by John Walters

Starting Five

Roseanne Barred


You don’t have to put on the Alt-Right,

Those days are over,

And now you no longer air on Tuesday nights…

A nasty tweet stating a former female Obama aide, Valerie Jarrett, was the progeny of the Muslim brotherhood and the Planet of The Apes. ABC acted swiftly, canceling Roseanne Barr‘s eponymous sitcom reboot. Now she’s blaming her tweet on Ambien…as our old friend @StevieCade tweeted, perhaps the Rockets should use that excuse for their Game 7 shooting.

2. Is Bryan Lyin’?

Last night The Ringer ran with a story that insinuates that Philadelphia 76ers GM Bryan Colangelo operated perhaps five burner Twitter accounts that he used to spread gossip about the team’s own players and even share information that had not been made public. The Sixers copped to two accountsβ€”the only two The Ringer shared with the Sixers when they placed their call of inquiry.

Colangelo, 52, is the son of legendary NBA exec Jerry Colangelo, who launched the Phoenix Suns, was president of USA Basketball (during its post-2004 resurrection), and who was installed as a sort of Mr. Wolf to the Sixers a few years ago to oversee “The Process.” Maybe Bryan never felt loved there because his pops got him the gig?

The bigger question is, Was this real journalism or not-fully-completed reporting? There’s a lot to suggest that The Ringer is onto the truth, but they have not actually proven their case, which a well-reported story is supposed to do. As Jason Robards famously told Dustin Hoffman and Robert Redford, “You haven’t got it.”

3. The Good Shepherd

In a news room full of sycophants for Donald Trump, Shepherd Smith alone seems to get it (not that there aren’t a newsroom full of sycophants for Obama across Sixth Avenue at MSNBC, but there is more than a whiff of difference between the two presidents’ ardor for honesty). When the Great American Fact-Out finally ends, he alone will be able to exit the Newscorp. Building with his coif held high.

4. Manhattan-henge


With a sunset to the west that seems perfectly situated between the skyscrapers followed shortly thereafter by a full moon rising from the east, this is an ideal week for celestial-bodies lovers to be inhabiting Manhattan. Sure, we cannot see many stars due to the sheer amount of artificial light emanating from our streets and buildings, but we do have this.

If you’re here, 57th or 34th Streets are the best roads on which to experience this.

5. What If LeBron Joined The Warriors?

He’s going to be a free agent (again) this summer and he’ll turn 34 in December and he can more than afford to accept a deal that won’t financially cripple a team’s roster AND he probably wants to win another NBA ring or two (which he most likely won’t do in the next fortnight, barring an injury to Kevin Durant or Klay Thompson). So why wouldn’t LeBron James, alias “Sweet Pea” on this site, join the Golden State Warriors (alias “the SuperVillains”)?

The Jazz may be the West’s best non-Dubs team that is not filled with divas.

The Boston Celtics would not want him. The Sixers are too dysfunctional (see No. 2). The Lakers and the Clippers are not headed to the NBA Finals any time soon. Gregg Popovich would not want the Drama. The Rockets? Maybe, but they already have two divas. We actually ruminated on this for awhile on Monday and our three best choices for LeBron, if he wants to at least return to the NBA Finals, are one of the two teams in this series or the up-and-coming Utah Jazz (who have the best rim protector he’d ever have played with in Rudy Gobert and a burgeoning, selfless All-Star in Donovan Mitchell).

But what if LeBron were to join Steph, Draymond, KD, Klay and Kerr and promised to just be himself and sign on for two seasons with an option for a third? And what if Adam Silver did not block it? If he really wants to play in the NBA Finals and, secondarily, live in California, here’s his golden opportunity.

Also, we are not just saying this to troll our most loyal female reader, but just to bring it to light: If Michael Jordan had never gone off to have a torrid but ultimately unsatisfying affair with baseball, he likely would have WON eight NBA Finals in a row. Not made eight NBA Finals in a row. Won them.

Music 101

Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa

Ezra Koenig went from growing up on the Upper West Side, to migrating to northern New Jersey, to returning to the UWS to attend Columbia, to teaching at a public school in Brooklyn, to fronting the alternative rock band Vampire Weekend. This was the fourth single off their monster 2008 eponymous debut album, which naturally appeared on the Columbia Records label.

