by John Walters

Tweet du Jour

Pretty much.


Starting Five

Pearce (right) crushed the Yanks all by himself

Boston Massacre

At Fenway Park, the New York Yankees led by four runs early and also trailed by six runs early and it suddenly felt like Game 4 of the 2004 ALCS all over again. The Red Sox, baseball’s best team, won going away, 15-7. Yankee hitters belted four home runs, including a shot by Gone Carlo Stanton that must have ended up on the other side of the Charles.

That would normally be enough, but Steve Pearce of the Red Sox hit three home runs all by himself. The top three batters in the Sawx lineup—Mookie Betts, Andrew Benintendi and Pearce—reached base 13 of 18 times and had 10 RBI.

The Sox are 42 games over .500. The Yankees are a respectable 29 games over .500, but are just 18-17 the past 35 games. In each of their last two contests, they’ve made at least two infield mental errors that your Babe Ruth League team would be embarrassed about.

P.S. Not for nothing, but in the same week that the Yankees traded away their most reliable middle reliever, Adam Warren, their bullpen just allowed 13 runs in one game. Terrible move by Brian Cashman there.

2. The Enemy, The People, and The Press

When the inevitable The Worst Wing 30-for-30 doc does eventually appear (unless, of course, we become a fascist state in the mold of Russia and North Korea and no such docs are permitted), we’ll have to set aside 2 minutes of time for this exchange between CNN’s Jim Acosta and White House press secretary Sarah “She’s No C.J. Cregg” Sanders.

Sarah’s right. It’s the media who are lowering the level of discourse in this country.

3. Powell Police State

This is most likely the uncharged suspect from that 2015 case

You know how every day on Twitter you read how the president is somehow breaking the law with a withering “He CAN’T DO THAT” and yet nothing ever seems to happen to Donald Trump (latest examples: promoting books of alt-right wingers he likes from the Oval Office, which is against the law). Well, the virus is spreading.

In Ohio, the Powell police department is blatantly ignoring the Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) by refusing to release the records of the 2015 incident involving Courtney and Zach Smith. The Powell police, as their defense, is saying that an uncharged suspect cannot be identified regardless of how long a case is open and that this release would have a high probability of revealing who that uncharged suspect is.

I think we already know. Besides, the case isn’t really open. It’s not being investigated. It’s closed and has been for some time.

4. Green Eugene

A big day for one of our favorite towns in America: Eugene, Oregon. First, and not a big surprise, Track Town U.S.A. was awarded the 2020 Olympic Track and Field Trials. Second, the town will host the 2021 World Track & Field Championships and to celebrate the event will plant 2,021 Sequoia trees (if you’ve been to Eugene, you know that tree scarcity is not really a problem).

Sequoia trees can live hundreds of years and grow 300 feet tall. We’ll soon be saying that about NBA centers.

5. I Don’t Give Haddam*

*The judges will also accept “Fascist Forward” 

That’s Melissa Schlag, a town official in the small Connecticut municipality of Haddam (south central, not too far from New Haven). She kneels during the Pledge of Allegiance before town hall meetings to protest the presidency of Donald Trumps and vows to continue doing so until he is out of office.

Scholar began her daily protest on July 16 (the day Trump handed the keys to America to Vladimir Putin) and has been vilified loudly in this town of 7,700, where 51% of the voters pulled the lever for Trump two years ago. It’s moments like this when we really miss Gilmore Girls.

Schlag’s NFL career is over, by the way, before it ever began.


The James Gang

Our favorite line of’s “Rookie Derwin James Robbed At Gunpoint” story is right here: James and his uncle were walking to his Rolls-Royce when two assailants armed with guns allegedly snatched a chain from James’ neck and also robbed him of his Rolex watch.

I realize I’m infusing my Conservative White Guy Values here, and you can do whatever you want with your money. Still, you’re 21 years old (James turns 22 today; the incident took place on June 23 in Hollywood), you have yet to play in an NFL game, and you’re cruising L.A. in a Rolls and flashing a Rolex?

