by John Walters

Tweet Me Right

I mean, what a tragically uninformed thing to write. These are basically in-time (no pun intended) chronicles of the past 90 years.

Starting Five

Tobin Heath (17) gonna mess you up

Girls Just Wanna Have Run

The U.S. women scored less than three minutes into their final group stage match yesterday, versus Sweden, the nation that knocked them out of the 2016 Olympics. The Yanks won 2-0, meaning they exited the group stage round with 20 goals for, zero against. Are you paying attention, Michigan? THIS is how you do a Redemption Tour.

Next up for the U.S. women? Spain, Monday, in the Round of 16. The knockout stage begins tomorrow. The breakdown: eleven European nations or present/former British colonies, two squads each from Asia and Africa, plus one from South America (Brazil).

Men Without Hats (That Depict The Team They’ll Actually Be Playing For)

The latest fly in the ointment for the NBA draft, held last night, is the obsolete custom of marching young men up to the stage wearing the baseball caps of the teams that technically drafted them, but for whom they will not play since behind-the-scenes trades that cannot officially be announced before July 6 preclude them from donning the caps of the franchises for whom they will actually play (got that?).

De’Andre Hunter, Lakers (really Hawks). Jaxson Hayes, Hawks (really Pelicans). Cameron Johnson, Timberwolves (really, Suns). And that was just in the first 11 picks. There were more. It’s not a big deal, but everyone involved knows where these players are actually heading. Until some team reneges on an unofficial back-room deal, why pretend?

London Galling

Next weekend the Red Sox and Yankees will trek to London to play a pair of games (why not a three-game series?) at West Ham’s London Stadium. That’s all cheerio and brilliant and all, but soccer pitches are rectangular or oval, in terms of fan access, and baseball stadiums more triangular. What you are left with, as you can see here is an ENORMOUS foul territory that is in play. Gonna be an inordinately high number of foul ball put-outs, and truly, is there a more exciting play in baseball than that?

By the way, if you head over to Europe next week, you can criss-cross the English Channel and see the Women’s World Cup, this series, Wimbledon (begins July 1) and then the Tour de France (starts July 6 according to Susie B.). Not a bad sports holiday.


We’re actually relieved that President Trump acted with uncommon discretion regarding Iran, even though we were “cocked and loaded.” The first hint (and the latest insertion into our overflowing catalog of Trump misstatements for the eventual “The Worst Wing” tome) that something was amiss was when the president went out of his way yesterday to inform the public that “we had no one in the drone.”

Yeah, that’s kinda what made it a drone. It’s like announcing, “This bird had wings.”

Anyway, leave it up to you on whether to take Mike Pompeo and the lads at their word as to whether the drone had crossed the plane of the goal line or not (i.e., was in international waters or not) and we’ll commend Trump for not, for once, following what his Fox News and/or Fox & Friends cohorts want him to do. And you can call him a chicken hawk if you like, but Donald Trump is smart enough not to start a war with Iran on the same day the S & P index hits an all-time high.

Or maybe it’s just that Iran shot down a U.S. drone and the White House turned around and attacked Philadelphia? That is, after all, the city where the Dems held their 2016 presidential convention.

The Ex-Rays?

Now it’s one thing to float the idea, as a professional franchise, of splitting time between two neighboring cities. Once upon a time, after all, there was a “Kansas City-Omaha Kings” and the Boston Celtics used to regularly play a couple games per season in Hartford (as the UConn Huskies still do).

But what the Tampa Bay Rays are now exploring, with the MLB’s permission, of splitting time between south Florida and Montreal, well that’s just goofy. Two cities more than 1,000 miles apart, in different countries with different languages? I can just see the fan t-shirts “WE THE NORTH—AND SOUTH.”

It’s kinda like your parents telling you, “We’re not getting divorced, but your father and I are going to start seeing other people. Oh, no, it’ll be great. Twice the number of trips to Six Flags.”

Baseball in Florida after April Fool’s Day don’t really work, despite the large population base. Four cities to which Tampa should seriously consider relocating: Nashville, Indianapolis, Salt Lake City, Portland. Any and all of them would support baseball better.

