by John Walters
City Of Blinding Lights*
*The judges will also accept every pun from every song with blue in the title, from “Crystal Blue Persuasion” to “Beneath The Blue Sky” to “Blue
Sorry, Mike Pompeo. It was not the Rapture. Instead, something called an “arc flash” at a Con Edison substation in Astoria, Queens, left New Yorkers wondering if the alien invasion had at long last, thankfully, arrived.
— A.J. Urias (@AJ_Urias) December 28, 2018
When the aliens do arrive, or the Second Coming happens, we’ll be too busy searching for memes/posting on Instagram and Twitter, to even notice.
2. After Antarctic Ambulation, Adulation
At the end of 2018, Oregon native Colin O’Brady gave new meaning to the term “white walker.” With one final, 32-hour/77-mile sleepless push, O’Brady narrowly edged Brit Louis Rudd to become the first human to trek across Antarctica, 921 miles, unaided by wind or any outside device.
O’Brady completed the journey in 54 days, only once stopping for a half day, back in November, to repair a ski. Only two years ago Henry Worsley, an Englishman and Special Forces vet, died after coming within 126 miles of the finish. This is no walk in the park, even though O’Brady somewhat tamed the magnificent continent, the true land down under.
Rudd, as of yesterday, was still out there seeking to replicate O’Brady’s feat. But as Ricky Bobby once said, “If you ain’t first, you’re last.”
3. Baton Near-Death March
The NYPD officer seen in viral footage fighting off a group of men on a subway platform says he was “just trying to survive.”
— ABC News (@ABC) December 28, 2018
Okay, it wasn’t exactly Proud Boys vs. AntiFa, but NYPD Officer Syed Ali versus five homeless men on a subway platform on the Lower East Side certainly drew a large audience on social media (alas, not pay-per-view). It’s nice to see an Ali going toe-to-toe with an opponent in New York City again. “Down goes Frazier!”
Ali, who does not use social media, had no idea that he’d been filmed during this Sunday night altercation. The video has now been seen hundreds of thousands of times.
4. Ticket To Hide*
*The judges will also accept “Whole Lotto Love”
Unclaimed lottery tickets update: Whoever is holding the $1.5 BILLION winning ticket sold in South Carolina back in October still has yet to claim it. They may be waiting until 2019 for tax purposes or they simply may have no idea that they won. Either way, that person or persons has until April to claim their bounty or it returns to the states.
In Plymouth, Michigan, someone purchased a winning lottery ticket last New Year’s Day that guarantees them either $25,000 per year for life or a $390,000 lump sum. They still have yet to claim their prize, which will expire on Tuesday.
Related: Tonight’s MegaMillions drawing is worth at least $348 million, or you can take the $210 million lump-sum cash option (which will leave you with just over $100 million after taxes…it almost doesn’t seem worth it).
Newsflash: If you’re above ground and breathing/walking, you’re already holding a winning ticket.
5. The Fine Print
This is defensive back Antone Exum of the San Francisco 49ers, who recently played an NFL football game for free. As reporter Matt Maiocco details, Exum earns $41,450 per game, or about $700K per season. The NFL fined him $53,452 for a hit in Week 14, and that fine was taken out of his pay, so that he recently was able to show off a pay stub that had zero dollars and zero cents.
Seems a little unfair, no?
Life Of Illusion
Former Eagle Joe Walsh had a minor hit with this in 1981, off his There Goes The Neighborhood album. The song also appears briefly at the beginning of The 40 Year-Old Virgin.
Garth: Live At Notre Dame
8 p.m. CBS
A repeat of a show that aired earlier this month, and actually took place in Notre Dame Stadium back on October 20th. We’re rather ignorant about Brooks’ work, but just last night we were talking to true believers in Garth.