by John Walters

Tweet Me Right

“His mother was a mudder!”

Starting Five

I’ll Take “Jeopardy! GOAT For $697,787″*

*and counting

Naperville native-turned-Vegas gambler James Holzhauer is our early favorite for Sportsman of the Year. On last night Jeopardy! episode, Holzhauer’s 10th consecutive victory, he pitched a perfect game, going 40-for-40 in the first two rounds. Then in “Final Jeopardy” Holzhauer risked $60,013 on “20th Century Literary Characters”. The question? “His first name refers to the ancient district in which you’d find the Greek capital; his surname is a bird.”

Holzhauer: “What is Atticus Finch?”

That gave Holzhauer a single-day total of $131,127, a new record for the show. He owns the four top single-day marks in the show’s history and has already accumulated just under $700,000 in 10 appearances. Only Ken Jennings, who won $2.5 million in a 74-appearance streak, has topped Holzhauer’s total but Holzhauer can, if he maintains his brilliance, exceed Jennings’ total in half the appearances.

And in what seems like poetic justice, the circle coming all the way back around, Vegas is now offering odds on Holzhauer’s continued success.

Barr Tab

The Mueller Report is being released today, in all its redacted glory, but first Attorney General William Barr felt the need to step to a microphone and give an oral book report of what he’d read. Why? So that this way no matter what folks who comb through the wreckage find, Fox News and similar outlets can play the video of Barr proclaiming the report “found no evidence” that any member of the Trump campaign conspired with Russia in its effort to interfere in the 2016 presidential election. “The special counsel found no collusion by any Americans.”

Personally, we just wonder if this is Sarah Huckabee Sanders in heavy makeup. Has anyone ever seen these two together in the same room?

But What If God Invented Science?!?

As one tweep, Dan Broadbent, replied, “Because the melting point of gold is 1064 degrees Celsius and a wood fire burns at around 600 degrees Celsius.”

Okay, but does this explain whether jet fuel can melt steel girders?

And then there was this:

Not, In Fact, A Happy Ending

*The judges will also accept “Kraft Services,” “On Further Review” and “Not Great, Bob!”

If you’ve always wanted to see someone other than Roger Goodell get an NFL owner off, well, the Palm Beach State Attorney’s Office is here to assist you. Alas, Circuit Judge Joseph Marx has issued a temporary protective order on the release of the Robert Kraft hand job tape until April 29 so, unlike the Pats owner, you’re going to have to deal with a little delayed gratification.

Insane Clown Posse

The tweet, since deleted, told a short but bizarre tale of a man, his clown lover, and his murdered ex-wife. Frankly, it was the Budweiser shirt that drew us in. How many garage sales are we going to have to roam through before we find a replica?

This paragraph, which appeared in the South Florida Sun-Sentinel, must have been a joy for reporter Marc Freeman to type:

On May 26, 1990, the 40-year-old victim opened the door of her Aero Club estate home for a clown wearing an orange wig, a red bulb nose, gloves and a smile painted on white makeup. The clown held two balloons and flowers in one hand and a pistol in the other.

The victim, Marlene Warren, was married to Michael Warren, who is now married to Sheila Warren (then Keen), who is the suspect. At this point it feels as if we’re piling on Florida, but the state is an endless bounty of mischief and miscreantism. Don’t blame us.

Biblio Files

With The Old Breed

by Eugene Sledge

Our mom had three older brothers who fought in World War II and a cousin who fought on Iwo Jima (that’s why we won…duh!). Anyway, it is our (and perhaps Tom Brokaw’s) opinion that World War II was the greatest moment, in terms of valor and idealism, in American history. But, in order to produce this triumph over fascism and evil, millions of good young men had to suffer through unspeakable evil.

It’s important for us to learn as much about this era as possible. And one of the most revealing and unvarnished accounts is found here, from a U.S. Marine’s experiences fighting on Peleliu (an island whose ultimate strategic importance turned out to be nil) and Okinawa. Sheer hell. And as a companion piece…

Remote Patrol

The Pacific


…we recommend you watch this 10-part series from 2010, where one of the three major story lines is constructed around “Sledgehammer’s” memoir. Another reason to watch? Rami Malek as Snafu, Sledge’s mortar duo partner. This is Malek 10 years ago, but it’s so easy to see why he’d go on to win an Oscar.

