chorus with improvised white rap. The band’s designated rapper and lead guitarist, Ed Robertson, came up with the lyrics himself in one mad moment of genius.

Remote Patrol

Thunder at Jazz

10:30 p.m. TNT

Utah’s tribute to the late Seventies/early Eighties Astros is touching

Attended a playoff game in Salt Lake City 20 years ago and it was so far removed from the hook that I still recall it well (and that game tipped off at like 12:30 p.m. local time). Quick:  What movie has a scene or two from inside the Delta Center or whatever it’s now called (Vivant Smart Home Center…it rolls right off the tongue!). And what’s up with those Jazz fire unis?!? Loved ’em AND hated ’em.

2 thoughts on “IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

  1. Nothing about how LeBron James was apparently a member of The 4 Tops in a previous life & that he, er “reached out” to me & the fellas the past 3 days? 🙂 🙂 Did you SEE those spiffy suits?! Luv, luv, luved! (Even if he did crush me a little by not wearing the 2nd suit to yesterday’s post-game presser). Immediately after Friday night’s soul-sucking game & even before I saw Sunday’s 2nd display of unified sartorial splendor, I could “feel” Sweet Pea was trying to tell me (ok, all of us) something via this Motown classic –

    “Now if you feel that you can’t go on
    Because all of your hope gone
    And your life is filled with much confusion
    Until happiness is just an illusion
    And your world around is crumbling down, darlin’


    Come on girl, reach out for me
    Reach out for me
    Hah, I’LL BE THERE with a move that will shelter you
    I’ll be there with a game that will see you through

    (to the fellas 🙂
    When you feel lost & about to give up
    ‘Cause your best just ain’t good enough
    And you feel your shooting has grown cold
    And you’re drifting out all on your own
    And you want a trophy of your own to hold

    Come on fellas, REACH OUT FOR ME
    Reach out for me….
    I’ll be there to always see you through”


    Ok, ok, the Cavs SHOULD have easily won both those games & be up 3-1, but at least the rest of the team is playing better (especially the defense, even if they gave away 17 & 10 pt leads, urgh) & I DO feel hopeful now! Because LBJ will BE THERE. 🙂

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