by John Walters

Tweet Me Right

Starting Five

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I have a cat. I love my cat. He’s everything you’d want a cat to be: cuddly, passive-aggressive, fiercely unaffectionate unless he wants food, and an instigator of all sort of fluid-related messes.*

You know what he doesn’t do? Fetch. Which is why I never throw him a ball to retrieve.

NBC’s Andy Lack hired one fantastic cat and then ordered her to bark and for that, they’re both bozos. Lack is a bozo for ever thinking Megyn Kelly could be a daytime host with broad appeal and Kelly is a bozo for ever believing she’d be able to step out of the Fox News vortex of hate and paranoia and be the next Kelly Ripa or Ellen.

But Lack, 71, will still retire with a pile of gold and Kelly may walk away with as much as $69 million. She gets the money and she doesn’t have to do the job? Is America great or what? That’s just purr-fect.

*My cat would not authorize MH to use a photo of him for this piece.

2. Try A Little Tenderness

Look at these crisis actors! Crossing racial lines to actually be kind to one another. What is this country coming to, anyway?!? Hoping Twitter can get on top of this and suspend the accounts of the people who promulgated these videos. Did you watch the second video kind of wondering if the lady was going to call the police or take a pot shot at them? Because we’ve seen enough of those.

*MH staffers watched that video and thought, Well, she may be paying for gas with pennies but at least she owns a car. Must be nice!

3. Mike and The Fred Dog

We get it, Mike Francesa. You’re a New Yawk City guy, and New Yawk is a pro sports town, and here’s some schlep from Syracuse calling to ask your opinion about Fred Flintsone’s pet. Besides, college coaching names are whacko what with Dino and Dabo and Jimbo and Ed. O.

Still, it’s funny and very in character that Francesa is so dismissive of the caller. Instead of saying, “Who is that?” he decides to simply declare that such a person does not exist. Francesa, 64, retired last December and remained retired a full four months. He missed that daily jolt for his ego. He either needs to do more homework—Syracuse is the only Power 5 school in New York state and having a good season and, oh, they play Notre Dame in Yankee Stadium next month—or hang out with Megyn Kelly.

4. Yosemite: 2 More, That Makes 8

Two more people died in Yosemite National Park this week, bringing the total this year to eight and making it far more dangerous than surfing but still less dangerous than riding in an SUV limousine in upstate New York (too soon?).

By the way, this story is strange, or at least its coverage has been weird and perhaps a tad confusing (or incompetent). What happened was, a couple apparently was standing at Taft Point, a popular but perilous overlook at Yosemite and no one knows what caused it but they fell a few thousand feet to their deaths.

What makes this odd is that every story you read talks about how another couple posed at this spot a week ago, a photographer shot them in his frame and then went about on social media trying to locate them. Apparently that shot went viral and he’s still attempting to locate them but WHO THE F&%* CARES, THEY’RE NOT DEAD YOU JUST HAVEN’T LOCATED THEM AND WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT YOU COULD?

Anyway, most stories we’ve read have focused more on this photo and the man’s search for this elusive couple than on the couple that actually died and I’m sure I had to read the story more than once or twice before I was absolutely sure we weren’t talking about the same couple (which, sure, we might be if the same couple visited the same spot one week apart).

I’m more frustrated than I ought to be by this. But you know, death by gravity, that’s just part of lie (Rule No. 1) whereas Bad Journalism, that’s something we ought to be able to combat.

5. This Is You, And That Is Every Day

We can all learn a lot from this pooch.


Two crazy moments from an NFL Thursday night game….


The dude in the suit is thinking, Wasn’t forcing me to shave this glorious beard punishment enough?


Being forced to watch videos of serial killers at breakfast but it’s not toxic at Maryland? Okay…At the very least it’s twisted.

Music 101

The Rest Of The Dream

While certainly a song of its era in terms of sound, this 1990 offering from criminally underrated musician/songwriter John Hiatt remains a timeless gem. It’s an ode to parents and their children (“When you can’t find a light at the top of the stairs/When you cry in the night/You know I’ll be there”) and the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band liked it enough to cover it the same year it was released (and it’s really lame, but we run it so that you can appreciate how awesome Hiatt is). Hiatt is in the midst of an East Coast swing right now and coming to a theatre near you!