James has a four-year, $12.4 million deal. He’s paying at least 35%, closer to 40%, on income taxes. Let’s lowball it. That’s still $4.3 million in taxes. That leaves him with $8.1 million in walking-around money over the next four years and he just spent in the neighborhood of $300,000 on a car, a highly depreciable asset.

More importantly, when you’re that age driving around in that car, you’re basically one of those dudes on the corner swinging around a sign that says, “ROB ME!”

Do whatever you want. But don’t be mad at us if we call it stupid. And we’ll see how much money you have at age 35.

Music 101

Cigarette Dangles

Back when people still tuned in to MTV, this was one of the last songs that received heavy rotation from a one-hit (make that two-hit; “I’m An Adult Now”) wonder band, The Pursuit of Happiness, from Canada. This video appeared on Beavis and Butthead and if we remember correctly, there must’ve been a joke or two around the word “dangles.”

Remote Patrol

The Basketball Tournament

Championship Game

9 p.m. ESPN

The winner-take-all $2 million event plays its final tonight from Baltimore featuring has-beens, sorta-beens and near-was’es. Three-time champions Overseas Elite, led by Kyle Fogg (great name), will face Eberlein Drive, which dispatched of Team Fredette by 4 points last night.

6 thoughts on “IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

  1. The Yankees are now 6.5 games behind the Red Sox, and six games ahead of Seattle for the second wild card spot. So the Yanks are closer to missing the playoffs altogether than to winning their division.

  2. Which ‘dog’ are you? The one on the floor or the one on the tactically advantageous “higher ground” (aka the bed)? 🙂

  3. About Derwin James – assuming he bought the Rolls & it wasn’t just a short-term rental, I agree with your comment & sentiment. But there are a few things you left out. An agent fee would take 5-10% (?) off his deal, correct? And is that guaranteed money, which I thought were only small portions in NFL deals? Plus, if he likes a Rolls, I’m thinking his Rolex is not the “starter” model but the full-on diamond encrusted type that’s at least $80-$100K. Also, he’d already bought his mother her “dreamhouse” or as he called it “a bigass house in Florida”. Put it all together, unless he’s one of the lucky or future HOF few, his NFL career will be much shorter than he hopes & he will declare bankruptcy before turning 35. Of course, these days, they just point the finger back at their former employer for not “teaching” him how to handle all that money at a young age & my fave, blame his college for “not making him go to class” & actually, you know, LEARN ABOUT THE REAL WORLD.

    Is that too “white privilege” of me? Oh yes, back in MY college days, working the shit line in the Main Dining Hall so I could have a college education, I ab-so-LOOT-ley felt privileged.

    Race & gender have little to do with being DUMB or SMART with money (although one’s background & what they were exposed to does have a massive influence, at least until one fully matures). Maybe this guy will surprise us & become the next Warren Buffet. Or not.

      • Susie B.,

        I think I’ve shown obvious restraint in the past 24 hours in not making any quips about Jacob’s leading question.

      • I was awarded an “Honor Scholarship” which paid my tuition for 3 years until the Univ got rid of this type of scholarship as it was “not economically based” (at least that’s what the letter said & of course, that was bs because why would I have gotten it in the 1st place?). I was also “awarded” a Workship which prepaid my food & board each semester & I “worked it off” at the campus job that was chosen for me by the university before my Freshman year. (Thus, I was “indentured” to the university for 4 years). My father paid for my school “fees” & books, which totaled about $100/semester until my senior year & then he also started paying for my tuition which was $1000/semester. Not a typo & not missing a “0”. It was a loooooong time ago.

        BTW, if I had suddenly come into millions of dollars at age 20, I would have blown at least half if not more. With age comes wisdom. At least for those open to educating oneself.

        Also, one’s childhood environment is not an absolute determinant of how one will handle money later in life. My 2 sisters have NEVER been interested in the stock market or investing despite my attempts to explain/educate many years ago. They had also observed my father & aunt’s stock dividends just as I did. Whereas I ALWAYS knew I would invest one day (fascinated as I was with the yearly glossy stock reports that were mailed to stockholders in those days & with which I would play “businesswoman” & talk into my pencil cup to my imaginary male secretary. 🙂 ).

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