by John Walters

Starting Five

Taking Debate

We were too busy working our second job of the day—is this what you mean by low unemployment, Donald?—to watch Dem Debate, Episode 2, Round 1, from Detroit last night. Our not-so-sneaky suspicion is that when they pare down this group to the swimsuit competition, the final six will be Bernie, Biden, Liz, Kamala, Mayor Pete aaaaaaaaaaand…Marianne Williamson.

“Oooh, oooh, witchy woman…”

The last one because Marianne’s sort of like the Puck of this field. She’s nutty but she makes just enough sense, plus she’s a renegade and the viewers love her. And if CNN (and others) have learned nothing else from 2016, they’ve learned that they can turn any presidential race into America’s favorite reality TV show.

Williamson, a native Texan, dropped out of college in the early Seventies and moved to New York City to become a cabaret singer. It’s as if Betty Buckley is running for president.

Ohio Players

Puig’s final moment as a Red involved a bench-clearing brawl versus the Pirates (not even his best one this season versus Pittsburgh)

The Cleveland Indians trade their staff ace, Trevor Bauer, to Cincinnati, which in turn sends tempestuous but talented outfielder Yasiel Puig up Lake Erie way. There are a few other players and one more team involved, but that’s the gist of it.

This was Bauer’s final throw as an Indian

This is baseball’s version of wife swap. My wife’s crazy. I hear that, so’s mine. But your wife’s hot. So’s yours. Hey, whaddaya think if

In Case Of Emergency, Do NOT Break Glass

Fine, China. You’re the world’s greatest country when it comes to suspended glass walkways. Three years ago you put up the above path on Tianmen Mountain.

This was the world’s previous longest glass walking bridge also in China.

Next month, in the Huangguoshu scenic area, China will open the world’s longest glass suspension bridge (1,804 feet), which also spirals. Will this induce you to travel to China?

Manitoba Manhunt: Trail Goes Cold

Where are they? It has been 10 days since anyone can say with certainty they spotted suspected killers Kam McLeod, 19, and Breyer Schmegelsky, 18. The RCMP has thrown the full weight of its search efforts at finding the Walmart fugitives and yet…nothing. In an age when use of cellphone or credit card would allow law enforcement to pinpoint your location, this duo has gone totally off the grid.

Which to us means that they’re either dead, or holed up in an abandoned cabin, or already hundreds of miles away from where they were last seen, in Gillam, Manitoba. One of the three.

A reminder: each of them is 6’4″, roughly 170 pounds. Tall and thin. It’s hard to put on a disguise to hide that figure.

This account from the last person who accidentally encountered them, outside Gillam, on July 21 is chilling:

In Cold Lake, Alberta., Tommy Ste-Croix said he encountered the suspects stuck in a grey SUV on a muddy road near his brother’s house on July 21 and unwittingly helped them on their way.

“I assumed they were young teens with mom and dad’s SUV,” Mr. Ste-Croix said in an e-mail. As he helped free the vehicle, Mr. Ste-Croix said he ribbed them about getting their parents’ vehicle covered in mud. He said Mr. McLeod replied: “Oh don’t worry, they told me to go for a long joy ride.”

He said the two seemed good-natured – albeit “a little nerdy” – but said they appeared nervous, which he attributed to their stuck SUV. He says when he saw the suspects on the news his “jaw dropped,” and he called the RCMP.

Tough Times For Endurance Athletes

A 44 year-old Norwegian woman was struck by lightning and killed at the Sudtirol Ultra Skyrace in northern Italy. The 75-mile race winds its way through the scenic Dolomite mountains. The race had been halted due to weather conditions 30 minutes earlier but that news had not been dispersed to all runners in time.

Meanwhile in Ohio, another 44 year-old woman was killed during a 70.3 Ironman Triathlon when a semi truck hit her as she was cycling on a state road. Her name was Kristen Oswald so for all we know she was also of Norwegian descent. Weird.


Gotta run to our gig so we’ll just post quick bits: Apple (AAPL) shares are up 4% after a positive earnings report after the bell yesterday…Castor Semenya will not be allowed to defend her 800 title at the Worlds…We’re pretty fired up about the idea of both Jon Gruden and Mike Mayock working with the Raiders and being on Hard Knocks in August…South Carolina will have the most difficult schedule in college football this season as the Cocks get Clemson, Alabama, Georgia, Florida and Texas A&M. If for any reason the Cocks go 12-0, just, in the words of Dennis Green, “crown their ass!”

9 thoughts on “IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

    • You know, I was thinking as I wrote this, This is probably what readers would RATHER have, plus it would take me less time. Point to ponder going forward. Thanks, Jacob.

