by John Walters

Tweet du Jour

We’d maybe be down with your “How they gonna pay for it?” act, Victoria, were it not for the fact that tax cuts are increasing the federal deficit to never-before-seen levels AND the president just announced record-level subsidies for farmers…

Starting Five

Daddy Issues

First The Tryst, Then The Tapes

Last night Michael Cohen, prodded by his new attorney, Lanny Davis (former White House counsel), released one of his possible 12 tapes that he secretly recorded while conferring with his then client, Donald Trump. The tape captures a moment in which the two men were discussing setting up a company for “our friend, David” (Trump) in relation to paying off a person (Karen McDougal), as hush money so that she would not disclose news about their one-year affair.

(Read: No denial)

So that was money well spent, eh? According to Davis, Cohen, Mr. Trump’s fixer, is turning over a new leaf (and this recording), because he is “on a new path — it’s a reset button to tell the truth and to let the chips fall where they may.”

2. Pirate Booty

Gregory Polanco leads the Bucs in HR (18) and RBI (58), which are rather pedestrian for a team-high

While no one outside of western Pennsylvania was paying attention, the Pittsburgh Pirates have reeled off 11 straight wins and are now (53-49) back in the conversation for the National League wildcard (4 1/2 games back of the Brew Crew and 3 back of the Braves).

How? It’s been a bizarre ride. After finishing a series against the Nats with a W, the PPs hosted the Brewers for a FIVE-GAME series (we assume there was a makeup game or two in there), and have since won five straight, on the road, against Ohio-based clubs. They have one more at Cleveland tonight and then host the Mets for a four-game series. In other words, this streak might just stretch to 16 in a row if they can beat the Tribe tonight.

Corey Dickerson leads the Bucs in batting average (.318) and Jameson Taillon in ERA, even though it’s a frothy 3.80. And did we just a hear a cheer for small-market baseball?

P.S. This is Clint Hurdle’s eighth season as Pirate manager. It’s nice to be under the radar sometimes.

3. Football Fatality

Just one day after Jim Harbaugh, Michigan coach, said, “I think football is the last bastion of hope for toughness in America in men,” Darius Minor, a freshman on the University of Maine, collapsed and died during a “light” workout with his teammates. Good luck on getting the details on that light workout.

More than 10,000 young men play college football each year and the odds are that a couple will collapse under conditions of extreme heat and hard cardio conditioning. And the truth is most schools have TWO such workouts daily, one early in the morning (to keep them out of trouble) and one just before dinner. Someone’s gonna pay.


4. Aye, Yay, Yay, Karlie*

*The judges will also accept “Kloss Dismissed”

Model Karlie Kloss, super-bestie of pop star Taylor Swift, has gotten engaged to Joshua Kushner, brother of Jared Kushner.

5. 76 Trombones Ducklings

A photographer on Minnesota’s Lake Bemidji discovered (and counted) 76 ducklings trailing one mama duck. What’s up with that? They’re not all hers. She’s kind of like that grandmother who takes care of other people’s kids while the other hens go out to work, is what we gleaned from this story.


Music 101


This 1968 proto-hard rock tune from Iron Butterfly was written by vocalist/organist Doug Ingle after consuming an entire gallon of Red Mountain wine. When he played the song for drummer Ron Bushy, who wrote down the lyrics for him, he was slurring his words so much that “In the garden of Eden” became “In a gadda de vida.” It clocks in at longer than 17 minutes.

Remote Patrol

Comedians In Cars: Alec Baldwin


It’s funny: Alec Baldwin has never done stand-up, but he’s far and away the most entertaining guest Jerry Seinfeld ever books (this is his second appearance). The two Massapequa, Long Island, natives return to their ancestral roots, with a stopover at Jones Beach. Stick around for Baldwin’s extended riff on playing a homosexual man in a play.


5 thoughts on “IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

  1. Re Harbaugh – the idea that football is the only sport that requires or instills toughness is ridiculous. And, frankly, there are plenty of things other than sports that teach it.

    Here’s what I hope Harbaugh and his ilk are: the “last bastion” of middle-aged men who insist that any person who happened to be born a generation or so later is necessarily weaker, and requires a bloodsport to prove his worth to the world.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *