by John Walters

Early late mid-afternoon but-never-at-dusk edition….

Starting Five

Iberia —————>>>> Siberia

At the World Cup in Russia, Spain, Portugal and the top two players in the world, Messi and Ronaldo, who happen to play professionally in Spain, are knocked out in one landmark weekend. And somehow Russia defeats Spain, the 2010 WC champs.

The Fresh King of Bel Air

*The judges will also accept “Le Le Lend” and “You’re Dead To Susie B.”

The Lakers have tried insta-dynasties before. When Wilt joined a squad that already had Elgin Baylor and Jerry West…When Karl ┬áMalone and Gary Payton joined one that already had Kobe Bryant, and when Dwight Howard and Steve Nash did the same with Kobe.

All of those incarnations, which included a Hall of Famer joining the Lakers well into his 30s, produced one NBA championship. You can argue that I’m omitting Kareem Abdul-Jabbar from this list, but his Lakers never made the NBA Finals (four seasons) until Magic Johnson was drafted.

LeBron James turns 34 during next season. He’s not old and/or arthritic yet. The problem with these Lakers is that they still cannot shoot the 3 with the Warriors or Rockets. We’ll see, kids. We’ll see.

No one asked, but I really thought LeBron should’ve joined the Browns as a tight end…

3. Cruise Control

This is both a true story and the entire plot of Open Water 3: At 3:20 p.m. Saturday a 33 year-old crew member on the Norwegian Getaway fell overboard in the Caribbean, north of Cuba. The man, whose name has not been released, treaded water for 22 hours until, on Sunday at 1:20 p.m., he was spotted by a crewmember from another cruise ship, the Carnival Glory.

How did the sharks miss such an easy mark? is just one of many questions I have, as well as When did Rob Konrad begin working for Carnival?

4. Feeds Shark, Becomes Bait For Snark

This is natural selection at work. Looks like a lot of land-based mammals got a free pass in the ocean this weekend.

They’re Alive!!!

BREAKING: The Thai boys’ soccer team has been found alive in the cave complex. That’s one way to get a free trip to the World Cup final.

They were trapped for nine days. Book, movie, royalties. These kids are set, particularly if they survived by eating their coach….

Music 101

Dirty Work

This early Steely Dan tune was written by Donald Fagen and Walter Becker but sung by neither: David Palmer, who would soon leave the band. One reason neither Becker nor Fagen did lead vocals is that neither wanted the song on their album, Can’t Buy A Thrill. ABC Records execs insisted. It would later make the band’s Greatest Hits album.

Remote Patrol


World Cup

Colombia vs. England

2 p.m. FOX

The Brits have looked better with Harry Kane leading the squad. Best they’ve looked in a long, long time. But Colombia is strong. The 10 a.m. match is Switzerland versus Sweden because we can’t have both of them in this tourney too much longer.

4 thoughts on “IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

  1. As someone that has rooted for LeBron (like four notches below Susie B.’s fandom), I can’t wrap my head around the idea of rooting for an organization like the Lakers. For the first time since the Warriors dynasty started, I kind of wouldn’t mind seeing them beat the purple and gold LeBron…

    If OKC buys out Carmelo, that’d be a fun team to root for.

  2. It’s probably a good thing you didn’t post early enough for me to see yesterday as it spared ya’ll the rantings & ravings (“Hell hath no fury like a susie b scorned…”) of a person entering the 7 stages of grief. It’s now been more than 30-some hours & I’m not past the anger phase quiiiiiite yet. Which is interesting as I EXPECTED exactly what has happened! Actually, I’m quite surprised at my own reaction as I had figured for the entire past 13 months of HELL that I’d just continue to feel sad & depressed. Which I’m sure I’ll get to in due time, but for now, I’m just MAD AS HELL. But 1st, let’s all bow our heads for the lamented Sweet Pea as he is no more, he’s been replaced by “Lyin’ LeBron”(or possibly “LeBullshit”, haven’t decided on which nickname yet). “Why” you ask? Let’s review!

    Four years ago, LeBron James abandoned his then team (the Heat) in a much heralded “Return of the King” to his home area & previous team. He’d learned from his last-go round not to do the cheesy TV thing & this time went “old-school” : a ghost-written LETTER to his fans & fellow denizens of Northeast Ohio, his once & professed forever “home”. Ah yes, “The Letter” where he states he was “coming home” because, heck, he missed it! Why, it seems he believed he would always return to Cleveland & “finish his career there”. (LIE). And he wanted to “raise his family there”. (LIE). He then went on to say how his “calling” there was “above basketball”, that his presence would mean more in the land where he was from than Miami (or anywhere else it was extrapolated), that he wanted the kids in Northeast Ohio to realize there’s “no better place to grow up” (LIE) & to even to come back there & open a business” in the community which “has struggled so much”. He then closes with an one of those Midwestern beliefs that enrages/bemuses the rest of the country but makes them feel “proud” it is where they came from (at least until they can get the hell out) – “Northeast Ohio, nothing is given, everything is earned, you work for what you have”. So, what does LBJ’s leaving a 2ND time tell these folks? What LESSON does it impart? That Northeast Ohio AIN’T GOOD ENOUGH to raise LeBron James’ family. That if you REALLY want to “make it big” you got to get the hell out. Touching. Excuse me while I reach for a tissue. And now, Lyin LeBron heads off to L.A. – where, er, everything is given to the rich, entitled, spoiled brat kids of the super wealthy (like LBJ) & nothing is earned? To Hollywood, land of back-stabbers & broken dreams? Lyin LeBron will fit right in.

    When the news finally broke, it was bad enough but then the coup de gras was seeing that Lyin LeBron will sign with the Lakers for 4 years. Four years? FOUR F*CKIN YEARS?! LeBron James jerked the Cavs around for 4 straight years on “one & ones”. He would not EVEN GET ON THE F*CKIN PHONE with the Cavs to discuss the draft, or anything in free agency. But he signs with the Lakers for 4 years right out of the gate. I say this from the bottom of my heart – I hope they suck.

    And apparently, my evil cold-blooded selfish heart is now functioning as GM of the Lakers…Lance Stephenson? Javale McGee? Rajon Rondo? Keeping that Ball kid? Hahahahahahahaha. I have morphed into Maleficent.

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