(Also, while “Ex-Rays” is the go-to name for this team, should it come to pass, we also like “Inter-Nationals.”)

3 thoughts on “IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

  1. I took an hour of vacation time yesterday so I could go home & watch the 2nd half of the USA vs Sweden LIVE (well, almost; I burst thru the door & clicked on the TV with the game clock at 55 minutes in). When the win was secured, I imagined your headline today : “How Swede it Is!”? Too pedestrian? We did get a bit of revenge for the Swedes keeping us out of the medal round at Rio; one of the TWO BIGGEST disappointments at those Olympics (the other being the disgraceful PAUCITY of an audience for ALL the Track & Field events; it was PATHETIC & just one of the many reasons Rio should have NEVER been awarded the Olympics at that time!). I am a bit concerned over Alex Morgan’s injury (which I didn’t get to see until Fox FINALLY repeated the broadcast, beginning at 12:30 AM, come ONNNNNNN!). And of course, our winning 1ST place in our group somehow puts us on course to meeting France in the Quarters. What?! As the overall #1 “SEED” after the Group stage (er, Team USA scored 18 goals but I LIKE the way you’re thinking 🙂 ) , shouldn’t we have the easiest path forward? It’s probably no surprise that what I DON’T know about soccer could fill not just a book, nor a book shelf but probably an entire aisle in a bookstore, but can somebody explain that? Also, I er, (hangs head) didn’t know that a goalkeeper couldn’t “move off their line” in a PK. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that called before.

    About last night’s game : the Swedes played DIRTY in the 2nd half! They committed hard foul after hard foul & poor Carli Lloyd was thrown to/run down to the ground countless times! Maybe the Swedes (rightfully wearing YELLOW…) were embarrassed for being COMPLETELY outplayed in the 1st half. And I thought Tobin’s goal should have been credited to her. I never did see close-up footage that showed the goalkeeper’s fingers on it & even it they were, they didn’t stop the trajectory of the ball into the goal.

    And yes, the Tour de France starts Saturday July 6th! BUT, not in France; in Brussels! The ASO (owner of the TDF) likes to mix things up for the Grand Depart & put it in other countries every so often. Sometimes it works, as when it started in Yorkshire a few years back & for 3 straight days there were literally MILLIONS of screaming & cheering people along those English roads. I still get goosebumps thinking back!). But sometimes, it falls a bit flat. Belgium is a cycling hotbed so I assume it will be great.

    However, I need to tell everyone the newest cycling update: while Geraint Thomas avoided serious injury in his recent crash at the Tour de Susie, another of last year’s TDF podium will also miss the Tour : Dutchman Tom Dumoulin hurt his knee in the Giro, had surgery but he’s still not ready to go. 🙁 Plus, the guy who finished 4th last year will also not be there (not because of injury but because he rode hard trying/failing to win the Giro in May). So, 3 of last year’s TDF top 4 finishers all not competing this year! The last time I saw this many “favorites” not able to start the Tour was 2006, when Floyd ‘Piece of Shit’ Landis won then infamously LOST the Tour due to doping. Why does he have that “name”? Because, according to the State of California courts, I & thousands of others are his FRAUD VICTIMS! He was ordered to pay us back & I have not seen a DIME. Lance Armstrong was certainly no saint but HE never STOLE MY MONEY!

  2. I also have an NBA question, although it’s a question for the other 3 men’s team pro sports too : when do the new players start getting a paycheck from their team? Within a week of being drafted or otherwise added to the team? Not till Training camp? Or not till the regular season begins?

    I watched the 1st ten picks of the NBA Draft last night (& you’re right jdubs, it’s VERY confusing & kinda stoopid to see a team’s name up there when the kid won’t be playing for them) & couple thoughts : the top 3 guys are, er, emotional dudes. The ACC was well-represented. And ABOVE the ANKLE SKINNY PANTS are IN! 🙂

    I’m thinking maybe I’ll watch at least a game or two of Zion’s this year. Of course, the 1st & LAST time I checked in, his shoe blew out in less than a minute & he was out of the game for a few weeks! Don’t blame me! Obama was actually there!

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