  1. Ah no, it’s ok in a pinch when you are super busy but ‘Quick Bits’ is like the drive-thru at a fast food place & I want the FULL MH, at minimum the 3-course pre fixe dinner. Because I LIKE reading what you have to say (sans any Sweet Pea bashing 😉 ) and I don’t come here for the “chicken nuggets”! 🙂

    Question – are there numerous stationary cameras focused on all those glass “bridges”? When the earthquake hits, I guess the footage will be “spectacular”…. Is that why they’re doing this?! Heck, it looks like a set for a disaster-flick-in-waiting.

    BTW, you have not yet mentioned if your newest place of employment has a nickname; care to share? It would be hard to beat “steakoutateria” & “cookoutateria” but my money’s on you.

    Speaking of money, I don’t know if you’re able to watch as much CNBC &/or read up on all things financial as previously but I ask your opinion – do you think the markets will continue to go up at least another 5% before the big crash/recession begins? My 401-k is once again close to my self-designated level where I plan to move 15% out of each of my top 3 funds over to bond funds (of which I’ve never had a dime as of yet). It’s actually closer than last year & I even boosted the level. I’m now within 3%-7% & it’s driving me a bit batty. As mentioned previously, I’ve never moved money in my 401-k before but since I’m now probably within 4 years from, er, “entering the transfer portal”, I need to protect a chunk of the last 10 years of gains. I know you said you don’t try to “time the market” blah, blah but YOU seem to have good insight. The last time I moved money out of funds (taxable type then) was in 1995 & I nailed it. Can a person TOTALY LUCK OUT TWICE? The odds are probably better at me winning the Power Ball! Think of what I’m asking of you as “practice” for the day/year that you too will need to start thinking of actually living the rest of your life on money you’ve scratched/clawed/risked/sacrificed most of your adult years to accumulate. In other words, you’re Fagin, “reviewing the sit-u-a-tion”. 🙂 Thanks in advance.

    • Apparently, the market gods wanted to answer this question…”hell no, we won’t go (up)!”

      Anyhoo, I asked you this question a year ago & the market began tanking. And now again today. I’m beginning to think you’re the REAL Wizard of Oz, the one who doesn’t want anyone to “look behind the curtain”. What do I have to do, bring you the witches broom?

      sigh. 🙁

        • Depends on what you do with it. 🙂 But the fact that you’re not whining for the “federal government” (i.e ME & ALL TAXPAYERS EXCEPT THE LYIN, CHEATIN TRUMP FAMILY) to pay off any & ALL (!!!!) school loans for which WE had NO input into your choice means you’re already farther along the adulthood path than your fellow Millennials.

          Excuse me while I rant – even pay off up to $50K for those making MORE THAN $100K – ARE THEY F*CKIN KIDDING?!!! Sorry, don’t mean to yell at you, but g’damn it! I’m not sure which pisses me off more – this EGREGIOUS plan to bail out a bunch of whiners or “reparations”! Are the Dems TRYING to get us 4 more years of a SOCIOPATH in the WH?!

          Ok, I’m reaching for the paper bag now, breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out….

          Anyhoo Jacob, you only need to open a brokerage account if you want to invest in individual stocks & bonds. For investing in mutual &/or index funds, I always invest directly with that fund family (but that’s my choice). I’m thinking jdubs might disagree, but I think most folks should invest most of their money in funds (especially any retirement money, such as in a 401-K or ROTH IRA) & just dab a bit in individual stocks, unless you have MONEY to lose that won’t hurt you. Sure, if I could go back in time, I’d put ALL my ROTH $, at least during the years 2000-2002, into AMZN & again at the end of 2008, but who knew?! Heck, I’d have “entered the transfer portal” already if I had & be sittin’ in a beach chair right now, beseeching the studly beach attendant to occasionally “top off” my Diet Pepsi. 🙂

          And if all that is too tame & you’re just dying to swim naked out in the middle of the ocean (metaphor!), you can try your hand with options. My advice – take a class &/or read some books BEFORE you attempt that, er, option. Otherwise, you can easily lose ALL your money (and more) in months. And stay away from naked Puts!

          Whatever you choose, may good FORTUNE rain down upon you. 🙂

          • I’m with Susie B., at least on the politics part. “Reparations,” “free college,” “debt forgiveness” and my least favorite, “health care is a human right…”

            Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck…. (I’m sorry, Phyllis)

            How about we just find someone who reminds everyone that we are supposed to obey the rule of law (including reminding folks that illegal immigration IS illegal), that checks and balances are to be respected in government, that we should spend a lot less on the military and a lot less on education, that presidential elections shouldn’t last longer than a Ricky Gervais HBO series, and that this planet needs to be cherished and protected (and not all for the sake of one species). Is that too much to ask?

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