9 thoughts on “IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

  1. YOU need to get on Jeopardy, jdubs! (And while I’d bet on you in any Pop Music/sports topics, you’d probably increase your odds of winning overall if you wait till Holzhauer is done. 🙂 ) Question – are these winnings considered “gambling” or “income”? Either way, a win of even $50K would be a nice addition to your retirement nest egg! Of course, for someone who looks at least 10 years younger than his real age, you may have at least 20 more years of employment ‘fun’ ahead, but don’t let that stop you from fully funding your ROTH &/or other retirement accounts NOW!

    Seriously, what would YOU do with a Jeopardy or lottery win of, let’s say, $500K?

    I’m still waiting for ‘The Pacific’ to get sold to a regular cable channel so I can finally see it. How would you compare it to ‘Band of Brothers’ (which I waited OH SO impatiently to finally get released from HBO’s clutches years ago & have now watched at least 10 times)?

    Finally, I really did enjoy yesterday’s “List” & am appreciative you posted it here. I was just feeling cranky & well, OLD yesterday & thus my comment, er, failed to reflect this. 😉

    Oh, one more thing – what are your Top 5 WWII movies & (NOT OR) Top 5 WWII mini-series? They have to be about the war : battles/home front & not the Holocaust as that would be its own category I think. I haven’t compiled my own lists yet but the latter would include ‘Winds of War’ & ‘War & Remembrance’ although the actual books by Herman Wouk are better. And of course, ‘Band of Brothers’. My ‘problem’ is that I have at LEAST 20 fave WWII movies!

    • Susie B.,

      I don’t think it’s gambling because JH isn’t risking any of his own dough outside the context of the game. As for what I’d do with such a huge windfall, and I realize most people won’t believe me, but I’d do as much for some of my close friends who could use a hand as possible and then I’d do as much to help out animals as possible. I’ll never want the extravagant home or car. I like living things, particularly mammals not on Instagram, and if that money saved a tiger’s life for a year, it would be money well-spent, IMO.

      p.s. This is why no one would ever want their daughter (or, who am I kidding, mother) to marry me.

    • To answer your other question, I don’t consider myself enough of an expert on WW2 films. For pure combat I would start anyone with “The Longest Day,” “Saving Private Ryan,” and the 2 miniseries you mentioned, “Band of Brothers” and “The Pacific.” Okay, and “Dunkirk.”

      For ancillary WW2 stuff, “The Great Escape,” “To Be Or Not To Be,” “Schindler’s List,” “Casablanca.”

      But by no means are those comprehensive lists. Rather, just what comes to my mind. Oh, and you can do the free week trial and watch The Pacific and then cancel. Me, I pay for my content but you are able to do that if you like.

    • Films I forgot (was using smart phone at a pool; my bad): The Bridge On The River Kwai, Where Eagles Dare, Das Boot, Inglourious Basterds, Patton, Hacksaw Ridge.

  2. Perhaps not the most ethical, but Holzhauer could take the “no” in the prop bet of “Holzhauer breaks his own single game $ record” and put down all his winnings. He could then game it so he still keeps his consecutive wins alive to advance but doesn’t break his single day $ record.

    It’d be a double win, baby!

    (Sadly, I may have the mind of an illicit banker but the bank account of a peasant.)

    • Er, this is not just unethical, it’s illegal. Not only would Holzhauer lose ALL his winnings if discovered, he’d next be an answer to Jeopardy topic “Famous JAILBIRDS”. 😉 It’s the equivalent of a boxer “taking a dive” or a bball player shaving points &/or intentionally throwing a game because he bet on his team to lose. AND since he could hardly place the bet himself, he’d have to ring someone else in & together, they’d guilty of….SAY IT ALTOGETHER NOW : COLLUSION! 🙂

  3. I’m still working on my list, but in addition to ones you already mentioned :

    The Mortal Storm (Jimmy Stewart & Margaret Sullavan)
    30 Seconds over Tokyo (albeit heavy on the propaganda)
    The Fighting Sullivans (also heavy propaganda but based on true story of a family that lost all 5 sons in the war)
    Midway (the 70s movie with Charlton Heston)
    & I’m a sucker for John Wayne WWII flicks, such as ‘In Harm’s Way’, ‘Flying Tigers’, ‘They Were Expendable’
    The Human Comedy (on the homefront starring an excellent Mickey Rooney)

    And the 1st Holocaust movie or miniseries that really affected me 9as in I could not sleep for days) : Holocaust, the late-70s miniseries starting a young Meryl Streep, James Woods, Tovah Feldsuh & many others.

    • I’d definitely add the Ken Burns documentary. Put it atop the list, in fact.

      The mid-to-late Seventies gave us “Roots,” and “The Holocaust.” What a time to watch TV.

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