by John Walters

Tweet Me Right

New York’s hottest couple is…

Starting Five

Lightning Crashes*

*The judges will also accept “Lightning Round”

The Tampa Bay Lightning finished the regular season with the best record in the National Hockey League. In fact, the Lightning became only the second franchise in NHL history (the 1995-96 Detroit Red Wings being the other) to win 62 games.

This is the best in-house tweet we’ve ever read

Three games later, the Lightning were done. Swept by the Columbus Blue Jackets. If hockey were bigger, fans would properly recognize this as one of the most ignominious upsets in pro sports history. As it is, the Lightning are our favorites to win March Madness next year.

I’m Still Standing (“Yeah Yeah Yeah”)

One day after the conflagration sur le Seine, the Cathedral Notre Dame de Paris remains largely intact. Its famed rose windows are undamaged, as is the crucifix. And most importantly, every Catholic priest on the six continents that have parish congregations has his Easter Sunday homily already written. Call it an act of God.

Fire Sale

The Yankees shelled Boston Red Sox co-ace Chris Sale for seven runs in an 8-0 victory in the Bronx last night. It’s only April 17 and Sale has already equaled his loss total from last season: 4. In 2018 the veteran southpaw went 12-4 in 27 starts with a 2.11 ERA. This spring he’s 0-4 in four starts with an 8.50 ERA. Last season Sale’s K’s: BBs ratio was about 7:1. This spring? 2:1.

“I just flat-out stink,” the 6’6″ lefty said after the loss. Can’t argue with that. So do the Sawx thus far. The world champs occupy the A.L. East cellar at 6-12.

Casting A Paul

In Catholicism, Paul was one of the all-time greats (and quite a prolific correspondent). As you may know, Paul was first a Roman centurion who enjoyed persecuting early Christians, then was struck blind “on the road to Damascus” after having a vision of Christ. He then dedicated the remainder of his life to spreading the Good News and is really, in our humble opinion, the most important figure in the New Testament outside of Jesus. And His mom.

The apostle Paul, who greatly appreciated stamps as a Christmas gift

So maybe there’s hope for Notre Dame’s newest visiting professor, former Senator Paul Ryan. But we don’t hold out much hope. Kudos to Drew Lischke, who laid out the argument against Ryan upholding “Catholic principles” in the student newspaper, The Observer.

There are probably more than a few members of Notre Dame’s faculty who may not pass muster when it comes to upholding the Catholic principles the school purports to represent. There are none, however, who have held such a lofty position of leadership and failed so remarkably. This, for the university, is embarrassing. I’d rather learn that Lennay Kekua had been invited to join the faculty.

God does have a sense of humor, though: the three most visible leadership figures in South Bend right now (outside of sports) are named Paul, Peter and John.

Lessons from Vala Afshar

One of our favorite Twitter follows is Vala Afshar, who is the “Chief Digital Evangelist” at, whatever that means. He’s a philosopher-entrepeneur, and we generally enjoy the life lessons he imparts. Here are some tweets from yesterday to digest:

Biblio Files

Ether Day

by Julie M. Fenster

If you find yourself in Hartford’s Bushnell Park, you may happen upon a stature of a 19th-century figure, under which are the words, “Horace Wells, Dentist.” If you are curious why someone would erect a statue to a dentist, read this fascinating book by Fenster. No man in modern history may be responsible for relieving more pain than Wells, though he never profited from it and instead went into a downward spiral because of it. This should be a movie.

Remote Patrol

Tottenham Hotspur at Manchester City

3 p.m. TNT

UEFA Champions League quarters. Spurs lead 1-0 on aggregate. These two are in third and second place, respectively, in the Premier League at the moment and will actually play again three days from now in the same venue for that league. Weird.

4 thoughts on “IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

  1. Hmmm, as *I* ‘got older, I realized’ – it’s a bitch getting older! You either start to lose your hair or it turns gray, whiskers (!) start sprouting out of your chin &/or upper lip (NOT so attractive for a woman!), your newly lined face starts to look like your mother’s (OMG!) or that lady down the road whose face resembled a bloodhound, your knees creak then ache then may even have to be replaced, your eyesight starts to go & while “helpful” in allowing oneself not to notice the whiskers & facial lines & thus to “pretend” you still look somewhat attractive, that rude teen at the grocery store who keeps calling you “Mam” & asks if you need “HELP OUT TO YOUR CAR”! quickly alleviates you of that particular fantasy.

    And most of all, I realized that most people who write lists like this want to GLOAT how THEY have “got it alllll figured out” AND sell you their book about how you too can “see the light” for $19.95. 🙂

  2. I keep forgetting to tell ya, jdubs – you are “conversing” with a lottery winner! And not just ‘A’ winner but a multi-time winner! Late last Friday I found out I matched 4 of 6 numbers on my Multi-Match ticket! Gee, 4 out of 6 on the same ticket, surely I won at least a $1000 bucks, right? Or at least $500? Well, no, not on this game – I won $20. But, hey, 20 bucks is 20 bucks! And then yesterday, I found out I matched 2 numbers AND the Power Ball on Saturday’s PB (For the past 6-7 months, I’ve bought one ticket every Friday night at the Grocery store for Sat’s drawing, with the same #s) & I think that won another $20. So, $40 bucks in 5 days, on a cash outlay of $5. Not bad! Even better than QCOM the past 2 days. 🙂 Alas, I did NOT win the PB the other week when it was $700 meeellion but only a million more wins of $40 bucks & I can retire before Sweet Pea!

    Also, I’m glad you mentioned the Lightning debacle. As you may remember, I don’t really watch the NHL, but I did print out the standings at the end of the reg season, as I thought maybe I’m watch some of their playoffs since my TV schedule is, ahem, “freed up” these days (yea, I’m still sniveling about it too!) & saw that team had the best record by far & then saw that they were the HEAVY fave to win the Cup. So, to get blown out 4-ZIP in the 1st ROUND? What the heck happened?! Is this truly comparable to UVA losing last year to the 16 seed? Their poor fans must be gutted. Who’s the fave now to win the Cup?

    One more thing – I saw an article today that stated hedge funds had their best quarter in years : up 5.7% Are they KIDDING? Since 12/24/18 (the bottom), my 401-k (NOT counting the new money that’s gone in) is up 28%. I’d be all set to gloat but my taxable account stock portfolio is still FAR below its 10/3/18 peak. Still, if I was a PROFESSIONAL money maven, I wouldn’t be crowing about 5.7%!

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