Remote Patrol

World Series: Game 3

Red Sox at Dodgers

8 p.m. FOX

The Red Sox have celebrated series wins at Yankee Stadium, Minute Maid Park and maybe, as early as Saturday or Sunday, at Dodger Stadium

As our Twitter pal Andrew Hammond asked Wednesday night, “Does anyone really think this series is returning to Boston?” L.A. would need to win two of three in Chavez Ravine for this to happen. The Sox are 9-2 in the postseason after a 108-win regular campaign and we feel obliged to remind you, again, that all this has been done without Dustin Pedroia who, while no longer in his prime, is still a mighty good player.

This actually looks like the opening scene from a Stephen King horror novel.

3 thoughts on “IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

  1. “I have confidence in AMZN!
    I have confidence in the, er, pain
    I have confidence that spring will come again
    Besides which you see I have confidence in me! 🙂

    Strength doesn’t lie in REV numbers!
    Strength doesn’t lie in the short-term
    Strength lies in EARNINGS
    Just wake up — Wake Up!

    It tells me all I trust I lead my heart to
    All I trust becomes my own
    I have confidence in confidence alone
    (Oh help!)”

    [from The Sound of Music, thank-yew Oscar, thank-yew Richard]

    Well, another “RED LETTER” day on Wall Street & that letter is “F”! sigh. What did you say yesterday – “EMBRACE THE PAIN”? No, wait, it was “TAKE THE PAIN”! Well, I ain’t barfin yet, but damn, since Aug 29 (its peak) , my 401-K looks like PANAMA CITY! After the close today, the ENTIRE YEAR’s gains will have been wiped out. Hmmm, maybe some more shopping is on the agenda today?

    The thing that REALLY pisses me off is that of course I was right, the “correction” was near BUT *I* decided to listen to the g’damn “experts” back in Sept & even into this very month when they kept crowing about the “strong US economy” & “lowest unemployment” since the beginning of time, yadda, yadda. LAST year I had decided I would finally move half the money out of my 3 largest funds & into short-term bond funds until “after the correction” & I picked an overall 401-K total # at which I would put the plan into action. BUT the almost nonstop market ascendancy AND those freakin experts led me to increase that target#. … And it didn’t quiiiiite get there. I was an IDIOT! (Hangs head). That’s where SMUGNESS lead you! Take note young grasshoppers, learn from my tale of woe!

    On the PLUS side, the best thing I’ve done the past 1-2 years is to buy very little in my stock account & instead shovel in the cash & then sit on it & wait. I did something similar in my 401-K, in that half the money that went in the past 2-3 years, stayed in cash. Waiting. And waiting & frankly, I was feeling a bit like a doofus at times while the market & my balances soared. Well, “Doofus” is feeling pretty, er, smug today. (There’s that word again!) At least until I drop down another 10-15% when the barfin’ will commence.

    You’ve never mentioned if you have (or had) a 401-K also but if you do, I hope you aren’t having to “take the pain” as much as the once-smug-now-smugless susie b. 😉

    And as long as the PAIN is coming my way, I hope NVDA gets pounded down to 165 or less, when I will BUY some more! ( I ALMOST bought a couple PUTS in NVDA a few months ago but talked myself out of it since my correction prediction had been wrong for so long. Argh!)

    Well, at least I love “Lady in Red”. But lemme tell ya, I HAVE looked lovelier & I’m NOT shining so bright at the moment. (Even if I DO have “confidence”, see song at the top). 🙂

    • Susie B., You and anyone else reading are under no obligation to follow my advice. Do whatever you want. I bought more AMZN this morning.

  2. I sat between two young financial planners on the plane home tonight, and asked them what they thought about Amazon stock. They replied, “Will it even matter what you paid for Amazon ten years from now?” Related: take a look at Zillow.

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