by John Walters

Tweet Me Right

Ed Grimley did, I must say.

Starting Five


The sniff test? I don’t like him.


He’s not a straight talker. He speaks like a politician, not like a judge. Brett and Ashley Kavanaugh went on Fox News last night and blah blah blah “I want a fair process” blah blah blah “I want a fair process” blah blah blah “I want a fair process.”

Don’t judges want due process?

First there was Dr. Ford (Georgetown Prep). Next came Deborah Ramirez (Yale). Then Michael Avenatti found someone. Then The New York Times found nasty yearbook references. By the time you read this there’ll probably be something else.

But here’s my gut: He’s not a straight talker (Someone nominate Herm Edwards to the SCOTUS and I’ll support that!). He’s a politician. Not a judge.

2. Monday Night Slapdown

If you’d ever wondered, Can you be posterized in football, the answer is yes. That’s Tampa Bay Buccaneer defensive back Chris Conte, who himself is 6’2″, getting double bitch-slapped (that’s probably not an appropriate term any more, is it?) by 6’4″ Pittsburgh Steeler tight end Vance McDonald en route to a 75-yard touchdown.

3. Citizen Crane*

*The judges will not accept “We Pick Booger”

How many minutes did it take for you on the season premiere of Monday Night Football to realize that Booger McFarland (above) was the superior MNF rookie to Jason Witten? Hell, even Brian Kelly and Dabo Swinney were sharp enough to flip-flop their No. 1 and 2 quarterbacks before the end of September—will ESPN bring Booger down from the crane and into the booth?

We noticed the former LSU defensive lineman during the opening week of Get Up! last April. He wasn’t even one of the three principal cast members but was by far the most engaging dude on the set. People like Booger. People relate to Booger. Booger is better. It’s just that simple.

4. Rule No. 7

Last night the Yankees, playing at Tampa Bay, finally test-drove the formula that the Rays have used with great success all season (and which we suggested in a Newsweek article two years ago). Namely, use multiple pitchers throughout the game, never pitching anyone more than two innings. So how did that work out?

–The Yanks won 4-1, with eight pitchers combining for a two-hitter and 13 strikeouts.

–The victory eliminated Tampa Bay from the postseason.

–Seven of the eight pitchers did not allow a hit. The only one who did was Sonny Gray, who was also the only one to allow a run and the only one who tossed two innings. Gray got the victory.

–Also, only one of the eight pitchers failed to get a strikeout. That pitcher was Dellin Betances, who entered the night having whiffed at least one batter in 44 straight appearances. The Major League record? 45 straight appearances.

Finally, from another game, “There’s no fighting in the bleachers.”

5. Sound of Silence

On Saturday night in Corona, Queens (where Rosie was queen), a short bicycle ride from the home in which he was raised, Paul Simon gave his final concert. Like, ever. The set list for the musical genius, who turns 77 next month, is included in this link, but know this: he finished with the song that is the headline of this item.

Bittersweet. The above video is so powerful for us because you’re watching one of the defining artists of the pop-and-rock era, a man who’s been recording iconic hits for more than half a century, literally strumming the final chord of his career.

In another decade or two all of our rock and roll legends will be silenced by the Grim Reaper. Hello darkness, my old friend.

Music 101

Something Stupid

This song opened up last week’s episode of Better Call Saul, using a brilliant split-screen montage to illustrate how Jimmy and Kim were slowly untangling as a couple (situation remedied this week: Kim came over to the dark side). The artist here is Lola Marsh, a current Israeli duo who were commissioned specially to record it for this episode. The better-known version, recorded by Frank and Nancy Sinatra, shot up to No. 1 in 1967. Think of all the bands and songs that were roaming the earth in 1967, one of the best years ever for music. And this song went to No. 1.

Remote Patrol


2:25 p.m. HBO

Only for those with HBO and who have two hours to kill on a (cue the Moody Blues) Tuuuueeeeesday afterrrrrrnoooooon. Anyway, the first time we saw this, on a flight with bad ear buds, we did not appreciate it. The next time, when we understood what director Chris Nolan was trying to do, we were in awe. It’s a genius look at one of the most fateful military events in European history, taken in three different morsels of time: one week, one day, one hour.

4 thoughts on “IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

  1. Jason Witten’s oddest comment last night was when he seemed to characterize the NFL’s QB protection rules as “left wing.” You’ve left Dallas now, buddy — not everyone considers “left wing” to be a pejorative.

    McFarland’s best moment was when he came to the defense of Le’veon Bell after Witten and Joe Tessitore were critical of Bell’s holdout, noting that it is the Steelers that have the power to end the dispute by simply increasing Bell’s salary. It is always a bit of a mystery why fans seem to favor the side of the billionaire owners in contract disputes, rather than the guys with short career paths putting their bodies on the line every week. Why wouldn’t Witten, a former player, take Bell’s side?

    • My best guess to your question is that most of us are taught to honor the deals we’ve made. Honor the contract. When you compound that with the fact that, as Tess said, Conner will make $200K less all season than Bell makes in one game, it’s hard for fans to find empathy.

      If I were invited into the conversation, I’d note that if the Pittsburgh Steelers refused to honor Bell’s deal, simply chose not to pay him, they’d be subject to litigation, etc. A contract is a two-way street. Bell signed his under no duress, agreed to terms, and is now simply not honoring it. No need to moralize it, etc. Simply state that this is what contracts are about, and if one side (Steelers) are bound to honor their part, then Bell shouldn’t be praised for not honoring his.

      • No, Bell didn’t “make the deal.” He was franchise tagged by the Steelers. This isn’t a case of him walking away from a contract he agreed to.

        • I understand that. Do you, or does Le’Veon, understand that the franchise tag was negotiated with NFLPA, the union that represents him? You also know he is guaranteed the average of the Top 5 salaries at his position.

          If he wants more, I get it. And this is the path he has chosen. But he’s not a victim. And the Steelers are not villains. This is something the league and the players association agreed to, and it’s not even a hardship. It’s not just as much as he wants.

          So, I appreciate that he wants to max his value. But then the NFLPA should have never agreed to this. Like I said, I understand his side. I understand theirs, too. These are the rules. Don’t like the rules? Change them.

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