Remote Patrol

Stanley Cup, Game 2

Caps at Knights

8 p.m. NBC SN

If the game is as entertaining as the Medieval Times on Ice pregame spectacular, you’re in for a treat.

7 thoughts on “IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

  1. I feel like MJs legacy is improved by his taking two years off. He got to regroup, come back with a different core team and win three more. Simmons had a good summary showing how few teams make 4 finals in a row and how the 4th year almost always ends badly. It is hard to do this 4 years in a row with the same group of guys. Isnt it more likely that Jordan would’ve gotten burned out vs he wins 8 in a row. Also, he did lost in 95 to the Magic after coming back mid-season. But I guess that doesnt count because he didnt lose in the Finals.

  2. If, if, IF. You Jordanaires always like to insist Jordan would have “won 8,9,10” championships in a row IF he hadn’t RETIRED. ARGH! 1st of all, there’s just as much likelihood he’d have BLOWN HIS ACL or been injured in some other way & not been able to play for a year, possibly wrecking his career so he would have become that generation’s Derrick Rose. But the FACT is he did “RETIRE”. Not once, not twice but 3 times. And how did he play HIS final 2 years? Was he playing anywhere close to his prime as LBJ is NOW in HIS 15th year?

    And of course, he also could have been SUSPENDED for a year for GAMBLING. πŸ˜‰

    LeBron James will never be able to duplicate Jordan’s 6 championships without a Finals loss. And Jordan never got to 9 NBA FINALS nor 8 straight (with more possible). BOTH are Herculean achievements!

    And if we’re playing the IF game, IF Love had not had his shoulder almost ripped off by a Celtic & thus out for the rest of those playoffs and IF Kyrie had not broken his kneecap before the 1st Finals game had ended, the Cavs would have WON that 1st Cavs-Warriors Finals! And Sweet Pea would now own 4 rings. Or WOULD he? Who knows because the fire would not have been there as hot in 2016 & we probably then wouldn’t have been regaled with the HISTORIC come-from-3-1-down & beat a 73-win team.

    And lastly, IF I had bought 5000 shares of AMZN back in 2000 for $5 bucks a piece, I’d be freakin RETIRED now & able to watch the Finals these past 4 years in person sporting a “Sweet Pea” t-shirt. In the FRONT ROW. πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

    • Susie B.

      You really should go to a Finals game anyway. You’ve done okay with your AMZN stock and you’re not getting any younger. None of us are, but you should really do it. You could file a report to MH.

      • Ooh, ooh, speaking of AMZN, it’s now a 45-bagger for me! And NVDA is a 20-bagger. πŸ™‚ And you know, IF I had $8 MEEELLION dollars in ONE stock, I’d probably be hyperventilating every damn day & looking over my shoulder for a family member with a hand out (probably both hands) so it’s probably a good thing I did not buy 5000 shares in 2000. But 1000 shares should would be nice right now! πŸ™‚

        And jdubs, IF I ever do go to an NBA Finals (starring Sweet Pea, nat), I would of course be your “roving reporter”, your “sidelines observer”, your “woman in the arena” (LBJ loves that TR ‘man in the arena’ speech so this seems to fit). Actually, since I do NOT own 5000 shares of any one stock, let alone AMZN, my observations would be, er, from a slightly higher observation. Wonder how much a good pair of binoculars cost? πŸ™‚

        And I hate to burst your (& Jacob’s too apparently) illusions but I am faaaar from where I need/want to be financially. In fact, I’m $525K away from my bottom goal level & I need to do it within 5 years. Hahahahahahaha. The fact that I worked for over 25 years before I reached $525K total makes my current goal on par with the Cavs winning this year’s championship. Er, Go Cavs! πŸ™‚

        • There’s so many open ends to this…

          I’m making the assumption that your goal amounts are even ($1 million, $1.5 million, etc.), but we are unsure when you reached the $525k. You could have a bottom goal of $950k, but that would mean you spent the past 25 years accumulating $525k and now need to do that same amount in only 5 years.

          Because sports (okay – life), nothing is guaranteed. This could be LeBron’s last stand. 15 years from now, you could have a cozy retirement, blah, blah, blah and think back and tell yourself, “man, I never got to see Sweet Pea live!”. OR you could pony up $1,000, see your man in action and reap the benefits of extra happiness, which will pay dividends when your older and look back on life.

          The ball is in your court, Susie B.

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